| children and dating
Posted: 4/8/2007 5:48:26 AM | actually i am more afraid of women with children, due to the risk of relationship violence.
what if i voice an objectional opinion based on the scientific study that children of single mothers are eight times likely to be killers, while i am promoting a non-violent, peace-loving lifestyle?
would i be rejected because i am not typically male?
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:36:12 AM | I think it has more to do with the person than the gender
I totally agree with you mdmac. My kids are my everything and it would be difficult to spend time with someone who are not into kids. When you start a relationship, yes you want "adult time" too, but eventually your kids will be part of that relationship and if the other person have a problem with kids, it will only lead to disaster - on his/her part anyways. I've seen many profiles that indicate, they do not have kids and they don't want kids and totally respect that, at least the person is honest up front and I don't waste my time, nor does he. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:39:52 AM | | I have no problem dating a woman with kids. I have none if my own but do enjoy there company. I have many Nieces and Nephews and also a great niece and great nephew and another on the way. Kids are a blessing and they help keep us young. | |
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Adria3
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Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 54 | |
| children and dating
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:48:07 PM | | I've noticed a double standard a few times with Men having children and Women having children. I think it's partly to blame for the fact that a good majority of men are not raising their children 24-7 (NOT ALL, But majority) They have the freedom to come and go, without regard for babysitters, sleepless nights when the kids are running fevers, and just the daily grind of raising these little erghhh emmm angels..lol.. My last Date experience had issues with this, even though he's the proud papa of kids as well.. oh well.. some people are just in different places, and come with different wants and needs in life. Better to know sooner then later imo. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/13/2007 12:52:13 PM | | if you can leave a person over her kids how do you expect any other woman with kids to want to open her life or her heart to someone so cold good luck cause you just sound selfish | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:25:55 PM | | The resaon for the existence of any and all animals is to propogate the species. That means getting into relationships and eventually raising kids. Hopefully those doing so know what they're doing and really want to do it. Us humans have made it a extremely complicated process,we are not meant to be single and some of us not meant to raise kids. Personaly,if you not be willing to get kids involved in the process if either of you got them,then there be no potential. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:48:16 PM | | the problem nowadays getting involved with a woman with kids is the responsibility that goes with it.say you meet a wonderful lady everything is fine you are in a long term committed relationship and then something happens and you split you might just be responsible for child support for somebody elses children because during the time you were involved with them they became accustomed to a standard of living.some might say oh that would never happen wanna bet. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/23/2007 3:29:05 PM | | i would just like to have someone for me not my kids.they have me and thats all they need.and why would people go after people for money for there children if they are not there child?i just dont get that.that tell me that they are money hungry and they will try to pin it on anyone....it should not matter if someone has children or a child as long as there not looking for a daddy or a mommy for those children. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/23/2007 5:09:24 PM | | I agree with greeneyes, but I think lots of guys get the impression or maybe they just worry that's what all us gals want. I'm in the same boat as you and my kids also have a very involved dad. Sure I would want whomever I'm dating to get along with my kids and understand that I have an obligation to mother them, but other than that, my kids are not their problem. I support myself and them just fine. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 4/24/2007 1:30:52 AM | firstly...i want to address the "why did you put a picture of your kid on the interweb?" thing.
statistics tell us that children who are molested are usually molested by a relative or close friend of the family. i don't know what the stats are on random internet people...
do a google search on "child abuse statistics"...i don't know if it's appropriate to post the info i found on here.
so, chances are if anyone were to try and abuse your children, it's someone you already know. does that mean you stop taking them to their uncle's place? or maybe your friend who babysits them should be re-evaluated?
the other part of the topic...the "why are guys reluctant to get into relationships with women who have kids" part...
i have a wonderful daughter. i don't want any more kids, pre-made or otherwise. it's nothing against the mother, i have plenty of friends who are single parents, and i give them kudos...it takes a lot to do it by yourself. | |
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bboop
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Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 61 | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:31:22 PM | I was reading back on some of the old posts and came across this one that I would like to add my comments.
Myself I have raised my sons and they are now on their own, I would like to know enjoy my life so I would not want to get involved with someone else that is still raising young ones. It would limit my time that I would be able to spend with the other person to be able to get to know them properly and build a meaningful relationship or friendship.
I have seen this time and time again and I am not saying that you are like this but should not your children be the number one priority instead of pursuing a relationship? I never dated for about the first 6 years after I was separated because I made my children a higher priority that my own needs. Also children can resent an outsider coming in and taking the attention away from their mother or father. These are some things we have to sacrifice when we have children but I am now benefiting by that close relationship I built up over those years with my sons and can pursue a relationship that I can devote 100% of my time to..
Blaine | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:33:11 PM | This is not true of everyone of course..I agree with the above, you need to expand your horizons...take that leap!!
As for your question: some men may think that they cannot be effective in the relationship because they are not that Father and may fear a child (s) resentment towards them due to this. They may also fear that they cannot "connect" with the child in a way that they may with their own flesh and blood.
As for some guys thinking that children getting in the way of things, this could be due to the arrival of their own children preventing them from pursuing their goals; or they do not want children and are content in their life without them.
It could be money issues, that the guy thinks you want a "sugar daddy".
Sweety, anything could be posssible we could toss around numerous ideas for you.
When I ask myself about dating a guy with children..I personally love the idea because I do not have any of my own and would like to bear children, but would be content building a bond with the guys as well. My biggest worry would be doing something that the children are not used to and how to become apart of the "family", yet with the right match things would all work themselve out in time.
Perhaps you need to consider exactly what it is you are looking for and take it slow.
Have you met a guy that likes you, but is afraid because of the children? If so, what is it he is afraid of and can it be worked out?
And if a guy that likes you has ever told you that your children get in the way of things, honey right him off immediately. Children come first foremost. Children do not get in the way of things, people do. If two intrested individuals want to connect, it may take a little longer with children; but then again, why would you want to date someone that has no patience if you have children?
If someone is really intrested in you--they will wait for you. Sometimes I ponder "What if I meet someone and we begin to connect and I am not ready to date and he is?" Well, patience is not just for ones with children...the old saying: 'good things come to those who wait is true'.
And time...What is time anyways? Time is what you make of it. These days life is busy...there is not much slow paced scenerio's about most people's lives, with or without children.
If I had children of my own. I would not want to take my children out on a date with a "potential guy" until I knew him better...but once we were no longer strangers I would invite him out with the children. The children are a huge part of your life and your date should not have a problem with this, besides mabye feeling a little uncomforatble at first, depending upon their personality. Anyone that thinks children get in the way, I would brush right off . I have nieces and nephews and I must admit that I have had way more fun with them, then on any dates  Children are more alive and real then us adults, they bring us back to a place that we tend to forget, remind how to let loose, and be care-free!!
Search for someone that is in search of the same things as you or rather do not search at all. Build friendships and go from there....I feel that when you find the right person you will just know, providing that you are not being blocked by any "underlying need of love". The right person mabye is already in your life, but the timing is not yet right :)
Wish you luck my dear..Soar High, Dream Big!!!
Take Care Now.... | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:27:09 PM | | Hmmm - I think men may be afraid of women with 2 and a half dogs. I say half a dog because I have a third dog that is a foster dog. Personally, I think this is a more a strike against me than children would be. One and a half dogs are large which works against me, too. If a woman has dogs, generally speaking, I believe men prefer then to be small. None of my dogs bite and they are all friendly not like some of those little purse dogs. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:31:53 PM | | IMO: I think it odd that someone with young children would not except somebody elses,I just do'nt understand that. I Do believe the previouse posters who said you are meeting the wrong men are correct.Keep looking their are family guys on here who will be more inclusive/welcoming of your children.Personally I am not open to young children as my youngest is 15, I love both my children and have always felt honoured to be their mother (still do) but now my eldest has her own child, my 15 yr old is looking towards colleage.They are both wonderful people who do their mama proud as does my l'il Grandchild, but I am not open to raising more children I am enjoying this time in my life the freedom I gave up yrs ago is once again something I can take for granted.I geuss for some who have raised theirs (Im still raising my son but at 15 he is a great kid and I have no worrys, thank the lord) it can be as it is for me, a case of BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. | |
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| children and dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:03:55 PM | | In most custody arrangements, women generally have the children living with them. That is the way it is and even though I have joint custody with generous access with my former spouse, the kids live with their mom. It's all about the amount of effort we can devote to a relationship when one or both parties have kids. I was involved with a person with 1 child but it's not so much about the kids,is it about how we have lived our lives. Some people are devoted parents and they do everything for there kids. Some don't and that doesn't mean they are not great parents but they raise them differently. There is a huge risk when getting involved with someone .It's hard enough making relationships work without kids. For many of us on here, the reality is we had our kids already, and although I love mine, they are mine. Yours are yours and in the end, it's easier to disconnect because we don't have that link. Our kids are with us forever, and in the end that is the reality. I am not saying it doesn't always workout, because it does, but unless both people are very compatible and understanding, usually it doesn't work out. The old saying "my way or the highway" comes full circle. As hard as you try sometimes it just won't work no matter how hard one tries! | |
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