| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:45:13 PM | Ok...theres just something unnatural when a man simply turns his back on his child. relationships can fail as we know, its never only one person to fault for its failure. However in this case the other one involved never had a choice who its father is goin to be...so fault can be pin pointed. You are to make him accountable and the reason stares at your face everyday...and special they are and in the end,,,,what a lose he will suffer.
rebel...and thats the way I see it anyways
Good luck ...there not one icon i like...lol | |
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liss13
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Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:21:05 PM | Nope give it up, why put bub through it! I have been going though the same thing but i left my bubs father when i was 7mths prego, he says he wants something to do with her but does nothing to see her or help pay for her.
I dont want my daughter hurt with someone coming and going in her life.
So i say dont push him she has a loving mummy that thinks the world of her and will be there forever!!!
Good luck and look after that lil girl after all she is all yours!!!
Huggles
Lis | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/29/2007 7:26:57 PM | | find a good man,that will be willing to adopt the child,and sever all relations with the father.that guy must be a real heel.throw him to the curb.it may be best that the child never knows her real father,until she is older,and let her make any decisions about him. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/29/2007 7:42:27 PM | If you want child support get a lawyer. Be civil with him otherwise the court might can't it against you. Also don't be surprised if he wants to visit his daughter more because now he's paying CS. Don't deny him it otherwise again it will make you look bad.
If you don't care about CS then I'd just ignore him and maybe he'll come around on his own and if not at least you won't have to deal with him.
Good luck. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:29:43 AM | | I can't imagine how hard it would be to do everything yourself... however, I have been a huge part in my children's lives and couldn't imagine what life would be like if I wasn't. Iam not with their mother anymore but I still take my kids every other week. Coming from a mans point of view I can tell you that is very scary at first exspecially if your ex has never been around children. I had never been around children when my first was born and it took me a while to change a diaper and stuff cuz they are so fragile at that age. But you learn to do it. Maybe your ex just needs a little time for your daughter to grow up for him to understand that shes a little person and not just a baby. I dont know your ex or anything so I really have no idea what he is like but sometimes it just takes a little getting use to. I don't think you should give up on him totally but I do think he should be paying child support, I don't but I have my kids half the time and I don't get any baby bonuses or anything. I totally believe that your daughter should know who her father is, I think it is very important. Try and be nice but I am sure it is hard. At least keep in contact with him long enough for your daughter to decide what he is worth. I hope this helps. Iam no genius or anything but I am just speaking from the heart | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/30/2007 3:13:48 PM | I can sympathise with how you are feeling about this situation....my son's father has nothing to do with him despite my many attempts to change this, including taking my son round to his every sunday for far too long !! He lives a 10 minute walk away and makes no attempt to see my boy, birthdays, xmas.....nothing ! My son is now 3 and it has taken me this long to realise that nothing i do or say is going to make this man love my son the way my son deserves so I have walked away completely....I ask him for nothing that way he has no hold over me at all and no longer has the right, should he suddenly have a paternal urge, to ask to see my son.....as far as I'm concerned he is nothing to do with him and my son does not need someone like that in his life.
That said, only you can make the ultimate decision on whether or not to go for maintenance or try to make him see your child.....I personally chose not to do either.
Good luck to you and remember, a child does not NEED 2 parents......a child NEEDS people around them that will love and care for them, always xx | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:42:21 PM | ok, nailing him for child support is easy..
go to the court...superior court of Ontario
Family - Superior Court of Justice
519-741-3200
Barrier free20 Weber St. E.
Kitchener, Ontario
N2H 1C3
Ask them what forms you need, then go to the law library in the courthouse and get the forms and file them right away.. yes it costs money however you can file at the same time approved instantly for a fee waiver. need more help let me know hon.
hugz and good luck! | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/31/2007 5:46:04 PM | | Hang in there. I know what you are going through. I am 29 and I have a beautiful 8 year old daughter. He left me as soon as he heard I was pregnant. He hasn't made any efforts to see her. All I would like is for him to get to know her. I see him in her everyday I look at her. I don't hate him but just wish he'd grow up and realize what he's missing. I would never turn him down if asked to see her after all she is his daughter. We still talk and he does ask about her, but for some reason doesn't want to see. I don't get it. So my advice is still keep in touch with him. It's better to make friends than enemies.As far as child support, good luck. I'm court ordered to get it and insurance on her but it's been 8 years and haven't seen any of it. Her and I have been just fine without it thanks to the support of my family and friends. The most important thing in your life right now is your daughter. So don't waste time worring about him. Don't let her see or hear how you feel about him(as she gets older). Let her find out on her own. Good luck. Keep your head up. Things will all work out. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 1/31/2007 10:33:18 PM | 4 FOLK READING THIS.....
JUST WANT 2 SAY THIS FIRST....SO WHAT IF FOLK KEEP REPEATIN A TOPIC!!! IF UR TIRED OF SEEING IT THE TOPIC ITZ UR PROBLEM...UR READIN IT!! DONT EVEN WASTE UR TIME TYPING A MESSAGE BOUT HOW UR TIRED. IF RTHE MESSAGE DOESNT PRETAIN 2 THE TOPIC.....NOBODY CARES WHAT U HAVE 2 SAY ANYWAY!! 
4..1 WILD RIDE....
GIRL...ITZ SAD THAT THIS ISSUE EVEN EXSIST. BUT...NOW U HAVE 2 B STRONG 4 UR DAUGHTER. SHOW HER HOW 2 B: A RESPONSILBE PERSON, STRONG, CARING, AND HONEST. IF YOU TEACH HER THAT..SHE WILL LEARN. THEN U HAVE BEAT THAT LOSER 2 HIS GAME!! U CANT MAKE HIM CARE, SWEETIE! CHILDREN REMEMBER WHO LOVED AND TOOK CARE OF THEM WHEN THEY COULDNT DO IT 4 THEMSELVES. AS FOR CHILD SUPPORT..GET ALL THE INFO 1ST. CUZ LAWS HAVE CHANGED AND THEN MAKE UP UR MIND. LET UR DAUGHTER DECIDE WHEN SHE IS OLD ENOUGH IF SHE WANTS 2 CONTACT HIM. BUT....NEVER TEACH HER 2 HATE HIM...JUST ALWAYS GIVE THE FACTS...THE FACTS WILL PAINT A CLEAR PICTURE. "GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS" 2 ALL OF US SINGLE PARENTS..THATS RIGHTS "PARENTS"...FATHERS, GRAND-FATHERS, AND GRANDMOTHERS R ALL IN THIS!!! | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 3/11/2007 7:29:19 PM | | I agree u should be getting the support!You are from my area and I know from expierence you can go down to the court house and talk to duty council and they will help you out!If you have any questions just msg me and I'll be happy to help. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 3/12/2007 10:56:52 AM | Family Responcibilty Office .. look it up in the Blue Pages of your phone book.
Living in ontario.. they got bulldogs that will find him, nail him, and get you what you deserve child support.
In Ontario a parent cannot "disown" a child, and visitation and support are competly different things. he can not pay support and still see the child, or vice versa.
http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/mcss/english/pillars/familyResponsibility/
now you know where to start.
Good luck! | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:50:13 PM | No, start trying to see other men that guy sounds like a total ****wit to do that to you. I know obviosuly it is important for her to know who her father is but its he lose anyway, sounds like you have done as much as you could do. Wish you all the best.
Paul | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 2:47:58 AM | I understand your wanting him to have contact with his daughter, but he will only do it when he's ready, if thats ever. I have two teenage sons, my husband left us promising to speak to the boys every day, and see them as often as he can - yeh rite. He rings them when he thinks about it, sees them when he wants to sweeten them up, and has a general lack of interest in them. Forgive me for saying this but it all rides on maturity and respect, which some men never seem to gain. Just live your life with your daughter, and if he contacts you in the future ok. Speak to a solicitor regarding financial maintenance, they give you a free hour and explain everything, well some do shop around, or go on recommendation. Good luck and enjoy your daughter  | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 4:04:28 AM | | Girl, you stay focused on your child no matter what. However, you can always find time to handle your business if you know what I mean. You did not get pregnant by yourself and 9 times outta 10, he enjoyed the sex more than you did anyway soooo what you can do is go to the county court system where you live and you file an abandoment warrant on him. What happens next is you guys will both be given a court date and he will have to show up or else he will have a failure to appear on his record. Then he will more than likely take the option to have DNA to see if the baby is his (it's their lettle way of stalling for time). Once te baby is proven that it is his, the judge will issue a judgement allowing you a certain percentage of his paycheck. Don't worry about him lying, they have ways of finding the truth "believe me". You can not make a man be a man, but if he were forced to pay childsupport, eventually he is gonna want to have something to do with your baby. Some men just have to be forced into actions with their children so this way, I think he will come around. And no you don't need to just sit back and wait things out...react now while the baby is young that way when she is old enough to know who her father is, maybe by then he would have taken responcibility for what is his....I hate men who dont wanna act right girl, do what you need to do. I have given you all that you will need in order to succeed....remember that you can not make a man be a man, but you can damn sure hit him in the pocket for leavng you with ALL responcibilities of being a parent. It is hard being mommy and daddy..I hope this was helpful to you and good luck in the future girl | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:09:04 PM | | Well I have to say this. Men like that make us men that are trying to be good dads and take care of there kids look like complete A$$holes. Im a dad of 3 but they live with there mothers but well all get along not just for the kids but because we are adults and have to show these kids that this is how to act. Not run from your problems or your duties as a parent. I did and I hated myself for it. But that was when my oldest was first born. I did the "I don't care" act. Yes its a great idea to take him for C.S. but what ever you do your going to take a 50/50 chance of making things better or worse but your the only one that is looking out for this child. You can be civil with with him all you want but he must be the one to be willing to be a real man and a father. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:22:14 PM | I agree with some of the other posts.. file papers for support. He had a part in making this child. Don't try to force him to see her he wants to or doesn't want. But make sure you get legal papers to make him pay support.
You are young, you still have a lot to learn, make the most of your life and don't let him bring you down. Move on be happy without him that is what your baby needs. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:22:26 PM | Let it go. SOunds to me like you may struggle a bit financially while in school but its really a short period of time when viewed in perspective. Don't chase him for child support ( unless you feel you really need it) . Leave him out of your daughters life completely. He pays no support= he gets no access....day he decides he wants access hit him with back support.
It is a tough situation but you won't be able to force your ex into caring and in fact the more you push, Id bet money on the farther he pulls away.
Your daughter is adorable. be the best parent you can be and try not to worry so much about the ex....its wasted energy and focus you could be paying to that sweet little girl!
And before I get blasted for the dont chase him for support statement..please dont think I believe he doesnt have a financial obligation..I pay my ex more then I am required by Canadian Law.. I based that decision on what she has said about this guy is all. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 7:56:39 PM | | im A FATHER OF 2 and the mother does not want any thing to do with the kids so i just tell her your the one missing out . and thats what you should tell him becuse he is missing out kids are the best . | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:24:00 PM | i think that you should definately go for child suppport whether or not he has a job then you know that you will eventually have money to help you out.
I am a single mother or 3, and believe me that money comes in handy when you really need to do something for your kids. Even if you dont need the money you could always get savings bonds in the childs name then they would have money for the future, or even a bank account for them. I do both and spend money for clothes and diapers formula.
If you can't get the help from him then make him pay you for it. I felt bad at first with my kids but what if something happens and you know that he is not going to help you. Its always a good thing. and by asking for child supoort is not a way of getting back at him for leaving you and your baby. when you go to court he can tell them whether he wants any part in custody. you can even go online through your state gov. website and download the papers if you already haven't filed. Good luck and take care | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:45:51 PM | | I'm so sorry for what you're going through! The other ladies are right about backing off a little bit, but I don't agree that he shouldn't be helping you out financially. If you call your local county office you can get the phone number for the family law facilitator's office who can help you fill out all your paperwork at no charge, that way you can at least get child support orders going. If he doesn't want to see her, then good riddens! Your baby deserves much better so If he doesn't want to spend time, then you show her all the love, but on the same note she also deserves to have everything she needs financially. It sounds a lot harder than it is. I wish you the best sweets! | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:49:24 PM | Well I hope the best for you and your new born If I may be strieght (contigo) dont try to make it work it work because of the baby she and you deserv to have better he's not a man if he wont step up and be responsible thats not what your daughter need's and for sure you dont deserve that Iam a singal father I love raising my daughter, and watching her grow up, and yes children dont come with directions so mistakes were made along the wha and I got me a beautiful grandaughter BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY LOVE HET WITH ALL YOUR LIFE AND YOU"LL BE FINE (I DONT MEAN FINE HAS YOU ARE ) I mean fine spiritually    :applause | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:19:04 AM | | Its a tough situation, no doubt...but you are just going to go nuts "wanting" someone to do something. YES, continue to be nice and civil, but STOP wanting him to care...you cant make anyone care. I agree it would be the best thing for everyone if he did care but forcing someone to be involved is probably worse than non-involvement. | |
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| I just can't deal with this anymore!
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:51:49 PM | Dear Wild Ride: I hear your pain and hopes for yourself and your daughter. The truth is he just didn't want kids when you got pregnant and he just doesn't want kids now either. You can push and want and hope for the best , unfortunately if he is not interested, face it, he is not going to be any time soon either. Get a lawyer, get a whos your baby's daddy test and take him to court for support. That is all you can do right now. Perhaps in the future he will approach you but I doubt it. For you right now, enjoy your baby, visit your family and friends lots and get lots and lots of sleep.
Good luck | |
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