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President Bush seems to be di*kring While the rest of us are snickering His brain may be bubbly like Schweppes But still we must jump on the steps To keep the porch light from flickering
A sea captain one day dined at supper With his officers each sat on one buttock But he declined to inquire Why they leaned and perspired Passing Chile with warm spluttery scuppers.
At the bottom of the ocean lives the Kraken Which as far as marriage goes is already taken It’s really Gods pet And its wife is offset Slumbering in a purdah in the wild Taklamakan.
Although the double negative is trite It exists none the same despite My English professor was pissed Claiming a double positive does not exist And I replied with the words, "Yeah....Right!"
The devil one day sat for dinner Prepared by the worlds greatest sinner --But later at his gate --He burped well and late And fried a long line of old spinsters.
Keith_01 …He want someone to jump out of an aeroplane with Don’t date this man If you can’t pack a chute…
The Eye guy one-day had a dalliance With the profile of a poet quite stallion --But to mention the chute --Made him a ribald old brute Because the poet would have to be valiant.
Keith called him a ribald old brute Spared him the name of “ Old Coot” I see with my mind’s eye You free fall from the sky Hope you didn’t forget your parachute
Across wide ocean's surging and billow She transported her favourite pillow Until, me oh my She spotted Eye Guy And said, Now I can dispense with my dil'o
At last there's a limerick with dildo! you just pull back the drapes at the window or those all-prying eyes they will see you inside and you'll start getting stalked by young Aldo.
Holy Bee Jabbors, Awakening two(2) This is too way to good to be true Sure missed ya quite a lot Welcome back to this spot Thought you forgot me an I was so blue
A wizard one-day used his minds eye To become geometrically opposed to the eye guy --He turned him inside out --Gave he’s crown a good clout So they could tandem-chute from a great height.
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A mad sailor at sea was quite lonesome After eating the majority of the bosun --‘The next time’ he said --‘I’ll leave out the head And talk to the flotsam and jetsam.’
You won’t need any batteries with me I’ll dampen your pillow you’ll soon see You’ll camp on the cool sand With your new flim flan man Starting a new chapter in your old diary
My old diary has lain round for ages with nothing to write on its pages so what could be apter than to start a new chapter when across-the-world high gear engages?
The writers say, 'Look to your craft', while I'm here busily building a raft. It can't be abhorrent to sail on a torrent of limericks penned both fore and aft.
I awoke to the sound of the clock but it felt like a whopping great shock I turned on the light and I got a big fright 'cos some rodent had bitten my.... sock
I do love the awakening is true but should I arise before sunrise that makes me blue so me darling mate am enticing the draft this ship sails way past due date in womanly crafts second in charge will be the one who gives me truth
A man with no arms was depressed Watching others with arms who were blessed So he decided to jump to his end when below him he spied an old friend whom armless, was skipping with zest
How can this be? said he He is the same as me So he went down to find out why so happy he skipped all about Why was he so full of glee?
The friend seemed slightly crass Something that surely would pass but asked why he was skipping so happy with no arms he should feel crappy He replied "I have an itchy ass"
Working with Uncle Jimmy the weekend doing some private produced funny thoughts.
A labourer fell in love with his mixer Believing its cement, the sweetest elixir She went round and round As he shoved in sharp sand And wetted her repeatedly to please her.
His love for the mixer was intense Becoming deeper caressing her dents He painted on eyes And wicked sharp teeth Rubbing on the additive like perfumed scent.
The labourer took his mixer to a restaurant Dressing her in fine linen, stockings and chiffon He shovelled in vindaloo Seafood and mange tout And played footsies all night with her tripod.
After their evening the labourer took home His mixer which he intended to bone But her vast gaping maw Was a problem for sure So he ditched her for a red traffic cone.
The red traffic cone might be fine The tip could tickle your spine Used from the inside out or opposed as an inserted spout When done you can give the high sign
An Australian sheephearder named Ralph Was carrying 2 sheep near a delph From a sheephearder passing by "Are you shearing today?" was the cry "Nope, I'm shagging them both myself"
These income taxes I pay are such It makes me wish I could go Dutch It makes me so proud to pay That now I can only say... "I'd be just as proud to pay half as much"
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