| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:59:16 AM | You know if youve had a good date
At the end you get past her front gate
If youre left on the road
Back, to your abode
Theres plenty of fish on the plate
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 8:02:19 AM | a doggie found her new home at my table
i considered naming her mable
but after reading her trysts
i tried with my might but
decided to leave mable in her fable
my new puppy is now named daisy
she is anything but lazy
a five year old beagle
who is sharp as an eagle
walking her keeps me from gettin' crazy | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:00:44 AM | Mable is a much maligned old soul
With a heart as good as gold
She just happens to like sex
Likes her men hard and erect
Who will do exactly as they are told
Well Jez she wasn't bossing me around
Not after she starting taking wierd compounds
Mable would take bright blue pills
Would throw up being terribly ill
Then bark at the moon like a hound
That's when Mable get her first straight jacket
It was woolen- lined and cost a packet
The private clinic got paid
Everytime Mable got laid
I believe the manager was in on the racket
So you see Mable is more to be pitied
For she was once so eloquent and very pretty
But howling like a loon
And exposing her moon
Is not considered to be very witty
I still love that old ex wife of mine
Mable is continually on my mind
She was very good in bed
Until she started drinking the red
God she could down several bottles of wine | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 1:56:54 PM | mable and bird were once great lovers
but now it's been a long time over
he still holds here dearly
even though a bit weirdly
remembering the times they had in the clover | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:18:59 PM | Mable has suddenly developed a personality
I say that somewhat guarded and also compassionately
But don't be taken in
For when she gets her gin
Mable behaves completely irrationally
Mable has a tongue that could cut solid steel
So don't mistakenly try to have a quick feel
You need to be invited
Before you get excited
So Mable expects to be taken out for a meal
Mable's not to hot on the subject of etiquette
She likes to put chips and pickles on her baguette
She likes a few beers
But have no fears
She'll give you a time that you'll never forget
Mable was drunk when she walked down the ailse
She sort of swaggered but she did it with style
Her dress was a mess
I have to confess
But they shouldn't have laughted when she slipped on the tiles
The thought of Mable has made me horny
So I thought I would write something corny
So what's new
Corny poems I have written quite a few
Or as Mable would say that's not corny it's irony
Sometimes I feel really sorry for Mable
She's the topic of conversation at the kitchen table
I miss her sometimes
When I'm writing these rhymes
I suppose Mable lying on the table was also unforgetable
Mable now has a twenty year old man
He's from a place called Tokio somewhere in Japan
Mable always loved the Japanese
Always reknown for saying please
Now she has a young man to give her a hand
Mable likes a massage and likes to be touched
But she likes her men to be a bit butch
She likes a bit of rough
When she's lying in the buff
The stronger the man the bigger the crutch | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:32:49 PM | Your new pup sound lovely Rose! Enjoy!
I once got a brand new puppy
Was a toss tween him and a chappie
The peace filled Buddhist monk
Was a lying old piece of junk
A bent twisted obsessed stalking yuppie!
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:12:13 PM | mable is likin' 'em younger
satisfying their sexual hunger
can't say i ain't jealous
for the thought i do relish
making love to man younger or older!
(just call me mable...NOT!!...
and yeah jax, she's a cutie!!) | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/2/2008 3:42:51 AM | Mable rang me late one night very drunk
She'd been stood up by a handsome young hunk
She felt liked she'd died
Just cried and cried
Cause she wanted a baby from the teenager's spunk
I said Mable! don't talk to me in that way
I'm a gentleman walking proud each and every day
Mable demanded I come come over
As a substitute lover
Thirty minutes later I was part of an affray
Mable's young lover had just arrived at her door
I arrived after a few minutes more
He called Mable an old slut
Kicked me hard on the butt
Mable shouted she wasn't a slut but an auld whore
Mable's just a girl who likes to ride
Don't condemn her cause she still has some pride
She won't sleep with the dead
Or anyone called Fred
Or any man who is six inches wide
So you see Mable has got some morals
She does not just sit on her laurels
She makes her ass work
Never hard times does she shirk
And at Xmas goes around singing carols
Mable is a good friend of Old Rose
She also taught Old Jax to compose
She can help Old 1 - 2 - 3
Who has a bad leg and one knee
To write more refined romantic prose | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/2/2008 6:24:21 AM | ol' mable's a good friend of mine
occasionally we drink cheap read wine
and talk about the day
she had bird part of her 'fray
and wonder where goes the time
we decided to give an ol' party
invitin' the ladies and gents all dressed smarty
the ruckus began
and the shit hit the fan
and it ended before it even started
you should have seen good ol' jax
now that lady can kick some ass
and 123
she can swing prettily
but it was bird who's trouble was the max
bird saw ol' mable with a yun 'un
they were just have a little fun
he blew a gasket
and reached for the hatchet
then acted pretty damn dumb
yep the cops they were called
and 'in' they did all haul
mable and jax
old bird with the ax
123 received the bails bond call
at last we all got out of jail
then it started once again to hail
bird started cussin'
and with mable he'd be messin'
the cops wanted to revoke our bail
but then we all started runnin'
into the sunset where its still sunnin'
bird he did apologiz
even though it was a bunch of lies
he said he was only funnin'
i think the moral of it here
never mess with miss mable so dear
and don't carry a hatchet
and start a lot of racket
and bird, watch out for all that beer | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 2962 | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/3/2008 11:14:51 AM | I asked Mable if she would like to do lunch
She said no that she preferred brunch
She ate an apple
Then went to the Chapel
To hit the Bishop with an incredible punch
I'm a decent women old Mable did say
It's not just any man can have his way
I like respect
After my sex
And I'll clobber any man who refuses to pay
The bishop then raided the collection plate
His nose was bloody and in a terrible state
He gave her a few dimes
For each of his good times
And asked cheekily if he could have another date
Mable came back to buy me my dinner
She said that she had won money and backed a winner
She paid for the tea
Which I got for free
I felt like a kept man paid for by a sinner | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:18:34 AM | Mable went off on a foreign cruise
The one advertised with all the free booze
She has a few sherries
Showed of her cherries
Then ended up sleeping in the cabin boy's loo
Mable enjoyed her life on the seas
The weather was warm so her ass didn't freeze
She frolicked with the first mate
Who became violent and irate
All because Mable liked to please and tease
The Captain's attention was drawn to Mable
Jez she was invited one night to the Captain's table
She wore a short dress
Trying hard to impress
Then Mable showed the Captain that she was still able
The Captain was a funny old bugger
An old school type who loved to play rugger
He put Mable over his knee
Smacked her one, two, three
Then Mable called the Captain a dirty old Fcuker | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:18:51 AM | ol' mables still looks for a good time
and i hardly think it's a crime
she does love the seas
and is quite the tease
but she'll do it on a drop of a dime...
her life hasn't always been easy
some would even call it quite sleezy
but a good friend she is
and she don't mind the jiz
even though she gets a bit quesy
yep, ol' mable is a good friend of mine
we like to sit and talk about the good times
but she can still pull a few
and she gets what she's due
she thinks her life's quite sublime | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:22:46 AM | It's been put around that Mable's gone queer
Let me tell you that you need have no fear
Mable's so straight
I couldn't contemplate
Mable ever chewing tobacco and throwing up beer
Mable might now and again lean to the other side
But she's a big girl and can take things in her stride
So if she wants some ****
And is not very fussy
I will let her borrow my old ex bride
Mable tells me she enjoys this cult status
After her hard life it's a bit of a hiatus
She needed some space
After bedding his grace
So she daily logs on to read the latest | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/4/2008 7:29:27 PM | yeah, my friend mable is bi
she'll give anything a try
she looked at me
and said 'what do you please'
'oh geeze' i said with a sigh
well, i didn't want to hurt mable's feelings
although she was making me a little uneasy
then bird appeared at the door
she ran to him like a whore
seeing him there really pleased me
birds timing was impeccable
his presence was delectable
while he and mable were at it
i snuck off like a rabbit
not a trace was even detectable
i think mable done did ol' bird in
all she left him with was a grin
she took all his money
and said, 'hey thank you honey
come back soon and we'll do it again!" | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:16:34 AM | Now the full tale of Mable is uncovered
Another old lover has been discovered
She was once with my brother
Then she slept with my mother
Mable I only hope by now you've recovered
Mable is seems likes all sorts of beings
Now and again she has hurt my feelings
But she has her strange needs
Her lust she must feed
So she must swing on chandeliers from very high ceilings
I truely wish Mable and I had not met
But once you meet her you can never forget
An incredible beauty
With a real nice booty
So easily aroused and so easily wet
If only Mable had an appetite like all the rest
She would be up among the very best
Being delectable
As well as insatiable
I'm so glad when she goes so I can get a rest
Mable seems to upset those with feminist leanings
They give her abuse because of her sexual feelings
Mable is immune
Won't be impuned
She doesn't consider it sex but looks on it as healing | |
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/5/2008 4:30:56 AM | Oh Mable, Oh Mable I blackened your name
Forgive me my darling but you have no shame
I loved a hussy
Who was not fussy
Nows she's in Penthouse with a new claim to fame
Everyone saw Mable at the news agents stall
Standing in Penthouse only holding one ball
She had a big smile
Nipples standing out a mile
Jez I very nearly went right up the wall
Her six page middle age spread also had an interview
Mable said she wanted to thank one or two
I got a mention
For giving her detention
The only thing she had on were her favourite red shoes
Mable accused me of being a bit jealous
Buying all those magazines was perhaps over zealous
I put them in the bin
To prevent anymore great sin
So Mable went out and got herself two new fellas
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| Irish Limericks, Jokes, Toasts, and Stories
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:01:58 AM | yeah, mable broke ol' bird's heart
i knew it would happen right from the start
his whole family she pleased
brought him down on his knees
and she was playing the poor little tart
but it was the magazine photo shoot
the picture of her playing the flute
it wasn't his that she was playing
but a young un she was laying
that brought the point to being mute
poor dear bird was unconsolable
he was no longer on a rollable
he got really depressed
his life was a mess
and it was no longer joyful
when mable did see what she had done
she told bird, you know i love ya hon
and the bishop and the priest
and all those men at sea
but bird you'll always be number one
with that ol' bird's life had brightened
he was no longer a little frightened
to share his woman with the world
to him she'd always be his girl
to be shared by hundreds and then
yep, mable has the health we can all use
plenty of sex, i'll take my cues
she is insatiably greedy
and more than a little needy
just make sure she's wearing those red shoes | |
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| Five line Limericks...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:19:22 PM | mable met a man named bubba
she said to him, ya know i love ya
he was a little shaken
that he was mistaken
for that alien who was so gunge-a(!)
then mable wanted to go on a journey
and go she wanted to, in a hurry
but didn't know where
she just didn't care
she began to move with a flurry
she went to the library and started to search
in every nook and cranny she did lurched
she read books and some papers
didn't care if it was safe there
but finding a place to go to she needed to do first
she read about mexico, china and spain
looking at the pictures it became quite plain
the mayans from mexico were really quite little
but not at all around the middle
one look at the pictures she went insane
so she went to mexico on the midnight plane
landed 18 hours later without much of a brain
she was really so tired
in a different country she was mired
but what an experience she knew she'd gain
at last she met the mayan men
with the sparkle in their eyes, and such a grin
la senorita whispered in her ear
no hombre por tu, he is mine, my dear
she looked at her and wanted to be her friend
a slight change occured in mable that day
she found another way to enjoy and play
no sex or lust or drinks she had
nothing at all that would be construed as bad
she was so overtaken she didn't know what to say
back home mable reflected on her trip
it happened so quickly in a short little blip
the people were so sweet
it was such a treat
to have fun and not worry about her hip | |
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| Five line Limericks...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:18:52 AM | Mable also met a man called Bill
She gave him a blow job on Capital Hill
Mable wore a suit
As Old Bill had to shoot
Of politicians Mable now has had her fill
Mable then went of to the Emerald isle
She felt ashamed having been gone a long while
She went to Killarney
She kissed a stone at Blarney
All the tourists were impressed she kissed with such style
Mable returned back to Dublin's fair city
Like Molly Malone, Mable was once quite pretty
She supped her guinness
With very little finesse
As the American tourists considered Mable very witty
Mable took a big Yank to St Stepthens Green
There the two of them did things clearly obscene
Mable did sixty nine
Whilst the American drank wine
Then after Mable was told he was only sixteen
Mable got the label as a paedophile
Having gone done on so young a child
Mable was distressed
Having given her very best
To think that she might now have her own police file
Of Mable went to see the chief inspector
Fell on her knees asked him to be her protector
He pulled down his zip
Then he let rip
Mable moaned later that he damn well near wrecked her
Mable packed her bags and returned to the states
She checked her dates to find herself late
Mable panicked
Was absolutely frantic
The only thing Mable could do now was wait! | |
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