| Five line Limericks...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:11:32 AM | There was a time I was desperately innocent
I couldn't understand how some limericks went
When they said, Get off the table
The money's for the beer Mable
I had absolutely no idea what they meant
(Those were the days my friend) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:22:17 AM | Would be interetsed to see what you guys and gals on here think of this from my tribute show. Let me know. I work very hard at my act and have also raised over £300,000 for various charities in the last few years. Your opinions good or bad will be greatfully appreciated. Just click on the following link..
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=s7CCmm1frsA
Cheers
Bud
xx | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:32:24 AM | Hot stuff is looking for a couple of bob
He says he works hard, hard on the job
But he needs to spend time
Time on his rhyme
Otherwise on this site he might have to sob | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 9:37:53 AM | Margot is now wise and full of understanding
Of poor "Mable of the Table" who is so undemanding
Shes's now got the gift
And is not at all miffed
From thereafter she will me much more commanding | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:40:06 AM | glad to see more join in our play
ya know, i think about mable all day
bird, he is a hoot
and he don't give a hoot
what words he gives mable to say
and with my friend mable i'm dreamin'
have a few plots i'm scheming
but when the times right
i'll write down her next plight
but for now hope you make her gleamin'
(i just gotta be in the mood to make her flow!!!) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:55:24 AM | Rose has to be in the mood to get it on with Mable
I think they are going to have to get a bigger table
Mable and Rose
Sucking each others toes
Oh and a threesome if you include Betty Grable | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:06:32 PM | ah sweet betty, i do love her legs...
and she don't got a bad pair of eggs
ok bird, now just stop it
i've got to drop it
'n go back to work so i can buy me keg!
(see ya all later gator...take good care of mable!) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 12:08:56 PM | Mable rang me up to cry on my lap
Mable it seems she had caught a dose of the clap
She had caught a disease
One which occurs above the knees
And she claims she knew the name of the chap
Mable said the man's name was called Bill
Yup, the one who lived up on the top of the Hill
He had to be told
About Mable's strange mould
Then to go to the clinic to take some pills
Mable was worried Bill's wife would be upset
Hillary might call Mable a bit of a git
Would Hillary get a dose
No not even close
That was one scenario Mable could forget
Mable later bumped into Mr George Michael
Who was coming out of a toilet riding a Bi- cycle
George looked very red
He was followed by Fred
Who followed behind licking his icicle
Mable asked George if he wanted a jump
George looked at Mable and took the hump
I'm out and proud
Said George out loud
With that he gave poor Mable a thump
Mable cried she had been decked by her hero
Who she now regarded like the Emperor Nero
She got of her ass
Stole Geroge's stash of grass
And told him drug abuse in her neighbourhood was zero | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 1:06:55 PM | Mable was disabled and in a wheelchair
After George whacked her she just didn't care
She asked for a push
To a deadly hush
For Mable was sitting in her wheelchair bare
Mable had forgot to put her clothes on
After she had spent so long in the john
She smoked George's hash
Trimed her moustache
Then her mind snapped it was really gone
Mable was shipped of to the santatorium
Where she thought she was in a planaterium
She was seeing stars
Locked behind bars
That was the height of mable's delirium
Mable slowly but surely recoved
As the male nurse one night discovered
Mable opened her gown
Let the nurse feel around
Then the both were caught completely uncovered
Mable was kicked out and the nurse was sacked
Mable was pissed of with those politically correct
She was not amused
That the nurse was abused
Just because he could stand nine inches erect | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:55:13 PM | Mable celebrated those standing nine inches
Telling everyone they were great in close clinches
After they all had a go
The nurse had to say, No,
If you continue it'll be the size of a finch's
(That'd give them the bird  ) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:41:40 PM | ya know that old bird on the wire
i hear he's quite a big liar
mable told me he's married
to a feline quite hairy
i hear she's really a tiger
she scratches and bites all thru the night
and he doesn't even put up a fight
but what mable likes most
is playing the host
to bird and his hairy ol' wife
yep, them three are really a trio
oh geeze, oh my, oh me-0
the birds in the middle
playing his fiddle
while the girls start singing creole
they make an ol' turkey sandwich
i guess it's an ol' turkey manwich
they're really quite lewd
and disgustingly rude
and are all trying to scratch that ol' itch
and then there's bird and his cream
it's really not what it seems
it shoots out blue
and is sticky as glue
it's a nightmare when he haunts my dreams!
that's what really sent her to the looney bin
poor george he was only a friend
but old bird and his wife
influencing her life
is really what did ol' mable in
but she's really proud of the stitches
and loves the whole nine inches
she smiles when she thinks
of being on the brink
with bird, his wife, the nurse and the witches
whew!
love ya birdman!!
;0) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/7/2008 12:56:04 AM | Old Mable never lived a sheltered life
I knew that after she stole my wife
The bad little ****
Stole my old witch
For many years later my life has been full of strife
Mable and my ex went to Montreal
Where by all accouts they had a ball
It belonged to a Mountie
Mable enjoyed his bounty
Then she dumped my wife over Niagra Falls
My wife came back to me wet and crying
Moaning that Old Mable was always lying
I took her in
Despite her great sin
But I knew my love for my wife was dying
No man could compete after Mable
It's quite an experience to be invited on her table
My wife stayed with me a week
But treated me like a freak
After she had been part of the Mable fable
Mable and the Mountie went to Quebec
Where the Mountie was left a complete nervous wreck
Mable still has his hat
Pride of place in her flat
Which she wears everytime she has sex | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:57:12 AM | Things have just gone from bad to worse
Since Mabel made the mountie's hat hers
She still stays the course
Riding each man like a horse
But beware when she puts on the spurs | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:58:24 AM | Mable knew it was time to do penance
So to her there was only one thing that made sense
She would go to a convent
Her sins she would relent
She would get absolution and righteous recompense
Mable went to join a holy order
Where there was peace and harmony, she brought disorder
When she wore a habit
She looked like a hobbit
And the Mother Superior behaved like a prison warder
Mable developed cravings for communion wine
The mystical potion made Mable quite refined
Mable always said please
When she dropped to her knees
That seemed to please Mother Superior just fine
Mable hit it off in the seminary
With one of the young nuns in the infirmary
The morphine was free
Complimented her tea
And Mable gave consideration to becoming a missionary
Mable decided to go visit Zimbabwe
She would bring some good loving to old Robert Mugabe
She pulled down his pants
Listened to his native chants
But no one could teach old Robert political savvy
Mable God bless her was a tart with a good heart
It was not her fault, in life she had a bad start
She loved all men
She loved some women
It was not Mable's fault that she wasn't too smart
Mable is the original rock and roll queen
She never thought dirty talk or sex was obscene
With her new rock frock
She would rock around the clock
And never give a damn if her knickers were seen
She recounted one meeting with Jimi Hendrix
I think Mable said she licked his sticks
I said he played guitar
She said he'd go far
Then she went of to get another strange fix
Mable cries still as she laments Buddy Holly
When she sings his songs she ain't half jolly
She thinks men with specs
Are very good at sex
I did not query her delusional folly | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:12:29 PM | mable is the sweetest thing
so she has a million flings
she's kind as can be
wouldn't hurt a flea
everyone loves the joy that she brings
sure at times she's a little lewd
and is quite hilarious in the nude
i love her dearly
and she'll always hear me
but is never ever a prude
she tried to give buddhism a try
it wasn't easy, i won't lie
she practiced mindfulness
until it turned into a mess
when she met the orange dress guy
oh mable didn't realize he was a monk
she just though he was a hunk
he declined her offer
she tried to persuade him softer
still refused her heart did sunk
rejection was quite hard for her to take
mable was depressed, make no mistake
so she call her friend bird
and without a word
he stopped on over to eat some cake
he nibbled on all her sweets
you know, at times he's really quite neat
he made mable happy
she started calling him pappy
with a friend like that, ya can't be beat | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:47:45 AM | Mabel on her journey went to Tibet
That was somewhere she will want to forget
Riding on a lama
Looking for the Dalai lama
The only peson she met was a young cadet
Mable hitched a ride with the young cadet
Well she hitched more than one that he won't forget
As she approached Mount Everest
Mable who is not the cleverest
Took some opium that made her fret
Mable got high on top of the earth
She saw angels and stars and Mary giving birth
Her Sherba looked askance
Mable gave him a glance
An in amazement complimented on his large girth
Mable's head was always up in the skies
And to her credit she never told lies
Honest was Mable
Never ever told a fable
Except when she admitted to telling porky pies
Mable liked a drink and to smoke some weed
I wasn't a craving just a strong need
She liked a good shag
Along with a good gag
But best of all Mable loved a good feed | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:27:37 AM | mable got into expanding her mind
it's amazing all the things she did find
the many hallucentations
increased her imagination
and she found a spiritual place of some kind
deep down i think she's a '60's love child
in her heart she is rather wild
she likes to experiement
never an embarrassement
although somewhat slow, her brain's never idle
so she wanted to go to san francisco and visit the haight
back in the sixties is was someplace great
the hippies and the love-ins
a place of innocent sin
she was ready to go and didn't want to be late
she flew over the golden gate bridge
into the fog the city did hid
after the plane had landed
she did find herself man and
a little quickie she ever so did
then into the city she did juant
looking for all the things she did want
the hippies, sex and drugs
and a few more hugs
but those things now could not be bought
the haight is no longer a hippie haven
it is now for tourist who crave and
want to by things
like purses and rings
the spirit of haight-ashbury had already caved in
so mable took a bus to chinatown
she knew that's where she'd found
opium dens
and a lot of chinese men
who's head'd spin round 'n round
at last san francisco met her needs
flying high, planting the seed
back to china she might go
to find a few men to blow
thank goodness she's now too old to breed | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/8/2008 9:54:28 AM | Mable walked out on me after the honeymoon
She laughed and said that I came too soon
I had not heard of viagra
Before I shagged her
So she left me alone in the hotel bedroom
My honeymoon night was therefore crap
Mable had gone of with a door bell chap
I satisfied myself
Reading magazines from the top shelf
Later I heard poor old Mable caught the clap
I went to get an annulment from the Pope
He said without consumation I hadn't hope
I said I was still pure
That Mable was a whore
The Pope just laughed and called me a dope
Mable failed to return the wedding gifts
That in itself cause family rifts
She kept the kettle
Cause she liked the metal
And she kept the weed, the uppers and the spliffs | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/8/2008 2:32:19 PM | Mable went to Australia after our marriage ended
There she met an aboriginal and him befriended
They chased kangeroos
After copious amounts of booze
The native Australian was however offended
Mable laughed at his digeredo
Well what is an aboriginal to do
He packed his knapsack
Rolled up his hoversack
And went to the bush to make his own brew
Mable then went to watch a game of cricket
She had the hots for the man at the wicket
She liked his stumps
His two great bumps
Then recipricated by showing him her thicket
The Aussie men were good sports and real gents
The had the equivilent of Mable's limited sense
Mable liked their beers
Men with nothing between their ears
In Australia Mable was never made to feel dense | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/8/2008 3:44:00 PM | Thanks for the answer i read,
my singing went over your head
which is why, by the way
i took time out to stay
here and write you this limerick instead.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=n90KsDI-n4U | |
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| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:45:02 AM | hopefully hotstuff will find his queen
and the eye guy finds his thing
and the ladies who play
have a brilliant day
while birdie isn't at all what he seems
and then there is mable, a whole 'nother story
and her fable in all it's glory
she's becoming quite dear
although a bit queer
but never would she be considered boring..... | |
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