| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 9:29:52 AM | Mable is persistent I'll give her that
But she's a bit daft and thinks the world is still flat
Mable's well travelled
But her mind is scrabbled
But I would never ever call her a daft old bat
Mable went to New Zealand to get a Kiwi fruit
She was so impressed he was such a big brute
He was All Black
With a big hairy back
Aged thirty seven he had never worn a suit
Mable really liked the Kiwi rugby stars
Cause she could always find them hanging around in bars
They hated the Aussies
Urinated outside the cassies
Then drove around drunk in their flashy cars
Mable got to really know the full pack
Everyone she remarked was really well stacked
She loved being in the scrum
With so many hands on her bum
Knowing not one of the Kiwis played with a full deck
Mable loved New Zealand its mountains and rivers
But the local woman gave Mable the shivers
The local Kiwi women
Looked like Kiwi men
That blew Mable's mind making her quiver
Mable loved all her men down under
It was a joyous pleasure for all and sunder
She loved the hooker
Who was a looker
The things he did to Mable made her wonder
Mable took the Sabbath off as a day of rest
Except for those days when there was a Test
She dolled up to the nines
Looking so refined
For so many men in shorts she had to look her best | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 1:25:54 PM | Mable once went out with a London toff
I think she did it for a bit of a laff
He was so very polite
Until the end of the night
When he pulled down his pants and showed off his shaft
Mable cried out, what's that you got
For his shaft resembled the toff's top hat
The man looked down
Gave out a loud frown
Then proceeded to call Mable a fat old bat
Mable immediately sent the toff off packing
With cussing words like punt and fecking
The toff pulled up his braces
Went off to the races
Not realising that he had just been sent packing
Mable swore she would date no more gentry
Cause they just wanted to enjoy the rear entry
Mable who was working class
Didn't like it up the ass
As Sherlock Holmes would said - it was elementary
After the shock Mable went three days without sex
But the total abstinence brought on a mild heart attack
She ended up in bed
Dying to get laid
Then she rang the doctor on a dubious pretext
The doctor came quickly as all doctors do
He got Mable to cough but she just blew
His stoked her tit
Asked if it hurt a bit
Mable just groaned and moaned well wouldn't you? | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 3:40:19 PM | The doctor said Mable should go to his surgery
Otherwise he would tell the cops she committed perjury
Mable hopped on his couch
He whipped out his pouch
Well that's what Mable told to the jury
Mable told the jury the doctor committed grape
The Judge said Mable don't you mean rape
Mable had a hunch
There might have been a bunch
So the judge asked Mable to stay behind and wait
The Judge asked Mable to wear his old wig
Mable knew instantly she was in for a gig
He took of his cape
She made her escape
Mable knew the judge was a bit of a lig
The Judge was a phoney he was only a mere magistrate
Mable wore his wig and thought she looked great
The Judge for the Crown
Took off his gown
But the thought of Mable got him more and more frustrated
Mable sent the wig to the Judge in the mail
Pleading with the Judge not to send her to jail
She send him some snaps
Wearing only high heels and straps
To this day I can still hear the old Judge weep and wail | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 8:35:43 PM | i spent the day at the sonora celtic faire
you wouldn't believe who i saw there
mable and her friend shirley
i tell you, these girlies
had fun, even more than their share
you see, they love irishmen
and they really love irish sin
god made alcohol, they heard,
so irishmen wouldn't rule the world
so they began drinking irish whiskey and gin
the faire was a cornucopia of craziness
these ladies did not show any laziness
there was a queen, peasants and jugglers
bagpipers, whores and even a mugger
soon the ladies were in a stupor of haziness
they came across edward, ol' birds brother
he knew how to love women like no other
he pleased them with ease
and wasn't at all a sleaze
he first loved one and then another
they ladies were ever so happy
started calling edward 'me good ol' pappy'
he sang them a few songs
he could do no wrong
even if he sang a bit sappy
the day was grand full of fun
until down it went, did the sun
the music is still in my head
as i get ready for bed
the only thing that hurts me is me bum! | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:02:16 PM | Mable went to California to find her youth
I swear she did that's the honest truth
She found young Jim
Committed a cardinal sin
Under young Jim's parent's roof
Mable made young Jim a real man
Now Jim is Mable's No1 fan
Jim has nowed turned seventeen
Turned into a Queen
And goes around calling himself Fran
Fran and Mable go out to buy dresses
Mable likes the fact that Jim cross-dresses
She buy's him his knickers
The occassional snickers
In the changing booth they exchange caresses
Fran wanted to marry old Mable
Apparently in California Fran was still able
Fran showed up
Wearing his C cup
Mable then bolted from the alter table
Mable had got frightened and had cold feet
The relationship had run out of heat
Sharing her make-up
Was a real wake up
Mable decided she could no longer compete | |
|
| |
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:10:56 AM | i took ol' mable to yoga class
i tell you right now, she kicked some ass
a lady of her girth
is more than she's worth
she's a number one, first class lass
the downward dog, cobra and tree
she did them all much better than me
she held all her poses
so limber on her toeses
i tell ya, she is a sight to see
before we ended we all did meditate
she whispered to me, 'rose, i think this is great
so flexible i now am
i've got to hunt down ol' sam
and try some new poses on that skinny mate!'
and skinny sam she sure did found
when she caught him she held him down
as she ate a pickle
in her throat she did tickle
and sammy left her without a frown | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:10:20 AM | Mable was tired of being treated like a fool
So she decided to enrole within a night school
She started an M B A
But on the first day
Her Professor starting boasting about the size of his tool
Mable was now more aware about such sexist behaviour
So she turned to Jesus to be her saviour
She went to Church
But was left in the lurch
When the pastor criticised her promiscuous behaviour
Mable was searching, continually seeking
For total fulfilment and mystical teaching
Education was second class
The Church was an ass
So she joined Hari Kristina to learn of it's preaching
Mable would chant and ring tiny cymbals
Wear brightly coloured dresses and paint on strange symbols
She would sometimes prance
Instead of a spiritual dance
But from the other cult members she got strange signals
Mable then joined a warlocks coven to learn black magic
She learnt to cast spells but things turned out tragic
She grabbed his magic wand
Sang a magic song
Thereafter the warlock's wand was always lethargic
Mable therefore has been a seeker of the truth
She has had sex under every conceivable spiritual roof
She still searches for God
Has a feel for the rod
But still finds herself forsaken and that's forsooth | |
|
| Limericks....Limericks...By The Worlds Greatest Poets
Posted: 3/10/2008 1:47:08 PM | Mable was dissatisfied with men and boys
So she went to the store by buy a brand new toy
She went up the escalator
Bought a big vibrator
And all of a sudden discovered wonderful new joys
Who needs men Mable thought to herself
Now she keeps Samson on her top shelf
He's willing and able
To always please Mable
And he's much better for Mable's mental health
Samson has never once turned down Mable
Sometimes he sits proudly on her dining room table
When she switches on a lever
Then he touches her beaver
Samson can do things no men were ever able
Mable was infatuated with an inanimate object
Samson was her lover, her favourite project
She didn't have to tease
Or go down on her kness
And she never thereafter felt like a reject
One day Samson just up and died
Oh how poor Mable wept and cried
She buried her dildo
Beside her old dog Bilbo
Oh well back to men old Mable sighed | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:28:13 PM | It is no longer enough to be lusty
Go under the knife and get busty
Time is now cutie
To tattoo you booty
Don’t cha let that thang get rusty | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 8:40:28 PM | eye guy good to see you're around
You've been quiet, hardly a sound
this thread once was hopping
with all your line chopping
your limericks piled up in a mound | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 9:03:24 PM | Well thank you Ravin
There was a young rapper from the city,
Who met what he thought was a kitty.
Gave it a friendly pat
Said, "Nice big cat."
cheetah swallowed him whole - what a pity. | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 9:21:35 PM | mable met a guy who liked big bosoms
but thought he was quite a lose 'm
no knife for my friend
not tits nor hind end
with her men she's now better at choosin' em
She started to read, the secret, a book
she couldn't put it down once she took a look
a thought is start of a reality
she read this with vitality
and with that she was really hooked...
although she began missing samson, the vibe
he sure helped her feel alive
a little pleaure here, a litte there
always inside her underwear
got mable to start dancing the jive
so she started to think it was time
to break the piggy bank, every last dime
she bought samsons brother james
and with that she came
then thought, ain't this life sublime | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 9:30:53 PM | Shook the coins out of the piggy bank
To pay the barkeep for what she drank
She got so num numb
She could hardly hum
The lawman carried her off to the tank
 | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 9:40:55 PM | oh she was carried off to go dry out
and with that she started to shout
'get me outta here
i need some more beer'
then she passed out, without a doubt
yep, ol' mable went off the wagon
then she started to brag and
tell her tales of yore
the ones about her being a whore
then looked at her boobs, they were a draggin'
that made mable start to giggle
and then she did a little wiggle
everyone began to smile
because this lady does have style
even though she does a bit jiggle
ol' mable is my good natured friend
i'll love her to the very end
whatever she does
i'll give her a hug
and with my love, i will always send | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/10/2008 10:09:52 PM | His mistake to call her a trollop
She gave him a blinding wallop
his eyes became red
to the back of his head
and his tongue began to flip flop
 | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 4:21:29 AM | Bird and Rose have shown they are able
To remember all the stories of Mabel
She sure was a gal
There's much more to tell
Of this remarkable lass becoming fable | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:50:11 AM | mable called me late last night
she was scared, had a fright
bird showed up missin'
her he'd been dissin'
she then cried with all her might
she couldn't figure out what she did wrong
for it was bird that she ever so longed
and his brilliant wit
not at all a stupid git
she then started to sing the saddest song
as she was wallin' and moanin'
i heard another voice join in
it was bird and his ol' sappy voice
he didn't have a choice
he was attracted to her croonin'
when mable heard him she was all smiles
it took her back for a little while
all the lovin' they shared
and the poses they dared
i tell ya, these two had quite some style | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:07:23 AM | Reaching back to last year
for one I did about Mabel
The captain's wife was Mabel,
"And by Jingo" was she able
To give the crew
Their daily stew
Upon the rocking galley table | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:08:48 AM | Just to take the tone down a bit
The Captain's wife was Mable
"And by Jingo" was she able
To give the whole crew
Their daily screw
Jez that was the end of the table.
Coming soon - Mable and St Patrick!
Father forgive me! | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:16:54 AM | Mable has been told of this site
She does not mind if I write shite
She knows the craic
Likes to jump in the sack
And agrees she's not whiter than white
Mable has been checking the recent numbers logged on
Over one thousand since she starting singing her song
One Thousand is not bad
But they are all bloody mad
If shes liked she can go on and on
Mable does not want to be an unwelcomed guest
She only goes to invited sex-fests
If there is no invitation
There's no celebration
Then hang heavy do Mables fine breasts | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:47:14 AM | There once was a man called Paddy
Who thought he was a bit of a laddie
He thought the was Scots
Cause he liked a wee scotch
But the scotch made Paddy very saddie
Paddy went of the island of Iona
But he never really got on with Desdemona
He went to the Emeral isle
Twas there he finally smiled
Cause he met a wee girl called Fiona
Paddy would drink and would then faint
When unconscious he would pictures paint
In one vivid dream
He developed a scheme
That he would decide to call himself a saint
The renamed Patrick was scared of snakes
The things would give him the shakes
He made up a potion
A new herbal lotion
And the snakes left Saint Patrick in his wake
Saint Patrick was quite old but still able
He would take sacraments at the alter table
He wanted a woman
He saw one coming
And on the alter Patrick had his way with Mable
So our present day Mable is related to a saint
I know, when I heard it I felt faint
Isn't it ironic
That a story so sardonic
Has now really turned out to be rather quaint | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 12:26:49 PM | Mable and Bird got it on in the hall
Mable didn't care if he had only one ball
One was enough
So long as he was rough
It was a pity it was so very small
Mable one night caught Bird against the wall
He was banging away at a laytex rubber doll
Mable was aghast
At the sight of his ass*
And there was no sight at all of the single ball
Mable had been dumped for a laytex blow-up
She suddenly realised that old Bird was corrupt
She cried and cried
After Bird had lied
Then over Bird she just threw up
Mable dumped Bird there and then
For revenge Mable went out with his best friend
Now the blow-up doll
And Mable have a ball
And the continuing saga stays crazy till the end
Bird rang Mable up to say he was feeling lonesome
He asked if he, Mable and Blow-Up could have a threesome
Mable didn't care
Refused to share
And was quite content with her new twosome | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 1:04:40 PM | Hi Bird
Congrates for making Mable sound like a dateable woman.
An incredible run of about 150 times you pointed out how
Fabulous Mable truly was.
Even her own mother wouldn’t recognize her today.
There has been a few poets in the past who could drop in
With 10 or 12 limericks at a time before they burned out.
But you my friend, take the top honor, the “man with the most.”
If you’re ready to dance with the Devil and bash St. Pat,
there isn’t any restricted air space here.
Congrats to Rose also. She had a lot of dirt to tell about Mable too
She was very close to being in a tie with you in the Mable series.
In the beginning…
I started out with msg #2, Blazing sun disappeared after Msg#1.
And I tried to nurture this along and look how grand it became
With all the good hearted poets sharing their limericks to provide
The daily chuckles we all enjoy.
Happy to see a lot of the poets who
started in the beginning with me still pop in to add their wit.
I’ve been to Ireland several years ago. Have friends in Newry.
Accidentally bumped into the British Patrol on a street corner
one morning and was happy I wasn’t arrested.
Told them I needed to carry home some limericks.
My first posting… Posted: 1/15/2007
The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
Eye guy
 | |
|
| Join the Great Limerick Road Show
Posted: 3/11/2008 2:13:54 PM | Not many people know Mable was soley responsible for the
Irish conflict from 1969 until 1995. I lie not!
Mable was a woman of many tastes
She would never let a good man go to waste
If she saw a Brit
She would wiggle a bit
And then pretend that she was chaste
Mable went to a dance with the Brigadier
God she was dolled up wore all the gear
Her military footstep
Matched her quickstep
But all the Brits could do was swill warm beer
Mable then danced a gig for the IRA Chief of Staff
She could speak some Irish and had a dirty laff
She showed him her charms
Grabbed his arms
But poor old Seamus was a bit daft
She had a date was one of the army volunteers
But he had a big nose and cauliflower ears
She played a tin whistle
He sat on a thistle
And the rest of the rebles all stood up and cheered
Mable knew little of Irish politics
Something to do with hostility between Prods and Micks
All Mable knew
That between the two
There was no difference between the size of their d*cks
Mable went out with a man from the Orange Order
A loyalist man just north of the border
She wore his sash
Which gave her a rash
That started the troubles and brought disorder
Mable therefore was responsible for the troubles of 1969
For but Mable 69 was just fine
Her favourite position
Never an impostion
All these facts are forgotten with time
Mable was accused of being a British Spy
For her act of betrayed she would now surely die
She feel to her knees
Old Seamus said please
Mable got the next boat out and said goodbye | |
|
Home
login 
