| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/17/2008 12:49:50 PM | Cant remember the authors...but I have known these since I was a little girl, burnt into memory...
A canner exceedingly canny
one morning remarked to his granny
a canner, can can anything that he can
but a canner cant can a can, can he?
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A tutor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tutors to toot
said the two to the tutor
Is it harder to toot
or to tutor two tutors to toot? | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:05:42 AM | mable must be sick with the flu
she can't get out of bed, don't know what to do
she's quite contagious
is sooo outrageous
with her sneezing and sniffles she don't have a clue
but what she misses the most right now
is something she just can't have any how...
there's a quarantine on the door
no sex, on more
until the sickness passes it's foul
so she keeps her self occupied the best she can
she needs her pleasure, even without a man
she closes her eyes and smiles
and feels good for awhile
thank goodness for her trusted hand... | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:06:21 PM | ol' mable had been sick for days
felt sooo bad she started to pray
dear lord find me a man
get him here as fast as you can
and hurry please, without delay
the good lord found mable a teacher
on sundays he's also a preacher
she was at it again
that unholy sin
she was happy with his prominent feature
that was all the cure she needed
bedrest was no longer heeded
thanks for the rest
i do feel blessed
is what she said to the sun when greeted | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:56:59 AM | The spring has arrived and Mable feels joy
For with the spring comes all the young boys
Mable feasts here eyes
On strong bonzed thighs
And at long last she can put away her winter toys
The flowers have come out and so has Mable
She has polished and made ready her kitchen table
She needs a young boy
To give her much joy
And she very much wants to prove that she is still able
The winter is now over for Mable at long last
For Mable the winter was very much like a fast
Three days without
Left her in no doubt
That she was not born to be a chaste lass
The lambs are gambolling in the green fields
Mable's libido can no longer be concealed
Her bust is heaving
A spell she is weaving
Oh what Mable would give for a quick feel
Mable is during spring as horny as hell
Like dogs wagging their tails all the men can tell
They sniff around
From all over town
I think that Mable is giving off some sort of wierd smell
Mable is giving of a come and get me scent
The sort of aroma that is from heaven sent
The old dogs tails are wagging
Old men are all gagging
It's ever always this way at the end of Lent | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:24:45 PM | Now spring has come Mable feels frisky
She no longer needs her daily shot of whiskey
She on the prowl
Eyes like an owl
And she's game for doing something very risky
Watch out all you lads Mable's got an urge
It's gonna be bigger than George Bush's surge
She's got an itch
She's a bit of a witch
And she's not going to be satisfied until the urge is purged
There's something about the beginning of spring
That enables our Mable to jump and sing
It might be the lambs frollicks
Or the bullocks' bollocks
But you better beware cause Mable looks amazing
Mable has dyed her hair and has a blonde extension
She's a slimline figure that deserves a mention
Her magnificent hips
Which tight jeans just fit
And all around her neighbourhood there is this sexual tension
Mable's going out tonight to find her bit of rough
She's not playing hard to get and she's not playing tough
She's not gonna be fussy
She's going to be a hussy
And she's not going to stop until she gets enough
Mable goes out at seven and hits all the bars
But there's no men around they've all gone in their cars
All the men are at the game
Typical men are all the same
That's why Mable's from Venus and the men are from Mars | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:14:25 AM | Mable decided to follow after all the men
So she was going to the match to find her a boyfriend
She jumped on a bus
Created a fuss
When the bus collided on the turn of a bend
Mable flew into a rage for it was getting late
She as shouting and getting into a terrible state
By the time of her watch
She would miss the match
This was one night she had to have a date
The driver Ernie made a repair and re-started the journey
Mable threatened the driver with her legal attorney
If she was not on time
She would sue him for every dime
That would be the end of poor old Ernie | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:49:08 AM | of course ol' ernie wasn't a jerk
he made her match, he made it work
mable was happy she was able to play
they were at it all night and then all day
until ol' ernie went berserk
you see ol' ernie nearly lost his mind
for when he returned no job he could find
he forgot to tell his boss
he was taking the rest of the day off
so his employment was left behind
ohhh...that is what love will sometimes do
send ya in a tizzy, a state of confusion too
up is down and left is right
trying to think clearly with all your might
and then ya end up feeling kinda blue
mable saw he was soon no fun
ya got to get going, now move it hun
she then kicked ernie outta her bed
and he landed solid right on his head
and then started to run...
so mable was lonely yet once again
i've got to find me a man, a real boyfriend
she got outta bed and dusted herself off
and did up her hair in a fancy coif
and gone once more to find her some men... | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:55:42 PM | Mable's a normal woman with normal cravings
And if they are not met she has dreadful ravings
If she has an urge
It must be purged
That's one of mable's very favourite sayings
Mable's craving are not much different than yours
The difference is that she doesn't pretent to be pure
She's honest and true
Her demands are not few
That's why other women often call her a whore
But Mable has never had sexual relations for cash
The very thought of it would bring her out in a rash
Offering Mable money for sex
Would make her vexed and perplexed
Mable would feel dirty like one of the great unwashed
Mable believes that sex is a precious gift from above
Not to be charged for but to be free like love
Love and sex combined
After go entwined
And sometimes complimented by a snow white dove
Mable therefore is an old romantic at heart
It's not her fault some men treat her just like a tart
Still an itch needs scratched
And if he's unattached
Mable doesn't care if he's stupid or smart | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:35:13 AM | poor ol' mable had insomia last night
couldn't fall asleep, it was such a sight
she tossed and turned
her eyes still burn
oh she tried and tried with all her might
she got up to put on some chamomile tea
and then started really thinking
if i go on-line
maybe i can find a good time
so she logged on to see what she could see
oh, let me tell you what you find late a night
it's a bit scary, a bit of a fright
men who are rude
and some quite lewd
and many of them just not very bright
but one she came across had a heart
he rang her bell right from the start
his spirit was shining
and he kept on rhyming
she wanted the horse behind the cart
she thought at last she had found
the sweetest thing ever around
to have and to hold
and is a bit bold
and would take her all over the town
oh, and what he said he'd do when they meet
sure to satisfy, sure to please
it made mable smile
for quite awhile
she closed her eyes and felt at ease
she dreamt about this new found man
the one who'd satisfy her all that he can
then suddenly she woke
and the dream was broke
it was only a fantasy once again.... | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:48:56 AM | yep..ol' mable needs a vacation
but no, she no longer takes medication
she's into alternative ways
of living each day
found meds left her with a sense of depression
she certainly knows what she needs to feel
a sense of pleasure that is sooo surreal
it can be a man
and at times her hand
and with that her discomfort will soon heal | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:50:40 AM | Mable went off to meet the Dalai Lama
But when she got there he was in his pyjamas
She wanted to pray
He wanted his way
She took off quickly riding one of the Lamas
Mable went to Burma to meet the Junta
But the whole dictatorship wanted to jump her
She took the hump
Gave the leader a thump
She then left behind leaving plenty of rancour
Of then to Thailand Mable did go
But she was far too old no one wanted to know
If you are over twenty two
Men never look at you
Apparently some Thai women are considered good at prose!
Mable enjoyed the exotic in South East Asia
She took on the pseudonym of Anastasia
She smoked illicit drugs
While sitting on Persian rugs
And she was truely satisfied down south in Malaysia
Mable was a big hit when she went to Manila
All the Filopina men liked vanilla
Mable liked the cuisine
And men who's bodies were lean
When Mable left they sent out a flotilla | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 11:45:10 AM | oh yes, mable loves travelling around
she never knows what will be found
dangerous situations
often leaves her with elation
things do happen when she leaves her town...
(hey birdman..what an itinerary!!!) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:25:37 PM | You can't blame Steve, he's just a man
Mable can do things no man can withstand
Steve is weak
If he caught a peek
He would be ensnared and an ardent fan
I once was ensnared so I know of which I speak
But Mable thought me a bit of a geek
She likes her lovers
To be bigger than the others
So she gets them all first to take a leak | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:53:50 PM | Kathy caught Mable and Steve in the heather
It was pis*ing down real bad weather
Steve's ass* was rain soaked
As poor Mable got choked
Steve tired to tell Kathy they were having a blether
Oh so Mable was using a microphone
Say Kathy to Steve as Mable just moaned
Steve pulled up his zip
Caught a right on the lip
He really felt that cause Kathy was toned | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:24:27 PM | got another email from mable my friend
she was just so excited she had to send
news of some folks
who with limericks they coaxed
her story with a hand they did lend
she told me all about kathie and scrawler
they both are really a holler
now, don’t ask me about steve
leave me out of that will you please
but I hear ol’ scrawler’s a bawler!
and of course there's good ol’ bird
a true man of his word
who keeps mable busy
and at times quite dizzy
with the funniest words that I heard… | |
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Love them! Very good Rose you to Bird! Thanks for the laughs 
