| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:52:17 AM | Mable is a fable who chops and changes
Like all women she constantly re-arranges
She can't make up her mind
I'm not being unkind
Sometimes I swear I think she's dearranged
I think it arises from being in the sanatorium
Where they say she took to much of something called lithium
She is a bit bi-polar
Laughs, crys and hollars
Then she breaks out in total euphorium
She's always most happy when she's having sex
Two days off constitutes serious neglect
It pleases her mind
To have her body entwined
But you have to treat her gentle with the utmost of respect
So just be careful watch out for Mable's moods
Like most middle aged women she likes a good brood
If she does not get her caffine
Or a drop of the nicotine
Then she likely to go binging on cake and food
Then old Mable has a good look in the mirror
And sees that she's not looking any fairer
An expanding waist
Which she thinks is a disgrace
And Mable goes on a new diet for spring fashions to wear
It's a vicious circle of dieting, mood swings and sex
So that helps to set Mable in the proper context
She's simply every woman
She screams when she's coming
And if she ever gets hold of me I'll get a good smack | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:11:06 AM | I wonder if Bird were able
If he thinks he could keep up with Mabel?
It's all good in verse
would he have to rehearse?
How long had it been since he's able?
To put our Mabel to the table?
To make her scream when she's coming
or is he there for his funning
and leave her worse off than she was?
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:25:29 AM | oh yes lucky, i think you do have a point
can bird really perform with that old joint??
mable is no match
and is quite a catch
a time with her, old bird would really need oint (ment!)
not to say old bird couldn't do it
i'd just like to see him prove it
yeah, he's quick with the pen
but how about the sin
if you don't use it, you'll certainly lose it!
so i'll talk with my sweet mable
see if she can polish up that table
and give bird a call
and watch, we all
to see if bird is really able!!
reading what bird just wrote
smack him hard mable, i hope
he thinks he knows women of our age
birdie, read a new page
women our age are desired the most
(i know, i know...in my dreams!!!)
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:00:29 PM | Bird has had enough of middle aged wimin
All they do is sit around scheming
They are always moaning
Or other wise groaning
Just like Mable who is always day dreaming
Mable always day dreams of her youth
I swear I tell you its the truth
Of when she was size eight
Could squeeze past the gate
Now she's an obese size twelve forsooth
Mable's frantic about losing a few pounds
So she has sex when the postman comes around
She has her male
Take her by the tail
And she loses so many calories with each pound
Do I look good in this dress then she asks
The poor old postman is stupid and crass
You look ripe for plucking
No I did say plucking
Then she rammed Samson up the mailman's ass* | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:18:15 PM | yep it's true, ol' bird scored an eleven
mable said she was sent to heaven
with a man like bird
you have my word
he could do it ten times plus seven....
ol' mable told me all about it
ms rose, you never should have doubted it
bird knows his stuff
i can't get enough
ol' mable kept on shoutin' it
lucky and i would sure like a spin
have some fun with a man like him
he'd tickle our toes
and lick our nose
according to mable, that's where the lovin' begins.. | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:34:27 PM | Mable told me Californian women are all crazy
When it comes to good loving they are really lazy
They smoke so much dope
They liked tied up in rope
And the morning thereafter everything is hazy
Texan woman have gots lots of expectations
That's one of Mables latest reflections
They like their men big
But without any wigs
And they must have gigantic erections
Mable says girls from New York are very particular
They even count a man's testicular
They dislike one ball
It's no good at all
So one ball won't get you any extra curricular
Mable says the women from Miami are fat and flabby
They are very old and just like young laddies
They never get sex
Hence they are all vexed
Perhaps because they are married to sugar daddies
Mable has recommended to Bird an eskimo
She says the igloo women are all like old pros
They like a bit of heat
Men with big feet
And is you kiss their nose IT apparently glows | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:46:57 PM | hey, i've got a bone to pick with you, mr. bird
what you say about california women, those are fightin' words
sure, some smoke dope
but most of us say nope
and you don't know good lovin' 'til you've been with a california girl!
when talkin' 'bout women sometimes ol' mable lies
the expertise of california women just makes her cry
when it comes to sex
we're amongst the best
and the thought of that is what makes ol' mable want to die...
because mable wants to be the queen bee
she wants to be number one with sex, you see
so sometimes she tells lies that are white
and you know now bird, that just ain't right
hey and we ain't lazy cuz our lovin' last all night! | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:50:35 AM | I have heard of girls who make love all night
If there is one single thing that will give men a fright
It's girls who don't sleep
Who lie and cry and weep
And say "you don't love me am I not right"
Men where not designed for eight hour long sessions
Two minutes and a fag now that's a confession
That should be more than sufficient
Any more is deficient
But on one's birthday three minutes is an annual concession
Why take so long just so to please
Two minutes is just right, no I don't tease
Eight hours of boring
When one should be snoring
After an all night session just think of my knees
It all right women lying on their backs for so long
It's us poor old men who have to soldier on and on
Thousands of push ups
Then in the stirrups
Then when she finally comes she bursts into song
Oh tell me you love me tell me true
You took me to heaven I so love you
He closes his eyes
He heaves a sigh
And says to her darling of course I do
Then he goes looking for his pants
He has to get home before she rants
She is in shock
He's still wearing his socks
And he rushed of to attend to his wife's wants | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:38:59 AM | Mable had vision she loved me for my mind
Others not as perceptive have been so unkind
She loved to debate
Topics like love and hate
In Mable's house many encyclopedias you will find
Mable always wanted to debate things that were topic
She knew about politics from the poles to the tropics
She got stimulated
By intellectual debate
She knew all about computers, genes and robotics
Mable at times pretended to be uneducated
She would rely on a smile to find someone fated
She could be a bit devious
And at times very mischievious
To find a suiter who's ego was not inflated
So there was more to Mable than that below the neck
She was not stupid just because she was well stacked
She was very sharp
But kept hidden her spark
And got so turned on by intelligence when hitting the sack | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:49:55 PM | It took six hours to remove the plaster of paris
All the time poor old Harris felt harassed
Six big guys all hammering
Harris left stammering
Soon they would all get to see her rain forest | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:44:11 AM | plaster of paris for six hours shriveled her skin
when the plaster came off it was a site to be seen
toes and fingers were wrinkled and
her bosoms had shrinkage
but harris' bottom was bigger than it'd ever been | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:33:03 AM | mable met a man so full of grace
such beauty laid upon his face
he was the orchestra leader
she wanted him to really need her
and asked him to come over her place
all he talked about was flutes and drums
and when not talking he just hummed
mable thought it cute
wanted to see his flute
with one quick look, he did come
mable asked about playing the cello
and wondered where the fingers did go
she pretended she was it
and his fingers did slip
as he played the instrument nice and a slow
now this gave mable so much pleasure
she let him play at his leisure
and when he struck a certain chord
she screamed, lordy lord...
and with the time he did measure | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/10/2008 12:39:21 PM | Mable said she enjoyed the sound of the timpani
As she reminised sitting on the big settee
She liked the sound
When the skin did pound
It often sent her of into a fit of wild fantasy
The orchestra was playing on the record deck
And at each rousing chorus Mable wanted some sex
She was getting excited
Her fire was ignited
It was obvious that her nipples had become very erect
When the strings starting playing Mable nearly swooned
You could smell her aroma all over the living room
She could not be contained
She wanted to be restrained
I think it goes back to her time within the womb
Then the brass joined the sound of the strings
It sounded like angels beating their gossamer wings
Mable was estatic
Slightly neurotic
Then to a climax she came when the Soprano sings | |
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| Limericks. Are Us...From the Very Best Poets on Earth
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:53:06 PM | oh my, they're making music together
obviously they are birds of a feather
we all know the next deal
the cymbals crash, the belles peal
just as they reach the last measure
when they get to the end of the score
Mable wants to know if there's more
the last measure is neat
it has a repeat
so she kneels down on the floor
afraid he can't make it to the coda
Bird takes a break for a soda
he's afraid you see
it takes more than three
minutes to reloada | |
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