| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:08:56 AM | Not only is it like polished glass
it has two big balls made of brass
so when its inside her
it a constant reminder
when the balls collide with her ass
She also has one made of maple
used to be the leg that broke off her table
at first gave her splinters
but it s been many cold winters
now as smooth as the fur of a sable
When I wasn't such an old geezer
she used to give me tweezers
to remove the lumber
from inside her number
the saw dust made me a sneezer
she also has one made of paper mache
its bent into a curve, she likes it that way
its a tribute to remind her
of a handsome bookbinder
whos printing press once got in the way
He knows now he shouldn't have been wanking
when the printing press was busy clanking
he was thinkin of his mama
when it was pressed into a comma
But now Mable's g-spot does the thanking
well paper mache is of no use
if it gets overused
turns limp and gooey
just like Bird's little "Louie"
when Mable gets him confused
so then she turns to her toy made of crystal
fashioned into the shape of a pistol
the trigger of glass
tickles her ass
its called the trigger finger of Bristol
On special days, Mable breaks out the gold one
wrapped in fine leather, she calls him "the Bold one"
if times ever get tight
and they just might
she could always pawn it but she's never sold one
She has another one made of bamboo
sounds strange but she plays it like a digeredoo
I know that's very aboriginal
but Mable's nothing if not original
besides it was a step up from her kazoo
The way she played that kazoo was obscene
and singing all the lyrics in between
a little duet
it would make me sweat
especially when she played "God save the Queen"
There's many more toys in Mable's collection
its her hobby you know its like an obsession
plaster ones alibaster ones, ones made from a sticks
but none made of plastic she thinks it drastic
to contribute to environmental transgression
ok, really I must stop | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:24:13 AM | Unneccesary to stop
Building stage to prop
Theatre viewed grand
Kinda' like Custer's stand
Curious to harvest mind crop.
ok, really I must stop | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:42:57 AM | tnt and axeman gave mable a run for their money..
they experienced a taste of her honey
delicious and sweet
and quite the treat
yet addictive and quite cunning...
yep, i'm not sure how, but the words do flow
she is such an inspiration you know
and taps a part of me..
that few ever see
so i say, with the flow just go! | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:32:07 AM | Today Mable had to fill out her 1040
if she gets a refund she will buy something sporty
but since there is some lackage
she will spend Bush's stimulus package
getting penis enhancement for her new friend Shorty
Shorty she met in Lake Placid
so cold there he was always flaccid
and you know Mable
ready willing and able
I'm surprised how long the tryst lasted
but Shorty makes Mable fidget
because of his diminutive digit
she'd have left him fast
if not for the fact
the amazing things he could do with it
For its not the meat its the motion
don't know where we all get the notion
that only large size
goes home with the prize
all it takes is some added emotion | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:10:54 AM | Mable's a monster she has driven men insane
They sit at their computer and shout and profain
Rose what have you done
It was suppose to be just fun
Now Iceaxe seems to be in considerable pain
Iceaxe will be destitute no job, no money
I hope old Mable does not find this scenario funny
He's ranting for Mable
He want's his feet under the table
I can imagine old Iceaxe just calling her hunny
Mable rang me up I nearly wet my pants
She said she was a celebrity, she can get who she wants
She has a fan base
Men from all over the place
She was even famous in some place called France
Mable said that she was destined for stardom
She had in fact a male stud harem
If any man gave her sh*t
She would on his face sit
Then she would fart and afterwards fire him
Mable says she is now an attention seeker
She's grown stronger as men have grown weaker
She cracks the whip
Won't take any lip
But old wrinkley willies will always still freak her
She told me that I was still one of the best
But she thought I looked stupid in my old string vest
She would send me a thong
To cover up my dong
And a set of nipple clamps to put on my chest
Mable said she is currently torn
Whether to write her autobiography or to star in porn
I asked is she was still able
To have six on her table
She put down the phone after much cursing and scorn | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:22:03 AM | There was an wee man from Belfast
Who many thought of as an absolute jackass
He was quite small
Meaning he was not tall
And his lack of height seemed to cause an impasse
The guy from Belfast once fell in love
But his girl stood towering above
She was six foot two
Her eye was blue
And on her hands she wore boxing gloves
The one eye was a bit of distraction
But the wee guy from Belfast still got an erection
But when they both stood up
His head hit her cup
And her left nipple got an infection
Standing up sex was completely out
Have you ever heard a big girl shout
I'm coming, I'm coming
As his fingers were strumming
Then with her gloves she hit him a clout
Jez the Belfast guy was seeing stars
But the big girl was put behind steel bars
It was assult and battery
Discounting the flattery
The wee guy from Belfast had been in the wars | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:32:19 PM | Mable is legend like Helen of Troy
But Helen had heros and Mable likes toys
Helen sunk ships
With her shapely hips
But Mable uses Samson to bring her much joy
The story of Mable has travelled afar
They talk about her exploits in many a bar
They toast her health
Ask about her wealth
And all the men wonder if she's up to par
Mable may become the subject of a life-story
Then everyone will know about Mable's old glory
She will be a celebrity
With great notoriety
So long as they leave out the details that are gory
Great poets and authors will write about Mable
She will live in the annals as a modern day fable
A wench with a heart
Who when she came could also fart
You will find her story on all the univeristy tables
Mable will be sought after by marketing men
They will write her large cheques with the swish of their pen
She will be asked to endorse
Magazines like hound and horse
And Julia Roberts will be her best friend | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:59:12 AM | i've said it once and i'll say it again
mable's not a slut just because she likes sin
she's got the sweetest smile, and a sparkle in her eye
i have grown quite fond of her, don't have to even try
and what a hoot this friend mable has been
it's so fun to watch others tell her story
talk about her hardships, talk about her glory
i sometimes live vicariously thru mable my friend
whose reality and fantasy seem to never ever end
and where words flow like water provided by we (!) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:28:24 AM | For shits and grins, Mable tried some Viagra
have you seen the dome on the Taj Mahal in Agra?
I mention it because its the shape and size
of Mable's clitoris for the next little while
and when she cums, its like the Niagara
well of course she felt compelled to try some Cialix
went to Nogales for a cheaper fix
well the redness and swelling that came soon
made her backside look like that of a baboon
and she had to run to drawer full of phallics | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:03:38 AM | pleasure seeking that mable is
trying viagra and cialix, geeze whiz
she does like a thrill
and try once she will
most anything that i have missed
but she's sweet enough to share with me
what works the best, just wait 'n see
she's pleasure seeking that's true
but she has a lot in store for you
a most playful and curious soul to be | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:13:44 AM | I visited this sight dreaming of sweet romances
but now I'm SURE I've blown my chances
I'm a perv, its been revealed
so who would ever yield
to take advantage of my romantic advances
But no matter how you spin it
its a game and I have to stay in it
not to worry
I'm in no hurry
and there's a perv born every minute
Take Mable for example, at University
she decided to major in perversity
with a minor in sin
she'll be graduatin'
well prepared for any adversity
I sure do miss my times with miss McKeenan
she gave to perversity brand new meanin'
she was so informal
but I know its not normal
to feel so dirty after she just gave me a cleanin'
Mable's trained to deal with very hard c*cks
she's a pro and you can tell by the way she walks
to prove it to y'all
it's framed on the wall
Her diploma comes from the School of Hard Knocks | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:54:24 PM | Mable came over last night to play some poker
She lit her cigar, yes she's a casual smoker
if she wins it would be a pity
if I win I get the "kitty"
here kitty kitty, come sit on the lap of this joker | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:09:36 PM | mable is like a stray little kitty
she purrs at any ol' purty
the joker she licks
and not just his d*@k
while being so very witty
(yikes there iceman...you're a bad influence!) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:20:47 PM | (yikes there iceman...you're a bad influence!)
Not the first time I've heard that. But thanks (I guess) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:00:05 AM | mable woke up early this morning
she started to worry 'bout all the whoring
she loves sex, it is true
and gives more than is due
but somehow her life seemed a bit boring...
she wanted again to travel around
meet new people, hear new sounds
not quite sure where to roam
but it's time again to leave this home
and on the road she is ever so bound
she'll always wanted to visit the sequoia trees
the oldest living thing that there is to be
they reach for the sky
one look, oh my
so long and straight she just had to take a see
when she got to the redwood grove
she was in awe, so moved real slow
the majestic trees
allowed her to see
and with the kisses she did so blow
and one of those kisses landed on the ranger
just for a minute he was no longer a stranger
in the fresh mountain air
she threw away all her cares
and felt she was not at all in danger
but the ranger was an odd ol' man
tries to get his way, any way that can
but with mable he was mean
it was a sight to be seen
when ol' mable hit his face with her left hand
an epiphany struck mable that day
it's fun to have sex, it's fun to play
but not ever one is worthy
of playing a little dirty
with miss mable and rollin' around in her hay | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:21:35 AM | pleasant aroma fresh cut hay
upon the mow hidden to lay
daughter of the first cut grass
tender sweet little lass
Shot gun chased out of the play! | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:36:33 PM | mable thought that she heard
the chirping of a ol' wise bird
she looked out the door
and wanted to hear more
but then her head became all blurred..
it seems the thing that she missed the most
was birdman, the one who became the host
she became really dizzy
thought he must be busy
then thought she saw him, but it was only a ghost
feeling whoozy she did lay down
missing the man who's such a clown
she dreamt of the days
where they rolled in the hay
and how bird really took her to town | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:50:29 PM | Mable is a girl who has been through the wars
The fellas misunderstand and call her an old whore
She's just like them
Only called bad names
The one thing she don't do is date old bores
Mable's life has to date been exciting
So much loving and not much fighting
She's a lover not a fighter
A doer not a writer
And the subject of a volume of academic writing
Mable is a topic of pyschologists dreams
She's been on their couch for ever it seems
They like to get inside
When she opens up wide
To see what makes Mable laugh and scream
No one can figure old Mable out yet
But then this point you must not forget
She is every women
She keeps coming and coming
And she knows what men always hope to get
Mable is a sexual and sophisticated girl
Not usually seen as a one of pearl
Men only see one side
Tying to get inside
And never the complete women do the ever unfurl | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:19:10 AM | Ran into Mable at Walmart, today
she took a job there recently, her bills to pay
she greeted me into the store with a grin
asked if I would like a little sin
and when I pulled out she said "Have a nice day" | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:27:57 PM | yep, that ol' mable is a resourceful one..
no matter what, she looks for fun
be it in walmart or peru
she's got plenty to do
and with a smile, she always leaves one! | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:32:19 PM | Mable once went three days without sex
It was an experience she would never forget
She started to foam
She started to moan
I have never seen anyone looking so vexed
Mable I think went thought the DTs
She had never before went thought a sexual freeze
Not since she was sixteen
When she was the local beauty queen
And then learnt the subtle art of how to tease
Mable thought no sex would bring her closer to heaven
Her target was to go without sex for six days or seven
The first day way OK
No roll in the hay
But she started to panic at night around eleven
To remove thoughts of sex Mable took to reading
But every thing she read was about sowing and seeding
She put down the book
Turned on TV for a look
There was a man on his knees begging and pleading
Three days without sex Mable had to give in
She reckoned that abstinance was a Cardinal sin
She went to the bar
Had one or two jars
And then went and sat an straddled BIG Jim | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:23:59 PM | Poor BIG Jim like so many before
beguiled the moment she walked in the door
caught in the web's middle
poisoned by the Black Widow
and left wanting more and more and more
Wrong place at the wrong time
or right time and feeling sublime
whatever the perspective
Jim's now infected
with the infamy of this rhyme | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:07:02 PM | There once were some monks from Manila
Who found life was becoming much Dulla
They brewed a fine ale
In a mighty big pale
Now they and their lives are much Fulla | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:54:15 AM | Mable was in heat she needed to get laid
But her old boyfriend was flaccid, it was limb, dead
She bought him viagra
So he could shag her
But she gave him to much before they went to bed
Mable had that night the best time of her life
Her partner was riding her forgetting about his wife
But his blood pressure was rising
With all the continuous riding
His erection never failed even as his death was rife
Mable had killed him with a viagra overdose
He lay stone dead, you could say he was toast
He still was very stiff
Mable was quite miffed
For that sort of sex was what she liked the most
Mable was in a panic she did not know what to do
The stiff had a hard on as all stiffs do to
Mable shagged him once more
Necrophillia on the bedroom floor
Then she left the scene of the crime after calling the boys in blue
The cops took out a search warrent looking for Mable
They eventually found her hiding under the table
Mable was crying
Weeping for the dying
The defence would eventually plead Mable was mentally unstable
The prosecution decided to charge Mable with murder
For administering a potion a dangerous elixer
Mable protested in vain
Said she was sexually insane
She was not to know what was contained in the mixture
If Mable was found guilty she would go to the chair
She said if she did she would have to go bare
She pleaded her case
The lady judge was a disgrace
Mable was not overly confident the jury would play fair
Would Mable be found guilty and be sentenced to death
And leave behind so many all feeling bereft
She had plenty of support
Asking for the tiral to abort
And onto her old bible old Mable did cleft
Mounting a stiff did her cause no good
The forewoman of the jury she looked an old prude
There was only four good men
Set against eight stern old women
Would Mable get of well I prayed that she would
Mable was facing multiple charges starting with battery
So many different charges it looked like a lottery
She reckoned on hard labour
Nothing could save her
For on this judge she could not used any flattery
Mable sat silent as the forewoman declared
Mable was found guilt on each charge and simply stared
She begged the judge for mercy
But she had shagged her husband Percy
Mable could not believe what next she heard
Mable was sentenced to go to her death
Without one last screw she felt so bereft
They took away Samson
But the prision guard was handsome
Mable was told she had only a few more days left | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/20/2008 10:20:17 AM | when mable heard her verdict she couldn’t believe it true
she knew she was innocent and suddenly felt so blue
the appeal was denied
she broke down and cried
what was coming next, she had no clue…
they put her in shackles and chains
and escorted her out in the rain
there stood a van with two men
one had the sweetest grin
she smiled back with cheeks tear-stained
she was confused and at a lost
what had happened and at what cost?
with questions she asked many
but answers there weren’t any
all her dreams out the window were tossed
when they arrived at the prison gate
it was dark…so very late
when she stepped on the grounds
hundreds of men gathered around
all asking mable for a date..
prison men weren’t mable’s thing
saggy tattoos and hair of string
she wanted to go to her cell
or rather just go to hell
she was sooo upset she couldn’t even sing
so they took her to her new room
a toilet, a cot and a broom
again she started to cry
it was all a bunch of lies
that sent mable to her final doom
the warden ask to meet with her
came down to the cell to greet her
he was taken by her smile
and her genuine style
no one was ever sweeter
the warden whispered in her ear
‘want to have some fun with me my dear
you can come out to play
one hour a day
i don’t think that’d be too queer’
mable quietly thought about the offer
soon she’d be laying in the coffin
but did she want to spend her last days with him
partaking in sexual sin
no, so decline, her voice became softer
knowing her days were down to the last
she called for a priest, she called him fast
please absolve me of my sins
penance, 5 rosaries times 10
and then declared that the evil had passed
they started talking about her last meal
she wanted to make it a special deal
champagne, lobster and steak
and a chocolate birthday cake
best meal ever, now that’s for real!!
then a young man came to her bars
in fact, he was the youngest prison guard
mable, I would die for a last kiss
she smiled, if you insist
getting ready for the next morning would be hard…
as mable walked down that long lonesome hall
she heard yelling and bellowing calls
mable we love you forever
you’re really quite clever
was shouted from one and all
you see mable always had a way with men
outside there yelled 500 of them
wonderful she made them feel
her sweetness with them so real
and sex wasn’t a horrible sin..
well..she reached the execution room at last
wow, how time did pass
she had a smile on her face..
she held herself with such grace
as the straps the guards did fast
then someone flipped up the switch
there was just one little glitch
with the 10,000 volts
she yelled out a scream, her body did bolt
then jerked and suddenly twitched
the legend says to this day
that moment was her biggest roll in the hay
her orgasm did explode
so the story goes
as everyone all started to pray
her body was then prepared for the grave
not quite sure her soul could be saved
but she had the most peaceful look
that was all it took
a 10,000 volts is what she had craved
to the cemetery was delivered the body of mable
set upon her legendary table
surrounded by captains and priests
and hundreds more to say the least
jim, jack, edward, herb and the others who were able
as the priest offered the last prayer
something was flying up in the air
a bird dropping a rose
into the grave it did go
and with that, they all did cheer
what happened to mable’s spirit i do wonder
did she make it upstairs or down under
she’ll always be a woman of my heart
it is so difficult for me to part….
… in the distance i think i hear thunder | |
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