| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/20/2008 10:37:56 AM | Mable met St Peter at the Pearly Gates
St Peter saw her coming and said Mable please wait
He made a phone call
Called on dear old St Paul
And all the other saints arrived to seal Mable's fate
Mable said to Peter will you not let me in
For I come onto heaven without any sin
Peter looked at Paul
The disciples one and all
All were asked to vote including Mark, Luke and Jim
Mable waited patiently for the results of the vote
Wondering if like Zimbabwe there would be delay with the tote
It was an all male election
The main manifesto was erections
And even the Father, Son and Holy Ghost had a vote
Mable felt sure she would be condemned to hell
An eternity with the Prince of Darkness, oh dear, oh well
She would be rodgered by Satan
How might she rate him
He might get a ten you never can tell
St Peter asked Mable to step to the side
He whispered to Mable is she would give him a ride
Her face beamed a bit
As he rubbed her left tit
The Saints all formed a queue with Moses holding back the tide
Mable walked through those Pearly Gates head held high
As the heavenly host erupted, clapped and cheered in the sky
She shed tears of joy
Cause all the men were young boys
And all men had tools that were nine inches high
Mable was let in not one angel dissented
And a mansion was set aside that Mable freely rented
Her life was idillic
Among some old relics
She married someone called Samson who she forever tormented
So that was the story of poor old Mable
Was she a real person or just a strange fable
You will never ever know
Unless to heaven you go
And if you are very good you might get an invite to her table
Mable has left the building | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/20/2008 2:00:19 PM | I saw Mable's death notice in the local newspaper
It had to happen sooner or later
She would catch the pox
Do die doing botox
Or have a heart attack on the table with the waiter
I will not sleep in my bed tonight
Cause Mable's death just ain't right
Who do the good die young
Before the setting sun
Instead at the end of the long dark night | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:13:38 PM | A long lived women this Mable is
and will always be
Flirting in fantasy
she can not ever die
that's what ya said one day, Mr. Bird
she is inside of all of us in these words
if it must be that she shall journey into the deep
The memory of her I will always keep
but like on the soap opera's
no one is ever really dead
they just got another part
I demand you.......lol
Yeah, right if that would ever work?!!...lol
Bring back those masterful words of Mable's Fable's
I'm sure most of us love her work!!!!
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:03:10 PM | Mable Mable rest in peace
Mable Mable voided her lease
on life and its joys
and its boys and its toys
my love for Mable will never cease | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:11:02 PM | I was just one of many mourners
had a chance to talk with the coroner
she wath fried to a crithp
he thaid with a lithp
undertaker said there was no restoring her | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:36:50 PM | I cried and cried the day Mable died
there will always remain an emptiness inside
her pleas were futile
it was just so brutal
like Joan of Arc she was french fried
And like Joan of Arc she's a hero, perished
persecuted for a lifestyle some saw as garish
now a kangaroo court
has cut her life short
but memories of her mammaries will always be cherished | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:53:51 PM | Like the witches of Salem who who were just housekeepers
the injustice to Mable has made me a weeper
but great lovers never die, they say
no they just sort of fade away
now Mable does the deed with the grim reaper | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:34:36 PM | who knew the axeman was so sweet and tender
the lost of an old friend he will always remember
the tribute to her he gave
as she was put in the grave
was a beautiful way to go off and send her
;0) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/21/2008 9:14:15 PM | sweet and tender my middle names
except on a bender then it goes up in flames
must learn, as such
not to drink so much
as it scares off all the pretty dames | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:48:03 PM | Just once I would love to see
Some pretty words written for me
but as it is such
there ain't very much
the middle finger is all I see | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:09:04 PM | John and Sue were new
for they didn't know what to do
the wedding night came
and still it was the same
John just didn't know how to screw. | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:05:22 PM | nice to see you lookn around
you were nowhere to be found
tonight when i saw your face
my heart did race
and it turned my frown upside down!!
(sorry it's soooo corny lookn...it's late...but wanted to say hi...hope you have been well...)
rose. | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:14:24 AM | Some pretty words for someone who's look'n
Magnolia rosebud and Mum's best home cook'n
Musical enchantment
What any new infant meant
Clownfish 'n' mermaids 'n' other pretties worth hook'n | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:09:05 PM | can't help it but i miss a bird
more precisely i miss his words
his humor and wit
that one word that fits
the truest voice i ever heard
r. | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:06:49 PM | There was a bad man from Bagdad
The Americans said he was all bad
They call him Hussain
Said he was insane
But I think it was all just a bit of a fad
George Bush was determined to find him
So he sent the army of on a whim
Sadam's statue was demolished
His palaces no longer polished
So was George Bush still considered very dim? | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:56:13 PM | Atta Girl
Getting "spackled up" took a lot longer
Bought a new girdle that’s way stronger
But she was light on her feet
She was dancing so sweet
You know she went home feeling younger
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/24/2008 12:36:53 AM | George and Barbara whose surname was Bush
Were in the Oval Office there was a silent hush
When Monica was not around
Barbara went down
She thought it was McCain and was feeling quite flush
George was delighted he at last got an erection
But it did not compare with his previous election
He saw stars and stripes
As Barbara used her wipes
For George has done nothing for Barbara's complexion
The Oval Office is the seat of much scandal
I believe on the floor there is a pentangle
The Secretaries of State dance bare
Around George's big chair
Before disappearing into Condoleezza's Bermuda Triangle | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:38:15 AM | my little girl, ol' daisy mae
decided to go out by herself and play
came back home with quite a gash
and to the vets with lots of cash
can pick her up today
(see what happens when one follows their instinct!!) | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:35:57 AM | Gordon Brown recently got his mathematics all wrong
Now he has had to sing a very different song
His MPs are feeling vexed
Cause of his punative tax
They say in a short while Gordon will soon be long gone
No politicians ever get anything ever wrong
They are all omnipotent in heaven they belong
They never make mistakes
When they are obviously all fakes
That includes Margaret, Tony, Gordon and old grey John | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/24/2008 10:50:11 AM | Barack and Hillary are having a strange affair
Hillary think's Barack's cute and he likes Hillary's hair
Hillary likes Barack's skin
And the fact that he is thin
But Barack has more votes and Hillary thinks that's not fair
Woe beside any man that upsets our old Hillary
For he is more than likely to get severely pilloried
Did you see her cross face
When she lost her last race
It looked like a cross between beetroot and rotten celery
Hillary is on the comeback trail
Ever so thankful Bill stayed out of jail
Will she woop Obama's ass*
If he comes far to fast
At the sight of her milky thighs which I would call pale
If American presidents get elected on good looks
Oh dear Hillary you better start cooking the books
What about some cosmetic surgery
To cure your strange allergy
For when you get angry you make me wanna puke
Now Barack is a man who is visually appealing
It's a pity his is black and can't break through the glass ceiling
He has some dubious benefactors
In the guise of fanatical rectors
But the chances our he is going to send Hillary reeling | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:51:41 AM | The politicians within the UK are a fcuking bunch of twits
They make so many mistakes the dunce cap truely fits
They continally break the law
Their legislation contains many flaws
That's why the Courts of Justice think the Executive is the pits
The various Home Secretaries are an absolute disgrace
All their legislation has been drawn up post haste
It breaks human rights protections
Is full of legal imperfections
And when rejected on Appeal is is such an abominable waste
Our politicians are stupid cretins who can't make sound laws
Their detail is shoody and illegal are their clauses
The whole bunch should be fired
Without state pension retired
And all new laws should be suspended for a pregnant pause | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:54:16 AM | These political cheats and liars will say anything to get elected
If you give them your trust you will only be left dejected
They chop and change their views
What I say is not news
If they came into my home I would have them all ejected | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:35:38 AM | Wake up America, Obama's mask has slipped
That's why his figures in Pennsylvania dipped
He don't like white hicks
With guns out in the sticks
It seems the democratic senator has gone and flipped
Obama thinks he is so very superior
To all you white guys who are rather inferior
He's educated and elitist
He never sounds defeatist
But he's not to sure what it's like in the American interior
Meanwhile Hillary has found brand new roots
She has thrown away all her designer cut suits
She is now working class
Been reviving her poor past
And supports those who hunt and go out on duck shoots
Poor old America you now have to chose
Between two liars and cynics, wake up just refuse
Tear up your ballot paper
A precious moment to savour
Otherwise you the citizen will be the one who will lose
Don't even think of voting for old John McCain
Are you demented are you lot all completely insane
I can't help but mention
Old John should be lifting his pension
Not looking to high office the population to reign | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:45:20 AM | Vote for Bird he gives it to you straight
I will increase your taxes and make you lot all wait
I will increase my own salary
Ride my secretary who is called Valerie
And give jobs to me family and all my old mates
My manifesto is to be dishonest and to lie to your face
I will rob the poor and not ever feel disgraced
I will maximise my perks
At the expense of all you jerks
And bureaucracy as always will be responsible for more waste
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