| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:21:07 AM | Margot and I like our men rough
The fighting Irish are renown to be tough
But it's a land full of poets
But many don't know it
So you just have to call the Irishman's bluff
I think there was someone whose name was Yeats
If memory is correct he walked with an Irish gait
Also someone called Heany
But he has a tiny weeny
And both had been touched by the hand of fate
Another strange bugger was also from Eire
He was a dandy and men had to beware
He was mates with old Tennyson
Dined on the best vension
But if you bent over you better take care
Oscar Wilde was a bit of a boy
His wild oats did himself destroy
He challenged the system
But none would ever listen
But no one could ever call old Oscar coy
There was some fella called Joyce
Who made all the Irish rejoice
He wrote about a city
Were the people were not very pretty
And he gave the common people a voice
Some auld lad by the name of Bernard Shaw
He seemed to know a thing or too about writing and the law
I think he was from the Emerald Isle
But it was such a long while
I'll have to go and consult my poor maw
Then we have our own men of words in Ulster
Ian Paisley is a man who can filibuster
He was a loud voice
Just like James Joyce
When he preaches he does so with guster
Gerry Adams has an opinion or two
But he only signs letters when he signs on the brew
He's become a diplomat
Still wears his paddy hat
And he runs around with a left wing crew | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:23:54 AM | Medvedev is the third Russian President
He has in fact set a new precedent
A President without power
I think he'll go far
So long as he obeys Putin's economic sentiments
The shadow of Putin will linger long
For the former President is not really gone
They did a job share
Now different hats they both wear
And the new Russian President will still sing Putin's song
Mr Putin like Mr Bush will have his own White House
But Mr Putin is coloured red unlike George W Bush
Putin will leave the Kremlin
Rocking to Led Zepplin
So the move is no longer considered hush hush
Will Dimitri become Vladimirs puppet
Is the new President the equivalent of a hobbit
A title with no power
Won't take Medvedev very far
Cause he won't have the balls to say - "Putin just stop it!" | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:09:53 PM | today was lying on the acupunturist's table..
started to think about my ol' miss mable
at that moment i thought
a new limerick i've got
so decided to begin a new little fable...
(soooo very true!!!)
just met a lady named lil' ol' gracie
she loves to wear pink panties that are really lacy...
she went into town
just to fool around
yep, sometimes she's a tad bit hasty..
she met a man named dear ol' ed
she immediately went right for his bed
gracie's a little tease
with his package quite pleased
nothing more between them was said...
for an ol' lady gracie was quite fine
she knew how to show ol' ed a good time
'now lighten up my dear...
please have no fear'
ol' gracie treated him so very kind...
i looked at ed and saw him smile...
i hadn't seen that for quite a while..
that twinkle in his eye...
and the sweetest sigh..
gave ol' ed quite the style..
~*~ | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:17:22 PM | ole lacy and tracy
the warwic of wick
hollar
said give me a doller
and she ran ....
boy could she run
frum
the sound of her bein prey...
is that okay fer a limrick? | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:14:50 PM | cz..you are too funny!
here's the dictionary's definition:
limerick |ˈlim(ə)rik|
noun
a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse of three long and two short lines rhyming aabba, popularized by Edward Lear.
but much like haikus, we rarely follow the pattern religiously....
nice to see ya playin'!
~*~ | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:01:41 AM | Obame's wife don't take any shit
Shes proving herself to be a big hit
But when she opens her gob
You could sink a nuclear sub
And she makes poor Barack look a right tit
Michelle went to an Ivy league University
I wonder if she managed to secure a bursary
She felt alienated
In Princetown she wasn't integrated
Cause she reasoned there was to little black diveristy
Michelle seems to have Barrack hen-pecked
Very soon she will tell us if he's good in the sack
Will she be the first lady
For Barack is still a bit shady
Or will Obama decide to give his misses a smack
Hillary and Barack are hampered by two liabilities
They have spouses who both have severe disabilities
They should both get divorced
Then get married to each other of course
Mrs Hillary Obama could then justly fight for civil liberties | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:13:42 AM | Back to the green isle across the sea
Where so many greats happened to be
There's a thought in my head
From what me dear Granny said
'Sure'n it's the best drop of blood in me' | |
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| Limericks. Are Us..
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:17:47 AM | Your granny was well known in the celebrated isle
Eight times I believe she walked down the asile
Eight men dropped dead
Never one got laid
But you granny now lives in the best of style  | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:51:21 AM | My grandad was an illiterate old man
The could only count the fingers on his hands
He could count to ten
Way back when
When in Ireland there were the Black and Tans
When Ireland was engaged in the Civil War
My grandad said fcuk this for a bit of a shore
He needed to get laid
But he had no bed
So of he went to find an auld whore
He found an auld women, he was number seven
He thought he died and gone to heaven
But the lady was a tranny
She was Margot's old "granny"
Who when he was born was christened Nevin
See, see Rose:
A
A
B
B
A | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:09:06 AM | Bird was called wierd by a west coast woman
Feint praise and damnation he saw it coming
Pot calling kettle
Steel meets metal
As his head beats against the wall drumming
Who needs to be sane in an insane place
The crazies they say are in charge of the human race
Weird is a badge of honour
It should be sung on my banner
For being normal is considered a disgrace | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:11:16 PM | My dear little four foot ten Gran
Had the pleasure of just one man
And he ruled her life
As a submissive wife
If she hadn't - me mum and me wouldn't never been born at all so
just as well she was a . . . . . puritan | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:33:41 AM | heheheheheheh - does not follow the AABBA format!!
Come on Rose you quoted the RULES!
Don't believe all your auld granny said
The stories I heard she was away in the head
She might have been small
But that's not all
Cause the rumours where she was brilliant in bed
Don't be embarrassed if the truth has come out
It's not something to hide but something to shout
My granny was a goer
Even if she was 4ft 4
But if she could hear me she'd give me a clout | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:49:22 AM | oh birdie..i quoted the rules for someone who was askin'....geeze...
my old granny is now fading fast
doesn't have too much time to last
told her to be good
'if i only could'
she said to me with a lot sass..
she was a character in her day
married 3 times is all i can say
makes me smile and laugh
maybe a wee bit daft
but all in good fun, is what she'll say
now she's resting in bed at 94...
yeah, the old reaper grim is waiting at the door
he knocked once then twice..
she thought it was mice
and fell back to sleep, with the sweetest snore
well..am going to see granny in a bitty
i'll tell her she's the topic of this little ditty
i can see her now
being a bit proud
not know at all that this is not too witty...
(ok birdman, have you deemed me redeemed??!!) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:18:11 AM | Men will never win the battle of the sexes
Cause women fight dirty in all respects
With such a sad tale
And a weep and a wail
Not to forgive would just be utter neglect
When your granny meets my granny they will have a wail of a time
My granny will tell her of her grandson who refused to tow the line
Your granny will recount the true tale
Of when you were 18 and ended up in jail
And how you paid off the sherrif without paying the proper fine!!!!!!!
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:21:15 PM | My granny was a very funny woman
She would hide if she seen me coming
She would sniff the snuff
Sitting in the buff
And then her mouth would start foaming
My grandad was a drinker who liked a chaser
A bottle of stout was just a taster
He smoked his fags
Right down to the dregs
And he said I was a bit of a waster
He ruled his daughters with fear
They had to go and get him his beer
They couldn't go to the dance
Or wear fancy pants
Or he'd give them a clip around the ear
My mum use to sneak of to the dance
With a plastic bag to keep her best pants
She had to be home by ten
Before my Grandad Glen
Or else she would face his famous rants
Growing up in the fifties was so strange
Fathers acted as if slightly disarranged
Woe betide any young man
Who looked at my mam
For he was likely to become rearranged
I think I have inherited the family gene
Cause I think my daughter is a real queen
I vet all the eligable young men
I send them all home before ten
Thereafter I start acting obscene
Isn't it time yer man was going home
Famous last words from me sitting on the throne
They soon get the picture
When I start throwing the fixtures
Now you know why I ended up on my own! | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:21:07 AM | It's no crime protecting your daughter
A virtue many more really oughter
Now, throw out any scruff
Without breaking your stuff
Then have faith in the good things you've taughter | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:21:32 AM | Sure me daughter is the apple of me eye
She's a cute one with an eye for the guy
She takes after me
For as you can see
Between the two of us we only have two eyes
I named her cyclops at the time of her birth
I could not understand why it caused merriment and mirth
She needs to wear glass
Cause she's a short sighted lass
But one eyed glasses are very much a dearth
So really it's my fault when she chooses her boys
For she only sees half of all the boys' toys
She came home and bawled
That Jimmy had only one ball
But I told even one ball could still bring much joy | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:36:08 PM | One Ball Jimmy had a really hard life
He couldn't get laid, couldn't get a wife
He lost his ball
Climbing a wall
Now sex for Jimmy is all trouble and strife
It's not the fact that Jimmy has just one ball
It's the size of the one that's left after all
It's four inches wide
From side to side
Which makes his sausage look very small | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:09:34 AM | Tall Paul and One Ball Jimmy went to the dance
All the old ladies looked decidely askance
One woman wanted a threesome
Cause she was very lonesome
They were on until Tall Paul wet his underpants | |
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