| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:05:13 PM | blimey, its unfair to those not from the Isles
for their rhyming can go for miles and miles
cause they have more words
that we've never heard
with which to embellish their styles
For instance, knackers means balls
but knackered doesn't mean the same at all
don't want to get into a barney
but it seems a bunch of blarney
when banger doesn't mean you have her against the wall
similarly boffin is not something you seek
to do with your lady eight times a week
in the land of the Queen
it is merely seen
as a term for a scientist or geek
and bollocks, another word for the nads
a testicle obsession perhaps, egads
their expression for boff
is to go cop off
as in copulating lassies and lads
bugger-all tightens the sphincter here
but over the pond it is nothing queer
instead to a brit
it means jack-shit
and shandy is lemonade with beer
if you're called a poof that means you're a fag
and if you're a slut they will call you a slag
I could go on and on
it's strange across the pond
where a fanny pack is called a bum bag
now I don't want to get too grotty
but go to the loo if you have to go potty
or if you feel manky
or want to go wanky
for lack of a hot-blooded totty | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:59:15 AM | Praise these fellows and gee whiz, they get shirty
They just want to get down and get dirty
Oh boy - were I but younger
I could well satisfy their hunger
But *sigh* the best I can do is try to be flirty
Flirty? You? You past your best-by date baggage
With nothing at all left for boasting and braggage
Begone silly wench
Your decomposing stench
Causes uncontrollable retching and gaggage.
*double sigh* | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:13:38 AM | There once was a lonely old woman
With one finger she could keep on coming
She got gangrene
For her finger was unclean
Now she simply just keeps on thumbing
The lonely old woman was in a bit of tizzy
Keeping her thumb going oh so busy
What could she next do
Feeling oh so blue
She might just turn into a sad old lizzy
The old woman called out for a hero
But she hear nothing, zip, zero
Then along came a bird
Dropped a great turd
While Margo fiddled like Old Nero
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| Timbuktu
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:07:53 PM | Tim and I a strollin' went.
We spied three maidens in a tent.
They were three and we but two,
So I buk one and Timbuktu. | |
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| Timbuktu
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:53:56 AM | Hey Bird, my fiddling could get someone burning,
and then you'd stop laughing at my yearning,
but while there's a fire
take care on your wire
or you might become a rotisserie slowly turning.
 Thumbs up anyway | |
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| Timbuktu
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:45:10 AM | When Bird gets accused of playing with his wire
Then you know things have got dire
He's not get any
From Jenny or Penny
His pants are on heat and his desires are on fire | |
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| Timbuktu
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:52:49 AM | Birdman is back with his puns
and Margot is warming her guns
I can see it coming
fingering and thumbing
their keystrokes by the tons
Me, I've been biding my time
before returning to rhyme
it's affecting my life
like a kitchen knife
used in a heinous crime
sometimes the words come on their own
when they don't, I ramble and my limericks become just a tad overblown
way too wordy
and not enough dirty
so I defer to the greatness other limericists I have known | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:10:03 AM | Now old Hillary has become house bound
I can't see old Bill sticking around
He'll be out there on the chase
For a girl with no taste
For Bill still thinks he's a man about town
Bill should be at home consoling his little wife
After all those months of continually strife
Hillary needs a good ride
But then she's old Bill's bride
And now more rumours are becoming again rife
Bill and Hillary the Clintons of Capital Hill
Just be thankful Hillary was on the pill
Just like the Dead Kennedys
They have made many enemies
Will Hillary try again I think that she will
The parents have now little Chelsea to prepare
Perhaps a Senate position or a State chair
The tradition must live on
Even after old Bill is gone
It's becoming inevitable but that does not make it fair | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:47:50 PM | Obama, Billary, Biden, Al Gore
and all the rest they make me snore
not because I don't care
but I simply cannot bear
to stroke their egos no more
The Repugs are worse with all their malarchy
so sour and dour and mean and snarky
looking out for the wealthy
and damn the unhealthy
I think we'd be better off with anarchy
But I still can't get behind Nader
to special interests he will not cater
but he don't stand a chance
except maybe in France
but he's no supermodel dater
So who will extract us from the war in Iraq
and get the economy back on track
ween us from oil
so we don't all boil
and rid all the streets from meth and crack
And that's not all in the job description
you will need to have the perfect prescription
for mending our ills
and paying the bills
brought about by the Bush-Cheney deception
If you want this job and all it's inanity
you're disqualified by reason of insanity
but egos abound
and so it is found
that they're in it for the vanity | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:06:24 PM | Hats off to Ice, sage limericking maestro
May his philosophical wit retain its feist bro
These political pretenders
Should go down on their benders
To avoid being thoroughly iced so | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:29:07 PM | My son came up and said to me his dad
I want to be a politician is that so bad
My face when white
My language was bright
My son is only 22 it might be just a fad
I said son why don't you think about drugs
Imported from Persia in among the rugs
You can become a drug mule
Carry your own tool
And surround yourself with plenty of mugs
Or you can be a pimp and have your own stable
Be like your father a man most able
You can hire out your ladies
Drive a mercedes
And some day I'll tell you about Old mable
You can import cheap tobacco from the Far East
Or duplicate football shirts which always crease
You can do shady deals
Move the wheels within wheels
And along the way a few palms can be greased
But if you every stand for public election
You will lose my favour, no more affection
You'll be the low of the low
Go to hell down below
And I'll never ever again get an erection | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/14/2008 12:37:14 PM | | messages this short cannot be posted can't type too busy laughin | |
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| Hilary
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:15:45 AM | Oh heavens, the situation is now critical
Satisfaction linked to ambitions political
Let's hope your young pup
Will help keep yours up
Without pursuing suggestions parasitical | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:40:45 AM | I'm new to this limerick game
I admit my rhyming's a shame
it doesn't compare
to my spelling despair
I use spell check just the same
Now that I may have the knack
there's something to get off my back
I never did care
for limerick flare
As my son says it seemed pretty whack
I'm liking this limerick game
I thought it would be kinda lame
much to my surprise
I didn't despise
in fact, I'm glad that I came!!! | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:47:36 AM | I read this one many years ago and it has still stuck with me
There once was a Cyborg named Sue
She was chucked on the scrap heap its true
What a viscious caprice, she was missing a peice
And died for want of a screw | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:07:32 PM | my old friend mable was a hoot
she loved to play with the gents' flutes
she aimed to please
did it with ease
the more she played the more she toot(ed)!
(margot...that one's for you!!!....) | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:35:19 PM | This thread is filled with all sorts of sluts
Crazies, manics and a quite few nuts
Rose in her birthday suit
Playing the Flute
Now that's what I call having some guts
Kathie's just come and she's told the world
That in my books is a a jem, a pearl
Who needs to rhyme
When one can write slang
Go on talk dirty, do it now girl
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:49:22 PM | then there's bird with the sweetest of voice
when it comes to limericks he has no choice
he is always quite crude
and at time quite rude
but nontheless...i love his noise...
(you birdman...are sooooo mean!!...i guess i'm blessed, yeh?!) | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:07:56 PM | Born with a gift like no other
I hate all men no man's my brother
With one eye for the ladies
And the other on Hades
God gave me the gift of the resplendent lover
My words are music I never make noise
Except in the moment I bring out my toys
My voice is like the larks
All sweetness no bark
And as for my toys they just add joy | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:10:14 PM | too funny my man...too funny!!
~rosie. | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:14:48 PM | Blessed are the meek they shall inherit the earth
My God that's the pits, oh what a dearth
I want my reward here
A crate of cold beer
For being immodest I know what I'm worth | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:55:30 PM | Talk dirty Bird says to me
I can often do so with glee
it usually includes
some Astro Glide lube
and results in him saying weeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ive been know to make a man's ears curl
for sayings not known to most girls
But Hey!! Im not rude
Dirty talk sets the mood
When attempting to make my man....cum (?)  | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:59:28 PM | I prefer a man's moans to his pleas
I dont want him down on his knees
except in the case
when my "lady's" on his face
wouldn't most of you women agree? | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:01:12 PM | So - this place is for the crude and the batty
Where maybe I belong with young Chatty
And maybe I've earned
One thing I've just learned
A 'lady' is what I thought was a young catty. purrrr. | |
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