| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:04:43 PM | Mable loved tooting flutes we all know
And no limit to how many she'd blow
But she said that she couldn't
And proved that she wouldn't
Play a tune on anyone's piccolo
(Rose to the challenge?) | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:04:46 PM | All these "ladies" talking so randy
I feel like a kid in a store full of candy
without a dime to his name
it's really a shame
to find one for real would be dandy | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:11:48 PM | Well, you fellows aren't really playing it cool
Writing stuff you never learned in school
I've shed many a tear
Finding nobody here
But I love being just a silly old fool | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:21:07 PM | Margot, no need to shed a tear
even though you can find no one here
they have don't you see
for your CPU, a USB
joystick to plug into your rear
what I mean is the jacks on the back
so please don't give me no flak
with a joystick you see
you can simulate me
and the flight will get you on track | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:29:24 PM | margot, you're too clever i must say
and axeman, anytime you can have your way
nice to see ck playing
and bird? what ARE you saying?!!
it's fun to be back here to play | |
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| Limericks
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:52:39 PM | there was once a girl named holly
whose eyes were bright blue and jolly
then on pof she met ted
who fvcked up her head
now she serves him his breakfast in bed
 | |
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| George's belfast Procession
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:44:36 AM | George's Belfast Procession
Some old boy called George just flew into town
So many bloody traffic cones all sitting around
Cops at every road junction
There must be a big function
I never got my invite to the Castle grounds
Who is this George who's surname is Bush
Why has his name to be whisphered in a soft hush
Why no cheering crowds
And no laughing out loud
Why's he staying only a while, why such a rush
Jez this man arrived in a massive cavalcade
It looked like a day in July was it a parade
No it was his own secret service
All looking anxious and nervous
I don't think that they saw my two fingers wave
So many clones all wearing dark sun glasses
With clouds in the sky they all looked like asses
All wearing grey suits
Not one playing the flute
A rather dull parade for the onlooking masses
No bright banners nor any red, white and blue flags
Jez American processions are a boring old drag
No accordians nor pipes
Just suits with pin stripes
As for the First Lady not a woman you would shag
The President needs to be accompanied instead by cheergirls
Debbie from Dallas with her flowing blonde curls
Waving the stars and stripes
The crowd they would excite
And Barbara could wear a showered neckless of pearls
Presidential visits then would have real meaning
With semi-naked women and old men day dreaming
They could add marching bands
With sashes on every man
But then there are others who would say I'm just scheming?! | |
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| The Church of England
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:54:11 PM | The Church of England
The Anglicans have their knickers in a twist
Over clergymen who have limb wrists
Some think that women priests
Are the least of the very least
And the Lambert Conference is shrouded in grey mists
Poor old Rowan Williams doesn't know what to do
When gay clergy get married with a hulabaloo
The conservatives are bible thumping
No more gay bishops humping
Now the churches are deserted with more empty pews
Both sides seek support from the same Bible
If it were might book I would scream libel
Fact or fiction
Leading to friction
The whole thing looks distinctly tribal
 | |
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| dirty talk
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:38:16 PM | I gave you the dirty talk
to prove I could walk the walk
and now I can say
in my usual way
don't let me hear anyone squawk
I'm really quite stable
never bent over the table
no reason for lube
for the Astro Glide tube
I stole the idea from dear Mable | |
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| dirty talk
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:03:52 PM | oh the thought of mable brings a smile to my eyes...
yes, she was quite a lover, didn't even need to try
she had such special talents
her tongue being quite salient
when she kissed a man she'd make him cry | |
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| dirty talk
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:58:02 PM | Tut tut girls, this is a most serious forum
To be approached with ladylike decorum
Reading about Bush in this thread
Must have done in me head . . .
Get down and get dirty - give 'em morum | |
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| dirty talk
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:01:38 PM | No ladies of decorum on this site
No higher morals, no justice, no rights
Just old women wanting sex
Needing men standing erect
Sorry ladies but I wear surgical tights | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:23:13 AM | one thing i loved about mable my dear
talking dirty she didn't fear
because her thoughts were simple and pure
all the bawdiness she could endure
as long as she drank a couple of stout beers
because for her, sex wasn't dirty
even though she was 20 plus 30
she wasn't that old
but someone a bit bold
who loved to be more than just flirty
there was an innocence that she had
honestly, she wasn't trying to be bad
she liked to have fun
makin' men cum
it made her feel extremely glad...
at times she would be quite perplexed
even annoyed, quite vexed
when men would be rude
more than just crude
she'd get out the candles and put on a hex
wonder what magic she works from the grave
and all the men that she still saves
from boring, dreary lives
the ones without wives
don't think she ever will really behave | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:47:13 AM | Oh Mable my loins are full of consternation
I miss you dear you caused me such sensation
my yearning for you
makes me wish it was true
that whole concept of reincarnation | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:26:34 AM | Mable came to me in my dreams
My pyjamas were wet it's not all it seems
She was like a vision
From X rated television
Oh how I missed her climactic screams
I swore she was real not just my imagination
I could actually taste her heavenly creation
She begged for more
I woke up on the floor
It seems I still have a morbid fascination
Is it wrong to want to screw the dead
To take a ghost into your bed
What am I saying
I better start praying
I wonder if a ghost can still give head
Is it a mortal sin to think so of the departed
But she did leave me oh so broken hearted
I thought I could smell
But I could not really tell
If when she left she actually farted
Mabye all ghosts smell like shite
Mable is seems again wore white
White was never her taste
For she never was chaste
But i must admit her halo burned bright
For Rosie | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:27:49 AM | oh birdie, you know mable loved you the best
although she loved axeman and all the rest
but that sparkle in your eye
often made her cry
plus when you came you cleaned up the mess
yep her memory does warm my heart
and no bird, that smell wasn't her fart
she was always discreet
even while tending the meat
she was most dignified amongst the tarts
(well...sort of....kind of..sometimes!!) | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:27:38 PM | egads, now bird's a necrophile
how gross, how sick, how totally vile
but blame it on Mable
she was always able
to get a rise with her enduring smile
I picture Bird in the cemetery
shovel in hand, trying to unbury
the poor woman's remains
it's so insane
she's as dead as a coal mine canary
Alas it was only a dream
that caused the Bird to cream
he has certainly grieved
and I'm greatly relieved
things are not always as they seem
I too dream of Mable, to tell the truth
but she always comes to me in her youth
when she was sexy and supple
we were quite the couple
then I wake up and she goes *poof* | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:55:41 PM | Can one still say words such as "poof"
I'm somewhat aghast being so terribly aloof
If by poof you mean gay
I'll bid you goodday
For I'm so politically correct and that is whole tooth
As for necrophillia don't laugh till youv'e tried
No point wasting a good woman after she's died
Mind if you are thick
Rigormortis can set quick
Oh dear poor Rose has suddenly cried! | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:16:43 PM | Mable did once try to go gay
thought she might like it better that way
but the lack of a phallus
on her good friend Alice
made her straight to her dying day
No vegan diet for Mable
Meat was always on her table
some veggies were good
if she was in the mood
can you guess her favorite vegetable?
It's really not that hard a job
to guess what got her heart to throb
zucchini? that's close
cucumber? almost
You guessed it, corn on the cob! | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:15:40 PM | once long ago mable told me
about a time she was part of a three
it was axeman and bird
she being the third
she told me this with so much glee...
mable and the guys played all day
if i remember correctly they played in the hay
morning til night
i think i got it right
she loved that day i remember her say
she started with axeman and his ear
it was quite funny and quite queer
then she tickled birds feet
he thought it a treat
i'll tell you the orgy was really quite weird
then the excitement had begun
they got all naked and had more fun
they brought out the veggies and fruit
laughed so hard they did toot
and placed the produce between their buns
i tell you now what i heard
so sore were axeman and ol’ bird
but mable was fine
she had the best time
didn’t think it at all a bit weird | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:35:08 AM | I was a good boy before I started to write
Now all I seem to do is to shout and fight
I think it's frustration
Lack of penetration
Someone soon will have to make things feel right
Perhaps there's a guild for frustrated rhymers
To help them get laid before oncoming alzeimers
I think I will enlist
To lay of the wrist
Before they start calling me one of the old timers | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:19:52 PM | Ouch - you hear Alzheimer's warning bells
Interfering with your energetic grey cells?
But with memories like we've
It's too horrid to believe
There's just handwork and trite villanelles | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:06:51 AM | I blame it on Mable I swear that I do
I just wandered in here one day around two
then lo and behold
this place took hold
enticed by Mable and how she could screw
before I knew, it was late at night
but still Mable made me write and write
didn't even know it
that I might be a poet
well that's stretching it a bit, you're right
and stretching it is what I ended up doing
whilst thinking of Mable and me screwing and screwing
but I'm not alone
it's very well known
that Mable's caused many a man's ungluing
you would think with old Mable dead
I could get limericks out of my head
but the curse has been cast
and so I'm steadfast
at my computer instead of in bed
But Margot and Rose and Birdman, too
similarly have little better to do
than to poke away
at their keyboards all day
but it's late so I must say adieu | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:39:23 AM | i blame ol' margot for this latest bout
of mable's memory, without a doubt
she was tightly put away
til margot got out her out to play
and mentioned her name with the loudest shout
then i noticed some others play
just the idea had made my day
a little lechery's not bad
the funniest in a long time, i had
so thanks margot, is all i can say!
and i'll tell you right now what mable did do
stand on her head, while she did screw
and pleased the needs
of bankers and thieves
and any other man who had wanted to | |
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| mable my dear
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:54:44 AM | Mable standing on her head with her ass up in the air
now come on Rose any man knows that isn't fair
that image is strong
and makes me grow long
what's next, Mable bent over a chair?
it takes not much for a man to fantasize
with a rapid response between his thighs
but a romp in the hay
makes it go away
til the next image fills his mind's eyes
but even men long for true affection
in his mind it's a constant predilection
does he follow his heart
or the other part
with a mind of its own direction
the wise man plays it smart
doesn't fall for any ole tart
but let's love pave the way
to the romp in the hay
putting horse in front of cart | |
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