| Alex's Tavern
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:33:38 AM | Well, I can't help laughing at that
You'd have to stand back for a chat
To your dear lady boss
It might not matter a toss
And at least there's a peg for your hat | |
|
| Alex's Tavern
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:40:19 AM | My boss said I was carrying an a weapon that was offensive
When she told me to lose my pants, I got pensive
She then gave out a gasp
That breath was her last
And from that minute on i became very defensive
I have been scarred for the rest of my life
Not able to show my erect member has caused much strife
I'm afraid they might cry
Or worst, again might die
And I'll never ever again get myself a buxum young wife | |
|
| Alex's Tavern
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:11:38 AM | Sometimes when I'm lonely I play with myself
Lucky no one can see me up on this shelf
They say I will go blind
They are only trying to be kind
Cause they are concerned about my mental health
Self abusers once were locked in the sanitarium
Where practice was said to make men go into delirium
They would give you electric shocks
If your hand was in your jocks
Then you would think you were in the planetarium | |
|
| Alex's Tavern
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:02:54 PM | Jez this old bird asked me if I was wise
I said what do you think is this a disguise
She gave me a slap
So I gave her the clap
I saw her at the clinic with my two black eyes
Several weekly prescriptions and I'm now cured
My body and mind are both new pure
So no more bad girls
No swine before pearls
Except for every saturday when I visit the old whore
I only visit each week out of pity
She lives twenty five miles across the city
She charges me five pounds
For going ten rounds
Or fifty pence for a look at her titty
Well a man has to have fun every now and again
And these little joys help keep me sane
So I pay the price
Cause I'm very nice
And the exercise if good for stopping the weight gain | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:43:56 PM | bird ol' friend, don't forget to be protected
or you may become awfully infected
we call them condoms here
please use them my dear
so no cooties on you will be detected | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:10:09 PM | in the interest of gender equality
I offered services of quality
in the escort ads
with photos of my nads
in hopes I might find some frivolity
I figured that woman could be just like men
would pay for a lay now and again
so I sit by the phone
forlorn and alone
is a dollar per hour too much for them to spend?
I offer BFE and sensual massage
with oils and toys and tools from the garage
so why don't they call
we could have a ball
no calls on my phone and I expected a barrage
so where is the lust are they just not driven
by the same desires that in men are a given
are they all taken
why am I forsaken
is it just a sad fantasy that I am livin'
I've tried bars, fast cars, and Plenty of fish
to fulfill the realization of my desirous wish
I peer in the mirror smugly
and know I'm not that ugly
so why can't I land me a sweet little dish
Every time I hear my phone ring
I feel a little "ping"
but my hopes are soon dashed
and feel so abashed
when it's not a response to my soliciting
So help me ladies here at POF
why does it seem like I'm yelling at the deaf
is it in my approach
or the subject I broach
or have I been brainwashed by that guy named Hef | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/26/2008 9:32:09 PM | Why are women more attracted to alpha males
oblivious to the heartache it inevitably entails
the narcissistic jerks
get all the perky perks
whilst nice guy finishes last and pays for the c*cktails | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:42:21 PM | In the UK all we men must wear johnies
In case we meet up with some dirty old fannies
It can be disgusting
Giving your balls a good dusting
Worst still is she happens to be a old trannie
No, I never said I was politically correct
Not when it comes to getting me some sex
I'm an Alpha male
Who will go to jail
For walking around proud with my member erect
I like to wave it about in the sun
And show it of to virtually everyone
The looks on the face
As they reach for the mace
Shows some PC women have no sense of fun | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:03:02 PM | The was an old woman from Mayo
Who said she was looking for a male pro
She offered me five pounds
For sex in the graveyard grounds
But over the dead I could not seed sow | |
|
| ol' bird...please!
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:17:21 AM | There was once a man from Belfast town
Whose male member continually hung down
He could not get hard
Even playing on the yard
When he was only wearing his dressing gown
The man was of an age when stiffies were rare
He was getting demented he was losing his hair
He missed his erections
And sexual connections
So he started walking around completely bare
The man was arrested for continually flashing
And for never his private member washing
He was given some soap
And a modicom of hope
Cause the lady judge thought he looked dashing
Her honour asked him to approach the bench
And asked him if he wanted a good wench
At once he stood erected
But was circumsected
But he was so turned on when she addressed him in french | |
|
| |
| |
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:36:28 AM | Enroled on a course in Dublin city
I spied a girl she wasn't half pretty
She gave be the bird
Said I was a nerd
Becuase I asked to look at her ditties
I gave her the finger in reply
Hiding the tears from my one good eye
I heard she was a writer
But she was just a fighter
So no ditties I saw, oh well sigh | |
|
| |
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:15:30 PM | Never go down to Dublin City
Where all the girls are all so bloody witty
They insist their men wine and dine
Show them a good time
And keep them on hooks with a glimpse of their titty
The Dublin men are a bunch of smucks
It's them not their women wear the frocks
They do as they are told
When the use to be so bold
Just for the opportunity of getting of their rocks
The women of Ireland have it all made
Men they have now totally enslaved
I campaign alone
To retain my throne
And to be the best at being badly behaved | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:00:10 PM | Once again man should resume his rightful position
Not caring if it is on women an imposition
Doggie fashion should be his choice
Irrespective of political correct voice
And never should he have to ask for permission
Next time I am for Dublin bound
New positions I hope will be found
For Molly Malone
Talks dirty on the cell phone
And she likes to have her hands tied and bound | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:27:36 PM | I once went with a woman who continually wrote lol
It set me off like ringing a fcuking bell
She would finish every line
With lol every time
I swear that woman came straight out of hell
I had to however nickname the woman lolly
Because she always considered herself jolly
Things went ire
Cause my temper was fiery
She wrote lol one last time which was the final folly | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:18:38 AM | I met this woman who hailed from Dingle
We became friends and we started to mingle
She got really anoyed
Said that I toyed
When I told her I wasn't single
I asked her what did she want
After she recovered from her savage rant
She said she wanted me
To be single and free
And then for all others to recant
I decided I would never again go to jail
For I am puny and decidely frial
I did a runner
Thou she was a stunner
Now of into the sunset i sail | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:10:50 PM | Big women leave me shaking
In my boots I am left quaking
They pick me up
Like I was their pup
And treat me like I was forsaken
Big women always want to feed me
Mother me and want to need me
They treat me as a child
Bottle feed me for a while
Then put me on their knee and burp me | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:28:07 AM | Thin women are so very appealing
Cause they are active with pleanty of feeling
I love playing with their bones
Like a xylophone
Both one note and they leave you reeling
Thin ladies forever feel the cold wind
It's caused by their lack of double chins
They get drunk very quick
Then get very sick
Cause they can't hold their gin | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:17:02 AM | My best girlfriend happened to be blind
So please don't think me unkind
She thought I looked cute
In my birthday suit
For my pleasure she could always find
She said she hated men who were small
Cause she could find it at all
She said she could read brail
When she bit me I wailed
Then in bed she cried out Oh God Paul
She liked to make love with no lights
Saying she liked making love in dark nights
She said when men got undressed
They looked a real mess
So with the lights of she got no real frights
But I said sure you are totally blind
Can you now see or is it a sign
She took of her dark glasses
Reached out for my molasses
Then gave me the best of good times | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:17:07 AM | No more will I ever date a lawyer
It's like having a lover who is a voyure
She asked so many questions
Pouncing on any hesitations
Asking where did I buy my Goya
She fell in love with my mind
Then she got me to sign
A legal disclaimer
That I wouldn't blame her
If she went to my bathroom for a line
I was aghast at this lady of the law
For taking drugs is a legal flaw
But when she got high
She showed me her thighs
Then she kindly dropped her drawers
Well we had an enjoyable debriefing
Then for no reason she was seething
She had only come thrice
Said I wasn't very nice
And then she started leaving
She packed my Goya in her case
Said in this house it was a waste of space
I called the cops
She took the wrap
So now I gave thanks and say grace | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:34:05 AM | I asked my solicitor to remove her briefs
She asked me if I needed some relief
She pulled out her cuffs
Asked if I had enough
Then proceeded to give me some verbal grief
She boasted that she was a member of the bar
And one day she said she would go very far
She would be a judge
Never to hold a grudge
But she reckoned that I was well below par
I asked her to take down my certain particulars
It was then she started to gesticular
I asked her why
When she started to cry
Opps once again I had gone perpendicular
So no more legal eagles shall I date
One is enough it has sealed my fate
She looked good in her gown
When her briefs on the ground
But for a right of entry I had to wait | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:51:27 PM | I took a barrister and a solicitor both to my bed
They brought notebooks took down everything I said
Knickers which were red
That's what I said
Now wouldn't you know there were no knickers on the bed
They both spoke haughty and mentioned their costs
Then they both fought over who would be boss
I took down their briefs
To their great relief
I told them I didn't give a toss
I asked the barrister to wear her white wig
For what turned out to be an amazing gig
She said she was a QC
When she dropped to her knees
But I told her i didn't give a fig
I'll never forget the night I had that silk
She called me bad names that matched my ilk
I called high brow
She called me a cow
I swear when we finished she produced full cream milk
 | |
|
| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:33:14 AM | My Brief wore the sexiest black laced stockings
I have to admit I found it a bit shocking
When she approached the bench
I smelt a strange stench
I swore the judge was in the process of defrocking
The judge eyed my barrister's ample clevage
He happened to throw in he was in line for a peerage
My barrister bend down
The judge made a wierd sound
And commenced what I would call personal self siphonage
My barrister just looked at me an winked
She fluttered her eyes at the judge and then blinked
The judge was going bright red
When my barrister said
My client is innocent me laud what do you think
The judge coughed and then he let out a splutter
He took another look at me and then he gave out a mutter
You have better behave
Get yourself a proper shave
And don't let me find you again in the gutter
My Brief and I celebrated
The two of us got totally inebriated
Then I took her to my bed
When my brief got laid
And said I don't think you are at all over rated | |
|
Home
login 
