| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/21/2008 10:11:29 AM | I can see the priest standing at the fount
Asking for the parents to give full account
They called him two inch
The priest gave a winch
Wondering how the child would ever mount
Little two inch thought he was a fool
It was later he learnt the gold rule
It's not how tall
Or even how small
But two inches wide is a useful tool
(Now be honest - who didn't measure out two inches with their fingers!) | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:09:55 PM | of all the titties I've played with or tasted
or with my tool creamed and basted
I remember the words
from Frank Zappa I heard
"Anything over a mouthful is wasted"
One thing I know I really can't stand
is augmentation surgery of the mammary gland
do they think we're buffoons
with their water balloons
a Bird in the bush is worth two in the hand | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:48:23 PM | A bird in the bush I nearly forgot
Still I'm happy with my miserable lot
For the bush has thorns
So I'll stick to porn
As a burning bush can get very hot
I must say I don't like silicon boobs
It's yucky and sticky comes in tubes
They can sometimes explode
In conjunction with a load
I suppose that makes me something of a prude | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:53:13 PM | I once knew a dame by the name of Dot
she could tie her labia into a knot
but alas I'm a sailor
and thus to impale her
I had no problem accessing her slot
it was easy to keep her true to her manny
and keep others away from her fanny
but her chastity
it soon did flee
instead of a square knot, I tied a granny
she's much older now I'm sorry to say
and gravity has had its way
everything now sags
and I've heard that the bag
has taken up macrame | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:01:23 PM | I once knew a mademoiselle from Quebec
who had a snake tattooed around her neck
when I said "je t'aime"
tu es la creme de la creme"
she sent me to the ice with a mean cross-check
When I got up she slapped my face with open palm
I didn't realize that she was a hockey mom
"Excusez-moi", said I
sorry I'd tried
Mademoiselle, non, elle a été une madame | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:50:47 PM | I looked at the axes last post
To say I'm confused is no boast
He wrote it in French
Understanding's no cinch
Left me saying Och, vas ist loess?
I don't mean to sound quite so crusty
Or grouchy and a little bit fussy
I am not pissed
My french don't exist
And my Deutch is a little bit rusty
How are you my friend Mr. Axe?
Its quite nice that you made it back
I hope and I pray
While you were away
That you got some sweet gal in the sack | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:06:51 AM | Please, ShamGuy pardon my French
twas an impulse I just had to quench
and the answer is yes
I've had some success
with a most desirable wench
I'm afraid I must confess
your Dutch causes me similar distress
not a familiar tongue
and so I am wrung
at the need to just plain guess | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:06:18 PM | I am sorry I left you in doubt
By speaking like some kinna kraut
I learned those words
From a hot German bird
She knew what a sausage was about
You would have to see her to believe her
She would make you shout, Och Der Lieber!
Blond hair and blue eyes
Just the right size
I should go where she is and retrieve her | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:00:08 PM | There once was a spy so I've heard
He was clear in the things he preferred
In a bar during leisure
He was asked, "What's your pleasure?"
So he said, "A gerbil. Shaven, not furred." | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:49:36 PM | My hat is off. That was very damned good. Take a bow:)
The spy decided to go herbal
But about one thing he was quite verbal
I may eat these weeds
And sesame seeds
But I'm not giving up my gerbil | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:08:37 PM | ^^  Ahhh... gotta feed our pets. ;)
Since you laughed at that one (you sicko) I'll make you three more.
There's similarity with a gerbil here
With an Austin Martin that should be perfectly clear
Though they both run fast
And can run out of gas
They're both hard to get out of gear (Gere)!
Two gerbils who were often debased
In sexual kinks they'd sure had their taste
"What are you up for?" said Fred
So the other one said,
"Let's go to Richard's house and get shit-faced!"
Disney hired Gere for a cartoon gig quickie
But the scheduling suddenly got tricky
So they canceled the show
And Richard was let go
Cause nobody could find that mouse Mickey! | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:11:44 AM | Poor Richard and the rumor of his rectum
and the gerbilectomy than darn near wrecked him
can he ever transcend
this urban legend
you can be sure the Academy will never select him
How can someone so outspoken for human rights
be slandered and muddied by such unfathomable slights
he is very verbal
there was no gerbil
was rumor started by Cindy Crawford out of spite? | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:40:21 AM | Thats a possibility I would suppose
The fact is nobody knows
About Mr Gere
If he is queer
I can tell you this my back door is closed
I guess that it never seemed wise
But I'm just not one of those guys
I'm straight as can be
No rodents for me
That just does not give me a rise
Gerbils don't live in the glens
In Scotland where all men are men
If they can't find bo peep
Then they do a sheep
Gay Gordan sticks them up his rear end | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:08:15 PM | Richard starred in a biblical production tale
Involving a prophet who set out to sail
Set off the coast of Corona
A costumed gerbil plays Jonah
And Gere's butt crack plays the part of the whale! | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:55:42 PM | Didn't read ALL the posts to see if this has been added....
There once was a man named Michael O'Day
He died fighting for his 'right of way'
His rights were real...his will was strong
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:56:23 AM | Now all the yanks have got spanked
By their politicians and their worthless banks
They will take my house
As well as my spouse
So all I can say is gee thanks
The State is starting to grow bigger
The poiticians just sit and s
They are getting more power
It's growing by the hour
The State harlot is growing with vigour
The individuals rights are now diminished
I fear democracy will soon be finished
Capitalism is now dying
There can be no denying
Many reputations have now been tarnished
Never a borrower or lender be
Words my old ma said to me
Don't borrow others money
It just won't be funny
Cause the cost of borrowing ain't free | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:52:47 PM | My bank were also on the phone
They asked me to give them a loan
I said feck away off
Do you think my head soft
I listened as the old bugger did moan
I said that you had no real collateral
That your loan book wasn't very factual
He started to cry
Shouted he would soon die
I told him he was not being intellectual
I told the old goat to stop crying
That he better get on with the dying
I said I thought all bankers
Were a load of wa*kers
And that he had been caught-out lying | |
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| Limericks....us Irish aren't too good a poetry
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:39:58 PM | I also called my bank on the phone
need to buy out the ex to get my home
such a scary time
I can't wait to sign
before they say sorry no loan
apartment living is getting old
it's taken a year for this thing to unfold
soon will be over
and I'll be rolling in clover
but the mortgage will eat a hole in my billfold | |
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