| No Test, No sex
Posted: 1/16/2007 8:27:11 PM | At some point, if considering being exclusive, and want to stop using safer sex practices, you trust your partner or you don't.
If your view is you always have to allow for him (or her) cheating, even in an exclusive arrangement, then I think this relationship is doomed. That doesn't mean being foolish, but if you can't trust your partner, how close a relationship can you have?
Abstinence offers the lowest risk. I have trouble believing a someone is not to be trusted before marriage, then POOF, now are to be trusted after marriage. If untrustworthy, then someone is untrustworthy independent of marital status.
So, back to the original post, if a couple has decided to be exclusive, and wants to stop using condoms, then both get HIV tested, continue using safer sex practices, or abstinence, and both get retested in 6 months.
If you feel you can never trust a partner, then you need to choose celibacy or accept safer sex practices for the rest of your life.
--Bob | |
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| No Test, No sex
Posted: 1/16/2007 8:35:21 PM | | I don't think exclusivity is the precursor as much as full disclosure. I know people who have non-barrier sex with multiple/concurrent partners (lifestylers), but honesty is paramount. Be honest. Let your partner(s) make informed choices. Get tested. | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:45:28 PM | | I don't need to cover this with a woman. That is because she understands that I am abstaint and if she insists on having sex with me, it WILL be without a condom and we both get tested...That usually stops them from having to bringing up the sex question. | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:09:43 PM | I guess I do it differently. There is a current test and proof of testing and results prior to me having sex WITH a condom. Otherwise, there is no sex. If he's had sex one time prior to me, he's at risk and I know I've had sex, so I am also at risk. I refuse to play with someone's health and I don't want mine screwed with.
6 months into a monogamous relationship, another test and then off comes the latex ~ otherwise, sorry ~ it's time to invest in Trojan stock. 
~OP~ For testing, use a clinic that records and reports your results via a number rather than your name. Just a thought, I want my results confidential. And remember Hep virus testing and immunization, it's important!! JMO  | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:33:57 AM | Your health is extremely critical especially as you reach your 40s and 50s. Always protect yourself. This isn't high school anymore. If you fall for the line, "You would if you loved me" then you need to be spanked and sent to the corner.
Anyone who refuses to use a condom in a non-exclusive relationship is crazy! It's not just about becoming pregnant as many of you have noted. The number of diseases is increasing and mutating! I was tested recently for HPV and I didn't even know what it was. My doc insisted that I participate in a pilot program as they tried to figure out how it entered and spread through out my county. TG I don't have it, but it's transmittable!
Trojan, you are my friend and protector! | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/17/2007 4:05:55 PM | When you get tested, have them test for HSV1, HSV2, and HPV.(Herpes) You have to specifically request to have those tests done, they do not test for those on standard std tests.
Those of you that have had the standard tests done and believe yourself to be "clean", guess again. A lot of people believe the test for herpes is automatically done and it isn't. Is it any wonder that 1 in 4 people have herpes in one form or another?
Remember Cold Sore + Oral sex = Genital Herpes.
And yes, I have HSV2.
Libby | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:32:13 AM | I think this should have been discussed prior to even having protected sex....the STD sexual history I mean.
I haven't been with many partners...which is likely related to my appraoch to this, but there is too much "shit" out there to take the risk.
Just because I have been safe doesn't mean she has.
People also need to consider that some people may have also been the victim of sexual violence...moral of the story is that if she isn't "clean" as you referred to it, don't assume she is a "bad" person. She may have been deceived or traumatized.
Openness and honesty comes hand in hand with sex. If you can't talk about these things then sex should be the last thing on your mind.
My 2 cents | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:38:41 AM | Just come outright with it and ask him. Just to let you know though OP, some things may come out negative in the bloodwork even if someone is positive... herpes being one example.
Definately have a discussion about it.
As for going together, no point. You can ask your doc for a photocopy of the results and share it with eachother. | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/19/2007 4:44:46 AM | ok...
I have several point for you to consider. I think maybe you don't know him well enough...you can answer that for yourself after you read my comments
If you're not comfortable enough to have this talk with him...then you probabily don't know him well enough.
If you're afraid he won't get tested but tell you he did....then you don't know him well enough OR you know him to be a liar and don't trust him.
That's all....the answers are yours...not mine | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:06:19 AM | I just say that I would like to ditch the condoms as much as he most likely does, so I suggest we both get tested and then if we get a clean bill of health then the condoms are gone.
It needs to be said, so just say it, better done than not. Most guys dont go out and get tested so you would be pretty smart to suggest it. | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:24:20 AM | A guy who has nothing to hide will love the opportunity to have sex without a condom. So if you trust him, then don't worry about bringing it up.
Are you kidding, Chi? Any guy prefers to leave the condoms in the wrapper. Most women do too! I don't know of anyone who prefers a condom to skin if they have a choice. Wondering if Chi's water is just a little bit dirty...
OP: Ask him! Don't take it for granted that he's clean! Always wear a condom until you are exclusive and you've both been tested and don't forget, it can take up to 6 months or longer for things to appear!
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:04:45 AM | Woah...just getting a blood test is not the answer DonInVictoria. That's scary, man, that you think it would. They gotta do a culture of your insides to find all the potential bacterium and whatevers that could be lurking in there. If you get a STD check, they take your blood AND a sample from inside your privates. The blood test only tells you about some viruses...that's not even half of the stuff you could be carrying around inside your peepee.
I always ask girls to get checked and it always makes them angry. Some say they get pap smears annually and that's enough info for them...though they slept with guys after the pap smear. I don't know how I can get a girl to get a test. I guess I need more tact in talking about it..... | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 4/16/2007 2:36:27 AM | OP: I was concerned about you saying you can't get pregnant. Unless you have had a hystorectomy - you, contrary to anything you've been told or been through, can get pregnant. Also, what are your motives for not wanting to use condoms? Are you considering this for yourself or doing it because you think he'll enjoy it more? You really need to ask yourself that. Are most guys willing to get tested? Are most women? Hard to say. If you are stressing out over the fact that he may get offended about being asked then I don't think there is enough honesty or trust yet in this relationship. If this is still a new and recent relationship what's the rush? What if it ends in 2 weeks? What's the point? Until you get to a point where you know this is real and you have a future and you TRUST him with your LIFE - then move forward. I'm sure he'll be as willing to do it for you as you will be for him.
And to quote another poster :
blood tests will check for all STI's
That is absolutely NOT TRUE. You will have to make an appointment with your GP for a full pap test and smear. Also - he may have to get a smear test to check for lots of lovely diseases that live only in the secretion glands. Protect yourself. Put yourself - your health - your life FIRST. Good luck and be safe! | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:37:43 PM | Just ask for the blood test results...though going with your fella to make sure that he actually does have his blood drawn was an excellent suggestion. Also, results from donating blood are good as well.
When I started dating again I thought this was going to present some really awkward moments for me. It did & has continued to do so....but think of the possible alternatives - now there's an awkward moment! | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 6/27/2007 9:50:27 PM | ~OP~ Condom or not, you should have been tested long before now. It's a little late once your already active. If you are brave enough to ask a group of strangers, I'd think it would be pretty easy to just ask him. For me, it's testing ~ 6 months with condom, and another test. If he's not willing to be a human pin cushion right alongside of me, he's not worth my time. JMO  | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 6/27/2007 10:16:15 PM | | brynn, Is it me and my misunderstanding of what you're asking that you want to get pregnant by this b/f? STDs aside, it's what I read beneath the radar for your desire not to use condoms as you have been. How much do the two of you discuss having a future and the possibility of a family together? The STD testing is but one small detail besides many others that you should BOTH consider before realizing the consequences of unprotected sex. | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 6/30/2007 3:29:53 PM | | If you are going to be intimate your gonna see all his faults. Whats wrong with being honest and open about your safety. If you can't talk to him now, what are you gonna do when he finally passes you something you don't want? Take care of yourself first! | |
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| How do you initiate a conversation about STDs and not using condoms?
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:20:24 PM | Well, here's a statistic you might take with you...
Most people agree that sex in itself isn't so bad, it's how you do it that could mean life or death. The smart self-destructor doesn't use protection and ignores the partner's sexual history. Twelve million Americans contract sexually transmitted diseases every year, many of which can leave the victim infertile.
(not to mention HIV/AIDs, which has life-altering effects)
So, unprotected sex ranks number 4 in top 10 paths to self destruction (#1 is not getting enough sleep, #2 is skipping an annual physical, #3 is not challenging your brain--to ward off Alzheimers, should you live so long). | |
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