Derps
| | Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| | How to let em know I have no friendsPage 4 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | forget all that red flag bullshit, people choose who they want around them and trust, id rather have the smaller group of friends i can trust then hundred of "friends" i cant trust. im too busy to have that crap in my life. thus a smaller circle of friends is fine by me | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 4/24/2007 2:20:59 AM |
It sounds so pathetic but I have no friends. So when I date I always have to go through this 'is she gonna think I'm weird' phase at the beginning.
How do I explain this? What I worry about most is she might see this as a sign that I can easily abandon people. That when things aren't going good I just bail. Most guys usually have lifelong friends, or they make new friends or have at least one person they known for a while. It makes them seem more grounded. I might seem like a wild coyote or something. Not attached to anyone or anything.
And keep in mind I usually date girls who are kind of outgoing.. usually they have a group of friends and are somewhat socially active.
And yeah, I try dating girls who are loners like myself. But it just doesn't work out. We become two loners and, unless we REALLY have some major chemistry, it get's boring for the both of us.
Let me tell you something. I do not have many friends, in fact I can count them all on just one ..... OK...! HOWEVER.....The friends I do have, have most of them have been there from the very start and have a few that we grew up together and the rest are at least 20+ year friends. And each and everyone of them, if I call them at 3am becouse I need them...."ALL" of them will show up...! That is what a real friend is, one that when you need them day or night, any time of the day or night...they will be there...! And if they call me....I will be there also...anytime of the day or night...and I have had a few of those 3am type calls that I was needed...and I went without a second thought. That is what a real friend is...!
Now as for a loner type girl...perfect send her right over.... Those in my books are the best..! I have had enough with the social butterfly types and the party types...that was fine in my teens. But by the time I got into my 20's I did not want those types. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 6/26/2007 6:01:59 AM | My father once told me.."IF during your WHOLE life..you meet 2 best friends...then you have lived a rich life"...People come and go...FAMILY...is where its at... Those will be your support network...and social outlet..Hang onto them...: | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 6/26/2007 7:45:56 AM | | I've got relatives I'm close to, my parents and brother and sister and their families. I've got co-workers I like, who I have conversations with and show my vacation pictures to and have attended a couple of their weddings. And I've got people I know in various groups I'm involved in: a gaming group, a book swap group, an anime group, etc. But there's no one that I'd call primarily a friend, who I'd introduce as "my friend so-and-so" rather than "my brother Michael", "Sharon from work", "Remy from the game group", etc. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 6/26/2007 12:39:51 PM | In another post, someone asked "what do you look for in a woman, other than looks".
I responded that I look for a woman who doesn't smile at everyone she meets, because I take value in getting a smile from a beautiful woman.
I am in marketing. Having "friends" is used as social equity in my circles. Saying things like :
"I went to a new restaurant with a group of friends".
"I saw the new band with a group of friends"
"I went to Europe to visit a friend"
Is considered a high self-compliment because Marketers can't be seen as "social pariahs". And most of the time, these "friends" in the industry aren't true friends. They are often clients, suppliers, co-workers or associates that tend to feed off each other for new business, brownie points or sucking up.
I have a group of friends, but they are a disparate group, since I was a wanderer since high school, never joining a clique. I guess it didn't help that I worked in 4 offices in my 20's and 30's around the world so my friends are also spread out (and most of them are no longer friends, since we don't keep in touch).
I agree with others where they said that the word "Friend" is overused. I take the word very seriously and have very few true friends, even though I have tons of "Acquaintances".
GF's in the past didn't think of that as weird, because at the end of the day, the relationship between a man and a woman is not about others outside the relationship.
But, if this becomes a problem with her, I'll be your wingman.... | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 6/26/2007 12:59:33 PM | | i two dont have friends but i tell why that is i had to bring my kids up on my ownhad no help from anybody if i went out even to shop social was on my case people where i used to live rang them upand they was suppoised to be my friends | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:15:36 AM | | I actually sympathize with this one a lot actually. My whole life I have kept a close knit group of friends. Over the years, they end up moving away and we lose touch. My best friend who is like a brother to me that I have known for 12 years moved back east four years ago. So now I only get to see him 2-3x a year. I hate parties, bars, and clubs, so regular social venues are out. I have a ton of online friends including many women I talk to on a regular basis (they live nowhere near me so there is no sexual motivation). Yet my real life social circle is my parents, and clients that I train (personal trainer). Yet I am fine with being a loner. I have many activities I enjoy that keep me busy, I invest a lot of time into self improvement and studying on interests I like, and I actually do really well with women. It is only awkward and a problem if you make it one. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:27:28 AM | Now, I think it may be more important for you to find a friend than a girlfriend.
Friends are like family that you choose for yourself.
As for telling a new girl about your situation, just be up front about it.
Because she will be wondering about your friends.
From a girl's perspective, it could be better to have no friends than to have a bunch of jerk friends. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:28:00 AM |
How do I explain this? What I worry about most is she might see this as a sign that I can easily abandon people. That when things aren't going good I just bail. Most guys usually have lifelong friends, or they make new friends or have at least one person they known for a while. It makes them seem more grounded. I might seem like a wild coyote or something. Not attached to anyone or anything.
And keep in mind I usually date girls who are kind of outgoing.. usually they have a group of friends and are somewhat socially active.
Dude, I hate to tell you this, but the above statement, what you thing they may thing, is first what is running through your head, thus it's what YOU think. The second thing is that I find this as a coupe out. An excuse. Pure inaction.
If you want friends. YOU MAKE FRIENDS. If you do not know how to make friends. Buy a couple of books. See a couple of movies. Friends do not have to be extroverts, the life of the party, beautiful, ugly. The only thing they have to be is FRIENDS. Friends give and take without conditions. Friends are appreciative of each other "Dude, you have been like a friend to me, thank you." They are also the first ones that you tell them this "Hey, you're full of s hit, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Or something of that nature.
The two most powerful tools to make friends are simple. Smile, ask them how they are doing.
It's that simple. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:12:56 PM | I find this really strange, what do you do in your spare time etc?
I mean, i live for my mate and have some of my best times with them, can't imagine living with noone to have a good time with and share stuff with (that isnt your partner)
baffles me | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:59:37 PM |
LTDluke
I find this really strange, what do you do in your spare time etc?
I mean, i live for my mate and have some of my best times with them, can't imagine living with noone to have a good time with and share stuff with (that isnt your partner)
baffles me
You're 19 Y O, of course it baffles you, come back in 20-30-40 years and maybe you'll understand. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:06:07 PM | There are two types of people. Introverts and Extroverts By definition...
Extroverts
are interested in what is happening around them
are open and often talkative
compare their own opinions with the opinions of others
like action and initiative
easily make new friends or adapt to a new group
say what they think
are interested in new people
easily break unwanted relations
Introverts
are interested in their own thoughts and feelings
need to have own territory
often appear reserved, quiet and thoughtful
usually do not have many friends
have difficulties in making new contacts
like concentration and quiet
do not like unexpected visits and therefore do not make them
work well alone
either one is not "right" or "wrong" They are just different. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:39:31 PM | It’s not pathetic at all. I couldn’t read all responses, so forgive me if I repeat something someone else already said but you having no friends does not say anything about what an amazing person you may or may not be. I know people much older than you who choose to be alone for a million different valid reasons. And they are people I look up to, fascinating, smart, interesting, lovely people. As the poster before me already pointed out you may be an introvert. That's totally cool.
The other thing is, you don’t have to tell anyone anything. It’s no ones business how many friends you have. When you’re first meeting someone just like you wouldn’t blurt out that you have constipation or other personal things about your self there is no reason why you need to tell people you have no friends. When you are okay with that, other people will be too and maybe you will have a friend or two... or not. It doesn’t matter. You don’t want to be around people who are that superficial. No need to date someone who can’t be accepting of who you are. If you are dating a girl like you, and you say it gets boring, I’m thinking it’s not your responsibility to entertain her. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/19/2012 3:46:33 AM | | I don't think being a loner is weird at all. I wouldn't see it as a sign that you can easily abandon people, quite the contrary, I'd see it as a sign that you might get clingy and reliant on me for social fulfillment (I don't have many friends either and I find myself getting sad and despondent when I don't hear from any of them for a few days). I would also maybe see it as a sign that you have trouble maintaining/holding onto friendships. Then again, people's circumstances differ; you could be working a job that doesn't get you involved with a network of people, maybe you have little spare time after said work to join groups/clubs etc. Loner doesn't always equal socially inept, sometimes it can just be social disinterest despite having plenty of social ability. People have different social energy levels. Some people prefer a small handful of good friends whereas others prefer a large circle. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:13:01 PM | Seems like a defeatist attitude.
1. Perception is reality. Perhaps you shouldn't let girls know you have no friends. Picture an ideal attractive man. Don't you think he would have friends. Why would you spill out all your negative traits to a girl right off the bat? Preselection matters a lot to a girl. Try an experiment. Walk into a club alone, vs walk into a club with 2 victoria secret models. You are the same guy yet watch the difference in the amount of attention random girls give you. You should be highlighting your strengths and avoiding telling your weaknesses.
2. Learn how to build a social circle. Not that hard. If you have a good pad, cool hobbies, start pulling them in for social events. I know, its crazy, actually putting yourself out there. | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:22:11 PM | | definite red flag. dating someone like that might also indicate they're clingy, it's like, 'don't you have someone else to talk to? go do something. stop blowing up my phone/e-mail/etc.' | |
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| How to let em know I have no friends
Posted: 7/19/2012 5:00:02 PM | | Now this is the best response so far. I love the fact that you showed sensitivity and compassion and gave such a simple solution. | |
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