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Maxhal
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Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 52 | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 53 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 4:43:10 AM | I have to agree with the ladies above. Maybe it would be good to take some of your own advice. Take a look at the options on the profiles. *If* this is only a singles site...then why do we have the options offered to us? As for anyone saying this doesn't happen on other sites....whoa....hello? Tell you what....I'd far prefer being on here and having the opportunity to state honestly that I'm not looking/not single, then being on another website where it doesn't afford you that honesty. I think it should be appreciated that so many ARE being honest. The other option, which is as present here as anywhere, are all the married/attached people lying about their status and causing a whole lot of hurt happening.
We are as unavailable to you as someone you don't have enough in common with. I stay here for all the above reasons mentioned, friends and forums. I also have them listed on msn...I have the right and choose to exercise that right to come in here from time to time. I don't force my opinions on anyone. If someone thinks so...walk away from the moniter, click out of the thread. Or for that matter, give me he!!...but please....do not tell me what I'm doing on here. I am the one that knows....not others speaking for me. I would HOPE that I cause no harm, don't seek pity, don't whine about my lot in life, don't attempt to justify my poorly thought out actions....I think before I act, I do what I do without harm to anyone. I'm astonished at the bitterness I see...and feel bad about it. I wish you all luck on here, and would suggest that for some of you...your attitude speaks volumes, shows up in your profiles, and if you're ok with that...so be it.
Waiver......this is NOT directed at any one person. This is my opinion, I own it. If you're on a singles site to look for a mate....get it done. I benefited from the people that found their mate on here...it was very happy making for me to see. I still do. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 5:11:55 AM | | I've always wondered why people do that...the most common reason 'posted' is "there here for the forums" I like POF, but if someone (yes I've been reduced to saying if instead of when), comes into my life I'll burn this profile very quick with the click of the delete button.... | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 5:15:36 AM |
This NEVER happens on the paid sites...only this one and ONLY because it is free.
Never say never. It does happen on other sites, you just dont find out till later that they may have a SO.
I am here because I am single. I then met a fishy. I hid my profile as did he. but yes, I stayed. Why? Because I enjoy the forums and reading and participating in them when I have an opinion. I did not spend 24/7 with that SO, so when I had time, I came to the forums.
Now during that time, I met some wonderful people. If I had immediately removed myself after I met my SO I would never have been introduced to a couple wonderful women on this site, and so with that said, when I am involved again in a relationship I will still remain here....like it or not..........this is my choice......... | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 5:23:40 AM | Quotes from the New Roses thread. I tend to believe what a Mod says I know I'm also tired of the minority of site mis-users trying to bully people using this site for its defined purpose.
many forum regulars don't understand a lot of site features (most still fail to clue in that this isn't a chat-room), this doesn't mean that the features don't serve the majority of the dating site just fine.
it seems to be becoming rare that people see past their noses to the big picture.
Again, consider the purpose of this site, ...yet another test, publically verifiable.
Those just here "for the forums", are a net liability to the site if they continue to disrupt and or hijack the site's purpose to their own, this too has solutions.
100% Free Dating Site <<<<< On the site banner. If you're in a relationship/married/not looking, you ain't dating. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 5:34:17 AM |
100% Free Dating Site <<<<< On the site banner
that's just one of the banners you see...here a few others...
We are completely free
online dating service
Online Dating & Personals
I don't think I would leave...lots of friends on here...and some are couples! | |
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Naboo
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Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 58 | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:01:41 AM | here's a few more 'operative' words lol
Married, Living Together, Not single/Not looking
course you may wanna ask bigfish why these choices are here
the couples that I know from here, met here (thanks to pof), and are still 'dating', just one another | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:22:59 AM | Jeep,
I agree with you.
I did a quick search in 100km of the GTA for men aged 18-99 that were non single/not looking...over 700+ results came up. I changed the gender to female, and again, over 700+ results came up.
It is amazing how many of these people feel "entitled" to be here, because it is free, and they do not have to pay to use the services.
I read a paper recently about entitlement, narcissism and consumption...and some of the conclusions drawn were valid to even this digital place even though it spoke directly to our own material and consumer driven lifestyles..."that a sense of an entitlement to consume, in combination with narcissistic pride, ego, vanity, conceit, and arrogance, leads to the untenable situation of morally irresponsible consumption decisions".
It goes on further to say, "people will not be receptive to being asked to make socially and morally responsible (consumption) decisions. Add in the narcissistic dimension and the result is consumers who consume to feed their images of themselves, be damned the consequences on others (or the environment).
"...with a sense of entitlement comes a lack of connection. This disconnectedness leads to enormous social, economic, and personal suffering inflicted by a few people whose antisocial attitudes and behaviour result, less from social forces than, from an inherent sense of entitlement and an incapacity for emotional connection to the rest of humanity. For these individuals, social rules have no constraining force, and the idea of a common good is merely a puzzling and inconvenient abstraction...at the same time that they experience a declining sense of personal responsibility..."
"Many narcissistic consumers are so deeply invested in their beliefs, egos, and entitlements that they can live their whole lives and never have a clue."
"Narcissistic consumers will transform themselves into anything to get and keep attention-that is the ring we grab as we ride this wild carousel."
Yes, this is a free dating site (Thank you for the opportunity, Marcus), but there is a cost. For every page you open, every post you make, every profile you view and every little smiley face you add to your notes, bandwidth is being used. Bandwidth and servers cost money. Are you entitled to use the bandwidth of a dating site when you are not in fact actively seeking a partner?
As others have said, you have profiles that muddy up their own search because they get members who are not looking and not single. This in itself is detrimental to the growth of the site, because if "serious" seekers find too many deterrents in their search, they will take their membership elsewhere.
As much as I hope to stay in touch with those I have made friendships with here on PoF, when I find my fish, I will delete my profile and open up space for someone else to do the same.
There are Friend networks, Instant messengers, E-mail services, text messaging and telephones to keep in touch with your friends. It isn't necessary to stay on a dating site. It would seem to me that many of those who stay use it as a crutch, unable to break away to your new relationship and new life. Perhaps, counselling is needed. The internet can be addictive, and certainly the forums are...but why not look at it from the owners point-of-view, or that of another single.
It's great to hear that the site has worked for many, I love reading about matches made... but it makes me wonder why you're still here. Sure, it can be as innocent as..."I want to stay in touch with friends"...but for those who say they have found their one, but are still searching the profiles, have you really found your fish if you're still on a dating site?
Validate yourself as much as you will, but you leave questions in the minds of many...perhaps even your own new partner.
Just my own thoughts and ponderings to add on a sick day.
Dev | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:19:47 AM | Validate yourself as much as you will, but you leave questions in the minds of many
thank you, as for what others choose to assume about me would be their choice i have no control over what others choose to think, nor do i want any if i recal this is still regarded a free thinking society. If however they want to know about me, they can simply ask, and it is still their choice as to weather they beleive what i have said or not, seems to me that is how friendships begin. POF is just one more avenue of staying connected with people like any other service free or not, that many people avail themselves of. i am sure if any couples here were breaking any rules of the site by being here they would be removed permentaly, the fact so many are still here does however indicate that none have been. So the question i ponder is if no rules of the site are broken and people are comfortable enough with their relationships that they can remain on this site of what interest is it to people that don't wish to know them anyway. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:40:36 AM | Well its a decision I believe both parties would make, honestly I would not want my new found partner chatting it up online.
We would move on....and put the dating site under our belts as the pre experience to meeting on another.
Of course everyone has their own opinion, no rights or wrongs...just what works for different people.
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Maxhal
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Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 64 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:49:12 AM |
It is amazing how many of these people feel "entitled" to be here, because it is free, and they do not have to pay to use the services.
Why would "these people", as you refer to them, think that they were not any more entitled, then single/looking people. There is a category for single/notlooking as a marital status, there is a categorie for married , there is a categorie for prefer not to say.
Are you entitled to use the bandwidth of a dating site when you are not in fact actively seeking a partner?
Yes as above, all people with the marital status indicated above are entitled to use the POF site, including those not actively seeking a partner, that appears obvious to me, and I am all for it, even though I am still looking.
Where exactly do you draw the line in who you feel are entitled to these free services. As the mayor indicates , if not allowed then their profiles would not exist. Are people who are not dating but only looking for an intimate encounter entitled, are people looking for an activity partner entitled. My opinion is again, yes all categories described by the POF profile questionnaire are entitled.
even though it spoke directly to our own material and consumer driven lifestyles..."that a sense of an entitlement to consume, in combination with narcissistic pride, ego, vanity, conceit, and arrogance, leads to the untenable situation of morally irresponsible consumption decisions".
I agree, except for the "even though" part you added, it seems to me that this paper talks about our own..etc lifestyles which would include all of us, singles , married, whatever, if your human you probably have consumption decisions to be made, and if your insecure then your likely going to have morally irresponsible consumption decisions. This to me is a pathological problem not readily applicable to a dating site especially not to single vs single/not looking , however may be applicable to a small number of the members .
What a freiking joke 
The more people available to write in these forums the better, and the more people who found their mate and stayed the better advice we are going to get about finding ours. What, you want to listen to a bunch of singles who only think they know what is best? I prefer to hear it from somone who has already been successful.
I think it's fantastic that they are staying to help us out, here in the forums, or at the POF events.
You guys rock for putting up with this $hit  | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:55:39 AM | | why is this site really here?... to generate ad revenue for the owner..... and whether you're single or not, you're generating that revenue every time you sign on... I doubt very much that admin would provide options such as "Not Single/Not Looking" if he didn't want them using the site, just the same as singles.... and excuse me, but what gives you the right to say who's bandwidth i can use.... is admin doesn't want non-singles on the site he can deal with it... not up to you to tell others they shouldn't be here | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 9:19:58 AM |
what r earth u doing on here get out do something with each other[\quote] Excuse me Lady Hpm BUT my SO is a FULL TIME father. Time with him is very precious and doesn't happen often. So I'm not allowed in the forums in my spare time? pick up phone and call each other You gonna foot my long distance phone bill to all of the friends I have made on this site? They live all over the province. I think you need to step back and realize you aren't seeing the big picture and need to step out of your little world and see the big picture....................how's that for a hurting truth! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 9:32:13 AM | So apparently having a different opinion is $hit?? How sad.
There is a difference of opinion and it is respected - but it's the negative comments and the comments posted to instigate and provoke others, that are unwarranted and immature!!! Why is it that each time a difference in opinion is made, it has to be done with rudeness and ignorance towards others?!?! Let's stop it!!
I have been blessed to find the man I wish to marry here and I have also been blessed to make some wonderful awesome friends. I wish to continue to make friends and so does my fiance. We have the option of requesting friends in our profile settings and we are taking that option!! I want to develop friendships here because the ones I have made so far are gold!!
Regardless of why people are here it is for no other person to place judgement - asking the question "why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??" is perfectly fine and legitimate - but to show hatred or rudeness towards others, because they are not here for the same reason is far from legitimate. It is slanderous and disgusting!! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 9:46:31 AM | Seems to be hatred, rudeness, immaturity, negativity, and provocation.... as well as a fair number of questionable assumptions... on both sides of the fence. Strong opinions elicit strong reactions.
My personal goal is to find the right person... and I have met a few interesting people. I'm just here doing my "mating dance". A lot of you may not like my style, but I'm seeking...and finding.... the few that do. I'm not looking for pals...but if some come along, that's fine. Nor do I believe anyone here can tell me anything about successful relationships I don't already know. I'm not some naive kid, and most importantly, I'm not you and you aren't me. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for all. As far as I'm concerned, that's a fact, not an opinion. Take it or leave it.
VVVV
discussing olive oil
Olive Oil??? No no no.... anything but olive oil!! Far too loaded a topic!! LOL
Nothing wrong with those kind of forums that I can see... my apologies...but I barely knew they existed!!! | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 70 | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:06:40 AM | Is it really necessary to make an entire group of people feel completely unwelcomed to something that we've all really enjoyed being a part of?
It is a problem because it interferes with the purposes of people that ARE looking.
Instead of putting the blame where it truely doesn't belong, prehaps it would be more constructive to make suggestions that would improve the site so that we can all co-exist without the nastiness that has come up with this thread. Maybe when a search shows up, instead of it just showing what the person is looking for, it could also show what their current status is. That way, you'd save time by not having to read through all the profiles...
I did a quick search in 100km of the GTA for men aged 18-99 that were non single/not looking...over 700+ results came up. I changed the gender to female, and again, over 700+ results came up.
I would be curious then, if you did a search for all of the "available" people, what the percentage would be for those who are looking for Hang out, Talk/Email, Photo Exchange, Friends, Intimate Encounter, Activity Partner, or Other Relationship. None of these include dating, so clearly the spectrum for why everyone is here widely varies more than simply being single or not, since there are plenty of single people on POF that are "not looking"...
but for those who say they have found their one, but are still searching the profiles, have you really found your fish if you're still on a dating site?
Please don't make assumptions that generalize that everyone's intentions are the same. It's incredibly rude to make it seem like we're all still scouting the singles' profiles after being commited to someone. Some of us are not here to make friends or look at profiles. Personally, I like the Cooking Forum and the Current Events Forum. Geez... who knew that by discussing olive oil or the upcoming election, that I was sending out the wrong idea to my mate...???? | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/24/2007 9:19:53 PM | 'So apparently having a different opinion is $hit?? How sad.'
Jeep: Yes. childish adults always conflate disagreement with disloyalty.
Always. Here comes the ad hominem insults of your profile.
Needless to say, the world is chock full of childish adults.
Nothing to get all worked up over. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/25/2007 6:40:19 AM | I agree wholeheartedly with most of the posts here. I am here for the chat, forums and other discussions as well as meeting fantastic people.
I believe just because you are in a committed relationship life still goes on. If you are in a secure position with your mate, having or finding more friends should not be a problem.
My b/f took his profile off POF after we got involved because he was on here just to find a love connection.
I think if you are involved you should state that in your profile so you don't waste anyone's time and energy. However, some people still just don't get it. They still im or send messages to invite you out on a date. A real turnoff for me. But that is the purpose of the block member icon. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/25/2007 7:09:57 AM | Go figure it took me this long to weigh in on this topic. I am in the middle of this argument because, on the one hand, I am a single person who joined this site to meet a female companion. On the other hand, I have a lot of friends from this site who have SO and I enjoy talking with them and interacting on these forums with them.
When one searches for profiles, one can choose options which will keep those who are NOT LOOKING off their search. The forums are a great place for those who have met their SO to share their experiences and opinions on a variety of topics. This IS a dating site. Let's not fool ourselves about that. However, it is also a site that promotes people meeting and sharing and talking. It's a website that promotes not only dating but also friendships. If it were STRICTLY a dating site, it wouldn't permit options like Single/Not Looking or Not Single/Not Looking.
Instead of complaining about those who have found their mate but want to continue to add to the flavor and embiance of the forums, enjoy the posts for what they are, entertainment. I have a bigger problem with people who are on this site who are insincere or fake. Let alone those who are constantly whining and ****ing about EVERYTHING. I find their negativity to be much more of a problem. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/25/2007 8:39:03 AM | ^^^ what he said and i'll add this:
the POF forums are a public venue for information exchange. for the people. by the people.
for the neysayers: sorry to bore with my drivel, but my SO and i happen to enjoy waking to each others posts on a variety of topics. we live in different cities and reading what the other views on a topic is a guilty pleasure that i'm not giving up just because some bitterness exists on here about who should be able to express themselves in a public setting.
pick up the phone/msn each other? can you easily do that with 200 people all in one shot!?
practicality people. i enjoy learning about scores of people all at once. what they think about the mona lisa made of toast. how many licks they think it takes to get to the centre of a tootsie pop. what makes them tick. if i can see myself getting to know that person better through the many events all over ontario. and most importantly: can i get a laugh and give a laugh in return!
*puts on her patchouli perfume, dashiki, and afro*
*stages sit-in and chants: heck no we won't go!* | |
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