| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:48:28 AM | Again, I will say breifly, if the owner of the site wished for this to be a singles only site, he would have fashioned the site so as to not accomodate those who are together.
Thats all that needs to be said I cant even believe the number of pages this has climbed.
Ijoined for no other reason than to make friends ,as I moved to an area in which I know nobody.What the hell is wrong with that?The options are there for a reason ,if its something you dont like Im sure there are a shitload of other "dating"sites that dont have those options.
Someone needs to call you a whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mbulance  | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 153 | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:54:47 AM |
I have to wonder if it continuing isn't just doing everyone more harm than good.
It's all good I think. Some POF Party organizers may take this into consideration at future events. Perhaps we may even see changes on the site to reflect current status of people. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 9:15:13 AM | I don't think that anyone is saying that once you have paired up with someone you can't contribute. But rather it would seem that the cliques and couples seem to be growing in numbers daily both in the forums and at POF gatherings, making it that much more difficult for singles to enjoy these types of events which, arguably, are SINGLES EVENTS, meant to encourage single people on the site to get together socially and meet other like-minded people. For example, there is a Crush thread and a Crush event in February. If all sorts of couples go, it defeats the purpose of going to try and find your Crush - where would you start? Being single and wading through couples in an attempt to meet someone you have never met before is not fun on Valentines Day. The point is to meet your crush that night, not be surrounded by people who already have a SO.
Personally, I think it's fabulous people meet good friends off this site, and would encourage it fully. But isn't is also fair to acknowldege the single person's complaint that a singles event is maybe not the place for you to get together with those friends? Can you not meet outside of these single events? As someone mentioned earlier, of course the bar will have a variety of people, not just POFers, but the events I have attended have a meet and greet at the beginning, exclusive to POF members.
Also, don't think that there are not cliques of people here who will exclude others from the events. I've been to enough POF events to see these cliques (and coupls from here are included in these cliques) take the tables, "save" seats for their 6 fellow POF friends who "might" show up, and make it uncomfortable for new people and regulars alike. Not all people do this by a long shot, but enough do that it warrants a mention.
This should not be an us against them discussion, but rather respecting why people feel as they do and making suggestions on how to alleviate these feelings of bad will some have on the topic. And possibly some people will take a step back and see how their actions affect other users of the site and perhaops be more considerate in future.
I am not in the "clique" so am fully expecting the respnse to this to be as mean as the few other Ontario threads I have had the nerve to post in. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 9:31:11 AM | Also, don't think that there are not cliques of people here who will exclude others from the events. I've been to enough POF events to see these cliques (and coupls from here are included in these cliques) take the tables, "save" seats for their 6 fellow POF friends who "might" show up, and make it uncomfortable for new people and regulars alike. Not all people do this by a long shot, but enough do that it warrants a mention.
i am getting so sick of this thread and other ones like this, so let me try this one more time.
@lyricalgal, i am calling u out. (and all the other people that have the same thoughts as lyricalgal ) i am inviting u right here and now in this thread to come to an event of your choice!!!!! i will personally take u and introduce u to the all the single men i know and intro u to all the peeps that i have met.
for the record i am not part of a couple, but i do know a few on here that are shining samples of couplehood. and cause they are in love guess what ? they want their friends to be as happy as they are, so they look for matches for their friends too. btw this is not meant to be mean either, and if u feel that it is then u truly dont know me.
and furthermore, yes i do belong to a clique, it is called POF and the ontario forums. admission fee ? NONE membership requirements ? live in ontario. how do ya ll like that for an answer ??????
as for the crush party, go to meet the hostesses, come meet me, come gawk at the cute boys with me. if i rememeber correctly u have only been to one or two pof events no ? so pull up your boot straps, and come join us.
i truly would like to post more, but need to wait until after this weekend,as i do not want an extended vacation from this lovely little playland.
OT: people stay because they can, beacause this is so much more than a dating site.
it is a multifaceted social website. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 9:45:15 AM | a short time ago I WAS one of these said couples and any POF party I went to we went to spend with our friends. Yes we saved the 6 chairs for those who DID show up and they were all single and yes we even went over to the single newbies numerous times sitting by themselves asking them to join us.....which is how I met some new friends.....
I keep saying I am not going to come back into this thread but sometimes you just have to..
again: we are all here so why not get along..geez | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:08:02 AM |
@lyricalgal, i am calling u out. (and all the other people that have the same thoughts as lyricalgal ) i am inviting u right here and now in this thread to come to an event of your choice!!!!! i will personally take u and introduce u to the all the single men i know and intro u to all the peeps that i have met
I will take you up on that as I am attending most of the February events coming up, with the exception of the Crush event because I have not seen too many singles attending as yet.
In my earlier thread, my intent was to point out my own experience at a few recent POF events, not to bash anyone person in particular. I had a wonderful time with the girlfriends I went with, but as far as meeting anyone from POF, it was impossible to do so - the group has all of the tables, and how stupid to go up to an entire table and say Hey I'm Here LOL I just wanted those in these cliques to see how it was from a new perspective, not **** about it, and perhaps see how they could make it more inviting.
Tabbs you are the first person to be nice in the Ontario threads and I appreciate it and only wish there were more like you, and who understood where I was coming from and what I was trying, perhaps not so elegantly, to say. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:24:18 AM |
Tabbs you are the first person to be nice in the Ontario threads
Yes Tabbs how on earth can you communicate with all us negative Nellies?
Regarding your most recent post,do you think the nametags would help?Different colours for the single/couples attending,I thought it was a good idea,and do know what your talking about.I can see how that would be frustrating to get the nerve up to approach someone only to find that they are not single,makes sense,but to exclude couples(thats how I read into some of the posts made,not all by you either)is not (imo) the right way to go,if this was exclusively a dating site I could see your point however it just isnt,plain and simple.
And did you know that on at least one occasion that I know of the whole crush thread and the work done on it was done by a couple?,helping people find others to be with?Ive never done it but in speaking with and just reading the work that has to go into such a thing is no small task,did they have to do that?Hell no they have thier crushes already and were simply helping others.
Im on here as well as my girlfriend to meet others in our area as its hard to do as an adult in a town where you know noone.The cliques yes they do exist but where dont they,Ive found throughout my entire life there will be people,that A --dont want to hang out with you or B-you dont want to hang out with,but you cant let that spoil it for you just keep going out,the more you do the better your chances of meeting people.Yeah it can be very frustrating it can hurt your feelings it can stress you out make you question yourself.....if you let it.
Anyways I thought the different coloured tag idea was a good one. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:36:32 AM |
a short time ago I WAS one of these said couples and any POF party I went to we went to spend with our friends.
Mirage9, your profile is a good case in point for the potential confusion that arises for those of us who are single. You WERE in a relationship but I assume from your post that you no longer are. Your profile reads that you are seeking a man for friends. Like a lot of the profiles say for those who are in relationship. Had I seen you at a POF function with your ex and not read the particular post that says you are not single, I would assume you are not available.
I'm sure you would prefer I continue assuming that however it still points out that those who are in relationship need to be clearly marked so that those of us who are single can quickly see that someone's relationship status has changed for the time being.
I don't see this topic as being argumentative but simply a potential catalyst for changes that will make everyone's life a little simpler. Finding a mate is difficult enough without having to sort out who has or has not already found one. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 10:54:40 AM | I can definitely see the benefit in people that have been around for a while and have developed a social circle in real-time introducing singles to others, and making "newbies" feel a little more comfortable with the whole social scene. I've only been to one event so far, and not being a "bar person", I found it all a little strange. Knowing a few people there from the forums did help put me a little more at ease though. I suppose very little comes naturally the first time you do it!! I still find it hard to convince myself to go to events, but that's all in my own head, having absolutely nothing to do with who's single and who's not at such events.
Still, if anyone starts in with the "nice personality schpeel" about someone I'm just not attracted to... I might run. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:03:14 AM | You WERE in a relationship but I assume from your post that you no longer are. Your profile reads that you are seeking a man for friends
I can see your point, but my profile also states I am single in case you missed that point. When I was in a relationship it said "not single/not looking and it was quite clear. I even had a picture of us both up. Anyone can attest to that who saw my old profile, that it was quite clear I was a couple.
Assuming from my posts then your assumptions were correct I am single, but my profile states that as well and quite clearly what I am looking for. Yes, that is a friends....I believe you need to start out as friends..
I agree with you when in a relationship it should be obvious, as mine originally was. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:05:09 AM | I'm sure you would prefer I continue assuming that however it still points out that those who are in relationship need to be clearly marked so that those of us who are single can quickly see that someone's relationship status has changed for the time being
^^^^I will not wear a big purple hat if that is where you are going. It is just a few samll steps from couples being forced to wear identifying marks to some sort of datng holocaust. This is how it starts...next thing you know couples are sent on a train to the showers. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:16:56 AM |
^^^^I will not wear a big purple hat if that is where you are going. It is just a few small steps from couples being forced to wear identifying marks to some sort of datng holocaust. This is how it starts...next thing you know couples are sent on a train to the showers.
I think a colored name tag will suffice LOL Your example is a tad extreme and in poor taste. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:23:43 AM | I will not wear a big purple hat if that is where you are going. It is just a few samll steps from couples being forced to wear identifying marks to some sort of datng holocaust. This is how it starts...next thing you know couples are sent on a train to the showers
LMAO ^^^^^
Your pimphand is strong ,put on the hat!!!!
And I dont think its couples that need reminders so who should be marked if not both?Not us I say.
understood where I was coming from and what I was trying, perhaps not so elegantly, to say
and lyrical,thats cause you usually catch more flys with sugar than shiit | |
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P-n-J
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Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 168 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:37:30 AM | for the sake of this discussion could someone please define the term " clique "
i have often been accused of being part of a clique before, but i didnt see it.
sure there was a group of us that hung out at parties together, but that started more cause we kept going to the same ones and bumping into eachother.
then as friends we went to more, and what s tarted off as maybe 5 or 6 people kept growing week by week till it hit into the dozens.
if thats a clique, then i suppose i am guilty of it, but i wouldnt give it up for anything.
erratic | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:41:38 AM | DEFINITION OF THE TERM "CLIQUE":
A clique (pronounced AmE /kl?k/, BrE /kli?k/) is an informal and restricted social group formed by people who share common interests (formal social groups are referred to as societies or organizations). They are often subsets of larger social groups. Cliques are often associated with groups of teenagers, but can be found in most social groups. Teenage cliques have been relevantly addressed both in literature and cinema. Movies like Mean Girls and Odd Girl Out explore the subject, and are based on literary works by psychologists.
Cliques also exist politically, in the form of ruling cliques. A complex series of military alliances between warlords in a civil war can form cliques, such as the Zhili clique in the history of the Republic of China.
(Personal note: I suppose whether you define a clique in negative or positive terms all depends on where you see yourself in the social spectrum.) | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:51:35 AM | | I thought there was a certain Ontario Clique...even brought it up once in the forums way back. All of these thoughts were laid to rest when I attended my first function last December and Tabbs and Vampy and Dragonfire immediately made me feel comfortable and right at home within the group. So get out there peeps. As for the in extreme and in poor taste...Kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 11:52:21 AM | Oh I'm loving all the posts in this thread. What great opinions you all have. So diverse. hahahaha
I had one girlfriend mention to me this last week-end that she had attended a coffee meet once and everyone there was already a couple. So she felt uncomfortable and out of place and that there was no sense to her going again. I suppose that feeling has some merit too. I've never quite experienced that myself. Usually lots of people are single where I go. I notice the women are darned quick to stake their claims. Wouldn't want to be dating others left-overs would we?? So for me so far, this has not been a problem.
Interesting thread though and if any-one is uncomfortable at an event and I am there. Well step right up and do say "Hello I'm here".......that does work every time. POFers are very kind and helpful and an accepting bunch.
If we have to wear coloured hats? Can mine be Blue please???
vvvvvvvvvv Yup the Anarchy has begun!!! vvvvvvvvvv | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:01:25 PM | If we have to wear coloured hats? Can mine be Blue please???
^^^^This is exactly what I was talking about. It all starts small...but soon you need some sort of ad hoc advisory committee debating for months and spending millions of dollars on the potential socio economic psychological ramifications of colour as interpreted through the ages. Soon the Feds have to step in...the house shuts down after a three day fillibuster on why red is too tied up with menstrall connotations...Emergency powers are drafted by the majority leader and he assumes totalitarian control...and then...Facism. Off to the showers with all those who said they didn't want a big funny hat...and a special camp for the people who requested purple. Nuff said | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:03:51 PM |
I can see your point, but my profile also states I am single in case you missed that point.
As a matter of fact I did miss that but being a man I am not required to read the whole profile just look at the pretty pictures. I would do this: but you might get some of the egg on my face.
Off to find safer chains to rattle. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:07:43 PM | I for one just want to state that I find it very disheartening that some people deem the succesful relationships formed here on POF, to be a detriment to the singles scene, that makes up the events we attend here in Ontario! I know for a fact that myself and my fiance always make the effort to help out our single friends, to seek loving and caring partners - as I have stated before. Up until I met him in June, I to was attending events and hoping to find the man of my dreams!! I went to events in Brampton - Brantford - Hamilton - Kitchner - Guelph - Oshawa - Burlington - not once was I ever shunned - ignored - pushed aside or asked not to approach any table of people, or groups gathered in a so called clique huddle!! I simply made myself part of each and every group that I met - I walked up introduced myself - started talking and made many, many friends!!!! If I am in a clique, I am in a very huge clique that makes up much of southern Ontario!!! If I had to count, I would say that I have made at least 100 new friends - people I love to hug, chat with and see frequently!!
It is an insult to the wonderful, welcoming and kind people who have made the POF experience for most here, a positive adventure in life!!!
The couples here simply show that this site is successful and it can work for anyone!!
Make it positive!! I stay because I see it as that - positive and succesful!!! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:14:14 PM | @ InterD... LOL! I think all of POF will happily agree that YOU do not have to contribute to the totalitarium control and wear a name tag... 
But I think alot of postive changes may happen, even though we all may have taken the long way to get them  | |
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