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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:16:07 PM | Fascism, perhaps?
The gay community has a colour code. Handkerchiefs are worn to represent if a male is free, and what he's into...I don't see them being sent off to the showers.
Karate schools use a different coloured belt to show the successful level of training a student has...I don't see them being sent off to the showers.
Sports teams wear different coloured jerseys and tops to differentiate their teams on the court or field...I don't see them being sent off to the showers.
People sport different coloured ribbons to show their support...ie. pink for cancer...I don't see them being sent off to the showers.
I don't think we need coloured name tags, or hats at singles events. I think we do need to understand that there will be some couples...some singles...some married people...some dating...some friends...and approach each with the same caution that you might approach a potential fish when NOT at a dating site/event.
If they are already taken, no reason to be ashamed, or embarrassed...honest mistake.
THAT said, if a gorgeous female approaches your BF/SO, or a hot guy stops by to chat up your GF/SO...I trust you will all be understanding that it could happen anywhere...online on a dating site, or at a singles party. The intent is for singles to meet...honest mistake.
Dev | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:19:32 PM | I walked up introduced myself
You sure did Leeanne, you were one of the first that said hello to me, and your were a couple then.
Off to find safer chains to rattle
maybe just easier......hard to rattle my chains
VVVV totally agree 110% with you dawn3232.... | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:25:09 PM | @ Lyrical Girl
Quote: Can you not meet outside of these single events?
My question is, why should we miss out on seeing our single friends having fun. Why should I miss out on meeting people I have enjoyed ‘seeing’ every day as they post in the forums? I am honest in saying that there are so many people here that I would really like to meet because they are provocative in what they write. I know I want to get to know them. Rest assured I will NOT be hitting on the single guys. I am in a committed relationship, but I will hopefully get to talk to a few because I find worth in what they say.
Mirage stated this quite eloquently.... “I believe you need to start out as friends” I know so many singles that have that in their profiles because they really believe that every relationship starts with friendship. A long-term relationship is the end product…
Ontario cliques: Hammertown Hoppers: we have peeps from St. Catherine’s, Burlington, Mount Hope, Caledonia, Cambridge, Mississauga and Brantford attend events such as patio night and parties. Vamp Vixen, Tabbs, Monica Gellar, Lolo, Happy Shappy and Happy Harvick have traveled to join in the fun. Many of us have traveled to the Burlington, Brampton and Brantford nights to meet new people and say hello to ones we have come to know as friends. Is this a huge clique? When a newbies attend, they are greeted, introduced and welcomed into the fold. They are considered a part of the group of people who found this site by accident or design who need to make meaningful social contacts. When I attended in Brantford, I was very shy, welcomed by all.
In larger venues, you will have people who know each other stick together. That is universal, not restricted to PoF. You feel safer when with friends. Lets not do the ‘them against us’, any more because when we meet, it will be a shame to have to get past the feelings of not being wanted. We may miss out on meeting some really wonderful friends. That is why I stay here.
As an aside- I got to make email contact with two of the people from my ‘want to meet that person’ wish list… Whoohoo! Now when I read something they write that prompts comment, they know I have a genuine interest in they have said!
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:26:13 PM |
This is how it starts...next thing you know couples are sent on a train to the showers.
this is off topic...but it was pointed out that before that this was an extreme example and in poor taste...and then to repeat it what 4 more times tsk tsk
this is just a website...nothing more...shakes head and leaves this thread! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:41:45 PM | Just remember when you were single and how it felt, and put yourself in the shoes of current singles and respect their feelings on the topic, is all anyone asks.
how it felt.....how it felt.....it felt GREAT having fun as a single! just as it feels amazing having fun as a couple. it's all a matter of attitude and why you go to said events. if you treat it like a meat market, that is what it will be to you. you will win some and you will lose some in who you approach. this is not a new phenomenon. another thing to keep in mind: these parties for the most part are not labelled as singles parties. they are a free for all so to speak.
i really do not understand it when groups of friends are labelled as a "clique" yet it is deemed acceptable in the minds of some (not all) to want to EXCLUDE couples from a public forum/pof party. the remaining singles would thus be the very thing you gripe about: a clique (an exclusive bunch).
i remain on the site as it is a great community of individuals (singles and couples) and i have the ability to communicate with several hundred people all in one shot about my views on a particular subject. the information i find on these forums often helps me/my friends/my family - so why not stay? | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:48:42 PM | Sorry but I must chime in here on the clique stuff. I still will maintain there are cliques on this web board. Have I been shunned by any of them? Nope, but they do exist. Anyhow that's another topic all together.
Hey, if it wasn't for this site allowing for couples to still access it, I would not be friends with Kitch and Alf, and the Platinums for example. Great folks and love hanging with them when I get a chance. That's part of what it's all about. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 12:57:00 PM | After reading this thread
And other threads lately
I have to say there has been alot of negativity on here,,is starting to drive me,,,to actually deleting myself,,YES I am hooked up,,BUT
I met him at a POF gathering,,and well I do enjoy certain events still ,in where there is many couples that still frequent, and new people come out ALL the time and is absolutely GREAT to see them hook up and come out of thier shells. Sometimes these new people need the courage or even someone to introduce them to others.
I will not miss the negativity I have seen here in the forums the last few months, at ALL!!!!!
BUT I will miss, many peoples opinions, and the variety of discussions, the laughs I used to see and all the caring that people can and DO give on this site!!!
Think after Feb 2nd,,,,,,,you will see one less fish on here, as lately, all I see is negative, jealousy, and betrayal of others.
Something I do not need in my life, I used to enjoy this place, the forums, I have met many, but those whom do know me, know how to find me otherwise!!!
Before I leave,,,,,,,here is a HINT people
this should be a huge part of your life, and maybe IF you understand this, you will realize, perhaps why you are single, and hopefully, correct it
" Surround yourself with negativity and YOU yourself will be negative.......... surround yourself with positve....... and you will find yourself a better person,,,,and a better person to be around!!!!!!" hence,,,,,then perhaps not be single,,,
No one wants to be around a negative person !!!!! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 2:23:31 PM | Ok Ontario Regulars - you win. I thought I could post how it felt for some people at a POF events but apparently with your crowd there is no compromise - you will defend each other regardless, name-call any "outsider" who posts here and join together to make her so uncomfortable she will never post in your threads again or attend a POF party hosted by any of you. Instead of understanding, you are so quick to demean, judge and belittle.
It had nothing to do with negativity, it had to with expressing how it sometimes felt to a single person attending a POF party filled with the Ontario clique and couples and searching for a way to perhaps make it more inclusive, and perhaps show those people how others viewed them in these situations. Instead you turned it into some personal flaw of mine and made a point of making it a "then against us" thread, which was never the intent.
Sorry for intruding, myself and the others who have read this thread and your comments and meanness towards me will certainly never bother with you or your events, so your club is safe.
Thank you to Leanne and Tabbs who in fact understood where I was coming from and very very gracious and sweet, I wish I had the opportunity to have met you first before coming on the Ontario forums and seeing everyone else here.
Knowing some people feel that way, why are you trashing them instead of looking for ways to make it better? | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 2:40:14 PM |
Instead you turned it into some personal flaw of mine and made a point of making it a "then against us" thread, which was never the intent
It has always been a trademark in these forums to shift attention away from the real point for some people... they do it regularly. Hang around and you will get to know who they are rather quickly.
I don't have a problem with couples attending events but one thing I did notice about a few couples is that they interfere with some of the singles attempting to learn more about another single person.
I think it is extremely ignorant for couples to interfere with such situations..... those kind of couples should stay away because they shouldn't feel it is their place to interfere. | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 2:54:20 PM | Lyrical girl ... I honestly wish someone would kill this thread dead .... like a week ago ..
Everyone is entitled to opinions and not always are people going to see eye to eye on things. There are some people who can accept another persons viewpoint is different then theirs, there are others who cannot.
This thread has ranged far and wide on opinions but the bottom line CONTINUES to come down to ...
We simply don't agree .... I am ok with that ....
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE KILL THIS THREAD!!!!!! THe question has been more then answered and now it really is nothing more then a flame war and people being hurtful ...
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:30:24 PM | @ason.... absolutely... we stand together as one voice, (tones very different but what a beautiful sound!), male, female, young, old, single, dating... as friends first... everything else is gravy!
 Is the thread dead yet? How about a thread about how this one got people talking behind the scenes... I am one lucky Fish- corresponded with three great people today! | |
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t-gurl
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Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 188 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:48:16 PM |
^^^ I concur. It does appear that the final answer to the OP questions would be people are here to maintain friendships, to be seen and to be heard.
Quite frankly, that SHOULD be the final answer to the OP's question.
BUT, it seems a lot has happened here since I last checked in soooo, here's my 3 cents worth.
I still will maintain there are cliques on this web board. Have I been shunned by any of them? Nope, but they do exist.
Dante, by Jeep's definition below (thanks Jeep  ), the fact that you were not shunned, means that it was not a restricted group, therefore not a clique. And let's face it. Any group that would accept ME as well they have is hardly restricted 
A clique (pronounced AmE /kl?k/, BrE /kli?k/) is an informal and restricted social group
And to Lyricalgal, I'm sorry you feel like you've been attacked. These really are a good bunch of people, but they do have their own opinions and don't like their world being challenged.(who does? ) Does that sound "cliquish"? Maybe, but they really are a welcoming bunch | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 3:52:22 PM | OK, one more comment then I'm outta here cause I'm tired of this too.
A point that I haven't seen made yet. I think the people that have been on POF for a long while, tend to defend it because it is such a good experience for the most part. So when newbies come along and try to make their points and voice their opinions about this stuff, we tend to get frustrated because we've heard it a thousand times before.
So newbies, until you've taken it all in, gone to some events, met some of us and experienced it all for yourself, loosen up, give it a chance before you go "thinking" everything to death. Take it for what it's worth. I promise that if you stay positive, you will have a good experience. 
*takes marbles and goes home*
\/\/\/Do not take my words out of context, that is NOT what I meant. If you have something to say to me, sent me a message rather than dragging this on any longer in the threads! Better yet, come to Brantford on Friday and join in the fun! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:04:39 PM | Give Peace A Chance
John Lennon & Paul McCartney
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/29/2007 4:16:58 PM | @ason.... Boy am I disappointed! Thought you were saying we could all co-exist.... silly me!!!! Guess you meant we were gonna still be lepers! Some day you will run across me at a function and we will talk and we will probably have a few laughs and enjoy the venue.
@ Lyrical Girl- you have a great deal of class... we emailed outside of the thread and yes- you rock girl! Some deserving guy may stand a chance, but I have a feeling you are a woman of substance so he best be a pretty great guy!
@ Sharp Witted one.... you are just that, sharp witted and more... can't wait to say hello...
@ JeepRennie- you are a very nice person, a gentleman. Thank you for sharing thoughts with me...
@ Mirage... thanks for helping me resist today- bad Shorty took over, I was wrestled to the ground and forced to re-enter this thread.... but now I have said what I need to say....
(@ mods.... I promise).... except for one last thing.
For all the peeps I know that posted... Hi- love you still, even if we disagreed.... its your mind that makes us all come back, read, post, wait to see the outcome, read, post, wait to see the fallout.... man we are great!
@OP because of this question, I was given the opportunity to 'talk' to by email, a number of people I have admired by their posts..... for the rest that I haven't connected with .... maybe someday .... WE ALL ROCK!!!!!
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/30/2007 1:49:54 AM | Hi folks. Dare I state the obvious - that BigFish himself has a mate but still appears from time to time in some of the Forums? (at least I think I see him pop up from time to time)
What I found quite strange was that after I changed my profile in mid-December to indicate that I was just here for the Forums and was hoping to develop a new friendship into something AMAZING I got more "hits" than ever before! And mostly from guys who were either too young or too married to be of interest had I been looking at the time.
I have had mixed experiences at POF events so I can empathize with the poster who felt excluded. The Christmas parties seemed to be very "couple" oriented while other events were not. The crowd at Butt Rhetler's in Mississauga made me feel very welcome although I'd never met any of them before - a certain other venue which shall remain nameless-in-central-Etobicoke was NOT such a warm and fuzzy experience for me.
I have become very close friends with a terrific younger man who was really impressed that I had attended the first singles event at the Dior alone; most women seem to take friends along - kinda like that going to the bathroom in pairs thing. I've met some great women at some of these events and made some new guy "pals" - it's fun to watch people and have your own opinions validated by others. For example, the Etobicoke Xmas event I attended there were a number of women on the dance floor who had apparently forgotten that they were no longer 18 or in single digit dress sizes (I may be fat but I know how to dress appropriately for my figure AND my age). My guy pals agreed with my assessment.
One final point - I am very, very glad that JackBNimble is on this site, even though he's met his lady, because now I get to be part of Fishstock, a musical extravaganza being organized for June 9, 2007 at the Peel Pub in the east end of Toronto. Watch for more info as the date gets closer or email myself or JackBNimble for details.
There's a good example actually - apart from his participation in the forums he's also using POF to try and line up a drummer!
Okay, it's almost 5 in the morning and I've been a pumpkin for several hours now. Nighty night all.
Darlene
edit - P.S. I notice that prof_chaos has two testimonials from MALE friends he's made on the site - and THAT, ladies and gentlemen boys and girls, is why we're ALL here. Lovers come and go but friends keep you SANE through all the tsouris (check out my thread about "a real friend is somebody who") | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:31:43 AM | ^^^^You are a very wise lady g/f! Very well said! Thank you.
I guess you could call me one of the ones who has been here for quite some time. And no, I do not think of this site as my own personal site. It belongs to Marcus. It is to be shared by myself and anyone else who cares to participate.
Lyrical Girl? Such a pretty lady with a lot of favs! You will do well darlin. I do understand what you are trying to say. I have at some point, gone to coffee meets wherein the participants were coupled up and yes, I thought to myself "why bother". However, I have come to truly enjoy the bunch who meet up for coffee as my friends. Now, our circle is ever expanding with new single folks coming out all the time! I learned something valuable just this past weekend. When one of us is down and needs help? This bunch rallies around to provide what they can. It truly warmed my heart. Couples and singles did what they could. To me, that is what life is all about in general! Good supportive friends, single or couples. Take the time all, to enjoy other's viewpoints! Go to a meet and actually get to know some of the folks who tick ya off. We are all simply HUMAN, and as Tiny Tim said? God love us, each an every one! | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:24:53 AM |
Ok Ontario Regulars - you win. I thought I could post how it felt for some people at a POF events but apparently with your crowd there is no compromise
do know what your talking about.I can see how that would be frustrating
Sometimes I really dont know why I even bother | |
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| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:08:18 AM | I found it really interesting to read people's forum posts when I was single and looking. It tells alot about you that's not in your profile.
So even if someone is talking about why others are on a dating site when not single, the people with the flamboyant or dramatic opinions may be that way in person.
the calm, give peace a chance folks - says alot a bout ya!
Every word typed expresses who you are and communicates to others. So if you are single and have someone in mind, just read their posts ... and we "not single" folks will keep the forum conversation going so you can do just that. | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 199 | |
| why do some people stay on a dating site when they have met a mate ??
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:09:17 PM | so who knows why for sure
many on what I will refer to as both sides of this issue have plainly stated why. I would suspect however that not only on POF, or in fact other dating sites, the internet in general, the workplace, local bar, or a baseball field, there will always be those that are secure in their choices, those that are not, those that deceive and those that are forthright both in word and deed. This I would think is commonly referred to as life and it becomes a matter of how we as individuals deal with those differences that makes the biggest impact.
Yup sure has made an interesting read | |
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Its all about trust & communication between those two people....thats ALL that matters.
...bedtime for me........