| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:09:17 AM |
waves a couple of red flags about
Then you need to resolve those issues before you can have a healthy relationship. You really do need to figure out what it is in life that you can not give yourself that feel you have to get from someone else.
Approval
Love
Confidence
etc.
Learn to provide those things on your own. Fill your bucket full of love, confidence and approval so that you will overflow and be able to give to others in a healthy way.
If your bucket is empty how will be able to love someone else? Think about that. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:52:50 PM | Wow, I think Rune hit the nail on the head:
Clingy" is just the name we call people who want more of us, our time and our affection that we want to give. It's not quantifiable and even varies for an individual compared with who they are relating to.
But I will say that my personal experience has been that some people seek out romantic interests who seem strong enough to carry both parties in the relationship. Of course in the end, few if any people want to HAVE to carry both parties, and the relationship disintegrates. But oftentimes in those cases, the "stronger" person will describe the other person as "clingy."
And as a general rule, based entirely on my own experience, when women are looking for someone "to take care of me," or when men write that "I'm looking for my reason for living," it's a pretty good bet they're going to be more clingy than not. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:05:32 PM |
Clingy" is just the name we call people who want more of us, our time and our affection that we want to give. It's not quantifiable and even varies for an individual compared with who they are relating to.
I dunno.
I still think you can love someone and they're too clingy because they are co-dependent. I have loved someone who was too clingy. All she had to do was tone it down a bit and we would have been fine. But as it turns out, she was just too much of a co-dependent and I didn't want that in my life. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:57:37 PM | | MY GOSH I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTE MYSELF, SOO TRUE, SO TRUE, | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:02:12 PM | | CLINGY IS THE ONLY HOPE FOR HANGING ON, AND IF THATS THE ONLY WAY TO HANG ON, TRUST ME...LET GO..THE FALL IS SOFT, AND LIFE GOES ONE | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:40:38 PM | rune3 (msg 22)...
I agree with you completely!!
By the way....where ARE all you cling-on men????..lol
 | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:53:25 PM | Wow Jarbarian,
have you ever heard of a thing called humor?? Surely you can't believe everything you write? I don't need to resolve anything. You don't even know me. I was waving some red flags about because you seem to hyper focused on them that you can't see past anything else. My instinct was right in posting that as you bit hook line and sinker instead of seeing the humor.
I have read thousands of dollars in relationship books listened to tapes and even went to school to learn about relationship building. And you know what its all wrong. People identify with red flags because they are not ok within themselves plain and simple. No one is perfect and what is a redflag to one person is nothing to someone else. People are not flawed they are unloved! People are suffering the effects of a world of judgments placed on there shoulders that they carry around with them. those who appear to be above this are the abusers that do this to others. Not because they are better then them but because they think they are.
Without compassion we are nothing but empty shells that only look good. often needing to bolster the illusion by appearing successful. these people are mindless in there interactions with others not on purpose but because they don't know any better. I hope one day you will be able to throw the rule book out and Love someone warts and all and them you in return.
cheers
crazylilting | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:38:56 AM | | "Clingy" is someone who needs to be with you rather than wants to be with you. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:00:16 AM | Nah sometimes people are naturally clingy because they are in love with that person, I hate how everyone keeps making it out to be an insecurity thing when its not always that. Like me I can be a bit clingy, not as much these days but I'd like to think that I could show my true emotions torwards someone I felt strongly about without coming off as "desperate" which im not since I have had quite a few "opportunities" and have never taken them. But also the insecurity can stem from the other person who doesnt show as much affection. Then the "klingon" as someone called it hehe, will feel paranoid and feel inclined to try harder. See it's partly the others fault (the person who led them on to begin with) because they gave them that hope, that shot, then as soon as they stopped showing interest the person who felt for that person gets in a heart broken love loop as I like to call it and works even harder to make it work.
I have learned from past experiences that trying harder will not make a relationship work since you cant make someone love you, you can make them aware of how much you care but it wont change anything sadly. The best thing to do is move on and find someone who's into you. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:21:04 AM |
Wow Jarbarian,
have you ever heard of a thing called humor?? Surely you can't believe everything you write? I don't need to resolve anything. You don't even know me. I was waving some red flags about because you seem to hyper focused on them that you can't see past anything else. My instinct was right in posting that as you bit hook line and sinker instead of seeing the humor.
I do, but this isn't the humor or jokes forum.
I have read thousands of dollars in relationship books listened to tapes and even went to school to learn about relationship building. And you know what its all wrong. People identify with red flags because they are not ok within themselves plain and simple.
I disagree. Red flags serves as a warning that something is wrong. If you're dating someone and they're sneaking around on you, that'd be considered a red flag wouldn't it? Does that mean something is wrong with YOU or them?
Think about that before you answer.
No one is perfect and what is a redflag to one person is nothing to someone else.
Ah but you see, what is acceptable behavior to some is not to others. If I am dating someone and she is having long chats and going to lunch with an ex, I might not be OK with that. Some men might, but to me I think it would be disrespectful to me. A lot of it depends on the situation but in many relationships we ingore red flags until it's too late.
Then we end up in the coping section wondering what went wrong when all along we knew something was not right.
People are not flawed they are unloved! People are suffering the effects of a world of judgments placed on there shoulders that they carry around with them. those who appear to be above this are the abusers that do this to others. Not because they are better then them but because they think they are.
We're all imperfect. I disagree we're all unloved. Somewhere out there someone loves you with ever fiber of their being. Granted, it may not be the love of a wife or girlfriend. Maybe a parent, sibling or friend.
Without compassion we are nothing but empty shells that only look good. often needing to bolster the illusion by appearing successful. these people are mindless in there interactions with others not on purpose but because they don't know any better. I hope one day you will be able to throw the rule book out and Love someone warts and all and them you in return.
You don't really know me and your assessment is far off base. If you knew me, my ex and our relationship I would say without a doubt I accepted her, warts and all. She did not accept me, warts and all.
I loved her with every fibre of me being, but because it did not work out doesn't mean I am a robot. I can freely look at other relationships and give my advice because I don't have a vested interest in the outcome, only in the sense that I want the person suffering to heal. That's why I give advice.
I'm sorry if you feel like I am not being compassionate enough, but we're all lacking a little tough love. You can't sugarcoat everything. Sometimes you just have to accept it for face value and while the advice may not always be pleasant for our ears, it's still just advice.
You can accept it or not, but it isn't gospel. Advice is only worth the value you place on it. Just because someone gives you advice does not mean the advice is 100% correct in every situation.
The human mind is far too complex for their to be only one possibility.
Cheers. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:50:16 AM |
If you're dating someone and they're sneaking around on you, that'd be considered a red flag wouldn't it? Does that mean something is wrong with YOU or them?
if your dating someone who is sneeking about on you.... You haven't done the ground work to be with them, plain and simple. If you dont know them well enough you shouldn't be in an intimate relationship so who is healthy???
Ah but you see, what is acceptable behavior to some is not to others. If I am dating someone and she is having long chats and going to lunch with an ex, I might not be OK with that. Some men might, but to me I think it would be disrespectful to me. A lot of it depends on the situation but in many relationships we ingore red flags until it's too late.
again i say you don't know this person well enough to even be in a relationship with. I wouldn't care if someone i'm with is having long lunches with her ex because i would know her well enough to be with her and her with me. I wouldn't be with someone who didn't share simular beliefs or values. Not by what they say but by the truth of there being.
i don't think my assesment is off base at all as you react in a very predictable way and have been following your posts with interest because of your attachments to redflags. I believe you have been hurt in the past and are simply over compensating by being hyperfocused on what may lead to simular situations... or you wouldn't be worried about red flags. plain and simple. You didn't accept her warts and all because you think she is doing something behind your back like you said earlier on in your post.
further more you gave me unsolisited advise for no appearent reason!!!!
I'm sorry if you feel like I am not being compassionate enough, but we're all lacking a little tough love. You can't sugarcoat everything. Sometimes you just have to accept it for face value and while the advice may not always be pleasant for our ears, it's still just advice.
I'm a life skills coach and rarely sugar coat anything. i will call a spade a spade with no problem, at all which i'm doing.... what you are saying about your partner and myself has nothing to do with compasion or love. but to make yourself look good. and advise is asked for not given because of our own issues or predisposition to red flags. A red flag is something that we concider a marker of future events baced on our own issues. some times we are correct in predicting future events based on these judgements. without really knowing a person on a deep level we do not know though or have related to them on a deeper level to fast. And your absolutely correct when you say that advise isn't 100% correct in every situation. And humans are not so complex.
crazylilting | |
|
LBP
|
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 3:37:43 AM | A Klingon is a Klingon and they come in both sexes.
It's not even that you aren't interested in them. They lack the patience to see if you are or not so just move things along at a frightening pace.
My experience has been that when you try to slow these people down it makes things worse. Then they start to overcompensate, or secretly resent you for wanting space. Even when you aren't talking to them, you know they are sitting there waiting for you to call. You say jump, they say how high. You tell them you don't like something about them, they'll swear to change. I don't want that kind of control over another person and would never let them have that kind of control over me.
I wonder if these people want me or just to be in a relationship already. It does not feel sincere. Instead it feels controlled and caged.
Besides the obvious control issues red flag, you start to feel their motivations for being in the relationship are very different from your own. I'm in it looking for my match, they are in it looking to meet some kind of pre-conceived unrealistic expectation that was not developed with my input. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 12:11:54 PM | How often do you call and epect more than 2 mins of phone conversation?
How often do you just "pop by" his home/work/favorite hangout?
How much of YOUR stuff is in HIS bathroom?
Affeconate is good. Clingy is bad.
 | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 12:16:10 PM | | clingy..........demanding all of our time and attention....sucking our energy from us....not getting us a beer | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:50:45 PM | | Rune3 I agree with: "Clingy" is just the name we call people who want more of us, our time and our affection that we want to give. It's not quantifiable and even varies for an individual compared with who they are relating to. Behaviour that might drive you nuts from one person can be appreciated as affection from another person. With some blokes there is an impossibly fine line between "cold and unaffectionate" and "too clingy" and you'll never get it right! Don't worry, if your natural behaviour is considered by them to be too clingy, they are simply not right for you. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/20/2007 5:59:53 PM | You want to make that person THE ONE, ALL YOURS and you tend to breath down their neck.
Loosen the noose or you'll lose him.
I have a guy that I could get clingy on and I handle it this way.
If I back off the lovey dovey and let him be himself, I actually get his attention. I see him in the corner of my eye watching and I play on that. In bed, clingy is in there's no way around that!
Good luck | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:28:25 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Just wondering Jstme59..what about YOU letting yourself be who you are??..lovey dovey and all?...I just don't think a person should have to hold back on who they are in order to win someone's attention. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/23/2007 12:28:59 AM | Well......if the other person is physically attached to you.......and you try to peel them off........and they streeeeeeeetch, and then snap back to the same position. Like a stretch Armstrong. that's pretty clingy.
Seriously.......if the other person doesn't respect your personal space. Is always all over you like a cheap coat. (literally or figuratively)
Someone who is clingy is constantly with you, pouts when you can't or won't spend time with them, needs constant reassurance that things are okay, gets jealous or suspicious if you say no the their attention, stuff like that. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:27:51 AM | Hightened emotional affection.
It really depends on the person. I can live with a woman being with me 24/7 if I like/love them that much.
It can be just a couple in love or whom are very fond of eachother, who completely enjoy eachothers company and love to show their affection
tris | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:53:13 AM | I know one thing, that is some people on here are trying to accuse me of doing all that stuff, and I havent done ANY of that with the one exception of that one day where I had a hard time getting in touch with him. That was it. If being a tender person who values their affection makes me in that category, then I dont care. So be it.
I generally make a point of not calling at all unless it is implied by him either through "talk to you in the morning"/similar or a message that says call me back. He is pretty good about calling me to be fair. In fact, generally, apart from one day, he has asked me to call MORE often. He said he LIKES getting calls from me.
Hell, he's the one reaching for MY hand and MY lips and the phone to call me, well its not hell, its very nice actually, but my point is I am not any of these things people are accusing me of. I think I'd be mistaken if I said I didnt long to spend more time with him, heck who doesnt in a healthy relationship?? I dream about it in fact.
I am not codependent, in fact I made myself clear to him that I wont be expecting anything in that arena. We maintain our boundaries with our separate residences, stick to just the phone outside of visits, and respect each other's desires. Clingy? nah. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:39:03 PM | Okay here's the truth,it only becomes clingy when he starts to LOSE interest,if it was good to be clingy for a month and he didn't say a word,reality is LUST has worn off and he now feels smothered,but that isn't your problem it's his,I feel if a guy is open to begin with a woman won't be clingy but us men like that especially from an attractive woman and then when we get tired of everything it suddenly becomes a problem,flip the roles,a woman dates a man he works alot and she is still happy with the time he gives her,then about a few months in all of a sudden "He doesn't give me enough time" well you knew coming in,now it's YOUR problem,realize what you're getting into in advance,odds are if it's just lust and it wears off might wear off for BOTH of you and you won't want to be clingy,and yes even "f*ck buddies you get tired of them,all seems good on paper until the other person enters a serious long term relationship,but as long as the 2 people are never serious with others I guess the F8ck buddy can work out but I don't see any reason for it,king of telling you're body and mind you always need a backup or a fallback person there,not a good habit
Good luck,
Rich | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/23/2007 3:03:35 PM | I know one thing, that is some people on here are trying to accuse me of doing all that stuff, and I havent done ANY of that with the one exception of that one day where I had a hard time getting in touch with him. That was it. If being a tender person who values their affection makes me in that category, then I dont care. So be it.
...
I am not codependent, in fact I made myself clear to him that I wont be expecting anything in that arena. We maintain our boundaries with our separate residences, stick to just the phone outside of visits, and respect each other's desires. Clingy? nah.
If everything is fine in your relationship, who cares what everyone else thinks. You don't need someone else's approval here to do whatever it is that you do.
Chin up, Lila ;-) | |
|
lohki
|
Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:56:51 AM |
Without compassion we are nothing but empty shells that only look good. Often needing to bolster the illusion by appearing successful. These people are mindless in there interactions with others not on purpose but because they don't know any better.
wonderful words.. however off topic.
that sparring match was worth the read.. *gawd I love this place.
Why do we really have to define it?... *bangs head on desk
Usually this just means one person is jumping the gun- liking the other more than is being reciprocated and thus "looking, acting, seeming" clingy. I would say- playing their cards too fast, better poker face required. Both parties really need to advance together around the same stages for the ~lust-like~ to further up the love scale. | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:36:43 AM |
Both parties really need to advance together around the same stages for the ~lust-like~ to further up the love scale.
That would be ideal, but one of the parties could develop strong feelings faster than the other. Were only human :)
I find I become attached a bit quick when I'm getting to know someone, so I'm as careful as I can not to show it, but driven by emotions is so hard to stop. It's only natural
tris | |
|
| Define clingy
Posted: 1/26/2007 9:16:18 AM | Hi draco1872,
I totally get what you are saying here. Its easy to Love people, see the good in them. And being a feeling person. Or able to feel things deeply, the next natural step in the cycle of a total behavior is to act... However it becomes clear in life that others don't feel as deeply and we learn to temper these feelings and resist our nature to be loving. Some say this is a part of growing up. Others will judge us by their own perceptions and triggered responses to being loved.
But I believe that this is a natural way of being and we shouldn't need to temper ourselves or limit our expression just because others are uncomfortable, or need to justify being Loving. We can however Take responsibility for our feelings and get to know someone well before expressing something that they are unable to receive. They will only be able to receive part of us and we have a responsibility to only Love them as much as this... Any more and we will be out of sync with them, and unable to relate.
Loving people to run doesn't make sense. And for people who feel deeply this is hard because all we want to do is Love. However the world isn't in this state of being for the most part. We feel isolated and defective because the masses have lost this part of themselves and superimposed identifiable restrictions to protect themselves (from being Loved??) scary but true.
What seems like to much is only the beginning. however when the world is driving half throttle it seems like to much for them.
crazylilting | |
|
Home
login 
