| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:35:08 PM | Once and it was enough!
This guy BEGGED me for my number, and I finally agreed to go out with him. I had known him awhile and we ran into each other often. Ok, we talked on the phone prior to that 3-4 times and the day prior even talked about what we would/could do. we left it at..........What time/ well, his work hours varied daily, so he said he'd call me after work the next day.
Ok...GUYS LISTEN UP>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
He figured since we never set a time, he did not commit.
Complete bS........we made plans, he was supposed to call and tell me what time........never called.
in his minds eye, he had made no committment nor did he feel obligated to even CALL as he said he would.
needless to say wheni called him on it....he said "I didn't stand you up!"
I asked him....gee, don't you even teach your kids to just pick up a phone and CALL??? | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:44:08 PM | | Sorry it happens- it happens to all of us. It is mean, hurtful and possibly damaging to someone's self esteem. It has happened to me once. I went onto my Plan B, and don't really analyze it much. Always have a backup plan! | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:36:29 PM | Ive been stoodup / cancelled on last minute by about 2/3 the girls that ive have arranged meetups with (after speaking on the phone and msn too).
Yes, 2/3s of the girls **** you over, its only 1/3 who are actually just normal people, and who only actally arrange dates if they plan on going on them.
if they don't like the guy they just shouldnt resond to him at all, let alone go ahead n arrange a meetup.
But lots girls out there are just like that.
You cant go round killing of 2/3s of the girls in the world till only the nice normal 1/3 are left, but so just try and forget that they ever existed. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:55:14 PM | | Yes, it happens, and once I gave another chance to meet again, and the same thing happened, no call, and an excuse later as to why. I don't understand why a persons word is not good. If I say I will do something I will, even if I don't want to. Because I said I would, I will. Period. If I don't want to, I won't say I will. Period. Go figure!! | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:05:13 PM | I live in the middle of nowhere. I've been stood up 9 times out of ten. I drive two hours and the guy isn't there and won't answer to phone for me to see if I went to the wrong place- though I know I didn't. It pizzes men off that I say that I won't go to the city anymore for a date. They can come to me, or they can find an event that I want to go to and if they are a no show, I'll go to the event myself. They give me the attitude that I'm making them pay for what men before have done, but the fact is that I am not made of time nor money and if I drove to the city everytime I was asked to, I'd be broke, sleepless and probably out of a job. At this point, if a man can't stand out, even for chubby old lady me, I'm not making the effort to drive to him. Is he worth a tank of gas? Rarely.
I did notice that men with motorcycles are more than willing to come out and visit me. they don't mind making room on the back of their bike for my rear end, and they don't mind the drive. And that's OK with me. There's nothing better than making a spectacle of myself in this small town on the back of cycle with a new fella. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:14:57 PM | I have been stood up a few times. I have never stood anyone up.
A guy called and cancelled at the very last minute yesterday as I was ready to leave for a date! I think that is almost as blantantly disrespectful as being stood up. The men on POF often lack personal courtesy or potential to be friends.
I treat them the way I would like to be treated. Perhaps prioritizing schedules is the way it should be. For instance, your son should come first then after he gets your time, then you spend time with these clowns on POF while he is busy elsewhere. You are very nice looking and seem very nice, you hang in there and keep looking Sweetpea.  | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:19:30 PM | I've been stood up once in my life.
I was 21 at the time...it turned out to be a good night out actually though....
He did actually have a valid reason...but..I never dated him again. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:26:33 PM | "or they can find an event that I want to go to and if they are a no show, I'll go to the event myself."
This is exactly what I do!
At my age, of course I've been 'stood up' and, earlier on, left in some embarrassing places (restaurants at 'my lonely table', holding tix to a play)...so therefore, I'll go, or meet up, to an event or place that I know I'd enjoy, whether someone joins me there or not.
I'm, also, in what I like to call a 'geographically undesirable' location. Oh, sure, its a wonderful place to live....its just that not too many guys wanna 'make the trip' to visit/meet/see me. And what with gas prices, even half-way for just 'coffee'....I'm sorry, but I'd rather stay in or near home hiking or wine tasting or going to a local event. Maybe even washing my hair!
From now on, I'm looking for 'quid pro quo' not 'pro bono' or 'status quo'. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:30:26 PM | OK, I've been stood up once, but perhaps I deserved this. I don't think so: Two different women contacted me and I started to chat with both of them. Both wanted to meet me so we were in that wonderful and agonizing process of trying to establish a mutual time and place....So this one Saturday I was e-ing back and forth when one said (and I am quoting here...(duh)) "I have to go, my friend is taking me into town somewhere for a surprise birthday treat!" and within minutes the other says "I have to go, I'm taking my friend to Universal City Walk for her birthday, it's a surprise!!"
I figured that maybe they were friends?? So I sent them each an email telling them not to get in trouble with the other. You got it, they were best friends and hadn't a clue they were both talking with me. Now I thought this was a hoot and after a few laughs back and forth I suggested they both meet me and my buddy at a local dance club we have all been to, and I stated it was just to meet as "friends", not some "date".
They never showed and I got an email from one of them the next morning telling me they stood us up on purpose and I deserved it; trying to date both of them and set them up on a blind date. Geez, what a jerk I am!
What is this Jr High? I never have met either, didn't know them from Eve and made it clear it was a meeting for friendship and nothing more......Unless someone liked someone else then who knows?
Told them both that and the one who sent the "nah, nah, nah" email sent another and blamed her friend, come on, take some responsibility already!! Now she keeps emailing me wanting to meet. Sorry my dear, I would like to find someone who doesn't play games.
I'm sure I'm wrong here. Hey, I'm a guy.....
Q: If a man is alone in the woods and there's no women around, is he still wrong? | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:35:20 PM | I've been stood up & just recently have stood someone up. I feel bad about it & realize I am a jerk, but I did get nervous & bailed. I wrote to apologize to him & suggest to write me off & move on. Granted, that doesn't make up for such a jerk move. He's since deleted everything about me, which I deserve. Karma is sweet though, because later in the week I was stood up myself!  I have since heard nothing from the 2nd guy.
A few years ago I was to meet someone at a bar. I waited & waited, many phone calls back & forth. He said he had gone to the bar & not seen me. Such a liar! I knew he had probably been there & didn't like what he saw. To keep me on the hook was cruel. Glad to say I've never scoped someone out & ran like hell. I prefer to not go at all! Granted I will not be standing anyone up again, because it sucks for all involved.
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:58:53 PM | I don't know if it has to do with the region you're in or the dating service you're with, but I have been stood up roughly half of the dates I have had from the internet. I must add however, that it hasn't happened to me from POF, but I've only been on here what, four months I think. Nearly all of the offenses took place in San Diego, California and from Yahoo personals. One texted me as I was driving there, another cancelled as I was just around the corner, and another was a no show after driving an hour to meet him! There were others too.
So now, in order to make internet dating an enjoyable experience, I ask that the guy come out to my neck of the woods for the first meet, and I promise to go to his on the second one (if there is one). Then, on the morning of the meet up I send a text message as a little reminder, and in it I say "so leave your cell phone on in case there is a problem".
Since I've been doing this I haven't had as much of a problem. I think there are a lot of men on internet dating sites who aren't really unattached, and when it comes down to the nitty gritty of actually meeting & cheating, they duck out. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:47:32 PM | I've encountered many men who try to use the ole' vague date trick to keep you hanging and to string you along until the last minute, in case something better comes up for them. You just have to be aware of it and take steps to avoid being taken advantage of is all. Insist on a day and at least a ballpark time before you agree to make a date with a guy. If they can't make that much of a commitment to you, then you say something like "No problem, but if someone else wants to do something with me, I can't guarantee that I won't go for it, since you're not sure of what you want to do at this point." And then make other plans. That will let them know that if they want to date you, they will need to set dates in a respectable manner.
Another ploy I get a lot is, instead of making a date with you, they will tell you to call them when you're done doing whatever it is you told them you had to do that day (implying that then they will make a date with you). That's what they want you to think, but remember it is just an ASSUMPTION. You can find yourself calling them all weekend long, after you've finished your laundry, going to the store, etc. as you wait on them to finally pop the date question. Then, after you've turned down offers to do other things, and canceled plans to enjoy a hobby or sport, you call them when they told you to (oh, aren't you obedient!) and they either don't answer, or they say that they had to suddenly help a friend move or some bs. Technically, they haven't stood you up because they never actually asked you out on a date.
The way I handle that one is when the guy says "okay, call me when you're done with that", I say "if you're trying to ask me out on a date, now would be a good time, because I can't promise that I'm going to be free after I'm done doing xyz." If they don't pop the question right then, I remain polite and simply don't call them when I was "told" to, LOL.
These are ploys that are commonly used so that Players can keep their options open until the last minute. Both scenarios are just damn disrespectful and controlling/manipulative in my opinion. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:20:08 PM | It really doesn't make sense to me as to why people would do this. It is so inconsiderate and rude. And, after reading this thread, I am appalled that it happens to so many people.
Here is my story. I dated a woman I met on this site twice. I believe that we both had a good time, very casual, no awkward moments. We exchanged e-mails, talked on the phone, and set up a third date. She canceled at the last minute saying that a friend from out of town arrived unexpectedly. No problem- I am a very easy going guy. She suggested that we set up another date which we did. I called her the day before just to verify that we were still on. No red lights. Everything seemed fine. She just doesn't show up. I called her from the restaurant on her cell because I'm concerned that something may have happened to her. No answer so I leave a message asking her to call me back. I heard nothing for the next three weeks and then she e-mailed me, apologizing and wondering if I wanted to get together with her again. I sent her a very polite e-mail back saying no thank you as I was hurt and irritated that it had taken her 3 weeks to contact me after standing me up. Wait for it....... she then responds to my e-mail immediately saying that it is just as well as she had started seeing her old boyfriend again, anyways. So what was the point of suggesting another date.
People baffle me. And I am a psychiatrist!!! | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/4/2008 12:44:02 AM | | I have check your profile. I think your dates were there but to shy or intimidated to approach you ,for you have a strong personality and very beautiful. Vannili | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:46:28 AM | That's why you meet for coffee during the day in a Barnes and Noble or someplace you won't feel like a complete fool if you are left sitting alone. Always talk on the phone before you leave the house that day and be clear that if they do not answer, you are not showing up. Emails, IMs are not the way a man asks a lady out.
If he/she does not show keep in mind it is not about YOU, this is a stranger and it is about them. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 66 | |
| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:55:41 AM |
Q: If a man is alone in the woods and there's no women around, is he still wrong?
Boy, you know, this is where I've been fortunate (so far, anyway!) I've never been stood up for a date; at the same time, I've never done the same to a man. Even if it's been pretty clear from the outset that we weren't "clicking", I just really try to be friendly and courteous, and enjoy the moment and the date. It's difficult enough for men and women both to meet one another, and to "chicken out" at the last minute is totally unnecessary.
And yeah, I do believe that you get back whatever positive or negative energy you project into the universe.
Now, just you wait. The next time I actually am asked out on a date, I'll be stood up! So hopefully I haven't spoken TOO soon.... | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:00:20 PM | Ive been stood up. I had a lovely woman initiate contact and acted as it she was everything I needed from a woman. She pressured me to meet with her. A week or so later we agreed to meet for a late happy hour at Harry's Downtown. My phone was about dead and so I called to get her ETA and pick an appetizer. No worries she was on the way.
Half hour later the food is sitting in front of me ( I did not way to start eating ). I text her. I get back a text, "They are making me go to the hospital". I finished the food while watching the Cards and left knowing well Id been stood up. I went online to e-mail her the proverbial concerned, I hope u r ok" line and noted she was online.
Who knows why this happens? Phantom or Charlatan profiles or just plain psycho b * t c h e s and ***holes who had a better offer or, perhaps, got cold feet. Is rude, immature, thoughtless, pathetic, etc...
ER | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:52:02 PM | OP: I would suggest you talk on the phone with your dates before meeting them. Talk at least two or more times to get a feel of the person. Don’t have talking points like: How much do you make, politics, sex; let it flow naturally. Women may have do a little more talking but that is the way it is. If you can’t have a conversation, then it isn’t going to work in person. Also if they don’t want to give you a number, then they maybe attached. Just say no!
My point is people can say whatever they want in emails/IM. Move to the phone as soon as you are comfortable and go from there. Coffee dates are ok if you are close but if there is some distance do lunch or a casual dinner.
Suggestions I have read about calling before going are good but tell them you are going to do it. You should be at a level where there is some respect and trust.
Also it seems more women get stood then men. I think it’s hard to say no to anyone but a real man (and woman!) can do it. I guess men are wimps so I am glad I don’t have to date them!
For the record, I have never been stood up. I have had women email/call the night before and cancelled. One sick/one thought it over and didn’t think it would work: I can deal with that. It’s way better than the one who told me at the end of date where I told her I didn’t think we would work: “Jim, a women as accomplished as myself doesn’t want to be with someone lower than her. You can be with a nurse or a school teacher but a women like me needs someone above her level.” Wow.
I shouldn’t say this but I hope her business is doing worse than mine~! | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 70 | |
| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:14:35 AM | Mein Gott, bonthunders (Jim)!
If I were in your geographic area, no worries there...what a terrible line from that woman, and an equally horrible attitude.
Well, as noted earlier -- I really do believe that we get back whatever positive or negative energy we project to the universe. So, that negative energy from your "date" is bouncing around somewhere! | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/9/2008 8:46:39 AM | In my line of work No Call /No Show results in DO NOT USE/DO NOT CALL AGAIN.
I have the same policy off the job as well. Hate to sound callous, but my time is too valuable. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:06:57 AM | I was stood up once with a gal I'd gone out with for a month. It was her way of breaking up. *laugh*
Now, there were a few times I *wish* that I'd been stood up...
I'm generally insanely punctual to the point of it being a mental disease. It really, really bothers me to be late. I'd certainly never just stand anybody up. | |
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| Stand Up If You've Been Stood Up!
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:12:35 AM | Because 70% of people have no values or decency.
Actually from my experiences I would say only 10% have any common decency, this corresponds to the same amount of people who are successful in life. | |
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