dvnjn
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Joined: 2/4/2007
Msg: 51 | |
| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/12/2007 7:40:34 PM | | I wouldn't tell him. There's just some things some people don't need to know! If your are still dwelling on it though may I suggest getting some help to cope with it. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:30:45 PM | Lacus Clyne,
I realize you are feeling tremendous guilt over your decision with the abortion. You are trying to work through it, and start a new relationship. I also understand wanting to bond with him and bare your soul. the thing about this, is that none of us really know what we would do in that situation until placed there. And being as young as you are, I can see why you felt pressured by the ex to carry through with something which goes against your belief system. You did what you did, and many women would have done the same as you. I am pro choice and I realize that when the choice has been made to terminate a pregnancy it isn't the easy way out that people would imagine. but you have to find forgiveness within yourself. No one else will be able to accomplish that for you. So confessing to your current boyfriend and putting him in the role confesser does nothing to help you and could hurt you. No one should have the power to judge you. Only you and the one above you.... keep it to yourself, cry with your girlfriends, seek counseling, but you don't owe him everything about your past. only what is in your present.
Pixy | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/12/2007 10:18:40 PM | | How can people say he doesn't deserve to know? This is something that could have an effect down the road. What if he wants to have kids later? Having an abortion increases the chances of a miscarriage/etc. It's better to be honest about it. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/12/2007 11:41:16 PM | Everyone has a past, and no one is perfect when it comes to past relationships. Do what you can live with in your own conscience, and then no matter which way he reacts, at least you can say you did what was right for you. As for wondering about his reaction, well, ideally, I'd hope he'd just say what I mentioned first - everyone has a past, let it go and love you for who you are now.
How devout is he? His family might be strong followers, but what about him? If he is a strong follower, do his actions always match the words? Heaven forbid that he should get righteous on you while ignoring any "past" he may have had. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:29:02 AM | | There are many Silent agreements when in a relationship and one being, Don't tell him you've had an abortion, and the other Don't tell him how many guys you've slept with.. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/13/2007 7:12:52 PM | | unless it's gonna affect him, why on earth would you tell him??? (maybe the catholic thing, but if he doesn't know, he's got nothing about which his little catholic brain needs to fret.) the older i get, the more pragmatic i become. there are a few things my sig. other doesn't know about me - and, i'm sure, some i don't know about him. when people spill their guts, they're looking for validation and want to be accepted "warts and all." why divulge the "warts" unless absolutely necessary. quit dwelling on it. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/16/2007 10:43:19 PM | The other way around this is by getting him very drunk and then tell him. Hopefully he won't remember anything the next day ... and you'll be conscious free. LOL (ok, jk) | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:48:54 AM | | don't tell him. its your past its not his business. and don't regret it. you did what was right for you at the time. there is nothing to regret. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:52:08 AM | | Everyone has a past and something that haunts them, and unless the pregnancy was from him (and I know you said it wasn't) there's no need to tell him. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/17/2007 9:47:05 AM | | Tell him the truth. Catholic or not, if you love him you owe him that. If he's going to let something terrible, in his viewpoint, that has been delt with and over with in your past, keep him from loving you, drop him like a stone. If the abortion is a reocurring issue your still dealing with now, most likely hell drop you. Past pain is past pain and keep it there, but past expierences are often a good bonding expierence and allows a relationship to grow. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/17/2007 10:06:22 AM | why tell him? everyone has a past...is it not the present and future more important than the past?
If you are feeling the "need" to tell him, then it maybe that you need to deal with whatever is going on inside you, feelings of guilt or whatever. Perhaps you need to forgive yourself for a decision made....I would say that we have all made decisions in the past that we regret today....and we need to forgive ourselves knowing that we did the best we could with the knowledge we had at the time....
Do you think the need to "confess" your sin is to receive forgiveness to help with the pain??...the only thing that will heal your pain is to forgive yourself....love who you are.
just my humble thoughts.....good luck on your journey | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 2/18/2007 7:52:59 PM | marcus,
You bring up a valid comment here.... I think what is the first alert from her comment and what people are reacting to is " I don't feel I deserve him".... yes, and if she tells him how will she do it without losing him.....
She hasn't processed her own guilt in the decision she made. I suppose I would recommend then that she seek counseling for herself, come to terms with it before she shares this with him. She isn't going at this whole in spirit. when your feelings are fragile the last thing I think one should do is allow someone else be jury of your moral compass... the old adage of work on yourself love yourself before you can truly love another comes into play here. Because without loving herself, if she shares this too soon and does lose him, how will that affect her?
As far as how this affects her reproductive organs, come on, serial abortion may have an effect but for ONE, well no.... if she chooses to tell him I think she should allow him to know her as a person. WHO she is first.... I realize people feel you need to spill your guts to the other in a love relationship, but I don't happen to advocate that type of behaviour. I believe you share what your comfortable with, and as has been said prior we have all made our share of mistakes, and I hope someone isn't going to look upon me as a baby manufacturing device to allow them to continue their seed. | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 3/25/2007 10:26:48 PM | Hey Everyone,
Thank you for kind advice. Back in January, i had confessed to my bf about the abortion, and he has taken it well. He said it hasnt changed anything about how he felt about me, and he wants to be there for me in my tough times. my persumed due date is April 13th, so we hope to make some happy memories on this day other than sad things.
I also want to announce that he has proposed to me a few days ago and i have accepted his proposal. We hope to get married in the fall of 2008 or 2009.
Thank you all again for your help, it made a huge difference to me ^_^i am also seeking help with counselling and life has only gotten better for me.
Sincerely,
Lacus Clyne | |
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| how to tell your guy about a past abortion
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:20:37 AM | Two options.
1. Tell him now and see how the cards fall.
2. Never tell him, and take it to your grave.
Personally in this situation i go for option 2. It was before you met him, those details are not important.
If you want a child with him, then do so, if he wants you give yourself, let the past sleep forever. create your future, without staring to the past. | |
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