| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:59:22 AM | It all depends on the cercumstances. My ex husband and I are not on great terms at all. We had a very bad relatinship. If it had to do with money, no way. I would not trust his reasons for wanting the money. If it was a ride home from a bar, I would call one of his family menbers for him and ask one of them to pick him up. He doese not need another DUI. He would go to prison and that would only hurt our children. If he needed a place to stay, um no. I do not trust him, But I would call around to his friends to see if they would put him up for the night. So there are always ways of helping with out physicaly hepling | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:59:51 AM | | Be really careful before you do it. I tried to help my ex and I got screwed over emotionally and financially. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:01:26 AM |  i am havin a time here tryin ta see sex as a legitimate need here folks...sex with yer present partner may be a relationship type need...sex with an ex is jest a booty call, aint it? | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:05:10 AM | Well I am of the thinking that he would be the last person I would call personally, thankfully I have others around me that I can depend upon in a state of emergency.
I suppouse though if he needed help and no one else could be contacted , I would help him only for the simple fact that he is the father of my children............. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:05:10 AM | | hey if they just want a booty call then they can keep looking. If there is a legit need that is another story. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:05:37 AM | | helped my ex out recently to the tune of a couple thousand dollars all I got was a weak thankyou, no offer to pay back a dime of it, and more lies and deceit in divorce proceedings, will never help this ex again, but previous ex was great, just depends on the people involved I guess | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:09:10 AM | > Would You Help An Ex In Need?
...about growing up, is to take complete responsibilty for themselves
People think they NEED help. Yet, people make important decisions that put themselves and others at RISK. Who is ultimately responsible ? It isn't the taxpayer, Social Services, the Police, Fire Department, Churches or EX's.
However, people do make poor choices, then expect and demand others pick up the responsibility?
What was the OP doing out at 1am during bad weather? It is likely, her 'crisis' was not the result of an important need.
What??!! What in heck is this comment doing in the middle of a thread on whether you would your help your ex if they needed assistance? The rationale is a little bent, Ya.
The EX is not a resource, unless it directly involves their children and is relevant.
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:10:02 AM | True story:
Last summer, I was on my 4th date with a fellow fishee, and we had just arrived at my home after spending a pleasant evening together. It was 2 a.m. and this was to be our first night spent together. As we came in the door, my phone was ringing, so I answered it. It was my ex from almost 3 years ago (my last serious relationship but we've maintained the friendship), in tears, stranded an hour out of town with her 14-year-old in tow, nearly broke and she had just missed the last bus/train home. Before she actually had time to actually ask me anything, I calmed her down and told her that coming to get her and bring her and her boy home would be a little difficult this evening, but if she grabbed a cab to my place, I'd pay for the cab when it got here and it could then take her and her son the rest of the way home. After I hung up the phone, I looked at my date (who, I will admit, was extremely understanding about this), apologized for the inconvenience, and suggested we go for a walk downtown for an hour till her cab arrived. We then put on our jackets and went for a very pleasant walk while I showed my date the centre of my town, arriving home just in time for the cab to show up, which I paid. Then my date and I went upstairs and my ex and her son continued on their way to her home.
I've taken a lot of flack over the last few months, relating this story in various examples around the internet, but if this type of situation ever arose again, I'd not hesitate to do exactly the same thing. In my opinion, there are some things in the world that are just the 'proper' thing to do. In my world, this is one of them, and I don't care who says what about me because of it.
cdn guy | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:15:53 AM | | Hi, personally if my EX was broke down yes i would come and help her. She is the Mother of my children and its in my and the boys best interest to make sure she succeeds and is safe. I dont paticularly like her but that has nothing to do with her well being. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:17:53 AM | There are only a few ex's that I would really help if they needed it, but in this situation he could have been a gentleman and helped you out. It wouldn't have killed him and you both could have agreed to not discuss anything on the way.
There are 2 people from my past relationships that I would do just about anything for and have told the women that I was in a current relationship with about this. It wasn't because I was still in love with my ex's but we parted on good terms.
Honestly it sounds like you shacked up with a complete scumbag for 3 years.
Party on and hopefully we won't have anymore ice. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:19:28 AM | What I got from him was basically a "Good Luck!" before, I'm sure, he rolled over and went back to sleep.
I tried to take the high road here, hoping the OP meant she had to PHONE her ex for a ride.
However, it can also be interpreted that she was in the same bed as him !
Now, why would she need a ride home @ 1am , when it is icy and incliment?
Does she have children and where are they?
The Forums are a wonderful place to express half of "the true story".
edit.. Oh yeah, if he was a scumbag, .... naw, nevermind. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:20:25 AM | That was a great story. You can tell a lot about a person just by reading these
Forums. I wouldnt care about the people downing you on this. You are just a good person!
True story:
Last summer, I was on my 4th date with a fellow fishee, and we had just arrived at my home after spending a pleasant evening together. It was 2 a.m. and this was to be our first night spent together. As we came in the door, my phone was ringing, so I answered it. It was my ex from almost 3 years ago (my last serious relationship but we've maintained the friendship), in tears, stranded an hour out of town with her 14-year-old in tow, nearly broke and she had just missed the last bus/train home. Before she actually had time to actually ask me anything, I calmed her down and told her that coming to get her and bring her and her boy home would be a little difficult this evening, but if she grabbed a cab to my place, I'd pay for the cab when it got here and it could then take her and her son the rest of the way home. After I hung up the phone, I looked at my date (who, I will admit, was extremely understanding about this), apologized for the inconvenience, and suggested we go for a walk downtown for an hour till her cab arrived. We then put on our jackets and went for a very pleasant walk while I showed my date the centre of my town, arriving home just in time for the cab to show up, which I paid. Then my date and I went upstairs and my ex and her son continued on their way to her home.
I've taken a lot of flack over the last few months, relating this story in various examples around the internet, but if this type of situation ever arose again, I'd not hesitate to do exactly the same thing. In my opinion, there are some things in the world that are just the 'proper' thing to do. In my world, this is one of them, and I don't care who says what about me because of it.
cdn guy | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:21:37 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^Yes, I would like to hear more of this story as well, where oh were did the OP go?
Don't ya love when they start something and don't finish??!!! grrrrrrrr  | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:23:16 AM | | Depends on which EX it is and what it is for. If it is an EX I still see sometimes, sure depending on what it is. I have a couple of exes who are really close friends and I would help them out in a second. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:25:52 AM | | Hey cdn guy I would do the same ,I get some women I just meet asking for favors,before I woulda said yes now I can see when I am being used and say no not till I get to know you better.I guess I am one of those guys who is hard for me to say no,now that I am older its gettin easier to say no cause you can spot a user alot easier.But if its just a 20 or 50 is OK but when it is hundreds I would really have to think about it.And Cdn guy you just did the proper thing and your new girlfriend now knows if she was in a situation she could count on you,In the ln the long run Good Move | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:57:31 AM | OP - sorry to hear about you plight. I know breakups are tough and even worse if it's nasty or bitter. If we've gotta break up, it's better to be civil about it. Can't undo the past.
As far as the ex's in my life. Can't help ex hubby, he's too damned far away (died & went to heaven). My ex BF's, sure, if they needed my help, not a problem. I guess I've been lucky but I've never been involved in a nasty or bitter break-up. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:23:07 AM | *L* Chill out Wicked... I posted this this morning and it's now just noon. So no, I didn't dissapear.
Someone made a comment a while back...
I don't think you're telling the whole story here.
You're absolutely right. Not the whole story. The whole story would be that he didn't speak to me because I wouldn't take him back. He called me up a few weeks after we split and wanted to be f*ck buddies. Then he changed his tune and said that he wanted to be in a relationship with me.
ALL the while continuing to live with his exwife, who he ran to when he left my home. I told him I wasn't going to deal with a man that was currently "attatched" like he is (they're living as husband and wife again) but that I would be more than happy to try to have some sort of decent relationship with him. IE: being able to speak on civil terms, if for nothing else than the sake of our son.
We had gotten into an argument a few days before and he hadn't called me since that argument.
And NO, I wasn't in bed with him... to clear up a matter suggested by another poster.
And yes, apparently, I DID find another way home. I waited another 3 hours for that ride, but I found one. My thinking was, we were SUPPOSED to be trying to be on good terms with one another, and while granted, he was still mad at me, I'm sure, for that past argument, I didn't think that would hamper too much his judgement on whether or not to leave me in the cold. *L*
I can see that the opinions on this, though, are pretty much equally split down the middle.
I guess some folks have that (Extra) kindness in them, but it shouldn't be expected?
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mizbex
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Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:33:11 AM | | I don't know that I would call an ex to help me, I would call a friend. However, if an ex called me and asked me for help, of course I would help them. I would not look at them as an ex, I would look at them as a human being. Kindness towards others, no matter on what scale, goes a long way. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:39:26 AM | I can't speak for others, only myself, but I frequently help out my ex. to the point that yes, she takes advantage.
There are often times she needs something and turns to me, even though she is remarried. i'm talking minor financial stuff "the kids need new shoes" or "I can't get out of work, it's raining the kids need a ride". the only big thing she ever asked for is to buy the kids a car, and I said no. They want one, they can buy it,just like I did.
Anyway, I help her out pretty much anytime she asks, because its always kid related. But if she called me scared stranded on a freezing night of course I'd go help her. Basically, as long as it was within my power to help her and didn't cause me serious problems, i'd help her any time.
We aren't married anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her anymore. Even if we don't love each other, I spent 23 years with her. I'm not just going to turn my back out of spite because we weren't happy together.
Some will say I need to get a clue, that I'm too nice, that I'm a sucker, that I'm not over her, and that's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. But this is who I am. And I'm okay with it.
In my world it's harder to be mean than it is to be nice. And you're all welcome to join my little world anytime you want. I think you'll like it here. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:42:53 AM | Mizbex- Msg 45-
You are officially invited to join my happy little world! You are a good person, so welcome! | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:50:06 AM | | I have been call up by my ex for help with things like a flat on the freeway ,no spare tire and much more and yes I helped her out they way an old friend would help you out when you are stuck.I have children with this women and we had a terrible brake up ..big battle ,but thats history now and so is the length of time we have known each other ,we have history and are old old friends .The idea of helping her after everything she had done to me didn't make any sense to a lot of my close friends but the truth is that by helping her we also helped settle the dust still in the air between us and we accepted that we are still the same old same old and will certainly help each other out if they are stuck ,the kids were glad to see me show up and so was she .Its a great way to help berry the hatchet and become friends with the ex ,the kids will be a lot better off and it can make a lot of the required interaction that must be done after a separation a lot easier.If she had another man in her life I would have expected him to look after this but she didnt and I new she was truely in a tough spot .I didnt mind helping at all. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:54:31 AM | | I would probably help mine if he really had a need but I would never ask him for money or to help me even if my car broke down late at night in the ice and snow. I would rather walk! | |
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