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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 4:06:05 PM | If it someone you know - you help in a situation like that. I would even help a stranger if they thought that they were in some sort of danger. As for money.... that has its own set of rules.
Best of luck next time! | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 4:08:34 PM | If you shared yourselves at one time or another, and there was no lieing or subterfuge in the relationship that caused damage physically or financially, then not to come to an ex's aid can be construed as petty.
However, another thing must be considered:
If you awaken someone at 1am, they aren't fully conscious... and depending on what stage of sleep they are in, you may get a different reaction than you would if the person were fully awake and aware. I know from personal experience that if I am engaged in any conversations while I sleep, people will sometimes find me talking non-sensically and spewing my dream content verbally... or, if I AM semi-conscious, I can sometimes react on emotion, simply because my cerebral cortex isn't completely fired up. When dreaming, a person is basically delusional.... and will act upon the predominant emotion. If it is bad, then the outcome is foredrawn.
But, if one is fully aware, and able to snap into reality from sleep... then I see no reason help should not be rendered, if no reason was given that it should not be. Me and my exes (save for two) are on good terms. Even if the sexual component cannot be sustained, the friendship should easily be able to be... unless someone hasn't matured enough to accept the new boundaries, or if the relationship was purely sexual and "emotional"... at which point, there was probably no friendship to begin with... but only a mutual satisfaction of each other's basest needs.
I am hoping most people aren't like that, but some are. I can assure you that there are many people that will readily help an ex in need, even if they parted on terms that were not the best.
Not to help someone who one claims to have loved at one time, is to not only disprove the words they spoke, but to bring shame upon themselves in each future instance that those words are spoken... because, Love is more than just what you feel. It is a commitment, and one that is not to be taken lightly.... and, like all commitments, Love can really suck if it isn't reciprocated and you find yourself bound by it.
My advice to you, is that you must seriously review your memories of the relationship, accept the possibility that much of his emotion was focused on himself and the satisfaction of his own needs, and when those needs were no longer filled by you, you were dismissed. Review how you ended it, and if help was forthcoming in the past. If things were lop-sided, then I suggest you erase him from your phone, mind, and heart.... chalk it up as an example of what you DON'T want ever again, shed whatever tears you need to shed in the process, and if he should ever call you for help in the future.... repaying him in kind, but give him the reason you will not help him, so that he may possibly LEARN from the experience, and should another ask him for help in the future, possibly make him think twice and act differently.
This is my opinion, at least. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 153 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 7:57:58 PM | I am a single mom....and adopted as a single mom....
and I don't have hatred for him because he is non-existant in my realm....When you leave a daughter without a headstone and shun your responsibilities....
YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORTHLESS in my book.... | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 154 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 9:15:46 PM | Well depends on the feelings I would have for my ex. If i'm still upset about the end of the relationship then I probably would say the same as your ex.
But in time all feelings will heal and you move on and when that happened: YES I would definately help someone in distress, even my EX... :D | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 9:19:29 PM | If you never got along during the marriage, I'm not surprised you don't get along now.
Yes, it would be nice if even your "ex" could help in an emergency.
My "ex" and I aren't incredibly close, but we are somewhat supportive. She helps me out during a rough time.
I'd offered her whatever assistance I'm able to provide, but she has not taken me up on that offer.
If she were ever in an emergency, I'd be there for her. I don't have a car though. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/20/2007 9:43:57 PM | | I've only ever had one ex, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her in a time of need - nothing. Our marriage is over, but we've been friends since we were kids (I was 19 and she was 16). It doesn't matter, that's a lifetime as far I'm concerned, and I will always rescue her, forever. If I have a new partner in life, I will love her, but I will always rescue my ex. I will never abandon my partner, but I will always rescue my ex. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:52:43 PM | I think something like this has to be judged on a case by case basis.The kind of relationship you were in (short term,long term,kids,no kids etc) the length of time you were together,reason why you split....there are many variables that can factor in,here.
My ex-husband and I have been split for 8 yrs.We were married for 7 yrs and have three children.We split up basically because of irreconcilable diffs,we are just too different to amalgamate peacefully.
The first couple of yrs we were split,we hated eachother....but then we got over it,and gradually went form being polite and civil for the kids sake,to actually being friendly,to actually being friends.
Last year our oldest teenage son started acting out and taking off,etc....it got pretty bad,and the both of us together were stumped as to how to help him.In the end,I decided the best thing to do was move,to get our son away from the certain influences that were enabling him to misbehave and disobey.It just so happened that my ex had just moved into a house with a large empty upstairs.We decided I would move in and take the upstairs as my "space" so we would still have our own areas to have time to ourselves.We share the bills and the childcare responsibilities,which save both of us money,and time,and ensures that the kids pretty much always have one of us around,as we both work full-time.
I was a little leery that it wouldn't work out,but it has worked out surprisingly well! We respect eachother's boundries,and have very carefully managed not to fall in to our old husband and wife roles.Rather,we have almost become sibling-like,lol.Sometimes we bicker,over bills,or chores or the kids,regular stuff that we bickered about before my moving in.
The kids are happy as hell,and once we were all in the same house,my ex and I were able to team up and deal with our oldest son.He has improved dramatically,and also seems happier.
It really turned into a win-win situation!We have decided I will stay till the end of the year-ish,so I now have time to get a nest egg put away to move with,and I have time to find a place close to here,so the kids can continue to be able to see both of us all the time..(before,the littlest lived with the ex,the 2 oldest with me.)
Some people can't understand what we are doing,some think we are sleeping together,or just lying...which really says more about those people,than about us.Our friends have been very supportive,even my boss says if we can make it work,then go for it.I admit it may be a little unorthodox,but so what?We even both have profiles on here lol,and encourage eachother if we get messages...(well he gets 'em,I don't,for some inexplicable reason...)
So my answer to OP's question is,yes,I think if you are still on good terms with your ex,why not help then if they need it,if you are in a position to be able to help....we're all people,after all.(also,before anyone asks,our kids are all over 7 and we sat down and very carefully explained what was happening,so as to stave off any confusion.They are very intelligent kids,and were also very supportive to us and eachother while we were making the change.) | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:25:24 PM | Confession? I refused to help my ex when she was moving. My reason, I was recovering from congestive heart failure and had been let out of the hospital only three weeks earlier. At which time I had gotten one phone call wondering if I was alright. What really got me going is that she mentioned that she helped me move after the divorce. I didn't say but wanted to say, "No dear, you wanted me out of the house as fast as you could throw me out."
Help the children, yes. Pray for my ex, yes. But she still has family and friends to help her. So not me. | |
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M2k7
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 160 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:35:11 PM | Well, how did it end? You obviously had the ability to call someone, why not family, why not friends? I realize he was the closest. Why not call a cab and pay it when you get home with a credit card, check... etc. I'm sure there was a dozen ways to get out of the situation, that you didn't take. Me as your ex I would have probably offered a solution instead of doing nothing, but I wouldn't have gone to pick you up
Human decency is thinking of all solutions before calling me and asking for a favor. If you DID do that and explained to me that you were completely stranded... I would have you take a cab to my place. From there you could take a cab home, or I would drive you or whatever. But it sounds like you did something to piss him off while you were in the relationship for him to act like that. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 162 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/22/2007 5:12:59 PM | | I understand in all human decency to forgive, but how do you forgive and forget when you were alone when your 17 month old daughter had 5 heart attacks and 2 strokes. How do you forgive when you have been asked to pull her off the machine and give a DNR? and How do you forgive when you are blamed for making the wrong choices when you are trying to make the right ones by yourself while he is screwing around with your best friend under your nose because you are so busy with being concerned for her. Can I ask? | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/22/2007 5:53:22 PM | | The decision is yours. Personally, if it were my ex, i wouldn't help if my life depended on it. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 164 | |
| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:48:37 AM | Thank you Trafftech,
I am not ones to build on spite and grudges....but I don't believe that this was irresponsible to me. He didn't let me down...He let his daughter down. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/23/2007 6:37:22 AM | I live by the philosophy that you get what you give. After the way my EX has treated me, there is no way in h*ll I'd lift a finger to help her with anything.
Well... that's not entirely true. If she finally admitted what a lousy mother she is and asked me to let the kids move in with me, I'd help her with that. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 1/27/2007 1:09:57 PM | | Yes thats how i feel about my ex, i spent 9 years with him, and even though he broke heart i would not turn my back on him if he really needed help. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:17:48 PM | I would help an ex in need if the need was legit. I have only had two ex's, number two I would do absolutely anything for, heck, he could even move back in if he wants (in the basement, of course!!). Ex #1 would never help me with anything, so I don't think I would be quite as generous, but he could always pitch a tent in the backyard!!! | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:24:37 PM | yes, i would help an ex in need.
for that matter, i would help my ex-husband's girlfriend, even though she was "the other woman" if she was truly in need.
i believe that if you are able to help others who really need it, you should. end of story. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/1/2007 11:52:09 PM | Would I help an ex in need? After the way my exes have all treated me, I wouldn't so much as spit on any one of them if they were on fire.  Kudos to those who would help an ex. Either you have better exes than I do or you're better people or both.
On second thought, maybe I would help one of my exes. I'd help any one of them under a passing train. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:37:34 AM | | Without a doubt I would help my ex. The key is to stay friends. No matter how bad things got there is no reson to hate each other. Some people can't get over themselves or there pride if they were the one dumped. I was married for 20 years, caught the ex cheating and put up with tons of garbage but you know if he were sick or needed a ride cause his truck broke down or just needed to talk, ya I would would help him. Obviously something got us together, we once loved each other. Why would I want to see him hurt thats just not right. Some people don't have hearts now a days. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/2/2007 9:04:54 AM | | of course i would i help my ex when he needs it, sure there is history there but if u are not mature enough to put that aside and help someone out then who needs u. friends in that situation is all it is so why not. | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/2/2007 9:18:36 AM | Honest feedback needed here. I don't know whether I expect too much... or if I shacked up with a complete scum bag for 3 years!
Honestly I think some people out there truely believe their EXs' have a "feel free to use me" sign floating above their heads!
Basic human decency is a term reserved for for people whom you would not consider a scumbag, and if you do why bother them at all? Hmmm.
Basic kindness from an EX! Sounds like an opportunity for basic use to me. There is a reason why you're apart, and its allways a bad decision to get ahold of them for any reason.
Seriously people, relying on the generousity of you're EX. What are you thinking?
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:24:40 AM | I have helped my Ex out......and will continue to help my Ex out if Im able too, we have 3 girls and little things we do to get along (no matter how much it hurts) makes it better for the children who never asked for any of this..................but if it wasnt for the kids I would have told her "if I wasnt good enough for you then, Im not good enough for you now"
.....appologies for grammer and punctuation auto mechanic here not English major! :) | |
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| Would You Help An Ex In Need?
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:35:45 AM | depends on your friendship with your ex ......one ex of mine i would even go out of my way i could care less where he is? and will not call him to wish him and happy birth even........on the other hand another ex i make sure i do..............
sometimes when doing things we make bad choices and we know our ex's will save us from those situations but again it boils down to making proper choices to avoid these situations | |
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