RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 9:31:17 PM | Don't judge him on this. It's a necessity these days not to share that kind of info about yourself until you feel the person your with isn't only after money.
When my grandmother passed, I was left with money, not the kind of money your guy has, but it was still alot of money. I had no idea I was being left anything, I didn't even know my grandmother had that kind of money.
I was dating a man for about 8-9 months. When I told him I was left money, suddenly he starts talking about what "We" should do, go on a couple great vacations, buy a nice big house, new cars...yes he really did. I said to him "WE"? That ended the relationship.
I put money away for my sons collage educations, I did buy a house, not a big fancy one, I did buy a new car mine was crap. I bought a Grand Am. And I gave money to 2 charities, one a shelter for abuse women, and the Salvation Army homeless shelter. Put the rest away. I wasn't left millions.
I wasn't raised with money. We lived upper middle class. My father worked his butt off while going to collage to finish his masters, and raising kids, 7 kids. Money was tight for us. As time went on and my father moved further up the ladder more money was there. But we still lived tight.
OP: He did what he needed to do, wouldn't you do the same if you had that kind of money? | |
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ab_qt
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Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 27 | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 11:21:40 PM | | I can see where he is coming from, he was protecting his assets. At the same time, not every woman is looking for money. Money helps make the world go round, but it's not the be all and end all...don't get me wrong, my friends would never hear me complain if i had more money, but it's not the most important thing in the world. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:15:57 AM | | Could you blame the guy? DO NOT hold it against him. Just like celebrities don't want people, at least an intimate loved one, to love them mostly for the fame. Because then the relationship isn't real. People want to be loved for who they are rather than the power they wield. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:19:21 AM | | Personally, I could readily accept the reason for the dishonesty. Considering that it does me no harm, that they knew it would do me no harm, that there was just cause, and that they have fessed up well before marriage. I don't really see the problem. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:25:32 AM | I can totally understand someone keeping that a secret. Lots of gold diggers out there. And the fact that he told you proves that he trusts you. That's a good thing.
But are you talking about yourself? By your profile it doesn't seem so. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:57:58 AM |
I got news... People with that much money don't travel in circles that are beneath them. If you're worth millions, you'll spend your time with people that are also worth millions.
Who one interacts with depends on the individual not the amount of money they make. If a wealthy person only interacts with other wealthy people then they have an arrogant nature. Or it was because of how they were raised. The people that had the rich parents, went to posh private schools and were spoiled as kids don't know any different.
Then there are the people that worked hard to make their fortune and know what it's like not to have a lot of money. Unless they already had a snobbish nature, I doubt they'd only associate with other rich people. Or ditch their poorer friends. Money only changes the people that let it.
I believe that all people have an inherent need to move onward and upward and finding a partner with a similar or better education, income, and family fortune is what people similarly strive for. Can anyone imagine "settling" for less than you already have? It's ludicrous. There's no percentage.
And I believe you're full of shit. All people? Excuse me, but do you personally KNOW every person on the face of this planet? Well unless you do, how can you intelligently make such statements? You can't, because knowing every human being is utterly impossible. This only proves insipience on your behalf.
If you love someone you don't care if they have less than you. If you do, then you are too selfish to understand what love is. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:34:08 AM | I never wanted to or have dated guys with money for this reason. So I tried to date guys who had not really any or no money just so he and other people would know thats not what Im after. But it gets hard trying to prove yourself all the time.
Sometimes you just have to not care what anyone else thinks excpet for yourself to be happy and get what you truely need and desire. (me no longer being with someone who is in debt with their children, unhappy, stressed and angery because they have no money.... just so people didnt think I was a golddigger or user? ah and here you thought I just settled for my ex. lol)
So if you really like this guy for who he is, and not just his money, since he is rich im sure he is smart enough to figure out the truth and what your about. And he probably finally came out and told you because he believes your sincere.
The only big problem here is that as long as your together you will constantly be judged and critized by other people who are just assuming your after his money. You will end up having to prove yourself constantly to him and everyone else in his life and your own, which would probably be a very difficult and stressful thing to do.
But that is the thing with money, people are jealous, critical and judgemental and everyone is tested by someone else if not theirselves.
So if you think his love or the money is worth all the trouble, then you should definatly try to prove yourself as sincere and true. Unforchantly some people put money before love and it tends to hurt the relationship. Do you think he would?
In the future do you think he would care more about you or his money? That is what you need to find out.
wish you luck | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:02:22 AM | Crap! Some girls have all the luck! 
I'd appreciate that he finally told me, I'd understand (for the most part) why he did it, but I'd also wonder (since he lies so very well) what else might be a lie, and whether I'd ever be able to completely believe in him. Six months is a long damn time... | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:14:11 AM | How would you feel about this situation?
You are dating someone for say about six months, everthing is going very well and you believe this will be the person will be the one who you will marry. He lives in a modest house, drives modest vehicles, and makes you believe up to that point that he has a modest job with a modest income. One day he brings to your attention that he has something to tell you that he has not been totally honest with. Turns out, he does not work, but instead is in the top 100 of the wealthyest people in america. He didn't want to lie, but was afraid of finding someone that was only out for his money.
I wouldn't blame him one bit. Well, he didn't have to lie. He could have been evasive and not gave details and let her conclude whatever.
I've lied lots in life. Telling traffic cops the truth is just not smart a lot of the time. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:35:00 AM | I don't see a problem with this either. Too many people are focused on the almighty dollar and as mentionned it is a turn-off when someone talks about how much money they make, flaunting etc.
Deep down, you know how you feel and what to think - did you like and want to be with him before he made this confession? If so, then go with that. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:55:07 AM | Sorry I don't blame him either. He needed to get to know you and you needed to get to know HIM not his money which it appeared you did if as you said is 'the one who you will marry'. In only 6 months he trusted you enough to be honest about his financial situation because he obviously felt you were a moral and honest person of integrity. I wouldn't go flashing around to people I first met if I was rich or my bank statements. The true 'rich' never do, they have far more class and far more taste than that. The flashy ones are the 'nouveax rich' and THEY leave a lot to be desired.
Be glad he trusted you as soon as he did. Many men take a lot longer than that to trust. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:15:58 AM | that is tough cause I am not a fan of lying but at the same time...
DID he say... here is my modest house.. here is my modest car or did you assume it was his modest car ... it sounds like in that situation what he was trying to do is see that you would take him for richer and poorer... and hopefully he has concored that trust issue..
cause from his point of view not knowing who you can and can not trust.. just means that he has let you in
it is a tough one though | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:29:49 AM | OK, here's a question to the OP:
If you fell in love and he asked you to marry him, would you sign a pre-nuptial agreement so that his assets are completely protected in the event of divorce? | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:42:57 AM | When you say he makes you believe he has a modest job, does that mean he come out and said that he works a modest job or was that what you thought because of his modest house and car??
Defiantly a grey area for lying, I'd call it hiding the truth instead of a lie.
Now that you know he has this money, does it change your opinion of him? Or is he still the same person he was before he told you? | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:47:25 AM | I don't see a problem with it, I do it all the time.
I'm middle class, I have never had to stugle with money, but I live as if I am working class. I'm not rich, but I will never strugle to get by. I hold down a part time job because I wan't to, not because I have to, all it dose is give me drinking money.
I am more comfortable living my life the way I am than I would be living as well off middle class slob. Is there anything wrong with that?
Personaly I never tell girlfriends that I am aything difrent to what I present myself as, because at heart I am not. I have no care nor need for the money I have, all it serves to do is to make sure that I'm not strugling, so why should anyone else care about my own finatial situation?
I treat women well, I always pick up the tab and buy luxurious gifts. I only ever date girls that are able to hold down a job so that I know they are not looking for someone who is going to support them finatialy. I always make a point of teling them when things get serious, that it is up to them if they wish to work or not, thier money is thier money. I never talk about my money, so why sould it mater to them? So long as they can see that I am not going to be scrounging of them. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:52:52 AM | i'm getting a kick from all the posts saying 'he's a liar, get rid of him'.......i wouldn't put too much merit into comments like these....i think they are dripping in envy, for the most part...
you have to decide if this deception is worthy of your forgiveness....i for one, hope it is within you to do exactly that...as it sounds like you have found real true love, a rarity for sure.....and something that should not be easily cast aside... | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:22:28 AM | If all things are right, the guy will catch a whiff of this thread and decide to cut bait and run... It's clear that the OP can't handle his being wealthy. Besides... I think she's full of it one way or another... there might be five guys within 20 years of her age that would clear the Top100, and if she didn't didn't know them by name or face, then she must have been living under a rock for the last 5-10 years.
Who one interacts with depends on the individual not the amount of money they make. If a wealthy person only interacts with other wealthy people then they have an arrogant nature. Or it was because of how they were raised. The people that had the rich parents, went to posh private schools and were spoiled as kids don't know any different.
Then there are the people that worked hard to make their fortune and know what it's like not to have a lot of money. Unless they already had a snobbish nature, I doubt they'd only associate with other rich people. Or ditch their poorer friends. Money only changes the people that let it.
One would like to believe this, but it's not true. Most people cannot comprehend TRUE wealth... Top 100 would put a person @ over $1billion estimated worth. Sure you can still be the same person with the same moral values, but your eyes are going to be opened to a new world of possibilities. For example the OP's guy doesn't work... that means he can decide at the drop of a hat to spend a month in Hawaii. Any average working stiffs he may know can't afford to do such a thing... so then what are his options? Meet people who can afford such time and expense, or drop a few dozen million on his existing friends so that they may experience such freedom? Either way, he's hanging out with the rich.
Another example would be Pro-athletes. How often do we read/hear of some multi-million dollar ball player who gets wrapped up into foolishness just because they wanted to stay true to their roots and hang out with old friends who are still living by rules of the street? Hanging out in clubs where there are bound to be more than a few people jealous of his fame and fortune. H*ll... a football player died just a few weeks ago over a stupid argument.
Another story... the guy who won the largest powerball jackpot in history... he's broke less than five years after taking home $113Million. I'm sure he was trying to stay true to his roots and just be himself... but in the end he couldn't avoid being a target for thieves and troubled family members. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:59:15 AM | polargrape, I'm sure what you said is true is many people. Perhaps most. Though all of us? Not really.
If I were loaded and wanted to jet off somewhere (if only for a few days), I would take my friends with me. And if they were busy, I would wait until they weren't. Or I would go alone. Solitary travel is very appealing to someone like me. A month with people? Unless I get a good amount of time to myself I'd go insane after a week or two! And unless I met someone who was the opposite of your typical 'rich snob', I SERIOUSLY doubt I'd be making friends with people that wealthy. Acquaintances perhaps... but friends? I already don't like most people I meet, so why would I want to hang with people like them? They represent what I'm against. I'm a bohemian and a socialist. I believe in working hard and not living in excess. I don't need a whole lot nor do I want it. Maybe that's hard for some to understand. People who have a lavish lifestyle will never be relatable to me. At least I seriously hope so, I would hate to turn out like them. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:47:28 PM | ....weren't you ever suspicious?
I find it difficult to believe that you intended to marry a man whom you knew nothing about.
Within the time frame, didn't you ever meet his family?...friends?...co-workers?
Didn't you ever try to call him at the office?..or meet him after work?...or talk about work-related issues?
I would seriously investigate his claim and how he accumulated said wealth.
Is he a legal heir?....a Columbian drug lord?....or just delusional?
A look at his latest income tax report may answer some questions. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 5:57:50 AM | Personally, I think there's something wrong here.
If the guy was interrested in finding a woman who loved him for himself and not his money, then why did he say anything about it at all ?
" Why George ! You never told me you were filthy RICH !! "
" Gee Martha, I was so enamored of you, it just slipped my mind ".
Yea right.
There's one other thing you should consider.
Since he makes such a issue of not impressing anyone with his riches. Naturally, he's going to expect you not to impress anyone with them either. | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:05:39 AM | I agree with Dorian here. This sounds like the typical set up for romantic comedy. It's unlikely to happen in real life.
And I should know, I've been waiting to just "happen" to run into Angelina Jolie at the local bookstore. But for some reason she only seems to date actors. I have no idea why... | |
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| Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 12:51:00 PM | @ Moontress
Your argument and stipulation in same that "it's impossible for me to know everybody on the planet" aside from being asinine is convoluted aand entirely flawed.
In your young 21 years, you really have no clue as to the point I was making. If you have a Masters Degree, are you going to marry a dishwasher? Ummmm... I don't think so And if you offer some silly remark like: "Love is all I need." Then you are truly deluded.
Humans by nature have an inherent need to excel towards greatness. Your parents waht you to be better than them, you'll want your children to do better than you and so forth. It's called human nature. It's called survival of the fittest. Thant's how humanity works.
I am not going to marry a woman who works as a server in Starbucks. Although, I may date the owner of a franchise. I won't date a woman who is less attractive to me than a previous woman I dated because that would be taking a step backwards. I won't take a job that pays less than what I earn now because that would be moving down instead of moving up.
When you've lived and learned more than what your idealistic 21 year old life has taught you, you'll feel the same. Don't believe me? Try this: I make alot of money. I work for the worlds largest entertainment corporation. I'm secure, I'm attractive, I'm really a nice guy with no airs or obvious attitude. 'm street smart, passionate and extremely caring and giving. Now... You have a choice... You can date me or a kid that works in a gas station, smokes pot and jerks off to internet porn in his parents basement. What do you think tha wise choice is? Exactly... Anyone with a half of a brain will go for the dude with the cool job, the right attoyude and security. Otherwise, you'll be in a traailer for the rest of your life.
So here it is: No person is willing to date beneath them, their class, their income level their reigious beliefs or their moraal standing unless their utterly and completely stupid. Granted, there will always be compromises that have to be made, but if I'm worth millions... I'll sleep with the "poor girl;" the one with no money, but I certainly am not going to marry her. And as a Top 100 wealthy guy... Why would I bother sleeping, or dating a middle class tart when I can bed Warren Buffet's grandaughter? Get grip kids.. This shite just doesn't happen. | |
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