| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/26/2007 2:05:19 PM | If I was the fiancee I would kick is butt to the curb!!!!
Unless she wants this to go on for the rest of her life.
If I was the EX I would kick his butt to the curb!!!!
Unless she wants to be the "other woman" for the rest of her life. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/26/2007 3:31:01 PM | None of the people you describe are ready for marriage, or even a relationship.
All are attracted to chaos, drama, heartbreak and more. Sometimes players in such scenarios have serious health issues such as bi-polarity.
Normal, healthy interactions seem dull and boring, don't they?
All three could benefit from some counseling; I hope you will get some since you can only control your own life.
Focus on improving your own judgment and self esteem.
Tell the other two a permanent farewell.
Good luck.  | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/27/2007 10:10:57 PM | | Seriously, it would have been better for all concerned if this guys mother had drowned him in the bath water when he was a baby! | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:01:30 AM | | Lady, if this is your stoy, being crazy is not your problem, nor is whether or not to remain engaged. Your problem is that you're STUPID! | |
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Mujrim
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Joined: 5/2/2007
Msg: 106 | |
| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/28/2007 12:29:17 PM | Well, if you're so weak minded, that that's the best guy you can get, may as well go for it.
It's not like you deserve a better man anyways. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:06:00 PM | I didn't read through all five pages of responses, so maybe I'm repeating what someone else has said. I doubt it, though, as most of the responses I *did* see suggested a fairly traditional view of marriage and what it should be about. Plus, I've written a whole book here, so there must be *something* new.
I would not marry this man if I wanted and expected monogamy. I would not marry this man if he promised to be monogamous. I would not marry this man if he did not agree to go to couples therapy, to be up front about his liaisons with other women, to allow me the same freedoms, and to work it through like a grownup.
If I really, really loved him -- aside from his miserable behavior, which I would liken to someone being a practicing alcoholic and in denial about it -- if I loved the down-deep person that he really is, then I might try to figure out what my own beliefs and boundaries are about marriage and monogamy/polyamory. If I could possibly handle him having multiple partners and being honest about it (and I'm allowed to too), and deal with the inevitable but not necessarily enormous jealousy, and be willing to hide all of that or not care what people say... I might not dump his ass.
I'm not polyamorous, but I have friends (and an ex-husband) who are. Maybe this guy is getting off on the cheating and secrecy, or maybe he's one of those people who is trying (and failing) to stay in the bounds of a traditional relationship, because that's what's expected but it just doesn't work for him.
I don't think society makes enough room for people to have multiple relationships, to be open and honest about desiring multiple people (even if never acting on it), and so on.
All of this being said, he may just be a miserable liar and cheater who is taking "his women" for granted. AND, my ex-husband was monogamous with me for five years, but was miserable with it so we tried polyamory (he had a girlfriend; I could've had a lover but didn't want to). I loved him a lot and wanted to be sure we'd tried everything we could to stay happy and stay together. As it turned out, I hated polyamory, I was miserable, and I ended the marriage 10 months into the experiment (a 7-year relationship, 4 years of that married). Looking back, I wish I hadn't bothered, because my gut told me from the beginning that I wouldn't be able to deal, that the marriage I wanted was over as soon as he requested a switch to polyamory.
So maybe my real answer is much shorter: I would take some time away from this guy and see what my instinct told me about staying or going -- but I still say the guy is never, ever going to be monogamous. Maybe honest, maybe not, but definitely not monogamous. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:13:48 AM | What? I do not understand why people get involved with people who have someone else or think of someone else??????????????????????????????? You should move on. You want a man who wants you and sees only YOU.....don't share...think more of yourself!  | |
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| would you marry this man???
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:13:45 PM | HELL NO!
My first suggestion would be for the new gf to break up with him & get psychological help. She obviously has self esteem issues to put up with all that nonsense.
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| would you marry this man???
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:27:13 PM | If I read many more of these types of threads I'll simply give up on dating....
Honestly I wonder how common these types of situations are out there in the real world???
The other thing I wonder is why bother with marriage? Unless it is for financial reasons... ..
Why does she want to marry him??? does she have a guilt complex that she feels deserving of this treatment???
I wonder why he wants to marry this woman and sleep with the ex?
Is there a psychoanalyst in the house???? I am truly baffled.... | |
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jlynnh
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Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 112 | |
| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:27:58 PM | | OMG are you kidding me?? I don't think there is one good reason to stay engaged to this man! This is just plain crazy! I really don't even know why this woman would of even gotten engaged to him in the first place! | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/20/2008 6:38:55 PM | My god run away screaming like your heads on fire get out get out get out.
Unless it really dosnt bother you that he cheats then by all means marry him cause it will never end. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:43:02 PM | | I'm not sure it's a toss up jnh.... Jerry Springer or Dr Phil.... as in how's that working for you??? | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:17:27 PM | | I agree with the others as this is a no brainer. A one word answer would be: NO | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 2:41:56 AM | | it depends. if you marry him expect he will be unfaithful. don't marry him and find someone who will be faithful. this is a no brainer question and why would anyone put up with that shit? | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:00:07 AM | I wouldnt marry anyone.. but frankly even someone looking for that would be a fool to even think of this man as above gutter scum.
Dont marry him - His name's not daniel is it? | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:21:33 AM | I would think that if any woman who would freely stay with this guy is either really stupid
or really really desperate.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but why to do some abuse the privilege?? | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:53:44 PM | Third really stupid post I read tonight.....I'm not going say somthing mean......but I will need  where's my  ........man I love POF.......but my bill has gone up........see I didn't say anything mean....... | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:59:02 PM | the underlying question goes actually:
do you want POTENTIAL FAITHFUL LONG-TERM LOVE or
just to complicate life with some ups and downs rollercoaster of emotions?
would you marry this man
Posted: 1/18/2007 4 46 PM
Here's the situation: A guy and a girl date, and then break up. The guy gets a new gf, but continues seeing the ex. First he sees the ex behind the new gf's back, and after he is caught many times, he decides that he will "be honest" with the gf, so he starts telling her every time he has been with his ex gf. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:59:13 PM | | no, i wouldn't marry him; he's already shown he won't be faithful and isn't planning on being faithful and that's a quality i'd expect to share with anyone i'm with - being monogamous.. | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:42:08 PM | WOW!!! Seriously???
I mean, WOW, someone is seriously asking what to do in this type of situation!!!??? | |
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| would you marry this man
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:31:16 PM | I'm not sure it's a toss up jnh.... Jerry Springer or Dr Phil.... as in how's that working for you???
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I'm sure it would be quite entertaining on either one. | |
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