| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 8:04:27 AM | | ^^^ you obviously didn't read my profile admin posted ratio before, it isn't that bad lol | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 8:38:23 AM | I take this site with a grain of salt. I'm not looking for anything. I like to write. However, I have made a few good friends on here that I occasionally chat with on the phone. This was surprising as this was not my expectation. This just goes to show that you CAN find some good people on sites like this. On the flip side of that coin, I blocked my first POFer this weekend (and I'm a pretty easy guy to get along with) so the inverse is also true.
There comes a point where interesting discussion becomes venting, and venting becomes random flailing.
Greyy, good insight. I've seen some of this unfold here. However, the last time I heard the term "random flailing," it was attributed to my dancing technique.
Huh.. some women just don't appreciate good flamenco dancing. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 8:40:36 AM | | Online we are missing all of the important body language that we would normally rely on in the real world. The problem is that we take our cues from the pictures becuz anyone who says looks are not important is missing the point. Taste is important. Some people dont like coffee others prefer tea...doesnt make the coffe any less of a coffee. People take these sites to personally! | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 9:06:15 AM | spankie: pffft how about 4 emails, that's how many we had i think lol :)
a grain of salt is how i take it also, i've chatted with a few people the 2 serious ones i didn't ask for a number it was offered, both times after a mere few minutes of chatting. ya i'm a wacho watch out better not give me your last name i might look it up in the phone book or use 411.com and get your number and stalk you. Watch out girls physcho on the loose here. Ahhh he could be married and looking to cheat. What's wrong with asking a guy if he's taken or not, then asking if he's looking for a relationship or not? Two sentences and wham you just found out the two things a lot of people on this site are worried about. If he lied you didn't do anything wrong dump his ass he earned it. To automatically assume distrust by hiding and thinking he could be nuts, isn't that the other way around? It isn't the other person thinking that. It could be true, but then again I could be in a traffic accident tomorrow and loose both of my legs. Sure not going to worry about it.
Here's a question for the ladies. how do you start a good relationship that is built on the assumption of mistrust for the first few weeks?
Am I limiting my results by asking you to be trustworthy of me right off the bat? or are you limiting my results by assuming that I might be a crazy?
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 9:17:13 AM | Greymatter - fellow Vancouverite at ya:
I could not agree more.. in fact, after about 2-3 months in online dating, I'm thinking that online dating doesn't cut it for me.. Just like anyone, I find myself wanting to do the spontaneous bit, meeting someone at a party and then going on a date with them, rather than "organized" online dating. When I go on a date with someone I met on the Internet I find it feels a heck of a lot more like a job interview than a real date. People are so quick to judge these days, and online dating makes it worse, I find.
Does it make me sad? Sure, a little bit - but after a great weekend with a very good bunch of friends, three evenings in a row, that made me realize that so-called "organic" relationships and friendships are FAR more rewarding. All it takes, really, is surround yourself with people that you like, and eventually you'll meet someone that you REALLY like through those people. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 9:17:45 AM | Spankie:
yup it happens, guy is insecure. I've been phone stalked for 2 weeks girl kept calling at dumb times like 3am when I have to work. Asked her not too. She still keep going had to start hanging up as soon as I new it was her. Took a couple of weeks. There are jerks out there. Most are not.
PS. this is message 5 or 6 now so how about that #? lmao | |
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Posted: 4/11/2005 9:32:25 AM | hmm.. yup it happens .
You're right, most guys are not jerks, but I'm not gonna give my number to somebody just because I chatted with him twice. You just proved that it's a stupid thing to do.
BTW.. you think a married guy is gonna reveal that information just because you ask?? Umm no. It's not until you have chatted a few times that he seems to forget how long he's been divorced. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2005 9:43:54 AM | | ^^^ i brought up and addressed both accusations you just made about my posts, the two you just centred out i explained already. Those issues were already addressed. come on fight fair. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 10:06:46 AM | ummm.. are we fighting? Am I winning? 
I'm just trying to help you realize that you could be missing out on a great relationship because of a silly rule. Let's agree that "online dating" has limits. Perhaps there should be some guidelines that are set up each time you start to chat with someone new. This way, you find out right away if she is EVER interested in meeting. Try to understand that you don't know what her past is and what crazy people she has encountered. She's going to learn to be cautious and if you are interested in her, you should be understanding of that. I am generally a trusting person and firmly believe that most people have good hearts. I wasn't always this careful, but I have learned to be.
BTW.. I apologize if it looked like I was attacking you. I wanna shake some sense into you , but never attack  | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 10:21:47 AM | ya, thanks. I always suspect people to have some garbage on their plate from their past, don't get me wrong even if i don't get a number right away still doesn't mean i won't talk to you and perhaps get it at a different point. I'm just not going to put a lot of effort into it. It's merely a attempt on my part to get you to stand out from the rest of the group and if you go for it and toss the number my way you just scored some brownie points lol.
The whole number thing is the only way I know of so far to see who is serious and see who is not online. I tried doing it the better be careful way online and not pressure anyone, but really it looks so desperatewhen a guy says can i have your number after a month. Wait a while come off desperate, ask really fast and get your putting pressure on me lol.
So the ones who toss a number my way at least I know your genuinely interested. If anyone knows a better method give me a shout.
PS. winning the arguement? hehehe :) | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 11:06:38 AM | It's good to hear that you don't give up after not getting the number right away.
A couple points you might consider:
1. if she is giving her number to you right away, you have to wonder how many other guys is she's giving it to.
2. she could be VERY interested in you but needs to see that YOU are interested enough to learn more about her.
3. getting to know someone online can help with those uncomfy silences on the phone.
Personally, I like to chat with someone a couple weeks to see if we have the flow of conversation. It tells me a lot about his character when he discusses how his day went... how he interacts with his ex or coworkers, etc. When he first starts chatting, he's (usually) on his best behavior. His true colors can leak out within a couple weeks.
If she's reluctant to give you her number, then ask her what her concerns/fears are without defending yourself. She could have some pretty scary stories to tell ya. There are a few bad guys out there that are making it difficult for the good guys. I know it's not fair, but trust has to be earned and it sucks. Give her your number and give her time. It's up to you how long you are willing to wait. In the meantime, chat with other girls without focusing on just her. You seem to know what it is you are looking for and having guidelines is a good idea. But flexibility is key. Using fresh bait never hurts either.  | |
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Posted: 4/11/2005 11:16:07 AM | Forever Laughter made a totally good point there - at the New Year's party this last year, I met this girl who I thought was quite nice, interesting, fun, etc, and she shoved her phone number into my hand and asked me to call her.
A few days later, I found out she had given her phone number to no less than four of my male friends at the same party, including my roommate. Well... did that make me feel less special? You bet. Did I call her? Nahhh. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 11:25:39 AM | i agree with what you said and 50/50 with this one
"1. if she is giving her number to you right away, you have to wonder how many other guys is she's giving it to. "
that could be true, it could be not true and she is only interested in me, thus i won't hold it against her. plus i know i have the upperhand in the department anyway, why because i'm not worried about it. If she wants ya. She'll make sure its clear.
Say she is giving out numbers to the masses. Have to use your brain it's not that hard to figure out if she's a player or not. There are easy to spot traits that go with the player personality. Just have to learn how to pick it out and understand it. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 11:33:44 AM | | ^^^^ male escort service? okay that's 7 messages u owe me a real number now. I just broke my own rule for you spankie! | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 3:12:17 PM | If this site makes you sad you need to get serious professional help. It is the interenet, not a Danielle Steele Novel. JUST SAY NO TO SELF PITY! On giving out a phone number, you're crazy wild. With a few years you might develop some better expectations, until then remeber that online here we are entitled to NOTHING! Ladies, don't ever let someone pressure you into giving them anything! It will be his loss, not yours. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 3:24:04 PM | I gotta tell ya; I have read a NUMBER of Wilds posts above. Unless the 3% I havn't read are so very henious to betray the spirit and thoughts that he stated in his other 374525 posts...
"he can speak for me on this issue anytime"
Wanna know my thoughts on this or any closely related issue? Read his posts, chances are I share the exact same views.
The guy has got his head on straight. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 3:59:28 PM | | thanks frosty, better expectations? nah all i got left to go on is balls. entitled to nothing? I want the cream of the crop and to the ladies I hope they expect the same out of me. I only have one expectation out of a female and that's a heart. Nice try on attempting to bring me down. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 5:10:29 PM | Kiefer, Vancouver! woot woot!
I totally agree with you about organic relationships. Something's up when a freindly date feels close to a job interview.
I think Wild make some very strong points, but some of the posts disagree. I'm not sure if I would ask for a number after a few e-mails, but when asked if I would give my number to a girl I found funny, smart and attractive after just a few e-mails? Probably yes. But that's me, and it has never happened. Women don' task for numbers as often as guys do though, so maybe I'm not being cautious because of that. Anyway the spontaneiety is kinda appealing, and something tells me it doesn't make things worse, for me, since she asked.
But for those of you who disagree strongly with Wild... how many messages WOULD it take, given there's some decent depth in some of them at least, b4 you would give out a number? Would it take a month of e-mail flirting? 2 months? I've been advised that more than a few weeks in real life and a gal loses interest. I'm sure net time flows at a slower rate, but at some point if you don't contact the person both parties have gotta suspect things aren't really going where you might think they are. | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/11/2005 7:51:53 PM | | kk now for me I am very self concious of my voice and would rather meet in person than over the phone. So yes I would rather develop a friendship online and then meet in person then give out my phone number....How would that do...and as for the online thing that has taken some men longer than others to meet me...depends on the personality of the person..sometimes there is some thing online so I want to meet them right away and other times there is nothing and I want to meet them to see if there will be anything there in real life.....that is this woman's too cents (ok 4 cents since I posted earlier) | |
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| This Site Will Make You Sad
Posted: 4/12/2005 7:38:15 AM | I usually offer my phone number AND tell them how to use call block so I can't see their number. I have no problem giving it out because I can always use Call Block later on or change my number if necessary, I"m not that attached to it (though it IS easy to remember). One thing I don't do is give out my cell phone number unless I have a level of trust because I can't block calls on my cell phone (Motorola V220 through Rogers, if anyone knows different let me know).
I don't blame a girl for not wanting to give hers out though, that's cricket. As for meeting someone on line, a couple three emails, a phone call, then lets set up something to meet in person. Face it, most of us are not on here looking for pen pals. I read in another thread where a POFer will not exchange numbers or even think of meeting before six months. That might work for her ( and power to her if it does ) but she would have lost my interest LONG before that because I would have thought she was stringing my along or trying to hide something.
Something's up when a freindly date feels close to a job interview.
I agree with Greymatter on that one. It's just a date for gawd sake. NOT a job interview! | |
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Posted: 4/12/2005 7:15:07 PM | | Dancin Pants who had the poor me attidude..?? I sure didn't I was just posting another way to see that sometimes exchanging numbers isn't a good thing and that I would rather meet in people right away....my attidude is "if you don't like it too bad there are other fish in the sea"....lmao | |
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Posted: 4/13/2005 7:17:12 PM | | Wild, I was trying to bring you around, not down. If you want the "Cream Of The Crop" has it occured to you that much of that cream has come to learn that giving out personal information prematurely can be deadly? Your wrong Frrosty, the head is not on straight on this one. If you want to talk to a willing lady you can always call a 900 number, but to pass up on a woman that exercises prudent precautions in this day and age is to pass up on the smartest women out there. NO, YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING HERE. Make your own criteria, just don't whine when the restrictions of that criteria hold you back. | |
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