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he just makes me feel like it is my fault and that i should feel bad for him i am a nice person and hate being mean to people
This is exactly the attitude I was talking about that they rely on.
Just like the guys on here who do the bait and switch with their photographs or hide deal breakers from you. When they do finally show you who they are they do it in a way that if you stop talking to them, you'll be shallow or just some mean b*tch like the 'other' women. Doesn't matter that they complete mislead you, were dishonest, and unethical. Doesn't matter that by hiding who they are it shows a level of self-loathing that can make for an unbalanced person. Doesn't matter it was manipulative and completely took away your choices.
It's why when any guy describes his ex's a psychos it shoots up a big red flag for me. When behavior is taken out of context it can look psycho. These guys drive women to being mean and nasty because its the only way to deal with them. Rather than get help, they blame the women.
Let yourself get angry. Realize that what they are doing is WRONG and the only excuse they have is they refuse to get help for themselves leaving you to deal with their crap. Its extremely selfish and its highly unlikely they will change when they can find another woman who will take responsibility for their actions and pity them. If they no longer see you as that person, they will move on.
These people should not be in relationships. They'll destroy those around them rather than take responsibility for their own actions.
Be prepared to hear you are a cold psychotic b*tch despite the fact they forced you to be that way.
Realize you are not a cold psychotic b*tch but a strong individual who has the guts to do what is necessary. You need to brush off their insults for what they are. A last stab at manipulation.
Then, move on, cut off contact, and don't let yourself think about them.
Take some time to realize that this behavior can have an impact on a person and their confidence. You need to learn about how these people manipulate so you'll stop blaming yourself when they do it. If you don't, it might very well happen again.
Reserve the niceness for those who deserve it....and there are a lot of men out there who do.
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:35:18 AM
|The other day though I did yell at him like I mean i don't usually yell at people but when he called the bar to check up on me to see if i was there and who i was with I flipped out on him the next time he called me and he said that he liked when I was yelling because It was something i never do|
Posted: 1/23/2007 11:04:05 AM
|Creep. Can you block his cell phone number either through your phone or through your service provider? I'm not sure how this works but if you call the cell phone company I am sure they can help you.|
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:40:51 AM
|I say, trade cells with your brother, an uncle, someone bigger than him.|
When he calls and a dude answers, I am sure he will ask, "Who is this?"
When he does, have them say, "None of your damn bussiness."
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:57:02 AM
|Sounds like a stalker...one call to 911 should fix his little red wagon!|
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:49:47 AM
|I empathize with you. I had a very similar situation for 6 months last year, only this bloke lived directly around the corner from me. I would go to my car in the morning and there'd be flowers, gifts, cards, chocolates, etc., on the bonnet of my car. He would cruise the car parks of the local pubs looking for my car and then sneak into the bar and stand in a darkened corner, watching me, waiting for me to leave - if I was with someone, he would make such a gawd-awful scene, the bartenders would throw him out and call the police. By the time the police arrived, he had left. He'd park on the street in the dark and wait for my car to go by then follow me, riding close on my bumper. Text messages up the wazoo - up to 30 in a day, starting out pleading, then bleeding hearting-it, then cursing the day I was born and 'no wonder I was single - I was such a mean, selfish b**ch and should never be allowed to breed.' This went on for 6 months after I broke off (tried valiantly too, anyway) a 6 week relationship. As soon as I realized he was completely possessive and possibly dangerous, I broke it off - well, that was entirely the wrong thing to do - I apparently had no right to 'destroy' someone's life, when all he wanted to do was love me.! I gave the police all his information, and they went to his house several times, but he was never there. I copied and printed all his text messages and left them with the police, and gave my cell phone with voicemails to the police to listen to. Apparently, there is nothing the police can do until he has actually injured or physically threatened me in any way. Talk about shutting the gate after the horse has bolted ~! I was unable to have my cellphone company block any incoming calls or text messages, T-Mobile does not offer that option. So in essence, I was in a complete pickle. I had to have 'look-outs' at my local and if he turned up, I would high-tail it out the back door through the kitchen. One day, he got smart and was waiting by my car, he grabbed my arm and threw me onto the bonnet of my car with his nose 2" from my nose and started hissing obsenities at me - my trusty bartender/bouncer was right up his a*** with a #14 boot - jacked his arm up his back and tied him to a telephone pole and called the police. A couple of nights in jail to cool his heels, where he ironically met another woman and started dating her.............. how's that for a story? worthy of a book?|
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:42:14 AM
|WEll he called me 3 times so far today sent me 5 e-mails and he is trying to turn it all around on me again saying if only i could hear myself and now telling me he has someone who he is seeing there and he just wants to be friends with me well then why does he call me so many times a day he still tells me he loves me and wants me to have his child and wants me to move there|
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:51:05 AM
|It appears that this man is a control freak and trust me the signs are quite evident. The repeated phone calls checking up on you and what you are doing while out at the bar with friends shows great insecurity in this man. He tells you of another woman to make you jealous, and of course to get a reaction out of you.|
Yes, you are right if he did in fact have another woman, why would he be telling you the things that he is, constantly calling , and emailing?
He is a CONTROL FREAK and wants to know your every move, sad but these personalities truly stand out, and I suggest you cease any contact with him whatsoever. I have been told that the best thing to do with people such as these is to completely IGNORE him, and in most cases if he can no longer get a reaction from you he will let off. HOPEFULLY.
As suggested if possible have someone answer the phone who is male and give him a wakeup call from your work. Do not reply to any emails whatsoever. If it does become unbearable then yes, it may be time to call in the aid of the police.
Be thankful OP that you woke up in time and saw the signs of him being such as he is, and got out. That was your first step and your best step.
Now follow the advice of others and cease any further contact with this guy.
Good luck, you'll be fine just rely on loved ones around you to get you through this.....peace.
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:56:54 AM
|The best thing to do in this situation is to contact the police/phone company & find out the number you dial after he calls that will send the number to the police. They will keep track & then contact this person. Believe me, it works. I had the same thing happen to me & once the police contacted him, I never heard another word. Do not feel guilty or like it is your fault as that is what they rely on. I was the same until my friend took over & made the call to the police...|
Posted: 1/25/2007 4:03:25 AM
|He sounds like a stalker!|
There are laws that result in some severe penalties if breached... Get a police history going...something on the blotter! Stalking is a serious offense!
Posted: 1/25/2007 6:07:23 AM
|I agree. Some men are terrified of being ignored. Some are willing to go very far to get you to pay ANY kind of attention to them. If it is a mild case, it is upseting. If it is a severe case, it can get very dangerous. |
I have had both in my life.
Don't give this guy a second of your attention. That is what he wants. Change your number. And until you know which cartegory, this guy falls into, watch your back.