| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 9/7/2004 9:30:32 AM | It never will, you will have to just keep ignoring her, she will find some one else to make suffer her crap soon though, just hang in there bro.
Gado | |
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alura2
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Joined: 3/18/2004
Msg: 52 | |
| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 9/7/2004 2:07:24 PM | | all the best to both of you..i really hope it all ends well i have been wondering how the 2 of you are... | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:25:34 AM | I know at it is like to live with some one for over 10 years. But your BP took the cake over mine. Yes, one day out of the F blue she wanted a divorce. You may do what I am doing. Take care of the kid. With me two kids. Yet, your boy should be your main priority. Plain and simple. You cannot go to the court and play she did this and that. You will need to get all documentation of all her med history with you. Any thing and I mean any thing she posted on the net or cell phones history. Make a log book or AKA Dairy. It may seem stupid. It is not. You are noting it there and then after she leaves. DO NOT TELL HERE you are doing so. Do it! When it comes down to who is the better parent. You had all the documentation to prove that she is not the parent to be with. All so the stop her lawyer in their freaken tracts too.
I have done this and prove my case to the judge. You have power. So what if she took you for a ride. I was on the ride and cried because I was happy that the emotional roller coaster was over. It is not going to be easy to get off that ride. It was not easy for me either. I met new people and there is people who know at what you are going through. Like me, but I am not going to sleep with you.
You are doing the right thing and seek help for you and your son. I did the same damn thing. That is better than trying to be like a man and will not stop to ask how to find directions. It takes a man knowing he needs help to confront on what is going on with his life. You are going to get through this and it going to hell at first. It is not easy. By no means. Yet, that reward of seeing your child each day and hug you is the best thing on Earth. Children know you are the stable on in their life. Even my 4 year old knows I am a stable. Then the ex wonders why the kids rather stay with me than her.
Children are not stupid and they know what is going on. The may not tell you verbally. Still they know what is going on. My oldest son who is 9 seen me weep over it and ask what was going on. I did not lie to him or sugar coat it. He knew I did the best I could of done. My mom chew me out for not sugar coating it by the way.
You need to stay focus and you will see that you spent so many years of making some one els happy. You forgot what it takes to make you happy. No one can make any one happy. It is up to them and you'll see that with your self. You can only make your self happy. Focus on your child and you. Do not drop in the bottle or find a hot sexy girlfriend. You are not ready for it. You want to find some new friend. Do not do it. Do not squeeze a gal who likes you into your life. Ya, she cheated on you and what is that is going to prove to the judge when you F you pain away on some girl you pick up on line or what ever. You want to have our child with you. Focus on tat
You have a hand and do not bait with your ex in your head. Once that ex on the thought of climax. Stop and drop the tool. I know it can be hard not too. There was no pun in this subject in any way. Drop it and remain focus on what you require to get you head out of your ass and it is better to breathe that way to.
I am a nice guy and you are too. No, nice guys do not finish last either. It just takes some time for us nice guys to recover what some one has done to you. Ladies do not want a ass hole. Ladies if I am wrong please stop me now. True women want guys like us. We may spread our feathers and spread open on wide to say. Hey! We are the last guys standing! Come and see me.
Some how we may be the losers here. We are not! We are the last! We are the strong!
Gobby | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:44:52 AM | Hey OP,,,
Did you marry one of my exwifes cousins???
Everything you describe sounds so familiar...
I had my world screwed up by the woman I married too.
So many women are yelling about men and accusing them of being the bad guys, but they close their eyes to what women have been doing to everyone for centuries.
The hardest thing for a man wanting a relationship seems to be trying to find a woman that's not insane.. | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:47:55 AM | Ps,,,
I got full custody of all four of my children and she didn't even get visitation rights..
You can do the same.. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:01:16 AM | | You are correct. It used to be called manic-depression and some argue that is the more precise definition of the disorder. It is not only commonly misdiagnosed as uni-polar depression, it is so difficult to recognize that many go undiagnosed for decades. When it's misdiagnosed as depression and treated with anti-depressants, it actually makes the disorder worse because antidepressants without a proper mood stabilizer like lithium aggravate the manic side and can lead the sufferers to very destructive behaviors. | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:00:42 PM | When I get sad about how things went so terribly awry in my marriage my daughter (the youngest of my chidren) sets me straight.
"She was NUKING FUTZ daddy, get over it.".
Crazy people are crazy. they may function all right to most other people but to those who have to live with them it is a very scary life of uncertanty and fear.
To this day when I start feeling angry or upset I remind my self that she is nuts and that I shouldpity her rather than have bad feelings about her. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:00:53 AM | Hi there,
It must be really difficult to come to terms with the fact, that your ex had a condition for which only medication and management can control. Nevertheless, at least you now know that she does suffer from Bi Polar and reading about this illness, has more than likely begun the acceptance phase of your own personal healing and moving on process.
Many people suffer from depression and for some that form can be the more extreme as in your ex's case....
Chances are she may never be able to have a truly fulfilling relationship, however knowledge is power and you will be more able to recognise Red Flags that your previous lack of knowledge ignored.
I can imagine, that the whole process of financial and emotional bankruptcy, will take time in your and your son's recovery.
I wish you all the very best, in your future.... You can get through this and I do hope that your ex also can work through her issues....
Take care..... | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:10:09 AM | Well I will post this I had really been trying to get over this and not comisserate, but I figure I probably won't get any more dates, but you are not alone, I even have come up with a phrase, TAKEN A RIDE ON THE OLD BIPOLAR EXPRESS.......
well, I was just glancing at the post and came across the bipolar postings, I too have a Bipolar wife, with alcoholism too boot, Do you want to talk about a ride on the Old Bipolar Express, BJ while begging you not leave to work in the morning, clothes and all your possessions, well the ones you did not hide or lock up, out in the front yard, You know your having a bad day when you look out your front door and see 8 town cruisers 3 state police cruisers and a Whirly bird in the air all poised to find my beautiful bride who went missing 4 hours earlier, after coming out of a drug/alcohol binge from the night before. Oh and by the way she was found hiding in a closet because she stated to police that I was going to have her committed because she tried to commit suicide 3 times before. This had nothing to do with the 3 suicide drafts that she was composing and the police officers pulled out of the trash. Oh and I even stated to her father once just because my wife wanted to have sex with me did not mean so did all the other woman in the world, Geez if I only had a dime for every women she thought I had sex with well....Oh I think I forgot to mention that all those women that I had imaginary sex with included 3 of my own sisters. When I suggested a Dr. to help her, I became the new villain as she told her young daughters that I was going to have her mother committed to an insane ward. I had too put up with new found best friend, her ex husbands new partner who she had me believing that her ex-husband beat her, battered, drugged her with cocaine. She fabricated or now she claims that allegations that her father sexually abused her as a child were false, and then too turn around and give up her three children to her ex. to free up time to surt/troll the crags list for casual encounters and then had the audacity to blame this on me when all I did was try to keep peace, and help her with her troubles. When she finally did agree to see a Dr, all he did was prescribe each and every drug of the week, Seraquel, Zoloft, diazipan, Abilify dapakote Diazepam Halcion Haldol Klonopin Lamictal Lithium Luvox Neurontin Paxil Prozac Tegretol Topamax Valium Wellbutrin Xanax and not too mention all the ones for anti physcotic........ Well these are the ones I recognize off the top of my head.
wow I could go on but I may be needing all of those aforementioned drugs, so now I have a strange man in my bed, 3 restraining orders on my record (this was before the police realized she was nuts), lost my profitable auto business that I had going on 20 years, 3 houses heading into foreclosure, and I have to belly up 20- 40 thousand dollars for a divorce. She has the high priced Boston attorney that her estate will be paying for as her father was a founder/ owner of a string of high line auto dealerships.
She tells me was cheating all of our tumultuous 4 years of marriage...Go on I dare you Take a Ride on the Bipolar Express; I became the man she needs to hate. Maybe that could be you next... I think this casual encounters, hookups, friends with benifits, is people who have bipolar tendencies as casual sex without regard for the consequences is a part of bipolar if you read the symptoms. I just should have kept as a casual encounter and just traded the oil changes for the B*'S and not married the psycho., , You know the girls half crazy and that is why you want to be there......SUZANNE TAKES YOU TO THE RIVER, somewhere down that crazy river, a different swan song but that popped into my mind. I feel I was lucky enough to have escaped with my genitial intact. I love that line I hope it is not insulting ... I had tried to start a thread about why us men are attracted to these types of woman and what the consequenses were, IE: the dire outcome but was deleted. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:24:38 AM | to continue previous post
I fell in love with this woman, married her and gave up all that I had, to accept her fuc*** up dysfunctional two daughters ( a crazy story in itself ), to accept her highs , lows, emotionally supported, be with her full time, brought her to my place of business because if she got bored she would search out bad impulsive things and in the end I was the the one who was tossed aside and for which I thank her for that. Taken For A ride On The Old Bipolar Express....I went back to read different replies , One mentioning chrildren well my ex-stepson and I were talking when I stated we should do somethiing as that would make his mother happy. His reply was you just don't get it Mom will never be happy, this at age 9. I raised that boy from 4 -10 an now to have no contact......... | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:02:13 AM | in continuation of the past 2 posts by myself.
I should of never got going on this.
I should have realised , when the wedding invitations were sent over 250 to my family and friends . six total for her, oh if only I saw the signs.....Her own daughter 19 years old was such a charm at the wedding party the Head bartender left her job, and drove her home with in a half hour of the reception. Oh I quess my best mans wife was trying to pick me up as that is what she told anyone that would listen to her . Lost a friendship that I held dear for over 40 years, but we have reconciled but I could not have any thing to do with that couple with my wife. Oh the craziness of it all | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:31:56 AM | You and your son have my prayers. I was once in your shoes. I was once in a relationship with a man who was bipolar and I left him 2 years ago after 4 years of hell. You have done everything you could to make it work. You have done nothing wrong. It's her who has issues. Biopolars are incapable of having relationships. They are selfish, manipulative, conniving, and will attempt to destroy anyone in their path to get what they want so I've learned. And they will blame their significant other for their own problems and addictions, which they bring upon themselves. 2 years later I have a normal life again and it's wonderful  Would I ever date someone who was bipolar? Hell no! I decided I had a choice 2 years ago, to let what my ex did to me and my family destroy me or pick myself up and dust myself off and win by getting my life back, which I've done postively. There is life after being in a relationship with a bipolar. I had no idea he was that way until well into the relationship when his bad behaviours started. Please speak to your family doctor if you haven't already. PTSD is very common after someone has been in a relationship or marriage with someone who is bipolar. He or she can recommend a course of treatment for you and your son if necessary. If you would like to chat further do not hesitate to message me. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:09:33 PM | My brothers wife is bi-polar, and his life can be a living hell sometimes. I give him credit for sticking it out as long as he has. I don't know what's up with all ofthe bi-polar people anymore. It seems everyone has a story of meeting, dating, having relationships with or married to someone who is bi-polar.. And these poor people have such heart breaking stories. I think one person I dated and was engaged to was bi-polar.. she showed all the signs and behaviours for sure. That relationship was hell.. And I am glad that it is over. Thank goodness I am dating someone now who is normal and nice..
Your story is terrible and mind blowing.. But it's like one poster said, she has a disease. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't like you were a bad husband or anything. Just proceed with the counceling and try to get through it all.. At least you still have your son. And hopefully you 2 can start to build a better life together... I wish you all the best. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:34:59 PM | I've just been through 3 years of the same things with my Ex-fiancee...the lies, deciet, hatefulness, mood swings, neurosis, paranoia, and all the other things that go along with Bi-polar disease. I finally caught her cheating with her pool boy, 4 days before X-mas while delivering gifts for her and her son.
In her case, she denies nor will she accept the fact she has it.....uses anti-depressants, pain pills and alcohol to numb her own pain and could care less the pain she inflicts on the ones that love and care about her most.
I did some reading to try to understand the disease, the symptoms, the reactions and did eveything I could to support/help her. All that got me was being accused of trying to "control" her because I wanted her to seek help. It runs in her family, and her brother, if not on meds thinks life-flight is attacking and starts shooting at it. So she doesn't want to be put in that catagory.
You CAN NOT help someone unwilling to help themselves is the best advise I can give ya bro. Been there, done that.....good luck to ya! | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:51:23 PM | | We should trade war stories some time. . . You are obviously strong. My ex was also Bi-Polar. I know your pain. . . If you ever need someone to talk to, I am there! | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:27:33 PM | Sometimes it seems too much to bear, you don't think you can take anymore but remember god won't give you more than you can handle, lean on him for comfort.
I feel for you, I really do, I've found a church that felt comfortable and became a member, I look to god to help me through. I can't be friends, I don't even like to see or talk to her, it hurts me so much, 14 years of marriage and now she's gone, what led up to it and what she's been doing eliminates any possibility of me being able to take her back. I remain in town for my 12 year old son, not much anything else to hold me here, right now. | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:21:45 AM | | Oh give me the strengh to just walk away from a wife with Biolar, as she has now changed her mind again, wants to reconsile usally with sex to get her way. To put me her under her spell so to speak. I can see the writing on the wall...... | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 3:30:10 AM | i didnt know bipolar disorder was linked to compulsive lying
my wife has been bipolar for 25 years | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:02:17 AM | | At last someone who knows what she is talking about! Thanks for the input Ruby. I lived with a wife with this disorder for 12 years. Not a pleasant situation. A total shrew at home, but a very high achiever in school and the workplace. An angel to all her friends who thinks she is tops, but violent towards our daughter and other family members. She is great when she is on her medications,but will not stay on them because she feels she doesn't need them.In her mind everyone else has a problem,not her. Not their fault, but very painful for those who love them. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:27:09 AM | If she were actually bi-polar, the spending and cheating would have been your LAST clues, not the first - unless you simply weren't living together. Being bi-polar goes WAY beyond those things.
She sounds more like a low-life cheat and thief than bi-polar.
Take care of the kid. With me two kids. Yet, your boy should be your main priority. Plain and simple.
Absolutely! My bi-polar ex started out wanting joint custody, but her boyfriend didn't want a child around (it would interfere with their drinking and drugging), so she abandoned him. I won full custody and have been raising him by myself for the past 3 years. | |
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| Re: Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:02:32 AM | My heart broke reading your story OP. You've been on a bad roller coaster ride.
One day at a time, and love your child with all your might. Best of luck. | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:26:51 AM | | That is just beyond words.....can't even express how heart wrenching that is. I know there will be alot of people who will tell you to be strong and hang there even more so for your son...but also keep in mind you have every right to your feelings so if you want to scream and yell and curse do so. I go to the mountians away from everything. You sound like a great father and will do anything to help get him through this, kids don't always understand and can't always express themselves on what is going on deep inside. I had a bi-polar mother....we constantly moving...she lock herself in her room for days..my brother and I have to take care of ourselves....there was never enough food in the house and I was older so I felt I take of my brother. One day I watched my mother take a bottle of pills.....she passed out on the couch...I was only 7 years old but I knew something was wrong. We didn't have a phone I had to go the neighbors and have them call 911.....I watched my mother being put in the back of a paramedics truck from the back of a police car....this is a memory that will always stay with me. As kid I never talked about it....didn't know how to....didn't want to. I ended up with my father "which was no picnic either" my mother would come to visit every once a while but then the visits just stop for good. I haven't seen her since I was 9 years. Bi-polar can distroys lives and effects everyone in the family and if not controled the family pays the price. My heart goes out to you and your son.....I can understand in many ways. Time is your friend...it will get a little easier. God Bless! | |
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| Bi-polar wife broke my heart
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:15:28 AM | I would like to share my experience with you. My youngest son is bipolar. I knew something was wrong with him when he was two years old. Throughout his childhood, his main symptom was depression. I took him to many different doctors and they couldn't figure out how to treat him or what his diagnosis was. Finally, when he was 18, they put him on an anti-depressant. He started taking it when he went to college and it bumped him up into hypomania (mild manic state). He was having sex with many women, got them to buy him expensive gifts and was the life of the party. Then the second semester, he cycled down into depression - stopped attending classes, slept a lot and stopped seeing friends. He dropped out of college and wanted to be an actor. I told him he had to attend an acting school. He did and after the first year he got hit with some major stressors. He broke up with his girlfriend, his best friend moved away and classes stopped.
I was talking to him on the phone and knew he was manic. I had been reading everything I could get my hands on about mental illness and had figured out from his behavior what was probably wrong. I flew to his home and convinced him to go to the ER with me to see if my diagnosis of BPD was correct. The psychiatrist at the ER confirmed it and asked me if I wanted to admit him to the psych ward for 72 hours. I said "no" because I had admitted him to a psych hospital for three weeks when he was suicidal at the age of 12. I t took my son years to forgive me for doing that. Now he understands why.
So I bought the medicine they prescribed and gave it to him. He told me that I didn't need to get involved with his life. I told him I would only do that if he called and asked for help or if the police got involved. I also told him he could flush the meds down the toilet if he wanted to. It was his decision. He was astounded that I didn't try to force him to take his medication. When he finally came down from his mania and he was rational, he agreed with me that he was bipolar and started taking his meds. He has been on them for the last six years, finished college, has a good job and got married to a loving woman who understands him. He has had some blips along the way, but he recognizes them, sees his psychiatrist for adjustments to his meds and also sees a therapist when necessary.
Bipolar disorder does not have to be a huge roller coaster ride. It is a problem of brain chemistry. One of the things I think is important is that you read as much as you can about BPD. There are books available about living with someone with BPD and how to deal with it so you don't end up making the problem worse for yourself or your son. The other thing that would help, if you have some kind of spiritual life, is to talk to a trusted clergy person who can help you learn how to forgive your wife. She has a disease. She was born with it. Imagine what it would be like to have your brain interpret everything in a self-destructive way. I'm glad she is getting help. I hope she learns to like the person she is on medication.
Because his mother has bipolar disorder, it's important to understand that your son may have it too. A parent with bipolar disorder has a 30% chance that his/her offspring will also have it. My son and his wife are very aware of this and are not sure if they will have children. My son is afraid of passing it on to his children. At the same time, he realizes that if he did have a child with it, he would notice the symptoms early on and be able to get the help that is needed.
I raised my son and his brother by myself for 14 years. I was his mother, not his spouse. I loved him and couldn't leave him. I just stuck in there, prayed often, got counseling for myself when I needed it and now have a wonderful son who is extremely bright, creative and a joy to be with. Good luck with everything | |
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