| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/23/2007 8:57:36 PM | In the long term no because thats how you express your love for one another.
It sounds to me as if he is not sure on what he wants so maybe its best for the both of you to sit down and talk about it as this could turn out to be a major issue.
Hope this helps and good luck :) | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:29:00 AM | To answer your first question, it depends on the relationship.
From what you have said, it sounds to me like this guy isnt interested in sex as much as you are, and is more interested in you than you are in him. To be honest, I dont think your right for him if your not willing to take a break from the bedroom, and get to know the guy.
But also, with what you say about his behaviour with you in a group, he could just not be that into you.
My suggestion would be to ask yourself "do I care about him?" and if so, then show it in a new way, and if not, then leave.
Hope it works out for you though | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 12:37:01 AM | Yep; move on. He doesn't have the stuff that you need. He sounds like he isn't ready for you. Move on.
(Hey, I had my first baby when I was 19.) | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:50:43 AM | First of all poohbear you are wrong and everyone else who agrees with you...... being 19 is still to young to have sex.... what will you do if you get pregnant/ do you really think that your 18-25 year old boyfriend will really stay around and pay for the kid? open your eyes to reality he will be another dead beat father and you will be a single parent. do you really want to go through your 20s as a single mom? I heard many single moms tell me that they wished they waited to have sex and to have that kid.
As for the problem the only way you will find out the answer is to ask him straight out. (This goes for all woman) Quit beating around the bush and just ask straight out.
You know what too... He could be testing you. He could have found religion and realized that he wants to wait until he married. He could have a physical problem and is to embarrassed to tell you. He could have AIDS or another sexually transmitted disease and his doctor said no sex.
I never see any of these type of answers on these forums but then again most people don't bother to think about the concequences of their actions either.
You also need to remember to that if you have a well rounded life/schedule..... sex is not going to be at the top of the list of things to do.
As for people who have sex listed in their number one slot (on the to do list)... their tombstone is going to read "He/she lived, had sex and died. No accomplishments other than just getting laid."
You also need to remember (as I mentioned in another posting in another thread) .....
We live in a society where SEX is shoved in our face every day and if we are not getting any then we are going to die. That is not true. Yes sex is part of the relationship but that is done when 2 people really love each other. It's not meant for enterainment purposes after a few beers. It is an act that is suppose to show how much one cares and loves ones mate.
One final thought about your problem... it could be YOU not him that has a problem that turned him off.
Mr. I | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 2:16:23 AM | I think you summed it up in one of your earlier posts poohbear (cute nickname btw ,I bet yer just adorable !)
let me sum up what you typed :
you're 19 ,he's also young
you haven't really spent any time with him away from school or the bedroom
you're not sure if you're enjoying the non sex non school times with him
you really don't know him all that well
you feel he ignores you while in school
he has multiple girls interested in him *as I'm sure you have many guys interested in you , I may be O L D but I remember highschool (happy sigh)*
put all these factors together and maybe it was a good idea to take a step back, maybe he got spooked, maybe he's not ready to commit , maybe he is unsure of his feelings much the same way you're unsure of yours (or there could be other reasons etc)
I'd say go with it , see what you're feelings for him really are and talk to him about it.
yes you're young, but can any posters here say that at 19 years of age they were not sexually active in any way shape or form? (see didn't think so hah!) | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:50:09 AM | Your boyfriend is wise beyond his years. You should feel blessed that he cares so much about you and the relationship to go this route. Sex is everywhere - there's plenty of time to have it. In the meantime, work on building your relationship and your friendship - which is what will hold you together in times of crises - not sex.
Be happy with your knight - they are few and far between these days...
:) | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:55:03 PM |
To answer your first question, it depends on the relationship.
From what you have said, it sounds to me like this guy isnt interested in sex as much as you are, and is more interested in you than you are in him. To be honest, I dont think your right for him if your not willing to take a break from the bedroom, and get to know the guy.
for this one ^^^... its pretty funny, when we first got together, he told me some of the things he liked, didnt like, and was most interested in. one of his comments was... word for word... "i LOVE sex, not just with anyone though, but when i have a girlfriend i like to take as much time as i can having sex, because i just love it..." im not sure how the rest went now, but it was something to do with a connection, i dont know! but then i was like " im not all that interested in sex. it wouldnt be the first on my list of things to do, even when i am with someone!" but his comment about loving it so much, well kind of got me wondering and worried, if he loves it so0o0o much, whys he volunteering to give it up?
and to answer another small question, hes 21... 22 this year, as i will be 20 this year.
as for getting to know him, when we first met, we spent hours and hours and hours outside of the school on the picnic table talking about everything, from our intrests to our homes we left behind when we moved to ontario. he found out stuff i liked, and i found out stuff he liked, etc. i was with someone else at the time when we met, and well we just connected. back then , he would walk right next to me when we'd come back in from a smoke, so close to me he would be touching me, and now he walks about 2 feet in front of me. its like he was trying to get the prize (although i dont consider myself much of a prize) and when he got it, he didnt have to fight for it anymore, so hes not putting in much effort. theres stuff im still learning about him, and it seems we like alot of the same things...
as for questioning him about it, i did... twice now, and the first time it was the speech on, "i dont want to have sex anymore, because i want to prove to you that its not all that i want you for (good going there... i think i brought that one on one night when i told him all other guys i was with since my first seemed to only want me for that) and he said, a relationship is better without it, and he wants to make me feel 'special'", although i dont really feel all that special now. Then the second time i asked... he didnt even really answer he just said... (why he would get this impression i dont know) " i dont know what your so worried about anyways, you dont enjoy it, i can almost tell by looking at your face that you dont, so i dont see what the big deal is." i argued with him anyways, then that turned into..."your just worried im going to leave you, but im not..." so if i asks him yet again, its only going to be the same old thing... | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 6:35:20 PM | How was the sex that yas did have? Maybe he felt he wasn't pleasing you. Rather than fail again, perhaps he'd rather avoid trying again.
Maybe he's grown to dislike you and doesn't want to share intamacy any longer..whether he likes someone else or not.
Not to stray from the topic but, drugs and alcohol impair sex? That's a new one on me! | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:54:32 PM | Given subsequent posts and the information from the other thread, it sounds like the guy originally really liked you, you started screwing like bunny rabbits and forgot to talk, and he is trying to reconnect emotionally and intellectually with you. He has feelings for his X and he apparently realizes that part of getting over here is being with someone he really cares about.
You should not be worried about him but yourself. If you cannot really talk to him when you were able to before, perhaps you feel nothing for him beyond a physical attraction at this point. You seem determined to keep him but have not considered whether you really want him or even like him anymore. | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 8:54:33 PM | Well, since I have a 19 year old daughter, I agree with the boyfriend :)
It probably means he is having sex with someone else, or something worse. Maybe, I am being a bit jaded on the subject, but I don't any guys that think that way. Intimacy is a large part of any relationship and withholding it means something, unless you started out that way. | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 9:29:58 PM |
recently my boyfriend just decides that he doesn't want to be intimate anymore
This never happens... maybe a herpes flair up? | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/24/2007 10:12:46 PM | | Hmm well I feel that all parts of a healthy relationship must be maintained. Intimacy and friendshp being two of the top areas needing constant attention. If one goes the other is soon to follow! | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:41:29 AM | is a relationship better without sex?
Have to smile at this one (just the question, as written)
I'm going to say no. If the sex is really bad, maybe yes. I don't believe I ever had bad sex though. I always reached the end-zone anyway. MAYBE once or twice it was bad but I never noticed. | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 1:02:21 AM | | It's a great stress reliever, and well in some strange weird way. Your allowed to show someone how much you love them while doing the act ( probably why they call it Making Love ). | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 2:04:55 AM | Consider the possibility that he found out he has an incurable STD and just doesn't want to tell you. For a guy to say he doesn't want sex is ridiculous. I've dated the nicest, most sincere men and the few I had a physical relationship with would never have said something like "let's stop having sex to show how I care." It's so unheard of.
Not to be harsh, but men are men. They don't just swear off sex for no reason.
And 19 years old is too young to be in situations like this. When people who are older than you give advice, try to listen to them without getting defensive. They've been there and have perspective you can only get from years of experience.
My advice is to stop focusing on this guy and this relationship and put more energy and thought into building your life and finding yourself. And go get an STD test. | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 4:36:46 AM | This guy is getting it elsewhere and is just stringing you along as a back-up if he can't score or the other relationship goes sour. Do a little detective work and I think you will discover this to be true. All this sounds like bullsh!t to me. He could be gay also and just isn't ready to come out and you're the facade that he uses to camoflauge his true nature.
Have been intimate + doesn't want to be intimate anymore = something fishy. | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:06:30 AM | OH GOD NO!!!!!!!
If something should happen to my partner (if I had one) and we were UNABLE to have sex, that would be one thing and I would adjust. But to do it purposely, and for no reason? NO WAY! | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:20:09 AM | | When you care for someone or love someone its just a natural part of the relationship. How better to say i love you than to make love. With that being said........... Be very careful of guys that only want that. Some guys don't care about you they will just say they do to see if it will get them what they want. Or guys that go on about how wonderful you are but then do bazaar things like don't talk to you when you know there on line. In witch case you know they are really talking to someone else. After spending mo's getting to know someone. I have almost come to the conclusion that non of it is worth it and about ready to give up. I hope you have better luck than i have. Good luck i mean it. | |
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LBP
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Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:31:43 PM | In my experiences, any guy who has started then stopped had issues which impacted the intimacy of the relationship. Depression, Alcohol/drug issues, or self-esteem type stuff.
They just covered it up with stuff like they wanted to get to know me on another level or make you seem like a nympho for having a normal sex drive. At first I thought it was sweet and old fashioned, I don't think that anymore. If they are that sweet and old fashioned they wouldn't have rushed things along in the first place.
I think some might even have believed their own rhetoric rather than deal with their problems. I think its wise to get to know each other before you have sex because it can complicate things. Once you've done the deed though, its been done. | |
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| is a relationship better without sex?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:38:43 PM | I was 19 when I had sex for the first time and I was in a relationship with a guy who I thought was my soul mate, and who I was going to marry. I somewhat regret doing that. I wish I would have waited until we were "in love" and not "in lust" There is a huge difference. For me personally, sex is not number one on my list for a relationship. So if a guy was to say "Lets not have sex until we know that we really are in love" I would be completely fine with that. Plus, there are other fun things you can do 
Oh and with people saying you are too young, don't let it get to you. I hear it all the time and I am almost 23. Some people mature faster, but these people are in our real lives so they do not know us personally and just passing quick judgments on us because of our "age" | |
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