Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/26/2007 12:20:44 PM |
Your feeling way more insecure about this than you need to - you are in his life - not her. And listen to yourself - your update - he has no interest in her- please listen to yourself - your torturing yourself for no reason except for your own insecurities -
Agreed.
If we are doing this democratically, I vote for not marrying him. At least not yet. Neither of you are ready. You can’t fix him. You can’t change what has happened, and you can’t change how he feels. Do the one thing you can do: make yourself healthy. | |
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| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:25:01 PM | I am sure that makes you feel better, it probably would most people but the problem has never been the presence of the momentos, it has been your inability to see yourself as worthy of him. He sounds like a patient man and many might have considered no matter how much they loved you if constantly reinforcing their love for you is how they wish to live.
He dedicated the album to you, it does not diminish it that he also acknowledged that she was an important person in his life. He gave you a wonderful gift and you have not allowed yourself to fully enjoy it because you still have doubts.
You need to accept that he loves you and that this will not change regardless of any Xs or new people that come into your lives. He has chosen you, appreciate it and don't squander it. | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:42:09 PM | OP
I would like to know, with all that stuff you wrote, what is the bottom line? If you are not happy, then go find someone else, but really, it sounds like you are the same type of woman, as the one 'that got away'.
What keeps you interested in an unavailable man, and why are you questioning his sincerity ?
Either you love and trust him, and are committed, or you are just hanging out where it suits you best !
EDIT: The Forums are either less busy, or I am posting way too much. LOL | |
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| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:22:50 PM | Ha! I have exactly one physical memento from my ex: an antique garnet ring he gave me after I graduated after a long and protracted, self-funded battle to gain this final education goal.
The irony: it preceded the untidy ending of a 20+ year relationship.
What else do I have to remember him by?
Knowledge. He wasn't responsible for all the knowledge I have tucked away in my noggin, but he can claim to have a hand in the my gain of much of it. After all, he wasn't a dummy, thats fer dang sure.
My cost, 12 yrs college tuition/ supplies: ~ $-80,000
My lost opportunity costs for his career: ~ $-130,000
Sole physical gift of largess, in 20 yrs: ring, ~ $ + 400
Value of acquired technical knowledge under his tutledge: Freaking priceless.
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M2k7
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:28:54 PM | First of all, I didn't read all of the post - my eyes rolled back into my head.
But as far as keeping mementos... As long as they are not intrusive and can be kept out of my way they should be fine. If it;s the 5 foot teddy bear that he won for you just before you lost your virginity and said 'I love you' for the first time while getting your driver's license, and passing the SAT's, all the while winning the lottery with a your lover's first dollar he ever made... You'd have to get rid of it | |
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| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:42:14 PM | if he agreed to the bonfire it was only because you forced his hand at it -- i'm sure you are happy but what is he deep inside? why couldnt he keep his momentos in the same manner that you still have yours, and if you and he are soooooooo happy why are you on a site like plenty of fish? is the fish you have not enough for you? i thought that being engaged meant not having to go to a free dating site? why come here for the forums? is this the same as me buying a playboy magazine for the articles? with that i shall give you the cheer you were seeking : JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! | |
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| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:51:30 PM | I think everyone should click on your name, OP. They need to read not your profile, but your other threads.
This guy is 50. He has held a torch for another woman for years, despite the relationship being brief. And he has never been married.
He has been sexually promiscuous and avoided using protection.
And you haven't been involved in a serious relationship before now, at age 28.
Bottom line: this relationship won't last. Pass him by. You seem bent on this marriage, and like others have opined, you are a second fiddle in the present scenario (if you haven't embellished facts for drama sake). You certainly aren't going to be cherished as you desire.. If you ask point blank questions, and get equivocation for an answer, what the heck do you expect here? He's going to grow in love for you? I think not.
You need relationship experience outside of this one - you aren't mature enough for marriage. He is unlikely to have the same values and lifephase objectives you have, more than twenty years his junior. Now think about this - he has had very few longterm relationships. Why? I think he may have pair bonding problems. He chose the wrong women to fall in love with, years ago, and he hasn't fallen out of love with her, not really.
Hope you pay heed. Not our business if you don't. | |
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| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/30/2007 11:31:53 PM | And you haven't been involved in a serious relationship before now, at age 28.
Who said that? I was in an eight year relationship before this one with someone who is 16 years older.
You need relationship experience outside of this one - you aren't mature enough for marriage. He is unlikely to have the same values and lifephase objectives you have, more than twenty years his junior. Now think about this - he has had very few longterm relationships.
Actually, we have exactly the same interests and values as well as long term goals. Age means absolutely nothing; it's all in the mind. My last 8 year relationship was with someone 16 years older and we never had a problem relating. We are still friends now.
How many longterm relationships do you want a guy to have? He's been in five. I think that's enough.
You sure are assuming a lot considering you know nothing about our interests, goals and current behavior. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Keeping contact and mementos from an ex- how much is too much?
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:24:28 AM |
In case anyone is actually curious about the outcome of this situation...
We had a bonfire last night and all love letters, cards, etc. are now GONE!
=)
That’s not the outcome Lost. That's an event. We (you included) won’t know the outcome for some time yet.
I hope you find what you’re looking for, and that it makes you happy when you find it. | |
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