| |
| |
uk28
|
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:15:58 AM |
Buddha is dead but do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A person reaps what she sows
Yes. That makes perfect sense. It's not upbringing or a bad example from parents. It's not low self-esteem or misplaced judgement - she's just an 18 yr old heartbreaking, dirtbag who loves drama. Screw her.
I love that idea..especially when it comes from a pretty 'nice' guy, who loves fencing. I would love to hear you lecture that to small children with abusive parents. The whole "sorry kids for your sh*tty life...I know you're only 9 yrs old...but you simply reaping what you've sown!" I think there's quite a few people in Africa having a hard time too...you could head there next. | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:41:48 AM | Mesg 48
I re-read the original post, and nowhere do I see references to nice guys that this young lady ditched in order to date this ***hole.
This is a 19 yr old kid we're talking about. Were you as wise as Solomon when YOU were 19?
I'll bet you believe that rape victims brought it on themselves, too,don't you?
Dude pull your head out of your butt and quit projecting your own failures and bitterness onto everyone else.
OP, again I say to you that there's not much you can do at this point,except try to be there for her,while NOT facilitating the relationship. Don't nag at her or tear the guy down because that may make her MORE determined to stick with him( I know that sounds stupid but I was once a VERY stupid 19 yr old, in a similar situation)
I hope and pray that she can get her wits about her and get out before things get worse!
Cindy O | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:51:02 AM | This is a girl who is in denial about many things. The first of which is that he loves her. The fact of the matter is that he does not love her and never did. Love is not born from control or from lust. Love is a sentinel a guardian of her wellbeing. Love won't cheat, won't hit, won't pull hair or lie because LOVE can't. Love can only protect. Lying and cheating are born from selfish desires, love only wants to provide for the other person, those selfish desires are impossible from love. The second thing is that she does not love him. She loves who she THINKS he is, and very often these girls come from homes with a poor male role model. She seeks his approval, she feels that he values her because she has poor self esteem and the moments where she is fulfilling his selfish needs (and therefore he acts nice towards her) are enough to keep her above water and not drowning in a sea of self loathing. She deserves to be honoured, to be placed in importance above all and to be respected as we all do.
I would love to talk to this girl as I have a great deal of experience in this very situation and just recently helped a friend out of a very abusive environment just as she is in and heading for worse.
Tell her she deserves not only a guys respect (not his) but self respect as well. | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:59:33 AM | I bet that you think a woman is "asking for it" if she wears sexy clothing too. You are an idiot. How dare you suggest that being abused is HER fault. Obviously ignorant. This response to your drivel is not so much for you but for her if she is reading this forum so that she sees that not everyone supports the judgemental garbage you are spewing.
Don't worry about what immature religeous nuts like spring genesis think. They look out only for themselves with no concern for others. If you don't fit into his world of right and wrong or conform to the problems that HE has experienced then you are a "dirtbag" and not worthy of his uninformed attention.
J | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:05:04 AM | | WOW your friend by the sounds of it NEEDS OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP...By the sounds he is bad news...CHEATING WITH AN EX??? WOW crazy defently should just leave him...She can and will find someone who will treat her with REPSECT...And maybe she has low self-esteem and doesnt think there is someone else for her..Have you ever tried telling her how you think of the situation?? Well hopefully your a true friend and will stick behind her...and maybe she will come to her sences and relize that the relationship isn't gonna work if he is doing the same thing to ever girl he is with...Maybe sit down and talk to your friend and try to bring it to reality what trouble she may be into..age doesnt really matter its the maturity or one another and by the sounds of it he is immature and doesnt know how to treat a female...and defently has no respect for any woman...Hope whatever happens is for the best... | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:14:28 AM | Stand by, try to bite your tongue (unless she asks your opinion, then I'm sorry but that's her problem - let her have it) and hope she comes to her senses before it gets too out of hand. When you talk to her, make sure you say things to her that maybe she needs to hear. She's a good person, she deserves the best, yadda yadda. That might lift her self esteem a bit, apparently she needs it.
You can make sure she doesn't injure or seriously hurt herself in the process but otherwise she's going to have to live and learn. Be there to pick up the pieces when you need to, that's all you can do.
I am sure she'll ask you why you didn't tell her how you felt about this guy when it all falls to shit, even though you did just that at least 10 times. Hindsight is 20/20. But let it go, and eat ice cream with her and just be a good friend. | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/26/2007 11:33:15 AM | @groovybaby
I'm glad to hear that someone else besides myself is appalled at the crap posted by Spring Genesis. Granted it's a forum and all are welcome to post but by the same token others are welcome to express disagreement and even disgust when somebody's way out in left field, or just plain out of line.
OP, again I commend you for being a caring friend but even trained professional counselors can have difficulty with someone in denial. One suggestion, if you WITNESS the boyfriend physically abusing your friend, CALL THE POLICE!
I believe now that most states and provinces DO NOT require the victim of relationship/domestic violence to press charges,if there is another witness,or a police officer has reasonable cause to think that an assault has taken place, the state itself will bring the charges. Perhaps another poster has more knowledge of the particulars involved in prosecuting a domestic abuser when the actual victim is unwilling or afraid to press charges. But I do remember hearing that now an abuse victim does not have to "press" charges,that the state will take that step if there is sufficient cause to believe that domestic abuse was committed. Whether or not there is greater safety for a victim of DV, from repercussions at the hands of the abuser, is hard to say( many abusive partners are not exactly rational!)but I believe that is the theory behind this strategy.
Cindy O | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/27/2007 3:30:36 PM | Your girlfriend probably dated seniors when she was a freshman in High School. She probably was also a cheerleader and slept with all the football players. Now she is with a man about ten years older who has no respect for her....she is still living her High School years.
I agree with the one writing about it being her parents fault.... if not then they must be very proud of their crazy daughter. A daughter considered innocent and a child by a few left over hippies of the 60s. She is an adult even at 19 sexually involve with a man 9 years older. Man alive, you two are still bitter and act like communists dictators. | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 3/5/2007 11:32:19 PM | cross posted to the following threads:
Thread: A bad relationship gets better after living together?
Posted: 3/5/2007 9 50 PM
Thread: moving in with the boyfriend...
Posted: 2/6/2007 12 19 PM
Thread: How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 1/25/2007 8 29 AM
---
When I was in my late teens / early 20s, my girl friend's best friend got caught up in this type of a relationship -- she moved in with him, and over the course of a few months she stopped communicating with my girlfriend, and eventually moved away (with him) and that was the last we heard of her for years. Tragic case of innocence lost, etc., but while she often complained of problems with drugs, infidelity, and so on, she *chose* to stay in the relationship.
Unfortunately, not much can be done until the victim -- your friend IS a victim -- wants help.
It's agonzing to watch from the outside, I know, but about all you can do is be available to support your friend when she comes looking for support. At times she will probably feel renewed resolve to sustain the relationship, and be inclined to defend her mate against attacks, and thus be non-communicative; other times she may feel that she is too ashamed to speak openly about what is going on in her life, and thus be non-communicative. This may explain her reluctance to discuss the issue with you.
I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt that much will change here until your friend really gets hurt -- physically and/or emotionally -- if even then.
Best of luck to you and your friend. | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:01:32 AM | Unfortunately, you cannot rescue your friend. The best you can do, is just make sure to be there for her, NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS OR DOES, and let her know you are always always there for her no matter what, so that hopefully if she sees the light, or he crosses her line, and she decides to leave, she will have someplace safe to stay, anda shoulder to cry on.
If she doesnt leave, he might kill her. You cant rescue her, but try to be her friend. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
Best Wishes~~ | |
|
| How do I make her see she is in denial?
Posted: 3/6/2007 6:07:19 AM | | What is this....some sort of troll? Three post all about the exact same thing. Just which one are we supposed to be looking at/keeping track of? | |
|
Home
login 
