| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/28/2007 8:43:23 PM | Hi Sweetie,
Please, at least hear me out. I went through this and learned the hard way. I moved in with my boyfriend after around 3 months. We were previously neighbors, so I new him as a person before we started dating. He accepted my children, he knew that I was in school and was willing to take care of me and my boys until I finished school. After I moved in with him, I started noticing lots of negative things about him. He did show me as much respect. In my situation, he had the upper hand because it was his house and when the relationship started going bad, who had to leave?...it was me and my kids. My mother always told me to never move in with a man. She says, "Why buy the milk, when you have the whole cow?" I'm not saying that you are wrong and I am open with anyone's feelings, but I feel that a man won't respect you as much if he's getting everything from you that a married man gets from his wife. Now, I don't care how fine or how much I love a man, I'm not living with him until we're both ready to say, I do. May God bless any decision you make. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/28/2007 8:45:45 PM | THis is one of the things that broke up me and my last girlfriend. She didn't want to move here and I couldn't move there. I realize now that it is better to wait atleast a year like everyone else has pretty much said on here. I was really glad I met te girl, but she just wasn't ready fer that type of relationship and she wrote me a email to say that she just wants to be friends. We still talk, but only by email.   | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 1/28/2007 8:53:35 PM | I think it really depends on the situation. Is it someone you've known since childhood but have only recently started dating? Or is it a guy you've just met recently?
It would also depend on how you feel about each other and where you both are in your personal lives at this point.
My suggestion would be to start sleeping over with each other a couple nights a month and see how that goes. If all goes well, do it more often, maybe for a few days at a time. This way you get to know how he is at night and in the moring. If this goes well maybe say something like 'You know we keep sleeping at each other's places, what would you think about moving into just one place sometime in the next few months or so?' and see what his response is.
Then you have to think about where you're going to move, your place, his or find a new place together.... That one I have no advice on... | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/24/2007 2:08:45 AM | This isn't a simple question. I don't think it matters really if its a month, a year, or 2 years.
You can only know someone so much by dating them. Once you get to the point where you can't learn anything more, and your both comfortable with it, move in. Keep in mind that sage advice 'its gonna be lots harder to move out '. I'd suggest keeping a cushion of money just in case for this.
Now the fun begins, and each person can't always be on their 'best behavior.' You learn so much about someone living with them.
What doomed my live in relationship could have only come about via living together. I'm glad it was doomed early on too, as opposed finding out after being married. Gonna count your blessings where you see them. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/24/2007 1:44:46 PM | hmm... i'd get a good look at his financial statements first. If that works out, a good litmus test is to take all the crap out of his bathroom vanity and put yours (ie: tampons, vaginal creams, etc...), and then put up your pictures of kittens and stuff, then change his crappy cotton bedding for your satiny lacy one. If he doesn't freak out, there are good chances he likes you enough to move in with you.  | |
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kaelen
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Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 59 | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/25/2007 12:22:47 PM | | How long should you wait? I think that depends on what you want out of thie relationship. If you just want a roommate to share expenses, an occasional playmate, the why not go for it. If houseve you are thinking in terms of a long term relationship, marriage, children, then best wait till you are married or at least engaged with a date set. My take on it is not based on religious beliefs or some abstract code of ethics but simply on my own experiences and thise of others I've known. The statistics, studies quoted by and earlier OP tell the story quite clearly. Marriage can have enormous benefits but it takes effort and above all commitment, willingness to hang in there through the hard times that always come along. Living together to try it out, isn't the same thing at all, despite how it sounds. Like Kaelen said, best wait till you are married if that is your goal. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/25/2007 12:40:15 PM | | At a time when both partners feel that they are happy with it and when they are both sure that they want to be together, this maybe a year or maybe something like 4 months. I think it depends on the relationship and how strongly they feel towards each other. I actually know someone who moved in after a week and it only lasted 2 months, that was a bit sudden, it doesn't pay to be too hasty. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/25/2007 1:00:30 PM | well a good time to consider it would be when u to are out of debt if its is beyond a high amount..............if u are ..........just saying food for thought
to ppl having to pay loans for cars, college for themselves,child support in arrears,kids schooling,or going threw a divorce, each month plus household bills added up to disaster !!!!!............everybody lives a different lifestyle to accomidate there money bringing into the house............
when u move in together everything comes half and half or it tends to lean to the person making the most money to pick up the slack and pay more off those bills or keep money for fun............ but in a sense there just doesn't seem to be the money there that was there to have fun when u to lived in seperate places...................
example.........when we were not living together our living conditions were different he would spend what he wanted on groceries and buy whatever.......... where as i stick to a list and thats it............
now he finds it hard to adjust due to money cus our bills have became our bills not just mine or his and yes we have applied for things together making that extra payment each month .................
if u to have different lifestyles then it might be hard adjusting when moving in together but if u to live the same lifestyle then u might be ok............. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/25/2007 1:47:55 PM | | well i think it depends on the relationship, if you both feel ready for it there really isnt a certain amount of time you need to be together first, i was with someone and we were actually roommates before we were a couple so after 2 months of dating we got our own place since we had 3 other roommates at the time, you just have to make sure you are both ready and you're not just moving in to save money or somehting like that, and as far as who should bring it up, that shouldnt matter and if you worry about bringing it up yourself maybe just ask if your partner has thought about that yet instead of just asking if they want to | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:15:56 PM | Its not so much about time its about communication. If you have an amazing amount of communication in that 3 months and asked other some hard and fast real life questions on what you both want and are in agreeance- then fine. Go with it. Some people can go out for 2 yeears and still not know the person they are with.
You can bring it up if you are thinking about it. You dont have to say you want to move in together tomorrow just mention the possibility about it. See what he says.
Then go from there. You dont have to cover it all in one discussion, but it could be something to work towards | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 3/30/2007 7:55:40 PM | | Ideally I agree with msg. 66, but then realistically I feel that when both parties are emotionally ready to the point where they could see waking up next to that person for the rest of their life. Otherwise why not have a platonic roommate if it is for other reasons? IF you see the other person as someone you want to come home to daily..then may be the time to invest in that or seriously consider it if not ready for getting married but not wanting to be apart from them as is further. It is a risk though. | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 68 | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 4/2/2007 1:15:38 PM | | Bike Man I feel your input is best. There are NO guarantees ever but more invested already if you first reach either of those stages. A lONG time ago I did the move in without either of these and even waited at least a year of dating someone and that changed everything. It wasn't about whose stuff was whose (until I was moving out a year later) but it became like a convenience for them without any formal committment | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:16:12 PM | | The saying 'You never really know someone until you live with them' is true to every word. I moved in with my ex 3 months after dating because he lived where I was going to school and it just seemed easier to live there then go through the hassle of finding someone else. It was fine for the first few months then everything just turned around. You get angry because you spend so much time together, 24/7, when they don't clean up after themselves, when they do things you don't like, like going agasint house rules, when they don't respect things or the way you live your life. I know it's the same with one of my friends. I love them to death, I've stayed with them for weeks on end and I just couldnt make it permanant because you get sick of them, they're messy. The only way it works is when you know what you both want together and you can co-operate. That's the biggest problem. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:37:07 PM | I ended out marrying the only man I ever lived with, and we were already engaged at the time.
However, I'm in a different place now. I would certainly consider living with someone outside the bonds of sanctimony.
However, I would NEVER do so quickly. First of all, I have my children to consider, and my youngest would be very affected by having a man living with us. I would have to know someone very well indeed before taking the step of common-law union.
I agree with other posters who suggest a minimum of a year of steady dating before considering living together. It takes at least that long to get to know someone's quirks.
Last year, a couple here on POF decided to live together BEFORE THEY EVEN MET! Their relationship lasted for 2 whole weeks after they moved in together. Go figure. | |
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| How long should you wait before moving in together?
Posted: 4/2/2007 4:37:50 PM | Lets see here - the paint was not even dry on MY HOUSE - got married moved in and it was 1/2 her house - wow.
Ok - lets say she is a nice average looking/normal female. About six months.
Ok - lets say she is a nice cute looking/normal female. About four months.
Ok - lets say she is Diane Lane - About 22.5 seconds. | |
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