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 journeyingsoul
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 251
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Males disapproving of women having male friendsPage 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Wow, I wanted to quote/answer so many things in this thread that I just can't even remember what, and gave up.
I can't believe that this is such an argument.
I have male friends. They are just my friends. Would they 'fail' the test? Some might... who cares? Does that mean I can't count on 'em as a friend when I need one? Can I go out and drink with them? talk with them? be there as a shoulder and vice versa? will they come and give me a ride to work if my car died, or whatever... of course! Always! Shit, I might be offended if they wouldn't say yes; it takes a lot of courage to take off all ones clothes and throw oneself at another, LOL. Granted, I would NEVER do that, and my FRIENDS are not people I would TEST. Friends don't Test friends, and you know the saying, when you test people you are setting them up for failure.
I have great male friends, some of whom I even used to date... how does that equate in the minds of the limited thinkers? If we already had sex, can we be friends? Some of course I never dated, we have just always had a friendship! believe it or not!!
It's just plain silly. If us that are more open minded clearly have an experience of that which those who are closed to it think is impossible, then it isn't impossible, except in the minds of the closed minded. So be it, let them think what they will, they are the ones missing out, and limiting themselves. So much wisdom from some so young! I hope you expand your mind a little into your 20's, perhaps you will find there is much much more to friendship. Really incredible things can happen with male/female relationships that has nothing to do with sex. And you know what, if my male friend had a momentary normal male hormonal thought of 'I wonder what she looks like naked', who the hell cares. He can STILL be MY BEST FRIEND!
Now, I gotta go call my good buddy Jon and have a laugh over this thread.
 journeyingsoul
Joined: 8/2/2005
Msg: 252
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:55:48 PM
Oh and as far as the OP *grins* Sorry, if some new guy in my life is insecure about my male friends, he will have to just learn to deal with it, or move on.
Don't get me wrong, if this person is great and I see real potential, and this is something that doesn't feel like he is psycho about, but maybe there is a certain person that he feels a little weird about, then I go out of my way to help him feel more comfortable. I don't however, abandon my friend, who has been here thru time, thru challenges, and is someone I could always count on. Sorry, not gonna happen.
 tika_beaker
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 253
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:04:22 PM
thank god someone understands this! thedancingqueen is dead on, boys dont want girls for 'friends'. in fact all of the males i have though to be "friends" with me have tried to kiss me at some point or another. yes there are the times where i float down the river with the guys i gradded with but they are just people to hang out with to add something different to my normal female/female relationships.
i think you girls need a reality check, to think boys want you for your mind (and only your mind) is very naive.
 python69
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 254
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:17:27 PM
cmon guys this is realy a funny subject.the reason being you both had friends of the opposite sex before you got together and you will meet people along the way that you like .im sorry but when you met your girlfriend or wife you trusted her enough to get into a relationship or was she just a piece of assthat you didnt want to do with out trust is something you have in your mate from the day you became more than friends .if you dont trust or cant trust her why are you with her.trust is warranted until shes proven that she cant be trusted and you dont have to look for it ,it will show itself or is it you dont trust yourself.a bit of jealousy is good for a relationship ,but taken to the extreme will cause a break up.me myself i have no problem with my mate having male friends .we are all grown and each and every one of us know that if we want to do something with someone else we are gonna find away to do it .everyone has that thought that comes to them when you are about to do something wrong and thats when you should ask yourself is it worth losing the person im with and we all make a decision .if you live your life wondering whether your mate is going to be unfaithful ,damn it!!! stay single and you wont have to.
 ascuteasabug
Joined: 8/8/2003
Msg: 255
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:18:31 PM
tika, as much as I sincerely hate saying this - you have a lot to learn. Right now a lot of the males you know are still boys with raging hormones. As you mature you will find that even if a man finds you attractive you can be friends. People do learn to put their "feelings" in check and to value friendships.
 python69
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 256
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:27:01 PM
although we have to heads and the better percentage would think with their dingalings...lol i have female friends and i mean some sexy women ,but and in all honesty i have looked them over when they werent looking ,but would never cross that line and they are friends of 8 to 25 yrs knowing them. each should give the trust that they want from their mate
 singleone*
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 257
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:43:35 PM
if my g/f didn't have male friends, only because of me, i would feel quite bad. Most of my friends are female, and I would never stop my relationship with them if my g/f didn't like it.
So to not be double standard, who ever either parties friends might be, it should definetly not change due to a relationship change.
Friends are good, and having them as well as a partner is just that much better.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 258
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:22:46 PM
There's nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex if you can manage it properly. I'd have more issues with someone who wanted me to get rid of said friends. If I haven't hit on a girl in the time it's taken me to consider her a good friend, chances are I'm not inclined to sleep with her. If I don't consider a woman relationship material, but am happy with her friendship, sex just isn't happening.
 Lucky3Lady
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 259
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:47:49 PM
I don't think there's anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. However, that said, to all of you nice, trusting, non-jealous guys out there, here's a few words of advice from past experience. If your girlfriend suddenly has a NEW guy friend and is spending a substantial amount of time with him, no matter what she says, nothing good can come from that. Guy friends that your girl has had from way back are likely just that, friends.
 kr8ztwin
Joined: 7/29/2004
Msg: 260
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:04:29 PM
This topic has been frustrating more lately than not. I have a number of friends that are girls and constantly some up and disappear because their bfs can't stand that they hang out with me. My problem isn't just with the guys though....that any long term or any semi-longterm friend can just ditch someone on a whim of someone else seems just weak and sad to me.

None of the guys in these situations even take the time to get to know me.

Those insecurities are a bad sign and alot of women just stick with it and act subservient. Doesn't make much sense to me.

Sorry if this was scattered...its late and my mind isn't up to par. Sleepy time
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 261
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:03:44 AM

If your girlfriend suddenly has a NEW guy friend and is spending a substantial amount of time with him, no matter what she says, nothing good can come from that. Guy friends that your girl has had from way back are likely just that, friends.


This is different, and has happened to me before. It's one thing to be friends with someone, and another to spend undue amounts of time with them to the point that they're more of a priority than your partner.
 Blueguy21
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 262
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:45:52 AM

tika, as much as I sincerely hate saying this - you have a lot to learn. Right now a lot of the males you know are still boys with raging hormones. As you mature you will find that even if a man finds you attractive you can be friends. People do learn to put their "feelings" in check and to value friendships.


AHEM! Tika don't listen to this douche. Women like her are on this site for a reason. Keep it up tika, us "endangered" monogoumous types have to survive. Yeah and whats with that idiot 62 year old dude boycotting this shit? Whats this world coming to? Honestly people, get a reality check!
 interorl7
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 263
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:53:06 PM
journeyingsoul, ascuteasagug - I agree with you both!

Either you can or you can't be friends with a lover. Those of us who can wonder what the big deal is about. Those that are convinced that it is NOT possible will never understand nor believe that we can be friends with a lover.

Fortunately for them, male or female, there are many that feel as they do!
 interorl7
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 264
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:59:14 PM
So tika_breaker, dancingqueen, others that feel as they do. Please answer me this.

If a guy 'friend' tried to kiss you, make out with you, get with you, whatever - with - you, and say attempted this in a respectful, not over the top I-am-a-jerk way.

You tell him NO! (Perhaps more tactful then that, but still NO)

He backs off and respects you, understands, does not get mad, etc.

Will you still be their friend?

What if you led them on?

Will you still be their friend after you tell them, "No, nothing personal but I just don't see you that way."

Can you be their friend or not?

If not, why not?
 FabulousSmile
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 265
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:05:04 PM
It's very rare for a woman to have "true" male friends


^^bs....i disagree. sorry but i havent read all the pages on this topic.
set boundaries for one...when having friends of the opposite sex. without boundaries being set, yes of course most guys want sex...duh. gawd do people actually f**k their friends. the problem i see quite often is...others leading others on big time...sorry but its true...there are many and i mean many who go to far with the flirting to the extreme and think its just out of fun....but have to realize fun for who? you? and even with this area....boundaries should be set as well... this sends mixed messages. so many send mixed messages...no wonder everyones friggen confused....good luck!


boundaries boundaries!!!! temptation is every where....its up to YOU if you take it.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 266
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:07:08 PM
tika beaker

thank god someone understands this! thedancingqueen is dead on, boys dont want girls for 'friends'. in fact all of the males i have though to be "friends" with me have tried to kiss me at some point or another. yes there are the times where i float down the river with the guys i gradded with but they are just people to hang out with to add something different to my normal female/female relationships.
i think you girls need a reality check, to think boys want you for your mind (and only your mind) is very naive.


Wow...I've had female friends for over 30 years now and that's all they've ever been "FRIENDS". Never kissed them in a sexual way or came on to them. Most men I know have female friends. Maybe BOYS don't but men certainly can.

Let's face facts. There are certain topics that you just CANNOT talk about with your guy friends and that's where my women friends help.
 FabulousSmile
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 267
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:12:35 PM
if some new guy in my life is insecure about my male friends, he will have to just learn to deal with it, or move on.

^^^ well...isnt a matter of being insecure....i often wonder how one provokes this situation. how far does one go to test the others limits? sometimes ones actions can trigger this insecurity. its all how one goes about it....with their behaviour.


what urks me is....why is it okay for most men to have female friends and yet...most guys are disliking the idea we have male friends?
 interorl7
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 268
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:15:11 PM
kr8ztwin - its up to your female friend, if she won't or can't integrate you as a friend because of her 'new' man's jealousy, well I agree with you that is as 'bad' as it is sad. Not much you can do, so as a friend you have to back off, but still sad. We have all had to do that over the years.

As you see by the posts here, many of both sexes simply do not 'believe' that opposite sex friends exist after sex. Some don't believe that opposite sex people can be friends without 'sex'.

Some of us know better from experience! And our lives are richer for it!

Chances are if her partner is that 'insecure' it will not last and you will find your friend back in your life, eventually. (Let's face it, if someone is insecure or jealous about something now and can't effectively overcome their petty emotions, then you can count on it that something else will pop up in their relationship and the green eyed monster that is jealousy / insecurity will rear its ugly head again! If this happens enough, the relationship is doomed anyway. So just back off and let nature take its course.)

When she comes back, that is the time to clue her in (in case she does not already know, many women are more intuitive, but not all as you can see by the posts here) about how the guys insecurity was obvious from the beginning (she probably was aware of it).

Mention that the guy was not even interested in getting to know you. (Again you are not telling her something she probably did not know, but you might be clueing her in that maybe she could use your friendship to 'weed' out the insecure, jealous less desirable partners).

Let's face it, if she attempted to include you as a friend and he was not responsive, there is a reason for this. (Either her or him - but trust me there is a reason and lack of trust is a factor)

Point that out to her, while its fresh on her mind. Now is the time to clue her in, in preparation of her next relationship. She is your friend right, so you want her to be happy, right - so think ahead for her and prep her for the next one.

If you never did anything inappropriate, she will know this, and will further strengthen your friendship.

It is also an additional clue that the guy was not worth it. (Go ahead point it out to her now.) Suggest that maybe next time, if she really wants your friendship, she should mention this 'upfront' to the guy that she is considering dating. If he runs, good for her and him, they are both better off. Besides chances are she does not want to waste time with another jealous partner after her current experience. If he stays, maybe she has finally found a guy that is worth the effort, she will have a new lover and you will have a new friend.

If she is only a 'fair' weather friend, then you will know that and only invest as much time as you are willing to on this type of friend.
 Kin0kiro
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 269
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:18:13 PM
Guy friends are only truly friends when they are:

1. Gay
2. In a sturdy relationship with no signs of breakdown

Otherwise, they are a threat. They are in intimate contact with the said girlfriend and TRUSTED by said person. Which is only one step behind relationship.

I have been burned by so called "friends" before.

Its not a fact of giving up your lifelong male friends, the fact that they have been your friend for so long, in most cases when they are single, is because they look to you one day to breakdown and give it up to them. They look at you like a fallback girlfriend.

I'm not saying ALL guys think this, however I really don't believe in "platonic" relationships.

That being said, All of my female friends are in sturdy relationships. Ones that have been on for years etc. I am mature enough to respect that.

A big part of what goes on, is that the girls "male friends" aren't mature. The friends are out partying or playing girls, jumping from relationship to relationship, and it always seems like that friend takes priority over whatever relationship the girl may have at the time.

THAT is a huge deal.

So all I'm saying here, and you said it in the above post, MEN can have female friends BOYS can't.

Its all about maturity, which most of the population doesn't have... and girls, you need to respect when you're partner has a LEGITIMATE complaint. If it means loosening the time with your best boys, then you best do it if you want to keep your best man.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 270
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:35:49 PM
I have had a male best friend for over 15 years. We addressed sex fairly early on... probably the first 6 months or year of our friendship. He felt the friendship we had was way more valuable to him... we could easily get laid with other people, let's not screw this up. At the time I disagreed with him... lol... but I ended up agreeing with him.

One relationship I was in had a significant problem with our friendship and it caused a real dilema for me... where is the integrity in giving up a best friend vs. making your partner feel secure? My friend sensed the problem and backed out fast, to not cause me any difficulties. And I didn't "go after him"... just let it slide. Always felt horrible about it. Still do, I expect better from me. I expect more from my b/f.

When the relationship ended, I picked up the phone, told my friend how much I had missed him in my life and asked his forgiveness. I have promised myself that I will never be a "fair weather friend" like this again.

The last b/f was pretty secure so it wasn't an issue, the three of us did a lot of stuff together. I hope it won't be an issue with my next b/f.
 meltlkbutta
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 271
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:09:27 PM
My 2 best friends when I met my ex-husband were guys - guys I had been friends with for years - we got together several times a week - they were like my big brothers. My ex never came out and said - don't see them - it was more passive agressive than that. Eventually I stopped almost all contact with them both and have always regretted it. I should have been a stronger person and stood up for what I wanted. When your man asks you to give up your friends it should be a huge red flag ladies! I believe that men and women need friends outside of their marriage/relationship to be complete. That includes both male and female friends it they so choose. If you focus all your attention on your mate you eventually loose yourself in the process.(been there done that) Afterall, you are more than what that one relatinship defines you as. You have trust in a relationship or you have nothing. Allowing( poor choice of words) your mate to have friends of all types means that you trust them and they should allow you the same trust.
 TheDancingQueen
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 272
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:51:13 AM

DancingQueen, I can't help but feel sorry for you. Whether a man is physically attracted to his female friends is not the issue. There are men out there that do think with their minds, having character and are wonderful friends. Sure looks do help some people to get ahead, but it is not the end all to beat all that you think it is. A person is more than the sum of their looks or possessions. The value in friendship is priceless.


What if you had a boyfriend or a husband, and I was his "friend", how would you feel? What if I had lunch with him once a week and it shouldn't be a big deal since we are just "friends" What if I came over to your house for a BBQ and spent lots of time laughing and talking to your boyfriend or husband, wouldn't bother you right, since we are just "friends"

What if I spent 20 minutes slowly licking a popsicle in front of your husband or boyfriend. You know at a party during the summer. What if he was talking to me and I slowly and lovingly licked every inch of that popsicle again and again and again. But that wouldn't bother you right? Since it's just "friends" right?

As if that would be true. You would pissed out of your mind. You'd be pissed out of your mind if I did none of those things but showed even a passing interest in your boyfriend or husband.

Because if given the chance, your boyfriend or husband would, in most cases, screw my brains out if they got the chance and could get away with it without you knowing. I can tell you from my experience that it's all types. Rich, poor, young, old, smart, stupid, whatever - given the chance, they will try to get into your pants. I've never cheated on anyone. I've never been involved with someone who was cheating on their wife or girlfriend, but I won't lie, I've been hit on, ogled, propositioned and pursued by all kinds of "involved" men.

You know what? I feel sorry for you. For denying what is obvious. The guys out there just want to screw. And they want girls like me to screw with. I'm not a cheater, but even still, don't pretend you'd want me within arm's length to any boyfriend or husband you had, because while I wouldn't cheat or be party to cheating, don't think for a second that they wouldn't leave you hanging high and dry if they thought they could get with me.

Some people don't cheat because it's not in their character. But most of the people who don't cheat don't do so because they can't do any better than the person they are with right now. Sorry I have to call it like I see it, a girl with a disproportionally large number of men who want to be their "friends" is either someone they really want to screw or someone they don't want to screw at all. For those of you in the "don't want to screw at all" category, it's easier to pretend that this mythical "friendship" exists than face most men would rather sleep with someone else besides you.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 273
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:21:38 AM

You know what? I feel sorry for you. For denying what is obvious. The guys out there just want to screw. And they want girls like me to screw with. I'm not a cheater, but even still, don't pretend you'd want me within arm's length to any boyfriend or husband you had, because while I wouldn't cheat or be party to cheating, don't think for a second that they wouldn't leave you hanging high and dry if they thought they could get with me.


There's probably no point in arguing, but you're far from the type of woman I'd want to be involved with relationship-wise. If I don't want you to be my girlfriend, chances are I have next to no interest in screwing you. Looks are important, to an extent, but if the emotional connection isn't there on a level of intimacy beyond what I can achieve with my friends, you may as well be Alf, because I'm not putting it in there.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 274
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:04:50 AM
Wow dancingqueen.
Hard to believe people like you are still around.
Granted you're pretty on the outside, but from what you just wrote that's about it.

As I've said. I have had female friends for 30 years. No sex, no kissing, no flirting.
Friends....just friends.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 275
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:30:07 AM

the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails


Sorry.. I just have to shake my head and say "HUH"?

I want to keep all my friends, not just the male friends and most certainly not in case my relationships fail.. BECAUSE they are my friends. Period. If any prospective males have issues with me having male friends... they can keep on a-walkin. Right on past.

What I don't understand is the type of jerkwad who'd ask you to ditch your friends because of their insecurity.

Enlighten me on that...
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