| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:54:40 AM | | i try to be broadminded on this such subject,if the person in question is an ex,their an ex for a reason.therefore i feel even though theres been passion in the past,and although it could reignite,the chance has passed,if the friends have been on the seen for years its likely the woman is likely to see the person as a friend or brother figure.therefore no apparent danger either,but if everything was that straight forward noone would ever cheat and they do | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:01:40 AM | friend /frɛnd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[frend] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.
–verb (used with object) 6. Rare. to befriend.
—Idiom
Source: Dictionary.com
Funny...I dont see anything in there regarding gender specifics | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:14:14 AM | I completely agree with Gothygeek on this one. It is perfectly alright for women AND men to have friends of the opposite sex. Just because we can cheat does not give either of us the right to. Cheating is so very easy to do. Just tell a little lie and start making your move to get that person into the bed and all naked.
A lot of people have done this. Not JUST with their friends of the opposite sex. I guess I'm a good person to reply to this because of the simple fact that 90% of my friends are male. It's not that I want to have sex with all of them, it's more the fact that I can relate to males more than females. I'm not the only female like this. There is nothing wrong with men to have female friends either. Sure there may be something attractive about our friends but it does not always have to be a sexual attraction.
Females also do not have male friends for the "cry-on-the-shoulder" moments either. For me and maybe a few of you other females out there...it is mainly because it is hard to find females that are like minded with males as you are that you can honestly say that you relate too. Not all females are all bout shopping and getting their nails done and yadda yadda yadda.
No I do not hate females. I'm actually bisexual so I really have no problem with being friends with them. BUT I am just a bit more picky with who I choose to be friends with cause in this day and age other people like me are treated like complete outsiders by most females. Whereas the guys are a bit more accepting about it.
Little history...my own mother would make me so mad when I told her I was friends with this guy I used to know...because she would keep asking me if we were sleeping together because we were so close. We never touched each other outside of a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I mean sure men think about sex a lot. Most men may want to sleep with some of their friends and maybe they really are waiting for their chance to get with them. BUT if they are a true friend to the female then they should have the respect required to understand that their friend is happy with who she has and has no intention of leaving him. That is how I am. My boyfriend **almost a year now btw** knows about this site and knows I use it just for friends. He does not care. He has many female friends and I have many male friends.
My point is...in order for a male and female friendship to really work, there needs to be respect and communication. The same as other friendships really. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 2:53:16 PM | I have two very good friends that are males. One of them I've known since high school. Do you think if there was any chance of something happening between us, it would have already?
This goes both ways. Both parties should trus their S.O. - if they don't, why are they in the relationship? | |
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Dijita
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 281 | |
| Trusting sort.
Posted: 5/15/2007 3:26:46 PM | For the people who have posted on this thread defending the virtue of having prolific platonic, gender biased relationships:
(two part question)
Have you ever had an affair? - or - a sexual relationship that was... less than wholesome by bible belt standards?
Now answer me this if you will.
If that person passed you and your mate as you walk down the street with a smile and a hello, and your SO asks you "Who's that?".
Would you say:
a. Oh that was my FOTM back in February.
b. That's the guy/girl I'm boffing when you're not home sugar-cakes.
or... (wait for it)
c. Oh, that's just a friend. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:15:56 PM | DancingQueen, you choose not to get it because if you did, you would have to acknowledge that there is more to a person than looks or money.
Your popsicle example is mute because if you were just eating a popsicle in front of my boyfriend/husband I wouldn't care. If you were deliberately eating the popsicle in a seductive way, sure you'd be bound to get attention. But honey, even I would get attention trying that stunt. Just the same, that you would need to pull that kind of behavior would say more about you than my boyfriend/husband.
When you truly know that your value is more than the sum of your looks, then you can have the freedom to have male friends. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:23:12 PM | The prancing princess has got to be a fake acct. who is really a guy. No doubt. Isn't it obvious?
If the friend is sexually frustrated and hot of course there will be suspicion without trust. That's why there has to be openness, and sexual satisfaction in a relationship in order for there to be complete trust for younger people, or very sexual people. You got to know someone. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:29:06 PM | oh boy ain't this a contriversal converstion?
If I had a girl friend and she had male friends I wouldn't mind. Nothing really to get pissed off about, if they were good friends fine I don't care. Now if they started kissing and I found out now theres a problem or any hint of her trying to cheat on me etc. Heck woman can hug any man she wants too, no bid deal. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:42:44 PM | HI GOTHY
I AGREE WITH YOU
I HAVE HAD MANY MALE FRIENDS IN MY LIFE AND SEE THEM KINDA LIKE THE BROTHER'S I NEVER HAD
I FEEL A POTENTIAL NEW PARTNER SHOULD UNDERSTAND WITH TIME AND TRUST US
FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS MALE OR FEMALE SAME THING TO ME
I DO GET THE THIRD DEGREE ON HERE IN PARTICULAR ABOUT AN EX THAT I AM FRIENDS WITH BUT THE ONES THAT WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HIM ONE I LEFT CAUSE OF THIS INSECURITY FROM DAY ONE (BUT THAT PERSON INSECURE IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT RE EVERYTHING I CHOSE AT THE TIME TO TRY AND DEAL WITH WITH HIM) NOT FROM POF..........
SO I FEEL IF THE NEW MAN CAN LEARN TO TRUST YOU AND YOU DESERVE THAT TRUST THEN HAVING MALE FRIENDS WILL NOT BE AN ISSUE WITH A SECURE MAN
THE ONLY EXCEPTION MAY BE THE EX IF I WAS TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN NOT SURE HAVE TO CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I GET THERE BUT I STILL SAY TRUST CAN PREVAIL   
CHEERS ALWAYS | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:40:54 AM | Its OK that people having friends of the opposite sex....
The problem comes when 1 starts to Fancy the other, or both with each other !
Both sexes are designed to attract the opposite sex ...its nature , theres a fine line when it comes to friends of opposite sexes.
The main issue here is trust ! .... can you trust your partner around another bloke ?
If you cant?, you will be worrying for ever about it, and end up driving her away anyway.... so best to chill !
what ever will be will be....
JAZZY J | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:32:47 AM | | I've been around enough women in relationships to know that they can act inappropriately with their male friends given the right (or wrong I guess) circumstances. I've had MANY girls in relationships try to do things they shouldn't with me, so I speak from 1st hand experience. I would never do anything with someone in a relationship, cause I wouldn't want to jeopardize it anymore than I'd want someone doing that to me, with my partner. None of the women I mentioned earlier were actually friends though, all acquaintances. In a relationship, I wouldn't spend time alone with female friends often, especially if I know they're attracted to me. I also wouldn't spend time with ex's if I were in a relationship. For women in particular, they have a comfort level with them, so intimacy is much more likely than with just any male friend. Since I can 'sacrifice' a little bit to be in a relationship, I'd hope my partner could do the same. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 7:08:09 AM | | This is all total bullshite. It's not about wether your friends are male or female. Basically you think men should have male friends and women should have female friends. That is riduculous and imature. I have many friends of both sexes and feel equally the same about both. A good relationship is the bond that holds a couple together. If you are content and trusting of your relationship then it shouldn't hurt your partner to have friends of the opposite sex. That's it and that's all. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:08:06 AM |
Every guy that some of you purport to be friends has probably at one time or another thought about sleeping with you.
I've thought about sleeping with lots of people. Thoughts dont mean very much. If they had, I'd have boffed many a rockstar by now.
You don't have to believe me, you can ask Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal about that.
You mean ask actors about a fictional story where they read/memorized a script that was written in such a way as to entertain. Ask them about that, you mean?
Or is he just going to have sex with you?
Well on the planet where I live, real friends wouldn't sex you up if A) you're involved with someone else or B) you've only ever been friends and neither of you have indicated any sort of sexual interest in eachother.
Some folks do use their friends as f*ck toys during the dry times, but that doesn't mean everyone does.
I don't have "pseudo friendships", I have real ones. They may or may not last for reasons having zero to do with sex.. who knows. Life is like that.
Repeating that test business over and over doesn't make it valid, by the way. Maybe your friends have failed this test of yours, but that really only means that your friends weren't real ones.
If you were a real friend, and you accepted that some of them had feelings for you, real feelings, you'd set them free. Free to keep on moving and look for someone else.
WTF?? They already are free if they're a friend as opposed to being your BF. We have this free-will thingy.. we don't have to stick around in a situation where we're in love with someone not in love with us.
My male friends aren't settling for friendship. They've never been told "sorry, all we are is friends because I don't want to boff you".They're my friends because they wanna be. Period.
What if you had a boyfriend or a husband, and I was his "friend", how would you feel? What if I had lunch with him once a week and it shouldn't be a big deal since we are just "friends" What if I came over to your house for a BBQ and spent lots of time laughing and talking to your boyfriend or husband, wouldn't bother you right, since we are just "friends"
Yes. And?
What if I spent 20 minutes slowly licking a popsicle in front of your husband or boyfriend. You know at a party during the summer. What if he was talking to me and I slowly and lovingly licked every inch of that popsicle again and again and again. But that wouldn't bother you right? Since it's just "friends" right?
As if that would be true. You would pissed out of your mind. You'd be pissed out of your mind if I did none of those things but showed even a passing interest in your boyfriend or husband.
You're actually screwing up your own argument. If you were really friends.. you wouldn't do something so blatantly obvious and stupid.
Because if given the chance, your boyfriend or husband would, in most cases, screw my brains out if they got the chance and could get away with it without you knowing.
Spoken like a true.. well nevermind, but you seem to think pretty highly of your charms. How do you know everyone else (male) would too?
You know what? I feel sorry for you. For denying what is obvious. The guys out there just want to screw. And they want girls like me to screw with.
Nice insult to men everywhere. Also pompous much?
Boggles the mins, it does. Whew. | |
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Dijita
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Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 291 | |
| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 6:15:24 PM | I can't beleive how "straight" this post is.
If you think your girl/guy couldn't be ****ing one of their girl/guy (respectively) friends; just as easy. Well... that's very naive, don't you think? | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/16/2007 6:23:04 PM | The problem with cheating has its roots in a stupid (as in 'inefficient') feeling: jealousy. I drafted an argument proving how jealousy is never an efficacious strategy at
http://www.43things.com/people/progress/dandv/7615807
Feel free to comment on 43things. To register, you just need to come up with a username. No e-mail is required. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 2:10:24 AM | You know why guys really disapprove of women having male friends so often? It's incredibly simple this one.
It's because they know how other men think.
It's because they know what the majority of men will do if they can get away with it.
Not because they think their girl will drop her panties at the whim of any passing male, but because they know damn well that majority of those males *would* boff her if they got the chance. Particularly if she's very attractive. You'd be amazed what people will do when they genuinely believe they won't get caught.
It's very difficult for a guy to be a 100% platonic friend with a female if he finds her attractive. He may have no intention whatsoever of ever sleeping with her, and he may have the integrity of a saint, but on a biological level he still wants her. On some level everything he says and does around her is going to be influenced by that to a degree. No man has 100% control over his every subconscious action or thought.
It's not truly platonic unless the guy does not find her attractive.
I'm the first one to preach integrity, honest, trust & love above everything else, but if you want to believe the dark side doesn't exist and most male-female friendships would remain *exactly* the same if the female was hideously disfigured, I'll shake my head and respect your right to keep your head in the sand. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 5:03:31 AM | Hi everyone
In my humble opinion.....
It is true all men want sex, their need is imediate as compaired to a woman. It is also true that it is easier for a man to attract women if he has a female friend with him. I believe this to be the most popular reason men have for having a female friend.
Of coarse there are the few true friends that in a heart breaking crisis will not take advantage of a woman's emotional vulnerablility, but many do if only to cop a feel.
Personally, I think if the friend has had sex or wants to, shows signs of wanting sex, there is no friendship just BS. If someone that a person has had sex with, cares that much for the other to be a friend, the two of you would be together not just friends. Many successful long term marrages say their mate is their best friend.
It is rare that a man and woman that have had sex in the past can ever be truly friends.
I have found that some women keep these so called friends around to gain control over the man and the relationship. To secretly keep an emotional separation and to be able to drop the guy and imediatly be with someone they know. Not realising how selfdefeating they are being with only one foot in the relationship.
My question is, Who will get completely in a relationship with someone who is not willing to do the same? Is it acceptable for both to continue "friendships" with past flings?
I have also found other women to be honest about their "friends" they sometimes make a booty call to and I can respect that and we casually date.
All in all everyone is differant and what one may accept another may go postal.
relationships are realy a case by case thing. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 5:52:31 AM | YES !!! to warmesthugs (message 299) I have read many of the responses to this thread...I am very blesseed to have male and female friends...The difference is my FRIENDS and I have NEVER BEEN INTIMATE (cant undo the bell)...I have four brothers (I am the only girl), was active in all sports and lived in the country...So made a lot of male friends growing up and we are still friends !!! (30 years later)... They are all married, and I love their wives...We ALL go out TOGETHER and we all have RESPECT for each other and our relationships...When I start dating, my bf is always introduced and becomes a part of the circle...If he was uncomfortable because of a male friend, I would support him and let my friend know...My friend would totally understand and in time my bf would realize my male friendships as strickly platonic...It hasnt happened any other way to date, but if it still was too much for my bf I would be on his side, OUR side if I wanted our relationship to work...As for those of you who think that having male friends should never be a threat to your current bf, there is a reason, whether it is an insecurity from a past experiance or not knowing you well enough or possibly that yes, you keep these so called male friends as a backup or possible, look what I have if I dont have you...I dont know...My male buddies and I have talked alot about our friendships over the years and one of my favorite sayings from one of the guys was ....Let me take you into the man cave and tell you that if I were single and you were single, I and many of your male friends would want to bop you...Difference with you is we know you would want to slap us and we VALUE your friendship more than that...
I am currently dating a guy that I dated last year...I broke up with him last year because he was insisting on keeping a female friend as a friend...At first I was fine with it, then the flags started, she was married, blah, blah...Then, she would pop over and he seemed to get angry towards me...Six months later I found out that they had slept together, it was a release for him...She was wh*ring whomever she could...Not pretty and I broke off with him...WHY... because he put more into keeping her as a friend than me as a lover...And I respect marriage and wanted no part of this friendship, so I made it perfectly clear that wh*res relationship with my bf was beneath anything I wanted to have anything to do with...We were apart for over six months and he has come back asking for forgiveness...I am willing to give it another try , but I dont know if the dammage is irrepairable...time will tell...No, he didnt sleep with her while with me, yes we were apart while he was with her...Still cant unring that bell...Bottom line is if you want a relationship to work, you need to jump in with both feet...no side lines...true friends are hard to find, but they are with you to encourage your best interests which includes your relationships with a significant other... | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 6:18:42 AM | | I find that [ a man or woman] that knows [him or her self] should not have a problem with their spouse being friends with someone of the same sex. All relationships have some sex in it . Life is like that. My advice is [what ears dont hear, heart dont leap]meaning when you are secure in yourself no one can shake you up,especially with words.So be secure with you,and let love flow. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 6:24:17 AM | There's no problem with women having male friends.
Most of my close friends are women... and if that's a problem, that's a deal breaker. 
Seriously... there is a reason that they are "just friends." | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 5/17/2007 6:28:28 AM |
It's because they know how other men think.
It's because they know what the majority of men will do if they can get away with it.
So men generalize eachother, too? Gosh... I thought that was our job. Hmmm.
So what if my friend thinks I'm bangable? I'm worried about what he's DOING, not so much what he's thinking.
It still all boils down to trust. If you don't trust your bf/gf... get the hell out because they aren't going to live a male/female friendless existence for you to soothe your insecurities. | |
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