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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:29:43 AM | As for me I have always had more male friends than women..maybe its the tomboy in me, who the hell knows...anyway I always explain to my potential partner that there can be no jealousies cause I am a very touchy feely person and have more male than female friends..when I see someone that I know whether it be male/female I am the type to go up and hug them and kiss them(on the cheek) and if that is a cause for alarm on the potetial partner then his loss..I will not give up myself and the way I am for no one..I would not be me if I had to...My male friends know me and realize that I have and always will be dedicated souly to my partner, thats why a few of them have been around for at least 25 years and have seen me go thru 2 marriages and watched my son grow...true they have given me advice and sometimes I wished to hell I would have listened to them but alas they also know how stubborn I can be lol | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 6/15/2007 8:27:25 PM | well i see it this way....you either want friends or you want a lifetime partner..which is it? when meeting someone, comprimising is in order along with boundaries. My male friends will be part of my life but i certainly wont put my partner on the bottom of my priorty list either or make him feel like he has to compete with them, ever...Its not a matter of whos was here first. My partner then becomes my best friend on an emotional, mental and physical levels....and it is he I choose to make a life with.
Its a matter of how you respect your partner....treat him/her how you want to be treated yourself. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:04:43 PM | | The way I handle the jealously with female friends of my man is getting to know her better. That way its not as bad when he says hes hanging out with her or any of the females hes friends with I know. I have a lot of male friends and some of us have a slight history but most of them all we ever did was hang out. I would never stop talking to any of them for any man. They were there before him and they are the type of people who would help me if needed. Just because theres feelings for the man/woman in your life does not mean you have to stop talking to your friends. Get to know there friends and remember they were in the picture before you. Be happy they wanted you in there life and devote time to you. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:28:24 PM | Can only speak for myself here.
I have been sort of a tomboy type all my life and the vast majority and nearly ALL my closest friends have always been guys. Just how it is, and my best friend of all time is a guy. I can understand a man having a problem with this if the woman in the relationship was more than JUST a pal to the guys she calls friends, and why he might feel insecure. In my case specifically, I have never dated, never had sex with, or been hit on by any of my guy buddies....they are more like brother/sister type relationships or uncle/niece with the older ones. That has always been explained to the guy's in my romantic relationships , as well as the fact that I would never give up all my friendships to add one person who may or may not be in my life later on. There was never a problem with it, and too, my guy buddies would never do anything that might jeopardize any relationship I have with someone, nor would I with any lady they were involved with...just a matter of respect. I also never ran to any of them when problems developed in "our relationship". To me, that is something to be ironed out with a significant other, although there were times when I admittedly went to my ex's moms and presented a situation and asked if I was wrong in how I was handling it...it would not have been fair to have complained to them about their son, so I kept it "about how I was dealing with it", and worked on "me" rather than go another route, or talking it over with my guy pals and best friend. But that's just me, others may handle it differently. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:01:04 PM | sushisake,
For real. This has been debated for the longest time. The simple fact that males and females can't be friends exists because of the sexual component. I've never been able to keep female friends without wanting to get down her pants, or up her skirt. It's that simple for me and I won't consider someone if she claims to have male friends. Your friends are your family any males outside of this scope are lovers. Period.
Tigger | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:39:21 PM | Friends are not time fill or to have something to do until you enter into a relationship. Friends are the people that (if they are a true friend) will always be there for you no matter what happens. Whether it be the end of a relationship or a death of a loved one.
All of my male friends are either married or in relationships. We were friends before they met their wives or girlfriends. And their significant others do not see me as a threat or nor are they opposed to the friendship. Why? Because there are boundries that need to be respected. And I respect them. Their wives and girlfriends are the priority as they should be... and I spend time with not just my male friends but their significant others as well.
I have one male friend that I honestly don't know what I would do without. He has proven time and time again what a true friend he is and I bless the day I met him. He is involved with (and will probably marry) a wonderful girl who understands our friendship and she not only loves him but loves me as well. She understood right away we are friends, that is it, and that the friendship is very important to him. She is also a very confident person and knows she has nothing to worry about in that area. If I became involved with someone that told me I no longer could have contact with him (or any or my other friends for that matter) then I would have to be honest and say... Sorry... love me, love my friends. They are a part of my life and who I am, were before I met you, and they will continue to be. And if it bothers you that much then you are not the person for me.
It is not always about sex. A man and woman can be "just friends" and if they can't then it isn't a true friendship. As far as a boyfriend or girlfriend accepting that their partner has close friends of the opposite sex I feel that falls into the area of self esteem, confidence and trust issues. If you are confident in the relationship and in yourself then you shouldn't worry about it. If they are not giving you a reason to mistrust or feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't have a problem.
The only disclaimer I will put on this is... if you are friends with someone of the opposite sex and that person is someone that you were once in a romantic relationship with then I can understand your significant other feeling slightly edgy about it. It is understandable. But again... boundries need to be formed and respected.
For the record, I have never had any romantic contact with ANY of my male friends. We met and became friends and that is all they have ever been. And when I tell my male friends "I love you" I may as well be saying it to a family member. Such as say... a brother. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 2:35:13 PM | Tigger...Please allow me to clarify...
acquaintance - a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.
friend - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
The friends I refer to are ones that I talk to on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. I saw them on a regular basis until I moved to another state. And again.. despite moving to another state I am in contact with them regularly. They have been there for me thru good times and bad. As I have been for them. They are part of my life and I am part of theirs and have been for 10 plus years. I believe that puts them more on the "friend" level then "acquaintance" level.
I apologize... I do not usually direct any of my posts out here to one person in particular but I don't think you know me or the extent of my friendships well enough to consider define them as merely acquaintances. But then again, the point of these forums is to voice our opinions and that is yours... but I truly hope I clarified this for you.
Good Luck to You. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 2:57:20 PM |
well i see it this way....you either want friends or you want a lifetime partner..which is it?
After many years... after a failed marriage and failed relationships.. after many years of twisting myself into a pretzel to please my "partner" I have learned something... Real friends are rare, they are a treasure beyond compare and the person who can count his/her real friends on more than one hand is VERY fortunate. Relationships come and go.... occassionally they last, but real friends will ALWAYS be there for you. I refuse to make the choice between friends and a partner, or friends and family.... my friends are like my child or my pets, they are part of the package of who I am. Male or female, it doesn't matter. I would be one hell of a lousy friend if I abandoned my friends, for ANY reason. I would not, for a second, entertain the notion of giving up my friends for romance. How shallow is that. That would show a real lack of commitment and integrity and loyalty. Who wants to be with someone who can't be loyal? Anyone I would want to be with would have this kind of loyalty also... he would be my best friend, not my ONLY friend.
I'd rather be alone than be a fickle friend. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/22/2007 3:31:00 PM | | Just getting in my 2 cents. But from personal experience, I refer to females having male friends as "d*ck in a glass case syndrome". Even if the guy tells the girl he is just her friend, he HAS fantasized about much more and is waitning for her moment of vulnerability. Not always the females fault because women dont quite realize how primative the male gender is! | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:23:51 AM | | I'm replying to this one, because it hits home. I have a few female friends myself, and when the shoe is on the other foot, it can end up badly if the friendship isn't entirely Platonic. Can you date without having sex? Is having sex necessarily dating? Hmm. As a long time bartender, and observer of the human behaviour pattern, I also realize that there are many other situations to throw into the mix. Is your partner's 'friend' also a drinking buddy? Are they a workmate with a steady happy hour date? Does your partner call their 'friend ' in times of emotional need? Is the friend an "EX?'' Lol there are many more situations, aren't there? All in all maybe these 'friendships' need to be judged on a case by case basis! Ty for reading this. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:32:25 AM |
well i see it this way....you either want friends or you want a lifetime partner..which is it?
I want (and have) both. No intentions of changing my life to suit some insecure man who presumes all my male friends want to jump my bones. Had my male friends wanted such, surely they'd have tried it by now. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:40:02 AM | ^ ^ ^^ (@LUCKYGEO88) You sort of danced around the point here.
Opposite sex friends should be FRIENDS nothing more. If they are truly platonic friends with no wishing for more on anyone's part there's no reason to question the relationship. If the "friend" flirts with you, acts like they're on a date with you when you go out, or has sex with you that is not a platonic friend.
My deceased husband had lots of female friends and I had (and have) lots of male friends. There were only two I ever objected to. One was his ex- who was trying to keep him in the relationship (and finding reasons to call him at home to ask for "favors" early in the morning), and the other was a woman with obvious designs. He trusted my judgment and stopped relationships with both of them, knowing he'd probably have to do it himself later anyway.
Other than that he was free to have whatever friends he wanted regarless of gender. In fact, after he died one of his female friends became one of my good friends, and we've toasted him on many a birthday since. His best male friend became one of my close friends too. I'm equal opportunity. 
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:44:46 AM | I didn't dance around anything.
The position being taken by many on this thread is that our male friends WANT to sleep with us, hence.. they're not our friends.
My point (undanced around, no less) is if these male friends of mine wanted to sleep with me, surely they'd not have kept quiet about it in all the years we've been friends and made a move as such.
They haven't.. so obviously, they ARE my friends and not just looking to nail me. As some insecure male participants in this thread would have everyone believe. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/9/2009 12:55:26 PM | | Interesting thread, but is it acceptable for your partner to have over fifty male friends on her FACEBOOK account? I don't think that's acceptable or normal in a relationship. Of course she will have lifelong friends that is normal. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:03:19 PM |
My point (undanced around, no less) is if these male friends of mine wanted to sleep with me, surely they'd not have kept quiet about it in all the years we've been friends and made a move as such.
They haven't.. so obviously, they ARE my friends and not just looking to nail me. As some insecure male participants in this thread would have everyone believe.
Actually they have been making moves, you just haven't responded or noticed....
Often the 'friend' waits like a vulture hoping you will one day notice them... They are often the proverbial nice guy... he won't make a move... hoping you will...
Some of your 'friends' have been quietly working in the background, trying to ruin whatever relationships you have... subtle comments to you like "You can do better than him..." Subtle comments to him like "Wow, we were out the other night and she was dancing with this dude..."
Sometimes they make moves that you simply don't recognize as such... like winning the stuffed toy at the fair for you... being there for you all the time...
As has been said many times, if he's just your friend, take your clothes off... if he wraps a blanket around you, and tells you to go get dressed, he's gay( oh sorry, your friend)...
If he tries to have sex with you, then you know for sure.... | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:40:04 AM | Women are not going to jettison male friends for the sake of a relationship
likewise, Men should not jettison female friends of a relationship either...
A relationship is not reeally a relatiosnhip if it requires forced changes
~sc~ | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:12:50 AM | Interesting thread, but is it acceptable for your partner to have over fifty male friends on her FACEBOOK account? I don't think that's acceptable or normal in a relationship. Of course she will have lifelong friends that is normal.
Bwahahaha since when does facebook "friends" signify anything? She can have as many friends on there, for the most part most facebook friends are people we randomly meet or went to school or work with, but RARELY talk to. I have nearly 1k on there but doubt I've talked to more than 100 since I left college, and no way in hell would I delete any of them if a girl started asking questions about who this and that girl are!
If you're going to be the douche that checks her facebook and asks her about every guy, just please go ahead and drop out of the gene pool. My best friend is a female, and she dated somebody who obsessed over her facebook friends until she deleted them, effin loser!!!!
Americans are too damn stuck on SEX! People in other countries are smart enough to realize its not just about sex, but also companionship and being real friends. I have good female friends, yes I might have slept with some of them in the past, but in the end the sex gets pushed to the back burner and you can have fun and be there for one another. Its not just about getting some and running away!
We all in our minds think about having sex with a friend, but only the strong are able to rationalize the fact that a friend is almost always better in the long run. I have a very attractive neighbor who goes out with me quite often, I keep an eye on her if she gets drunk, she introduces me to her friends, and if there are unsuitables around, we'll play the bf/gf gig and run them off. We hang out and BS a lot, and I would never want to ruin a good friendship just for a few hours of pleasure. She is very attractive, but there are also a lot of damn good reasons I would not want to date or get involved with her physically.
Overall, it all boils down to TRUST. If you cant handle your woman talking to another guy without going nuts, you need to get over your insecurity and jealousy!
As has been said many times, if he's just your friend, take your clothes off... if he wraps a blanket around you, and tells you to go get dressed, he's gay( oh sorry, your friend)...
If he tries to have sex with you, then you know for sure....
That is such a childish, petty thing to try.
Where's the option for "I've always wondered what a naked statue would look in my living room"? Haha some people think a naked body = sex, they're brains would explode on most european beaches! Get naked all you want, but if the friend benefits vastly outweigh any possible sexual benefits, I'll just sit back and laugh. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:49:34 AM | Some very good points have been brought up in here..
I dont believe that all men are insecure who have a problem withtheir SO being good friends with alot of guys, it could just mean that they have been in similiar circumstances in the past and been lied too or screwed over....
I know everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt but its not always easy to give it...
I do believe that women can be friends with men and nothing more because the women I was dating last had a best friend that was a guy, what you need to do is trust them until they give you a reason not too, understand that you are the man she is sleeping with and wants affection from.....
Take it from me Confidence goes along way with women! | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:17:48 AM |
Overall, it all boils down to TRUST. If you cant handle your woman talking to another guy without going nuts, you need to get over your insecurity and jealousy!
I love trust...
I think it's one of the best things that can happen...
I've slept with quite a few female friends while they were dating really nice guys who trusted them... Some of those guys have no idea to this day how many times they were cheated on and how many different men their ladies slept with.... But thankfully they trust them... because they know, she would never do a thing like that. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:27:33 AM | | The male friends that a boyfriend needs to worry about are the friends she only sees when you aren't around. If she constantly feels the need to have alone time with this male friend, something else is likely going on. If she includes you in her friendship with that guy, this is perfectly ok. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:31:11 PM | | what about boyfriends keeping in touch with their exes? If there were children involve, it is understandable. i don't think its fair you should be still friends with exes... there a reason why an ex for a reason. | |
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