| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:09:30 PM | My one cent
Diferent people are comfortable with diferent situations and things in a realtionship.If someone feels friends of oposite sex in thier life is important then why not,but it doesn't make those who don't think the same have less right to thier feelings.
A relationship to me is not a legal battle about who can argue the best, or come up with more reasons to be right. 
I thought the whole dating thing was to find somone who shared common thoughts, goals interests and values. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:11:06 PM | My .02:
So what I have read is the majority of the women believe that it is perfectly fine to keep their male friends(not specified if they were single) the base reasons are to keep their male friends is that they were there for them in some kind of crises in their life and that women don't wish to give up that security just in case their relationship fails
Yes, I keep my friends because they have seen me through many crises ("crises" plural, as opposed to "crisis," singular), and will be around when I go through more. And I have seen them through many crises, and will see them through more. But the bit about "just in case their relationship fails" doesn't have anything to do with it. If my relationship fails, am I going to get together with a guy friend just because he's THERE? Because he's CONVENIENT? Not likely. And frankly, the implication is a little insulting. I'm just saying.
But I believe if you Male friends are as good as you say they are they will be there for you whatever circumstance and understand some concerns of your partner
Well, just because my male friends UNDERSTAND that someone is jealous doesn't mean they should automatically head for the hills. They can be understanding about it to a point, but if I'm dating someone who can't handle that I have male friends, that person won't be around very long. Which brings me to the second part of that statement:
for that to be said also I don't understand why anyone would put friendship infront of your partner, the person you are suppose to care about
This is tricky. I won't say that I put my friendships above my relationship, but neither do I put my relationship above my friendships. They are equally important to me. The bottom line is that statistically speaking, my friends are more likely to be around for a long time than any relationship is. Now of course, we all hope to have a relationship that lasts forever, or at least for many years, but from a STATISTICAL standpoint, any given "relationship" is less likely to work out than any given friendship. So, yes, my friends are important to me. And frankly, if a partner said to me, "Choose between me or them," then as far as I'm concerned, he's just demonstrated that he cares about me LESS than my friends do, and I'll show him the door. Why? Because if he loves me, he wants me happy, just like I want him happy. My friends make me happy.
I personally don't understand why it would be necessary to have male friends in the first place, my reasoning of have friends is having people to socialize with because you don't have a partner to spend time with isn't that fact or I could be wrong.
I can't speak for anyone else, but that's NOT why I have friends. Using that logic, as soon as I was in a relationship, I'd cut off all contact with all my friends, both male and female, so I could spend every single solitary waking minute with my partner. Yeesh. I like having a life. If I have a life, and he has a life, then we always have new stuff to talk about! Yay for that! My friends are NOT a poor-man's substitute for a relationship. Besides, what kind of a person would that make me? The kind who will ditch people the minute something better comes along. You really want to date someone like that? I don't. Someone who ditches their friends for you will eventually ditch you for someone else. It's just something to think about.
I also reognize the trust issue but some people just can't handle certain situations and some times you just can't push it on them
Nobody is pushing anything on anyone. You can handle the fact that I have guy friends or you can't. If you can't, you might as well keep looking, because I'm not your girl. I've had more guy friends than girl friends most of my life, so the idea that I'm not going to continue to have guy friends is pretty unrealistic for me. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:27:13 PM | This a direct comment to the posting by The Dancing Queen (it was a well said post - I just disagree with parts lol).
QUOTE: I know that guys want to sleep with girls. It's natural instinct. So for the most part, there really are no "guy friends", it's just a bunch of guys who don't have to guts to tell you that they like you or they figure if they wait around long enough, you'll change your mind about them.
My response: Men only want to sleep with women we are attracted to! Any time a man is not attracted to a girl but think she's got an awesome personality: It's friend time...and trust me there's no wanting to get some.
QUOTE: I see other women at work and outside of work with lots of "guy friends" but it's not really friendship. It's just a way to get more attention. And it's usually by a woman who normally doesn't get very much attention elsewhere
My response: Maybe it is because I am Canadian lol and it's different in San Fran, but the majority of my friends are women, and they are really not trying to get attention, they are happy with who they are, I really think this is a minority here.
Quote: When I'm dating a guy exclusively, I don't really talk to other guys. It's not fair to the guy I am with and it's not fair to the guy who is trying to talk to me. And if I was the kind of girl who did try to hook as many fish as possible for attention with pseudo friendship, then I would be the kind of girl that men should walk away from.
I really disagree with this: Any man that has confidence and trusts his girl will not mind her speaking to other men; moreover, if the woman has male friends prior to their relationship I'd view it as the new guy i.e. the bf having no say at all, who's he to have any right in this matter to judge friendships that have outlasted the relationship?
In another aspect: I see so many couples who when they start dating stop looking at the opposite sex because they feel it is wrong...but in the end it is these people who have a much higher rate of cheating becuase they do not let out the natural urge to be with more than one person out in small amount before it explodes one night with one person...and I mean more than just a hello or look....I mean explode.
P | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:40:39 PM |
I recognise the fact that no one has the right to tell anyone who they can stop talking too, actually is unrealistic to except such an concept. I personally don't understand why it would be necessary to have male friends in the first place, Just what exactly are you trying to say, all I see is a lot of confusion on your part. A man needs to be secure in himself and the relationship he is trying to grow, so let her have her friends of whatever gender and know you occupy a special place in her heart. The more confusing you make her life, the greater the chance you will create a self fulfilling prophecy...she'll cut and run on you, and you will be left at the curb going "See..I told you all"...get real my friend, a real woman is like a real man...they have friends of both sexes, and value them all. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 5:55:54 PM | What's sad is alot of you are going to just string people along with this pseudo friendship, even if you know this or that guy likes you, because you love the attention it brings. What is "rich" and "rewarding" about being dishonest about someone so you don't have to move your own couch? What is "rich" and "rewarding" about eventually having to hurt someone's feeling so you can have someone to listen to your problems under the guise of "friendship"?
Who says my male friend "likes" me?...maybe he sees me as another person he enjoys talking to ..spending time with and we do not feel that way aboout each other. If you Really believed that tongue in cheek line and think women ahve men friends solely to move things and listen to them on some one way street, I feel sorry for you. You seem to have very limitted experience..You are missing out on a lot of great people bcz you assume Every man wants your crotch. Not only that it would seem that if he dsn't interest you crotch you can't fathom wanting to know him as a person..
How sad. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:04:06 PM | This topic has been done so many times. But it really has people dug in on both sides of the fence.
Males and females can relate in sexual and non sexual ways- even in a relationship!
Some are sincere about friendship and others are not-and some are between these two positions- and things can change over a period of time be it short or long.
It's even said that relationships between same sex people can carry some sexual undertones.
But it's all about how far both people decide to take it.
Friends and intimate relations can be two opposing things or something interconnected. Saying it is impossible to be friends or that there is no way a friend is interested in more in all cases is denial.
Sorry for making things complicated for some but life and many other things are not black and white sometimes- and each case needs to be looked at on its own.
Why does this topic always lead to an huge debate and comes up over and over again? That's my question. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:06:36 PM | The test is really simple.
Go find any "male friend", tell him you've always been interested in him and that you want a no strings attached evening with him.
Then start taking off your clothes. I'd bet 99 out of a 100 guys would just sleep with you or any other girl outright.
Then you will see how long the "friendship" lasts.
What many of you have is not "friendship", it's a "quenue" Just a line of guys waiting for a shot at getting you into bed. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:11:29 PM | My two cents: If you trust your girlfriend and are confident in yourself and your relationship, you have nothing to worry about.
However, if you're not secure in yourself or your relationship, just leave. Your insecurities will eventually lead to the death of the relationship.
Life is simple. We make it complicated.
-IPB | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:15:03 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sorry I'm not tryin to be rude dancing queen...
Well - that's not saying much though...you go to the most celibate man, tell him you want him and start taking your clothes off....I am sure they'd have a tough time with it too (not saying they would, I am just saying men are men, even the good men are still classified as men: i.e. we love sex).
You can always cross the line, but I'd say this: Any female friend of mine who told me she liked me after being friends for a while, then started taking off her clothes...well I probably would have sex with her, because I would no longer consider a woman who was not honest with me from the beginning regarding her feelings followed by trying to put the moves on me the type of person I would want to consider a friend anymore anyways...and to be frank no female friend of mine would would never do that because they have values...I get your point, but for obvious reasons I find it unpractical. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:34:52 PM | There is no way in the world that I want a relationship with someone who would want me to give up ANY of my friends -- male or female.
Nor would I ask that in return regardless of whether the person once had a relationship with their opposite sex friend or not. As long as the guy is honest and isn't actively involved in a relationship with his 'friend' - but actually using me to cheat on her - then I have no problem with it. I guess it comes down to how long ago is 'once'?
My male friend keeps me out of his dating relationships and we only ever briefly discuss that part of our lives. But he keeps me up to date on how other friends of his who I know are and will occasionally intoduce me to new people of both sexes.
We do many things together but these are all the types of things a person does when they are good friends with a neighbour. It's innocent and harmless.
Furthermore, if the guy I got into a relationship with and I became serious enough for my male friend to consider us a couple, then he'd invite both of us over.
But I'll be damned if I want to go to his place and have coffee with the still half-dressed woman he f^cked the night before. And vice versa were it not for the fact that I live in a place with a 'no overnight visitors agreement' and have no desire to find a way to get laid at the moment anyway
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 6:40:26 PM |
The test is really simple.
Go find any "male friend", tell him you've always been interested in him and that you want a no strings attached evening with him.
Then start taking off your clothes. I'd bet 99 out of a 100 guys would just sleep with you or any other girl outright.
Then you will see how long the "friendship" lasts.
What many of you have is not "friendship", it's a "quenue" Just a line of guys waiting for a shot at getting you into bed.
Yes we men are nothing more than dogs humping whatever smells like a female. Let's just keep thinking that way and life will be simple. And the female attention whores just love it!
Pretty harsh think- and sometimes its correct given different situations- but sometimes its just not the whole truth.
The idea above has merit but I doubt most women women would want to go through all of her male friends to seek out the truth. Could get a little tiresome- might even get to feel used up after a while.
but think of all the smiles you'd create!
No - bad idea these days-
Again- why does this come up so much? Seems to be a real sore point with everybody. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 7:37:54 PM | Redundant topic! Been done to death!
Off topic posting! Against the rules!
Stop being a troll.
I don't mind girls I go out with having male friends, as I have several female friends. If a girl is going to cheat on you she's gonna do it. At least knowing who she hangs out with makes her LESS likely to cheat with that person, unless she's really stupid.
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 7:52:53 PM | how many times are you going o post that ridiculous "test" dancing queen?
it's stupid. i have male friends, some married and some with girlfriends and some single. i could not ever ever imagine a time where i would feel the need to "test" them about anything. if i propositioned any of them in that way i think they'd be too floored to have sex.
i'm thinking maybe it's you and the people you choose as friends. although more likely it's because you're only 21 and you and your male friends haven't quite been able to grasp what any type of adult relationship is really all about | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:14:29 PM | | Apparently I'm the only one with DancingQueen on this one. I think she's completely right. Male friends are alot more rare. Not to be a jerk, but you have to take level of attractiveness into consideration too. DancingQueen is going to have a much harder time trying to find a male friend who doesn't want to screw her than say....insert other person here. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:23:04 PM | I think that it is ok to have friends but when do you draw the line on friends? If you are going out and meeting men or vice versa men meeting women then is it a relationship? If you already have friends that are there for you then why do you need more? I recently broke up with a girl who payed more attention to her friends and pushed me away cause she got sidetracked with her male friends. I believe that if your friends don't interact with your partner then the choice is clear make other plans with them. There really is no right or wrong answer here but do what works within your means. Remember your friends can influence you b4 your partner sometimes depending on the lenght of time you were friends. I also believe that friends can decieve you just like your loved one so good luck with that too!!!! I only have one motto if you have any intuition try to follow it you just might be amazed and find out the truth no matter what the cost is!!!!!! | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:36:24 PM | I'm very careful on that account. The problem one runs into is this. You get to know a woman for almost a year, and never get to meet any of her boyfriends. She even tells you once she is going out with him. When her father invites you to a passover meal and the only people who show up are her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, and she hugs and kisses friends she's known since highschool at a regular event that you and she both attend, you wonder what your status is with her or not. To top it off, she'd rather spend the weekend with this supposed invisible friend of hers, or sometimes a night I offer to go out with her with them. When other times she is more than welcoming and inviting me over to her condo she has away from her folks when she lives part time with her folks. Never mind I see no sign of that boyfriend at her place. A pretty tidy kitchen and bedroom and bathroom. And yet she says she goes to be with that friend occasionally at that place. So what am I to think? Someone brought her to movie night one time, and I don't know who. She doesn't drive. I'm not disapproving, but hey, if she wants to get intimately involved with me, it would be helpful to know more about who these friends are, and potentially meet them just to say hi, and get a sense of how interested they are in her. If they are just friends, then I have nothing to fear the night she decides to ask me out on something more serious. But if she does before I ever get to see or meet them, I'm going to wonder, who are these invisible friends? Curiosity begs an answer. Cause I'm not going to get into bed with anyone who decides they want to be polygamous as far as sex is concerned. The risks are too high for jealous boyfriend, and worse, sexually transmitted diseases. I'm not going to disagree with her seeing that person. That would be inappropriate. But if she decides she wants to be mine, we have to set some sort of understanding so there is no miscommunication. It isn't disapproving, it is we want to know just how honest the competition is, if there is any, and if there is none, we want to find out before we start doing anything truly extracurricular with her. I'd love to find a woman with no strings attached, and friends who are just friends, and don't appear to be ones she's flirting with. But how can I tell? So here I am, I've learned how to keep my cool in all this potential adversity, and not once disapproved of her. I'm willing to see it through, as long as someone else doesn't catch me first, or the real truth is as bad as I fear. It is not disapproval, it is the lack of knowledge that gets some of us in a tizzy. The more open you are about your friends with us, the less we feel we have to fear about them. It is the fear of the unknown until we do know that gets us concerned. The longer you hold whatever the truth may be from us, the harder it is going to to be for us to know when you are telling the truth, and when you are not. If it is truth we can see for ourselves, it is much better than truth we can't see and can only infer.
And I agree, being true to oneself is most important of all. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 12:22:59 AM |
The test is really simple.
Go find any "male friend", tell him you've always been interested in him and that you want a no strings attached evening with him.
Then start taking off your clothes. I'd bet 99 out of a 100 guys would just sleep with you or any other girl outright.
Then you will see how long the "friendship" lasts.
What many of you have is not "friendship", it's a "quenue" Just a line of guys waiting for a shot at getting you into bed.
That "test" doesn't prove anything.
If a female friend came to me wanting a "no strings attached evening", yes, I might sleep with her if she's hot. I might politely decline if she's not. Outrageous, huh?
But guess what, I don't see anything wrong with it. She is an adult person and aware of what she's doing, there is a mutual understanding of the nature of this "no strings attached evening", i.e. there are no expectations of a deeper relationship, she initiated it without any seducing from me ... why should I say no? I'd give her a great time and still be her friend afterwards. :)
That said, situations like that tend to get out of hand easily. Sooner or later one of the two sides can't handle the "no strings attached" part anymore and expects more. And often that is actually the woman.
So it helps tremendously if there's no physical attraction. I made several excellent female friends in my life, many of the friendships have been lasting for years, even beyond some girls' weddings. For nothing in the world would I want to give up these friendships and if a new date would ask me to, the new date could take a hike. However, many of them I personally wouldn't describe as especially "hot" and I have absolutely no romantic interest in them.
I have seen the other side too though. The hotter the girl, the more likely she'll have some kind of male fan club of spineless wimps who fulfill her every whim, secretly hoping that one day she'll recognize them for the nice guy they are and they'll "get some". Which of course never happens. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 2:10:45 AM | dancingqueen i was just blown away by your dead-on telling- it- like- it is about most womens who has guy friends.u totally nailed the whole thing down and i am also even more impress that its coming from the mouth of a women saying it about the reality of what lots of womens do.
most womens who mostly have guy friends instead of girlfriends usually uses this excuse" i dont know i just always seemed to get along better with guys than womens".bull! they get along better cause they enjoy hanging around with friends that they know want to sleep with them.and friends that they probably get lots of compliments from more than they would get from womens girlfriends.most men are very stupid.when hanging with a beautifull women they will compliment her evryday even if she turns them down evryday.they cant help trying.
thats what theses womens with guy friends like they like spending time with male friends who spend all day trying to seduce her even if shes not interested it still makes her feel very important.she only wants friendship a.k.a 'attention' but he wants more than frienship but tells her that hes o.k. with being just friends but hes not.there is 2 friends of mine right now who are friends with girls and its that same situation.the girl is totally not into my friend but hes always had the hots for her and she knows it.and evry now and then he tells me that he thinks maybe that something will change between them but i know it wont and he tells me the next day that it didnt.a lot of times too she acts like it will just to play with him.thats just bad.
i dont know but what is it nowadays that so many girls or womens need desperately to do all kinds of things to feel like they are important and get attention.or feel love.
why are they lacking thoses things so much.
maybe its cause most womens are too complicated nowadays.they settle for the bad boy type that society tells them to choose but then again with someone like that they dont get the love and attention so they have to find other ways to find them.
maybe if womens would go mostly for the good decent guys in the first place they wouldnt lack all thoses things and would be more stable emotionaly.
O.K. i will specify here that i dont mean all womens just a majority.dont want to look like i am generalizing. | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 2:29:17 AM | Your friends should never come second. Male or femail. I am 31 year old man comming out of a seven year relationship. One of my main probs was my friends were never aloud in my life. To this day I love her male and femail friends. It is very important to me that my love(wife) has a support outside our relation ship.
Thanks for letting me get shit off my chest.
David | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:13:14 AM | | I appreciate that to many people I am something of a freak and therefore maybe i should not really post in this forum but I encourage and enjoy the ladies i have had in my life to have both male and female friends. Perhaps not to the same degree as anyone else but for what it is worth regardless of sex i think you can have good friends male or female and i have been fortunate in the past to have had both although few now because i let me partner exclude them from my life and that was a major mistake no one should make....take my word for it! | |
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| Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:43:30 AM | I think men enjoy women as friends they get a different slant on everything They can be more open with a female friend
It enables them to understand their partner | |
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