Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Males disapproving of women having male friends      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lypiphera
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 76
Males disapproving of women having male friendsPage 4 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
^^^ I think he's asking, if you knew your partner didn't want you to have friendships with the opposite sex, would you hide it, or leave your partner to find out about it through other means? Also that he doesn't think people will be honest in their answers to that question because it would make them look bad to say that yes, they would hide it.

That's my interpretation of it... I may be wrong because it was rather jumbled. The OP says he's read all the posts, so I don't know why he'd ask this question. I think a lot of people have already said that they wouldn't stay with a partner who expected them to abandon their friends. So rather than hiding it, they would leave.
 whitestarmama
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 77
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:27:10 AM
i think the idea that i can't or shouldn't have male friends is ridiculous.

my best friend is male. we dated in high school, so yes we've been together, and there is no chance of ever becoming intimate again. as for your silly "test", well, i did that. when we were both single once, we were cuddling and started smooching.. it didn't go far because he very respectfully and gently let me know that he loves me, he always will, i am his oldest and dearest friend, but after the difficulties we had in the "boyfriend/girlfriend" chapter of our life, he did not want to go there again. he still tells me he loves me when i feel blue. he is a true friend every bit as much as my female friends.

and two weeks ago he married the woman of our dreams - both his dreams, and my dreams for him. i could not be happier for him, and his wife understands my relationship with him and SUPPORTS IT. always has. the moment she met me, she smiled the most beautiful genuine smile i've ever seen, and has always been wonderful about it. likewise, i know that while nothing will ever stand between me and my friend, his wife's needs come first (i couldn't WAIT for him to marry her). we all understand and support each other - isn't that what friends are supposed to do?

if any man told me to drop any of my friends - including my male best friend who yes i had sex with a decade ago - he is not the man for me, and as much as i might care for that man, he obviously doesn't have what it takes to be with me.
 pearl13
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 78
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 2:53:56 PM
I personally don't understand why it would be necessary to have male friends in the first place, my reasoning of have friends is having people to socialize with because you don't have a partner to spend time with isn't that fact or I could be wrong.

What a selfish viewpoint.... to think you must be the center of your partner's world. We have many different friends, who fulfill different needs within us, and I think it would be very irresponsible of me to expect my partner to fulfill ALL of my needs... therefore, I have many different kinds of friends, that fulfill many different needs within my personality.


I was thinking if you were aware that this situation would cause a deep conflict would you conceal your relationship with the opposite sex and leave the burden of proof to your partner,

If my partner had a problem with my having male friends, he would not be my partner.... I have dated men who had problems with my male friends, and they fast became history.

I find this whole concept of opposite gender friends particularly funny lately, considering one of my best friends is an ex boyfriend..... and is engaged to marry a good friend of mine. I have recently been giving her a ton of relationship advice... and he is the one who encouraged her to talk to me. Yes, my boyfriend knows, and he finds the situation quite ironic too.

 misticmaiden
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 79
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:01:18 PM
Relationships are a dime a dozen a good friend can last a lifetime.

Mistic
 redzed
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:15:18 PM
Guess I am from the old world. Looking at my parents and the parents of my friends all throughout my life, I can say that I have never once seen any of the fathers or the mothers
ever go out with the opposite sex for any reason. However I do not care who she socializes with.... Trust factor I am guessing. However for myself in a relationship I socialize with no other woman. plus I get into enough trouble on poker night with the guys....lol
To each their own.
 Alexander_Kyle
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:20:28 PM
A man cannot be friends with a woman if he is physically attracted to her...

only time a man can be a real friend to a woman is if he is

a) not attracted to her

b) Gay

c) Has someone he holds in higher regard ( i.e hotter gf)
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 82
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:28:25 PM
I have no problems with this.....As long as i can keep all my Ladie friends.

Kapeesh!
 dbndon
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 4:02:02 PM
.

It all depends, actually. . . .

I have a couple very close women friends. We grew up together. They were good friends of my wife and I was friends with their husbands. But, today we are all single, so the situation changed somewhat.

They will freely say that they love me, in front of family and friends. I have keys to their homes and am even the administrator on their computers. There are no secrets between us. We all know each other’s families very well and always have. None of us “date” in the conventional meaning of the word. But, yeah, we do things together. Lots of things -- from going to the gym in the morning, the theater at night, or family things. When I got out of the hospital a few years ago and couldn’t do anything, they took turns babysitting me. When one came out of the hospital a while back, I stayed with her for a week and played nurse.

Now . . . what would happen if one of us finds a serious lover? That’s easy. We’re adults here, folks. Which means, the situation again changes and we will back off. I can’t be hugging and kissing a gal every time we meet when she has a love interest in her life. I can when we are completely single but it would be totally improper if she has a significant other. So, I would back off. And, they would do exactly the same thing for me.

When we grew up, that action was called respect.

.
 sexy_temptress
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 84
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:22:57 PM
If a man I am dating tells me that I have to cut off my male friends.....I would actually look at him in a negative light. My male friends have been there for me through thick and thin...and if has an insecurity problem, then he has to deal with it...bc there is no way that I will cut off my male friends. I thrive in the attention and company of males ( platonic and romantic ) and if he met me that way, fell in love with me that way, then why change me?
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 85
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:14:19 PM
I think dbndon nailed it on the head.
*R*E*S*P*E*C*T
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 86
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:21:55 PM

I thrive in the attention and company of males ( platonic and romantic )

this is where things get sticky....
If a woman enjoys this type of attention whenever she goes out....
Well...she best stay single.
As a whole....i don't think you'll find very many serious guys that go to a bar with THEIR girlfriend.....just so he can sit and watch his romantic partner "thrive"..on the attention she trys to generate with other males(who probably are single, horny, and looking)
Just a thought.
 HottieScotty
Joined: 6/9/2004
Msg: 87
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 1/31/2007 9:22:03 PM
sorry.double post
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 88
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:51:50 AM
I guess we all have different experiences. I have a few good male friends that I am not intimate with...it is about setting boundaries and respecting them. I have had a good male friend of 10 years, I am friends with his g/f and he would be introduced to any man I was having a relationship with, as would all my other friends if the situation warranted it. As for the other male friends, they are more acquaintances really but if my significant other wanted to meet them, I would have no issue with it because I have nothing to hide. I think men and women can be plutonic friends if they can respect each other enough to respect the boundaries. If someone is secure in themselves and trust their partner, then the sex of their friends should not be material.
 eman07
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 89
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 8:31:32 AM
Males as general will acept female having male freinds its the women like Whitestarmama that we have a problem with....

You have been intimate with a male that you STILL hang out with. problem number one.....

You have even said your self that you were both single at one point and almost hooked up....that is problem number two....

I understand that you are freinds with him, all we ask as males is understand were we are coming from. Uh yea, we are a little uneasy with you hanging out with a male that you have HAD SEX WITH!!!!!.....its not about insecurity, its about RESPECT as someone once said.

Are you telling me that you wouldnt be a little uneasy knowing we were still freinds with a girl that we had sex with?...even its a little?.....or course you would.....

You said that he is married now, and is happy. It wouldnt be a problem now to anyone you date as there is no "issue" of you two hanging out together "on the couch" "snuggling" and "smooching". (your words)

Again i will say, i dont have a problem with females having male freinds, but i do have a problem with females who keep male friends they have been "with" (you know what i mean)...

also say, if your a female and have lots of male friends, it just makes me wonder why you are still single?....i mean, you have lots of males that like you, lots of males enjoy your company, so why are you still single if so many men like you?...i dont know...just doesnt make any sense to me.....

my two cents...
 Just_Another_Gurl
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:27:06 AM
"also say, if your a female and have lots of male friends, it just makes me wonder why you are still single?....i mean, you have lots of males that like you, lots of males enjoy your company, so why are you still single if so many men like you?...i dont know...just doesnt make any sense to me....."

I completely see where you are coming from on this point but on the other hand not all things are as cut and dry like that. Most of my male friends I aquired during a period of time that I was dating but not committing to a relationship because I was carrying baggage from the past relationship. During this time I dated off and on and it was then that I met and became friends with these men because we didn't mesh in that way. Women tend to be very social creatures and are a little more willing to look beyond what is under the clothes and not always look at the sex issue......At least that is what I find. Many men have lots of female friends too and it isn't always because of the "nice guy syndrome". Some people are just different and can seperate those aspects.
JMHO
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 91
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:36:39 AM
b_e_f, I agree with most of what you said but I have a question about this:
Women tend to be very social creatures and are a little more willing to look beyond what is under the clothes and not always look at the sex issue.
You're implying that the sex issue is the predominant reason why anyone would explore a relationship with an opposite gender friend. That sounds like a FWiBbie to me. Wouldn't you think a stereotypical woman like you have described, i.e. a very social creature with some male friends, would recognize the value of forming a relationship with one of these males, not just for sex but for all the right reasons???
 mrlonely1000
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 92
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:36:53 AM
i guess itcomes down to the people if they have a strong relationship it wouldnot matter but remember it only takes suspicion (i thinki spelled it right) not proof to destroy one
 eman07
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 93
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:44:28 AM
blue eyed fun...

i only disagree with you on one point...the difference between males having female friends and vice versa.....

yes males have female friends....want to know why?...cause they turned us down for sex, so we ended up in the "friend" zone. It surely means we still dont try though.

I guess my whole point is this....i just get sick of hearing women rant and rave how they have such "great" male friends, when we ALL know that they have at least ONE male friend that would sleep with them given the chance. I know I know, exception to every rule, and im gonna hear stories from females who have never had this happen to them. But all in all, if your a female with male friends there is at least ONE who will sleep with you given the chance.

I also get annoyed by females who remain friends with males they have slept with and we as males are just suppose to go along with it and if we dont, we are all of a sudden "insecure"....
 sugaryspice
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 94
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:54:07 AM
TheDancingQueen:

Honey, if some guy came up to me, took off his clothes and started rubbing up against me, I'd be tempted too! It's not exclusively a guy thing!

I believe you're totally wrong. Not every male I interact with wants to sleep with me, and I don't want to sleep with every one of them. That's akin to saying EVERY gay guy wants to get with every male - vice versa with lesbians.

Intermingled gender friendships can and do work. I think you've just had bad experiences.

OP: I would never, ever think of my friends as a 'filler' until I have a S/O. Some of my friends have been around for 24 years! It's almost like my kids... they're a package deal, and if you can't handle that I spend time with them, no dice! I'm not saying my relationship would be second... I'm just saying, there wouldn't be one if you didn't understand that they're my friends, and I love 'em!!
 eman07
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 95
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:07:43 AM
I believe you're totally wrong. Not every male I interact with wants to sleep with me, and I don't want to sleep with every one of them. That's akin to saying EVERY gay guy wants to get with every male - vice versa with lesbians.


I'm not saying EVERY male, i said that out of all your male friends you will find at least one who will sleep with you......I also said that i will get 10 million posts from women who claim this isnt true, or that none of there male friends have EVER tried to sleep with them. If they do then it proves us people right who say that males cant be friends with females....


no not every gay wants to get with every male, just as much as every female doesnt want to get with every male..but..if you walk into a bar and ask 100 women "hey, lets go f***"...you might get slapped about 99 times, but im pretty sure one of them will say "ok"

again...its the females who have 4 ex boyfreinds as "friends"....have a ex-fwb as a "friend"...thats what us males have a problem with....its not the casual "yea he is my buddy"....no...its the "well we used to have sex, but we still hang out every once in a while"....that makes us cringe.....
 catch of the day:
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 96
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:34:32 AM
I have lots of guy friends and prefer guy friends, I also ride motorcycles so I do hang out with guys a lot,, theres no drama nor talking about girly girl stuff (thats not me, Id rather talk about real things and laugh about things I enjoy),, if I was dating someone, I know to have enough respect and trust for them, just as Id expect the same from and of them.

Ive seen a lot of guys jealous or better yet "insecure" with my guy friends and Ive heard a lot of comments (its an ugly emotion boys!!)... its an instant redflad (part of being controlling) and a HUGE turnoff!

I saw in a forum the other day, "she wont mind then when I go through her cell phone and MSN and delete all the guys" I was wondering "hmmm, I wonder if hes wearing his wife beater shirt right now with a huge ketchup stain on the front".
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:40:59 AM

I guess my whole point is this....i just get sick of hearing women rant and rave how they have such "great" male friends, when we ALL know that they have at least ONE male friend that would sleep with them given the chance. I know I know, exception to every rule, and im gonna hear stories from females who have never had this happen to them. But all in all, if your a female with male friends there is at least ONE who will sleep with you given the chance.


Okay, maybe one does. And so what? I am the one who determines who I sleep with. If I'm not trusted enough to make that decision I'm with the wrong guy, and my radar is way off. So I'd have to thank the fool who made an issue of it, and set me straight. I'm friendly with both of my x husbands, and all but one of my X SO's. And there are good and sufficient reasons they are X's. But beats me why if we're a 95% match, and 5% not, and the 5% is obviously the deal breaker, why I should toss the rest, for some guy who is worried about his own masculinity. . . . That's a BIG deal breaker.

It is, BTW, kin and just as silly, as worrying about a widow's/widowers' dead husband, wife.


I also get annoyed by females who remain friends with males they have slept with and we as males are just suppose to go along with it and if we dont, we are all of a sudden "insecure"....


You are not "all of a sudden 'insecure' " ~~ Ya'll are full time, 100% insecure, and we -- no woman -- can cure that. No one can but you.

I love every woman in my man's life: past and future ~~ she (all those she's) saw at least something of what I see. They, one woman at a time, grew him (with his help) into the man I adore. What can I say? They did a great job!!
 rancheroplenty
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 98
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:41:58 AM
The Dancing Queen: You are right-on.

notaprincess: I totally agree.


Those on here that say that they've had great friendships with guys would find out that the natural motivation of a man is exactly what it is: sex. That keeps the guy always hoping and waiting.......

I believe that women who want "deep" friendships with the opposite sex have two things that are behind their intentions:

1. The possibility that that person could become something more if ever desired. Almost like a friendly flirt masked in friendship that she enjoys - keeping her sense of femininity realized.........on a "possibility" level......and....in her control. A door that she can open anytime she wants.

2. Most people that require opposite sex close friendships (and put them ahead of their serious relationships) are probably not intending to find anyone for life or really don't excpect to. Hence, it will resemble the hollywood-style realationship-to-relationship, and the serial continues.

Most of today's inependant women want that very thing. Control. I've seen alot of profiles that say "I don't need a man to take care of me, I can take care of myself." But the downside to that is that it cuts a serious relationship short because the two are supposed to take care of each other, and that love relationship should come first. That's a full relationship in the sense where love is real in both persons. So I think having opposite-sex close friends is just another area where control is a central issue; she's the leader, and he's the tag-along.

I've probably clicked on each person's profile multiple times (I just recently shut off the notifying function on it) because it's good to get an indication of where they're at (if they are being truthful), of course many do not say as much as some others and leave alot in question.
 AcesDJD
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:48:13 AM
DancingQueen, I've read a few of your posts, and I like how you don't BS like a lot do on here. I think as a generalization you're right, but quite frankly, extreme opinions tend to be wrong. To say something is never possible, well you'd have to know everyone's inner thoughts.

Probably every friend I had in high school and college I was interested in sleeping with, and either continued to hang around after they rejected me or never had the guts to ask in the first place.

I do have two female friends now, I don't think I'm particularly attracted to them, but I do tend to keep them at arms length, so they're probably more acquaintance/friends than true friends. Being honest for your test, I'd probably say no to the less attractive one, the other one I'd probably say yes to. The one I would I don't hang out with as much, which I just realized is probably the reason why.

Anyway, keep the honest posts coming, we've got enough bs artists on here trying to make themselves look good as it is.
 LBP
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 100
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 11:04:47 AM

It's very rare for a woman to have "true" male friends.


I would have to agree with this comment. I've had a few 'true' male friends but it is not common. Most want something from me, its why they swooped in during a moment of crisis...it gave them a chance to be more intimate. Just because I wanted to be their friend, didn't mean they didn't want more from me. Those kinds of friendships can be a bit intimidating in a relationship.

With my 'true' male friends we keep things at kind of a distance out of respect for the people we date. There's lots of topics that we just won't talk about because they can lead to more of an emotional connection. I don't want to know their sex lives and wouldn't tell them mine. I might talk about relationship stuff with them but its just to get an outside perspective, I'm never looking for comfort or support....it would feel weird if they gave it.

These men tended to be activity partners and there are very good reasons why we never dated. I wasn't attracted to them mentally in 'that way' (physical had nothing to do with it because they happened to be good looking). They tend to be attracted to women who are opposite of me personality wise. They weren't there for me for emotional crisis but so we could have fun and adventure together.....the kind of stuff you can easily include your partners in too.

My male friends have never caused problems in my relationships. On occassion, they've dated girls who had issues with me though. Sometimes it was the girls fault and sometimes it was theirs. They would brag me up to their gfs to show their gfs how great I was so they would want to be friends with me too. Sigh...men can simple sometimes...

Don't brag up another woman to your gf. It will naturally make her feel more insecure. If your friend is so wonderful, then how come you aren't dating her.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Males disapproving of women having male friends