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 dasmesee
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 101
Males disapproving of women having male friendsPage 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
The Dancing queen speaks the truth on the first page of this thread, testyor so called male friends.
 Funtastic!
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 102
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:04:12 PM
We live in a two gender society for good reasons. To learn grow and share amongst each other. To bring balance into our own well beings. To enrich our lives' not just for our self's but for the opposite sex you may be. To help understand better ways, learn recourses, or skills.To help compliment each other. Where it may be for personal support or relationship we will benefit. Having the opposite is in our lives scales the necessary, with guys and girls (and it's not all about sex!).

For someone to have issues with there significant other half not to be allowed this is Unconventional, Ungodly.This is control = abuse.

There is nothing wrong with anyone having the opposite sex AS A FRIEND. Anyone who tells you such needs serious coucelling help. Is a danger to that other person's Well Being! And most likely has other issues themselves.

What a horrible world this would be if we couldn't be allowed to be friends with the opposite sex. Just makes me shiver to think OP can't see the relevance to this. I ponder if he has any female friends he see's when with someone?
 WonkaBar
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 103
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:15:11 PM

You are not "all of a sudden 'insecure' " ~~ Ya'll are full time, 100% insecure, and we -- no woman -- can cure that. No one can but you.


Well... in my case, I dated a girl for about a year who remained "Friends" with her ex. When we finally broke up (for reasons unrelated to this), it came out that she had been banging him behind my back the entire time we'd been dating.

And *I* was the one being disrespectful when he'd be invited to social functions and I'd be uncomfortable with him there? Yea. Pull the other one.

I'm sure I'll now hear from plenty of women who wouldn't do that, but I'll just make things a little safer by not dabbling in such situations anymore. Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice...? Nah.
 000firefighter
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 104
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:23:46 PM
I couldn't even trust my friends from trying to pick up my old girlfriend,,let alone her male friends,,but it was ok because I trusted her and I knew she would put them in there spot... if there is trust she can have all the male friends she wants,,,,
 Scintillating_Angel
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 105
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:26:25 PM

I know that guys want to sleep with girls.


Yep. They want to sleep with women too.


I see other women at work and outside of work with lots of "guy friends" but it's not really friendship.


That is such a crock. You don't believe men are capable of genuine friendship with a woman? I'm sorry that you have missed out on this in your life. Some of my closest friendships are with guys, and it has nothing to do with sex. Contrary to what you believe, men are humans also and sex is not the only thing they have on their minds.
 eman07
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 106
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 9:54:24 AM
rolls eyes....i knew this would happen...million posts from women who tell there stories of all there male friends and how none of them would ever hit on them, and that they are so "close" to them. And even though they made out with them or kissed them 5 years ago, it will never happen again.....ho hum....

Im going to try and break this down for everyone as best i can from the male point of view. MOST men will be okay with females having male friends, there are a few exceptions....here you go...

1.If your still friends with an ex-boyfriend. (that you dont have kids with)

Isnt this pretty self explanatory?.... Im sorry, but if you cant be boyfriend/girlfriend, how in the world are you such great friends?...I have ex-g/f, and no i dont hate them, and yes if i saw them out somewhere, i would say "hey, how you doing", but hang out and be friends?...uh no, we couldnt get along as a couple, how are we gonna be friends?.....

2. If your the kind of female who says "i get along with males better, this is why i have so many guy friends"

ok, let me get this right. You have TONS of male friends, get along with males MORE than women. You are always hanging around males, but yet, you are single?.....PLEASE EXPLAIN. If so many guys like you to hang out with you, and you obvouisly please your male friends, then why in the hell are you single?...you have to be a great catch to get along with so many males...right?. this tells me one of two things......you really dont want a boyfriend (why would you when you have tons of male attention)...OR...you are WAY to picky cause i refuse to beleive that out of all your male friends, no one is trying to get with you....

3 "my guy friend will ALWAYS be my best friend no matter what".......guys will usually run as fast as they can when they hear this. I know that my entire sex life is getting discussed with another male. AWKWARD!!!!!......also, whenever i have a g/f i would HOPE that I would be her best friend......i know that she will be mine....I have best friends that are guys, but, when I have a g/f, i usually tell her more than my guy friends.....

I know this is gonna open another can of worms, and now im gonna have to hear from 90 million women and there stories of there guy friends never doing anything, and that im insecure cause I cant handle it. whatever. I do know this. I dated a girl with a "guy" friend. she used to go to lunch and hang out with him all the time. We got into a fight one day, and she went over to his house. She admitted to me later that they "kissed" cause she was so upset at me. I then gave her a choice, him or me. well....here i am single, so you can guess who she choosed. She later admitted that she isnt even attracted to him, its that it was the "moment" she got caught up in. I usually dont kiss people im NOT attracted to unless budweiser is involved or my friend jack (last name daniels)....

I hope that all made sense.....

Eric
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 107
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 10:29:55 AM
I can "feel" where E-man is coming from with (1) (2) (3), my opinion just isn't quite as polarized as his but I can relate.

For me, my partner could still be "friends" with the X, but not a "tight, close" friend. Certainly not to the point where she is spending more time with him than with me.

I don't have an issue with a lady who states she gets along better with guy friends, but if most if not all her friends are guys, and again she spends more time with them than with me, then there's an issue.

If a lady proclaims her guy friend will ALWAYS be her best friend, that's a problem, I would prefer that to be ME, so the ALWAYS part is troubling.

Hey a lady can feel like E-man described if she wants to of course, but does she really believe she's a candidate for a healthy, monogamous relationship with a member of the opposite sex? I'd hope not; that isn't a realistic self-expectation.

By the way, switch the genders around and my opinions are all the same. A hetero guy who has a closer "friendship" with a woman besides his partner isn't being fair to his lady.

I don't have any opinion on gays with opposite sex friends; I can't state that I can comprehend homosexual behavior very well.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 108
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:44:47 AM
Even thought I don't agree with DancingQueen 100% I known wheres she's comeing from. I also belive to have "true" male friends is a rare thing. Hell, five of them on here already admitted would take up the offer already if they had the chance! Always exceptions of course.
 wildgirl_5
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 109
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:56:11 AM
my man has no problems with me having male friends...........it my male friends have a problem with me and my man being so close and doing alot of things together and that i don't have all that time no more to jump to my male friends bicken call when they need help in a crisis or want to hangout...........i give my man the respect now and talk it over with him first and some of my male friends don't like that they feel i should jump then and now like i did when i was single..............
 luv_summer2000
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 110
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 12:01:18 PM

but it's not really friendship


You can only speak for YOURSELF in that respect. For me? I have lots of male friends and that's all they are -- friends. Some of them I've been friends with for YEARS. We've seen each other through good times and bad times and we've been there for each other. We've seen each other through relationships, break-ups, births, deaths, children's marriages -- the same things I've been through with my female friends. In fact, some of my best friends are male -- gay AND straight.

As you get older, your opinion on "male friends" may change somewhat. Sometimes it's great to just have a male friend with whom you can go out to dinner or dancing or a concert or spend a day hanging out at the beach with and not have to worry about the pressure of "dating" them or constantly trying to impress them. These are the guys who have seen you at your worst and still like you -- just because you're YOU. No hidden agendas.

One thing that I've found as I've gotten older is that I do appreciate a man's perspective on things. There are some crappy men out there -- there are also some crappy women out there. But there are also some GREAT men out there. You just have to take the time to get to know them as something other than a "potential love interest".

And some of the people I've dated have turned out to be nothing more than friends. We realized early on that, although we enjoyed each other's company, there was no future in "us". And no, they're not friends with benefits -- that only complicates things beyond belief (and that thread's been done to death here too LOL). I would take 1 true friend over 10 potential love interests any day. Obviously the best of both worlds would be to be married to your best friend; but that doesn't always happen.

Anyone who would expect me to give up ANY of my friends (male or female) would be asking something that I'm not willing to do. Love interests may come and go; but real friends stay around forever (and help you hide the bodies )
 RedSeaPirate
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 111
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 12:06:31 PM
So if a woman shouldn't have male friends while she is involved with a guy... she should probably stay home and not interact with anyone at all. If she goes out to work, god forbid she make eye contact with another man! Her girlfriends would probably b*tch her out that her boyfriend is too controlling, so female friends are out too... You never know if one of them is a lesbian trying to undermine the relationship to steal her away for herself...

******
Any woman that wants to go out with me, she can feel free to keep her old friends, make new ones, or whatever works for her. I would only ask to be a part of her life and hopefully make friends with her friends as well.

I'd expect to be treated with the same amount of respect.

If on the other hand, she has male friends she doesn't want me to meet, or going out with guys to have fun while leaving me behind more often than not... then I'd start questioning what the heck she's calling me a boyfriend for.

Be honest and be up front with your partner. Let them be involved in your life. Otherwise, what's the point?
 WonkaBar
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 112
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 1:36:50 PM

Sometimes it's great to just have a male friend with whom you can go out to dinner or dancing or a concert or spend a day hanging out at the beach with and not have to worry about the pressure of "dating" them or constantly trying to impress them. These are the guys who have seen you at your worst and still like you -- just because you're YOU. No hidden agendas.


Funny, I was under the impression this is what having a romantic relationship with the right person *was*.

Maybe the fact that you look at dating as some kind of pretention and subterfuge is your problem...

Long and short of it is, there are two kinds of male friends. The kind with whom you have no romantic attachment, who are like members of your family (you love your brother, but would you bang him? Gawd, I hope not), and the kind who're interested in you and are just hanging around waiting to "Strike".

The former, most guys shouldn't have a problem with. The latter...? Problem.
 The Black Knight
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 113
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 4:15:43 PM
I know I am smacking myself on this one because i have female friends but guys initially pick female friends by who they find attractive. It doesn't mean they are going to cross those lines but that a chemistry exists. So when a female has a guy friend we know that he secretely is attracted to her. If we are secure in our relationship we can get past that. But if the two are going out to hang out then that spells trouble. Now if the dude is an ugly looking geek or has feminine qualities we don't give a sh*t that she has him as a friend.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 114
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 5:48:12 PM
Eric, I can appreciate what you are saying. I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, you need to feel comfortable with their life and the people who are in their life.

In response to your point #1: I have a male friend that I dated for 3 months 10 years ago. He is still a good friend of mine and has become a surrogate father for my 12 year old son. I couldn't push him from my life for any man because while he may not be my son's biological father, he is in all real terms his Dad in my eyes and in the eyes of my son. He has a 3 year old son with another woman and our relationship created a lot of challenges for their relationship - she was not 100% comfortable with the fact that we were friends. I was made aware of this by my friend and made it a mission to help her get comfortable with the friendship her b/f and I have. We are not as close as we were before he became involved with her as is the natural course. She is now his best friend and it should be no other way. Now instead of having one friend, I have two because she and I have become friends over the past 4 years.

Your point #2: Many women have difficulty getting along with other women for the reasons that men have issues with women. Some of us trust men more easily than women. We can be friends with a lot of men and not be physically attracted to them or our male friends are men who are committment phobes (and we would know if we are their friends). Yes, most men that become friends with women are thinking they want to "get with them", that doesn't mean it will happen though. Eventually, they just accept it and find that having a woman for a friend is beneficial to them because when they are having "women troubles" it is really good to be able to talk it over with another woman.

Your point #3: Totally valid...you get no argument from this woman.

I think what you may need to realize is that not all women can be seduced by men. This woman has never been unfaithful to any man I've been in a relationship with. The friends I have (male) would not try to cross that line or they would lose my friendship quickly and if they know me, they know that. I surround myself with "good" people, people that respect other people and the relationships they are in.

If I was in a relationship with you for instance, I would definately try to help you get comfortable with the people that were in my life before you. If you couldn't and was able to give me a solid reason why (other than insecurity) if I loved you, I would chose you. I would expect nothing less from you though.
 rancheroplenty
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 115
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 10:03:52 PM
The Black Knight is so right on this one. Generally guys are friends with the women that they have an attraction to. That's what so easily keeps them on board....yes...even for YEARS.

There were women that I would be friends with back before I was married because, yes, there was an attraction. If that girl had ever got affectionate with me, inside, I was ready with a big "YES!." Guys are guys.

Gals shouldn't be so easily fooled by the innocent personna of your male friends because they will say "yes" in a heartbeat if you open the intimacy door to them. It's the natural order of things ya know.....
 cadence1979
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 116
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 10:47:20 PM
I have to say that male or female, friends are exactly that. Most of my closest friends are male, and almost ALL of my friends in Calgary are guys. If a guy expected that I give them up because I started dating them... they would have another thing coming.

To me, friends are NOT a substitute or a way to fill in time until I meet someone I want to date. As well, if there was something between us (me and my male friends), wouldn't we be dating already before I met the new guy??? For me, any existing male friends at the time I start a relationship will not stop being my friend and if they guy could not accept this, he would not be for me. It all comes down to confidence and trust.
 cadence1979
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 117
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:06:06 PM
and by the way... females and males can be "just friends." I was a groomsman/woman in the wedding party for one of my best guy friends. I went to the stag and all...

I realize that there is a difference between dating someone and THEN becoming "friends" and genuinely being friends with guys. I find men are much easier for me to get along with than women, they are much lower maintenance than girls and tend to get out and do more.
 Tirkus
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 118
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/2/2007 11:51:04 PM
I think anyone who doesn't have a nonsexual friend from the opposite gender is really missing out.
I think they provide an incite and perspective you can't get from your own sex.

I do believe there may always be a certain element of sexuality and I'm as randy as the next guy. I may also be weak when it comes to carnel temptation but I can say with absolute certainty that if one of my long-term, true, female friends were to try Dancing Queen's test on me (something that would never happen) I would not take the bait. I could possibly ruin 10 + years of deep friendship for a few moments of pleasure. It's just not going to happen.
 EasyWind
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 119
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 1:46:08 AM
What is being discussed here is nothing more than emotions and insecurities....ON BOTH PARTIES.

Sure we have friends of the opposite sex with whom we have "friendship" relationships. Those relationships generally involve no emotional attachment. I agree with the comments earlier about putting your male friend to "the test". I'll guarantee that if he's been hangin' around you for years, and HE calls you a lot more often than you call him, he won't pass the test.

My ex-wife is still stringing a guy along 25 years after they went on one date. He tried to kiss her the first time they were together after she and I were engaged. She called me up all upset. I showed no sympathy toward her at all. I had warned her numerous times about the guy and she wouldn't listen. He fulfills a need for her. He's always there between men. She needs him to make herself feel better. It's a sick and twisted relationship. Unfortunately the guy is usually blamed, when in actuality, both parties are being insecure and foolish.

I just walked away from a female friend not only because I was crazy about her, but also because she was leading me on. This is a big problem with some women. This gal had two other male friends that "like me a lot" (her words exactly). That was a big red flag to me. THIS IS CLASSIC ATTENTION SEEKING BEHAVIOR." There are a lot of insecure people out there (most of us), and some women have to gobble up as much attention as possible in order to feel good about themselves. Unfortunately, it took me way too long to figure it out in this relationship.

In the case of the woman I speak of, her attention seeking behavior is to the point of being self destructive. I had to get away from her to realize it, and it's way to long of story to get into on here, but it is affecting her health. and probably shortening her life. It's too bad because she really is a great person most if not all of the rest of her life.

These relationships are unhealthy for both parties....period. The guy who mentioned earlier that he doesn't mind his girlfriend having male friends as long as they are "geeky" is just as insecure as the women who has to have friends like that and the male friend. Think about it. If you don't mind in that situation it is because it makes you feel better than that guy for some reason. The "geek" is an idiot for being friends with her, no doubt. He's sacrificing self-respect for love. I think this is what Meatloaf was referring to when he sang the words:

"I would do anything for love,
but I won't do that"

Don't do it folks. Ladies, put your male friends "to the test" Guys, get a grip.
 EasyWind
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 120
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Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 1:55:35 AM
Sexy_Temptress,

You're the perfect example of what I was referring to as an unhealthy attention seeker. It's just great that you put all the blame on them. Of course it's all there fault that YOU NEED THEM. You must be a very compassionate person to string those guys along like that.
 ebrown3931
Joined: 7/21/2004
Msg: 121
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 2:42:06 AM
Well from my side of it. IF he doesnt like it he must feel insecure in the relationship with the lady. I , for one, do not have a problem , nor do i feel like i have a say in who my sig other should or shoulnt talk to or be JUST friends with.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 122
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 5:57:11 AM
rancheroplenty said
There were women that I would be friends with back before I was married because, yes, there was an attraction. If that girl had ever got affectionate with me, inside, I was ready with a big "YES!." Guys are guys.


So does this mean that you never tried to cross the line and pined for the woman, not showing interest in any other woman? I doubt it very much.

To the thread....

I think that men who are incapable of being plutonic friends with a woman would have difficulty being a good partner for a woman in a relationship. If you cannot appreciate women enough to be their plutonic friend, how then could you appreciate them in a relationship?

If it weren't for my male friends, I might have lost all respect for the male gender in general! My male friends give me invaluable insight into the male psyche (spelling?) just by gaining their confidence and getting to know the real them. Men and women do think differently and it really helps to be able to embrace that difference instead of fight against it.

Is it possible that those men who don't want their partners to have male friends are feeling that way because they want to be a "mystery"....don't want another man to mess with their "game"? Just a thought...
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 123
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 7:04:00 AM

men who don't want their partners to have male friends are feeling that way because they want to be a "mystery"....don't want another man to mess with their "game"?
Nope; if I'm in a relationship that I value, I invest my emotions in my partner, and would expect my partner to do the same, not place mistrust in me and run to another guy to have "kiss and tell" talks.

If you are not in a relationship, sure have all the opposite gender friends you like. When in a relationship you value, perhaps you should be investing in each other to remove the "mystery"?
 ukyoss
Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 124
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 7:23:32 AM
I have to say women that have alot of guy frinds are much more cooler to date than ones with alot of lady friends . The seem to have less drama are always more fun to hang out with and much easier going. Thats just my expeirnces . Women with that are always together in "packs" seem to gossip more cause more drama and always seem like they are keeping secrets . I may be way off but like i said i enjoy dating ladies with more guy freinds in my experinces.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 125
Males disapproving of women having male friends
Posted: 2/3/2007 7:28:04 AM

Nope; if I'm in a relationship that I value, I invest my emotions in my partner, and would expect my partner to do the same, not place mistrust in me and run to another guy to have "kiss and tell" talks.


What about if she ran to another woman to have "kiss and tell" talks?
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