ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 3:55:38 PM |
I have dated a guy I met on here and he professed how trusting he was
and would never cheat,So I decided to check him out .
Ok, I can understand these days, wanting to play detective and avoiding a messy situation.
However, was this done intelligently?
Did they guy tell you he isn't interested in dating anyone else?
Or did he tell you, once he commits to a 'relationship', he would not cheat?
Why did he make that statement ? If I am dating someone, and have to declare that I am not a cheater, then maybe the relationship isn't very strong ?
But, if you were testing TRUST, then YOU FAILED !
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:08:34 PM | Hey, he must really like you. He likes you so much he couldn't resist cheating on you with yourself.
Wrong? Paranoid, deceitful, (but funny) comes to mind.
Most guys will hold it against you, doing that sort of thing. It would suck to find an honest man, have him find out how you are setting him up, and then dump you. Actually, that too would be funny. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:13:41 PM | | The only mistake you made here is actually posting a picture on POF and then admitting to checking up on a guy ... I won't speak for all guys on POF, but what guy in there right mind would want to go out on a date with you now ? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:18:53 PM |
Posted By: donmccoy63 on 1/30/2007
OP- it was wrong of the guy to go looking for something else behind your back. I agree with that.
But I certainly think that you were wrong to set him up. I don't know the particulars of how you did this, how long you were dating, or a lot of other factors that led to this. Maybe he wasn't really happy with you. Maybe if you hadn't set him up, he never would have done that. Then again, maybe he would have, its hard to say.
It's really very difficult to fairly judge a situation when we don't know all of the facts. But what you did WAS deceptive, and in my book, a red flag.
in 21 years I never cheated on my wife. There were very few opportunities, but the ones who did come along, were refused. But I also never had a woman try to set me up, either.
I think you both lost on this one.
What he said...
The Original Post sounds like the poster is about as trustworthy as the cheater she caught. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 4:20:54 PM | To each his own I guess. I wouldn't have put near that much effort into checking on someone. I believe if you give someone enough rope, they'll eventually hang themselves.
I must admit though, what you did to him was pretty funny. I bet the "deer in the headlights" was priceless when he saw you........ | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:03:10 PM | Well really Its neither wrong nor right.. sounds strange but Its Wrong to the person set up ( for obv reasons ) and at the end of the day Its right for the person who did It as IF he was seeing her intimately and claiming as she said then shes found out from the start the mans a lier and still looking ( or willing to cheat ) and saved herself a load of hurt ect down the rd. So who can say whats wrong or right. Quite obviously neither party was Innocent.
I think most people trundle through this net date stuff Ignorant to the overwhelming facts. Just a little example - my friends brother is gay - and on an australian gay males site - ONLY for gay males. We were looking at his " suitors " and sadly noticed that there was many men we recognised from rsvp In there looking for gay encounters.. on rsvp obv they seek a woman no mention of their Bisexuality. Rather obviously women are dating these men totally UNAWARE of the emotional and health dangers. Never mind they may have to sell their house to finance the counselling after it  You cant be too suspicious on the Internet period. And those that claim its all good all great - well why are you In the broken hearts section shortly after with statements they cheated, you were one of 6, they were married ect ect. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:07:43 PM | | Perhaps your insecurities led you to check up on him like you did, but I am a firm believer in womens intuition. If you felt the need you did the deed. Unfortunately he is ticked and its because he got caught, and got caught by the women he had bold face stated he would never cheat..to bad for him! If women quit snooping and and quit being cautious then we are setting ourselves up. He will get over it, move on and pull the same thing on another unsuspecting prey! Keep your head up girl, someone has to watch your back! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:10:04 PM | I believe it is wrong. People think that when they try to pretend they are someone else that they can't be seen. It's like when we were kids and we all, at one point or another, put our hands in front of our eyes and proclaimed "you can't see me" to the adults present.
People have a unique style that comes across over the internet just like a handwriting analysis will identify one individual from all the rest. Basically you made him fall for you twice but cheated both of you out of what could have been a good thing. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:11:23 PM | is it wrong?
Sounds like you have too much time on your hands. but whatever. right or wrong for one isnt the same for another. How do you feel about what you did? that is really the important thing.
one thing is for sure, I bet your girlfriends are having a huge laugh with you about this | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:15:42 PM | two lefts don't make a right.
we usually suspect in other what we know we would do ourselves. The ole' cliche is right, 'takes one to know one'.
that's just a lose/lose/lose situation all around! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:30:05 PM | Add me to the group! You screwed up.
I generally find that those who are suspicious of others, are basing their suspicions on what they would do themselves.
Tell ya more about themselves that way without realizing it. <img
src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_OO.gif border=0>
redundant post on my part...ooops | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:34:20 PM |
I have dated a guy I met on here and he professed how trusting he was and would never cheat,So I decided to check him out .
^^^ Just the way that is worded ^^^ it sounds like one or two or five dates, but not a gf/bf committed thingie, SO what you did was instinctively KNEW that this guy you "have dated" probably wasn't all that "head over heels" and you took things to their logical conclusion, alarmingly fast and in a disturbing method. It has psycho written all over it and I would RUN.
You lose friends that way and I wouldn't recommend that be the way you "check someone out" in the future.
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:38:21 PM | I wonder.. entrapment? I read all of the responses and we all dont have enough details. It does sound like that you had a "dating" relationship with him, that said you are "not married", so you both can do what ever you want. If you both agreed to only date each other and you were testing him, then he failed, better to find out now then later.
I wonder how you would have done had he done the same to you? I can see things from both sides, you need to know if he is a man of his word, and you must have known that he was going to fail this test as you made plans as someone else, so you should not have gone, you knew that he was not being faithful when you made the plans with him.
Would you do a background check on a person after a certain number of dates to see if what they say is true? In this day and age, with the number of scammers, it may not be too smart to be totally trusting. Who knows anymore...
BL
I really see both sides of this, you both lose. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:46:55 PM | Oh what the hell... sounds like you two were just dating... you got a hair up your behind and had to get it out. did, found out what ya wanted to. So be it.
Drawback..like some have said.... you're probably limited in the guys who will contact you from here now.
IF you two had been in a committed relationship, you had suspicions, he kept denying it and you did what you did, found out, broke it off and didn't go back with him...then, I'd give ya 
Hmmmmm.. has the OP been back to the thread? I forgot to check and see. Maybe this was just a ruse. Who knows. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 46 | |
| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:47:00 PM | Good for you, you can sleep better now knowing you exposed the evil cheater!!! Look yourself in the mirror lady, are you truly happy with the person you see?
This was a very deplorable act, you need help!!! Dating someone means just that dating!!!! Huge difference between that and a COMMITED RELATIONSHIP. This guy truly dodged a bullet and so did the guys on pof in your town!!!! If nothing else comes out of this at least you are exposed as the very sneaky conniving mistrustful person that you are, you should be proud. Good luck finding a date in the future on pof. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:49:08 PM | If anything, this proves the value of the web cam.
Actually, I kind of see your point of view. If he was constantly making an issue of his loyalty to you then conducting this little set up was probably worth while.
What would you have done if he had agreed to the date, then not showed up ?
What if he had agreed to 2 or 3 subsequent dates and never showed up for any of them ?
How far would you have gone to pursue him to get him to cheat on you ?
OK guys, now you know.
If you decide to cheat on your partner, and your partner shows up, this is what you do.
Sit down, look at her and say, " I knew it was you all the time. " | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 5:51:26 PM | Kate Bush pretty much set this scenario to music in her song "Babooshka"-:
"She wanted to test her husband- she knew exactly what to do
a pseudonym to fool him, she couldn't have made a worse move..."
The song infers an unhappy ending there, too. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:10:44 PM | I saw nowhere in your post that you had any indication that you were in a exclusive relationship.
That said what part of dating do you not understand ?
Dating is where you are learning more about each other and I would say that he has learned all he needs to learn about you.
I have seen high school kids who act more mature. I certainly hope that you are able to act more mature in the future. You will need it as your threads are researchable and most people check back through the posted threads to gain a indication of the type of person that they are getting involved with. | |
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