LBP
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Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 51 | |
| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:21:46 PM |
I wouldn't go to those lengths to catch someone.....If I suspect its true then it proberly is. Setting up fake accounts is just too much work for me. I'm not willing to invest even more time into a cheater
Yep, this is how I feel about it. I think a lot of times we can figure out they are that type before it even happens. I haven't had a guy cheat on me to my knowledge but then again there are a lot of guys who I just won't date because they seem kind of on the needy side...like they are looking for something that they have to find in themselves.
At this point in my life, I'm no longer willing to let guys like that waste any of my time. | |
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M2k7
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 52 | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 8:34:46 PM | | well what ever is right or wrong , i never cheated on a man before .i dont beliveve in and never will . once a cheat always a cheat ... guess thats why he had 2 marriages go on the rocks. If a man wants to be with a woman .why cant that woman be enough??? why is it what ever a man does is right .if a woman done it ,she would be called a s---... I guess men are GODS....just be warned ladies he is still fishing ... and likes LOTS OF FISH AT ONCE... So if thats OK so be it.......... | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 8:43:13 PM | | All that to prove a point? It sounds self righteous and inhumane. We all have to learn from our mistakes, don't do that anymore. Don't let anyone remember you for doing things like that. Be true to yourself. If someone else wants to do something wrong, let em go for it. You will always feel better about yourself for not doing things the same way. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 8:46:14 PM | The way I see it, you didn't have trust in this guy to begin with. Suggest you meet another man, go on a few dates, then give the show "cheaters" a buzz .
What you did was WRONG, you have decieved this man, and have proven to yourself that plain and simple you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to trusting men, all men.
Next thread....."What NOT to do when you date a guy". | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:11:14 PM | I hope it works out, OPie, because you two ought to understand one another very well. You both think of deceit as a tool.
Or maybe as a skill. Which is it?
That, and the both of you are willing to continue with someone who has deceived you, AND whom you have deceived.
It's like you're all tied up in a pretty pink bow. Together!
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:13:00 PM | | wow good for u to have the guts to do it .............me i would of been busted before it happened ............all i can say well at least u didn't waste for time and energy on a cheater | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:16:49 PM | If you don't trust someone to the point of setting him up, having him investigated, etc. then you have no business in a relationship or at least that relationship.
Then there is the problem of the definition of the relationship. If you were dating and there was no commitment, then it is none of your business who he talks to or goes out with.
That's why they call it dating. And grow up, marriages break up for many reasons. If you didn't get the back slapping you were looking for with this thread stop reading it and move on to the next man you will be suspicious of. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:28:28 PM | I can't believe it the same thing happen to me last Sunday.We were dating for a while he said we were "ready to take the next step." I did the same thing.We were supposed to spend the day together but he was sick in bed. But when the time came for him to meet his new fish he was fine and on time.He was surprised.So he brakes up with me,No you weren't wrong ,you like myself listened to our inself and found out before getting into "the next step" . Are all the guys like this .I believe the fishing is to good............... | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:29:31 PM | Ah see, you could've taken the opportunity to turn that encounter into a hot steamy night of passionate sex, then he'd never stray. The only thing you accomplished was making him feel justified in looking elsewhere, seeing you as sneaky and possessive.
Not that I'm condoning wandering if he had declared he was committed to you. Then you wouldn't be dating, you'd be in a relationship with the man. I don't see "dating" as being committed, so I don't see his being committed to you.
Makes me also wonder if those traits of yours came out in other ways that prompted him to continue looking? Sometimes one's insecurities about losing someone can make you clingy enough that you actually push the person away and lose them. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 10:04:01 PM | Whooooa, now this is a subject that lights a fire under me bigtime!!! I do not know what your situation was exactly but I had the same thing happen to me and it was a huge wrong on his part.
What do you consider dating? And was it stated very clearly that you were exclusive?
The gentleman who did this to me I really liked and was definately leaning towards stopping all other interactions with the other men, but in the meantime until he stated that it was what he wanted from me I still continued to date others as we were not exclusive at that time.
He set up another msn to trap me into proving I was unworthy of trust and got exactly what he was looking for because he wasn't playing by any rules he let me in on. When you play with another person you cannot expect to get any good outcome from it because if you look for what is not there you will find it.
We both lost out on that one and its too bad cause he could have been a good thing. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 10:10:43 PM | I guess the OP did not check back in so no answer to the "was there a commitment" question.
Oh I may get flamed for this..but if there was a commitment and she had an intuition then I think it is fine..And here is why....
in 21 years I never cheated on my wife. There were very few opportunities, but the ones who did come along, were refused. But I also never had a woman try to set me up, either.
This poster said he passed on opportunities that were presented to him..The op's bf (?if he was) did not..as far as I am concerned she if she checked out a woman;s intuition and just saved herself some time. Obvioulsy, if he is accepting invites from online cuties,,it's all over.
you know the saying "if you think they are cheating, they very well may be"
If there was no commitment..that's another story.
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 10:16:09 PM | I don't think she set him up: she placed the bait out there and he took it. Yes, she probably went through extraordinary effort to do so--but it proved to be worth it 'cause she caught him for the scum he is. I think maybe her behavior is a little obsessive (if she had doubts strong enough to drive her to such actions, she probably shoulda just gotten out of the relationship in the first place), but don't make her out to be the bad guy.
Too often people are content with "out of sight; out of mind." I'd much rather go through great lengths to catch a cheater than ignore all the doubts for the sake of happiness. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 10:43:21 PM | I have learned how it really works on here and how most play games, lie, cheat and mess with your emotions. Yes, men and women are both guilty of this so it is not a gender..
as said by Carrie in message 12...
but with respect to the "two wrongs dont make a right"
It is not so simple.
Can one be honest, and still keep some parts of themselves private?
Does one say they are dating/seeing/seeking others while dating you,
if the question is not asked directly.
Do we volunteer the/ any / all /information to someone we are just beginning
to connect with, of our private life?
Do we have to justify our what exactly our 'friends' are?
Is with - holding a lie? an advoidance? a privacy issue?
Is it about being guilty?
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 10:49:48 PM | woah nelly how does this make the OP look anymore honest and less of a liar/cheat than the guy she was trying to catch?
does cheating trump lying or are they both bad?
it's understandable to have doubts/insecurities, heck I was a walking 5' ball o'paranoia after my first long term relationship ended and I had to *gasp* date again but enough with the internet trickery already!
go with your gut, your gut says somethings wrong it's usually right and you don't have to plot and scheme like a dating mcguyver to figure it out. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/30/2007 11:04:12 PM | If I suspect its true then it proberly is
Yes, yes, yes....and frankly not worth the effort. Oh good lord, always trust your instincts. If you think he will and you go to the insane extremes then yes......you will find out what you already knew, otherwise you wouldn't have played Columbo. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:32:13 AM | Good for you and sorry that he turned out to be like all the rest.
~Carrie
Oh Great! Just what we need... Another black eye 4 men story ....Like we don't get beat up enough on this site!
All the rest? Carrie come on!  The injustice of it all to us loyal ones
Dave | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:00:35 AM | I know they are really reaming you about this but ..hey you wanted to know and the liar would have said he was going to be honest with you right?
This is what happens will LOTS of guys on here...Lies like a dog. And starts barking when you call him on his TRUTH AND HONESTY.
You have a sense of SHOW ME ......I don't believe it until I see it..
It's better to find out NOW than to go many years (if it lasts that long) and still find him out there lying , cheating behind your back.
Many threads on here who believed their beloved....boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance', wife, husband....and what do you know? THEY LIED....when you catch them...now what????Do you forgive them for being a putz with you..or the game has been played and it's over..some don't want it to be over and continues to get played because they know if they do something about it..they will never see them again..
You lost him ..but then you gained some time to find someone who will not play that game...
Yeah it's a game...like poker...like chess.......he calls the shots and you have to figure out a strategy on how to beat him at HIS own game. I really do hate that game...sucks..and this is why I don't go looking for trouble..and just sit by the dock of a bay.... | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 3:20:38 AM | | if u had an instinct that this was going on, then i wouldve said go with that. i know friends who have set blokes up and some women in this sort of manner. But, in all honesty why would anybody want to put themselves through the hassle? Shrug shoulders and move on i say, if u think somethings not right, but of course communicate. Think a lot of the time that is a problem for people, actually discussing things and being open with each other. I think then if something dont 'feel' right, then u either walk, or work through it to make something stronger. | |
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