| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 4:50:20 AM | Well, were you 2 in a "exclusive" relationship or simply dating? If just dating then of course he has every right to check out anyone else.
While what you did was a tad "devious" I gotta admit, I like it!!!! I like it a lot!!! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 6:22:44 AM | | That is hilarious.......I had a great laugh over this. No, I don't feel it is wrong. It is hard to trust anyone when we have already been hurt by someone untrusting. He's the jerk obviously, but I like your game. I think I will use your strategy, I really like it. You go girl. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 6:47:10 AM | One of my best friends once went to a bar and some strange woman started hitting on him. While flattered he turned her down flatly, indeed they went on to have a long talk about the woman he was planning to marryand how very much in love with her he was.
Some time later he was looking for a blank cassette tape and found one with only a date on it. Not wanting to record over anything important he listened to it and heard this conversation he had many weeks earlier.
His "wonderful" girlfriend had hired a service to check on him, to "set him up" as you say. And while HE passed with flying colors SHE DID NOT. He broke up with her that night and we (his actual friends who actually care about him) COULDN'T be happier about it.
My experience, knowing a lot of women as friends, is that (too be blunt) women cheat at least as much and probobly a great deal more then men. They just think it's "different" when they do it. If you distrust someone enough to do something like that you shouldn't be involved with them in the first place.
One of the greatest problems men have with women is that (to a great extent) women have NO sense of accountability. Anything they do is fine, anything a man does is wrong. YOU WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER have a decent relationship with a man because decent men WILL NOT put up with BS like this. You're DOOMED, honey... Enjoy the scumbags, that's what you'll be getting. | |
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freja
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Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 81 | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:20:29 AM | Hey G.A.
Sorry to have read that this person made you feel and put you in a place where you thought that this would be the finding of your truth about the "realtionship"
Now a days a gal can't be to careful with whom to share their heart with
It was a bit sneaky--but more power to you -- took nerve and that's a good thing when it come down to this "On Line ' dating experience.
Just hope you had mace with you --just in case the meeting got ugly lol
Don't worry about what he thinks about you now --because if he cared prior to this event you wouldn't have had to post
Good luck to you in the future
And remember there are P O F --- and not all are water "snakes" lol | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:30:00 AM | For all of you who feel that she did right please note that she was asked a number of times if they were in a exclusive relationship. She posted after those questions were asked and still did not answer that question.
That leads me to believe that, No they were not in a exclusive relationship, they were after all just dating.
Therefore such a devious conniving act was not only immature but extremely foolish. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:33:22 AM | Key words were, You Have Dated not that he was your boyfriend. He was a person who dated you. You thought he should only date you. Very incorrect, possessive and childish.
He and you can date others unless you are committed to each other. The cloak and dagger thing you did confirms you are one of the crazies and very dangerous to any man particularly a boyfriend. Drama galore! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:38:22 AM | Not addressing Davey's claim, I'm sure the PoF admin and moderators can do that.
The OP tucked her tail between her legs and ran. The only conclusion anyone can make is that her profile was a phony one, and she is a psychotic individual.
The dude didn't cheat, he and the OP didn't have a committed relationship. Cheating to me occurs when one person either emotionally or physically flirts and/or cavorts with someone else and feels compelled to conceal that information from their partner.
The dude's behavior in this instance doesn't fall into that category. There was no committed relationship. There was no discussion of exclusivity. The OP claims the dude professed his trust and how he would never cheat.
There was nothing wrong done here except by the OP. There is no reason why somebody can't meet via the internet and date more than one individual simultaneously until there is some sort of tacit agreement made. That tacit agreement never happened. Therefore no mistrustful action, no cheating. (A) before (B), (B) before (C), (C) before (D). (A) is meeting via the internet, (B) is forming a committed relationship with (A), (C) is cheating on (A), (D) is snooping on (A). The OP didn't get to (B), therefore no (C), therefore (D) is unwarranted. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 10:19:15 AM | I agree with all the posters who think the OP is an idiotic, clingy nut. At no point did you say he agreed to be exclusive with you, which means it didn't come up. If I am right, then you had absolutely no right to be upset in any way.
Hopefully he kicked your ass to the curb and helped you mature just a little. You are not ready to be dating, let alone dating a real man. | |
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RJB888
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Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 88 | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:58:03 AM | rjb888
could you please explain why you belive that he is wrong for continuing to date when he is not in a exclusive relationship. I fail to see your logic. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 12:45:57 PM | | Absolutely not, and this is very much a two way street. But, I think that if you feel you have to do this to prove your point about a man or woman, don't see them again, especialy if you think they are cheating, misrepresenting themselves, or just plain being deceptive. If your instincts tell you these things about a person, walk away and stay away. These type of people arn't worth your time if you want an exclusive relationship. If you don't then all is fair. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:10:51 PM | I'm sorry the OP is gone - I would have liked some more information too. But, she said the guy told her that he wouldn't cheat on her. Gotta give credit where credit is due, he did certainly try. Doesn't matter if she put the bait out or not - she didn't force him to take it. Yeah, I think she should have tossed him over if she didn't trust him, but - she played it her way. She got the truth. He WAS a cheat. He was mad because he got busted.
Here's an example. Let's say you are a kleptomaniac. Let's say you go to Walmart. Lots of shiny little things you don't need, but your palms start to itch and sweat. You swipe something. You get caught. Now. Was it entrapment, because stuff wasn't chained down, and they were just asking you to steal it? I don't think so. (was that too 'simplistic'?)
I've never done what the OP did and I certainly don't intend to - but I can't condemn her for it either. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:13:38 PM | Plain answer.......yes.
Don't you wait until you fell comfortable enough to meet someone or even see more then one picture....always have to see more then one. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:24:24 PM | Starting things out on a lie isn't the way to go....sorry
U manipulated him and I am sure he feels like an idiot who was played, and if you can't understand why he would take that personal than there's something wrong with you.
Sheese, and you wonder why some guys act the way they do? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:26:10 PM | OK....what if you've been in a relationship for five months, he talked about moving in together, used the "L" word, called every day, romanced you, everything is going well, then one day he's talking to some woman on the phone and refers to you as a "friend." When you call him on it later, he lies and says he didn't say that. Then a couple weeks later, he begins to drift away, drifts back, drifts away, then says he doesn't feel commited, but then invites you to spend the night after weeks of distancing. he leaves his email open whre you can see it.
So, if you ask him what is going on, is he going to be honest having lied to you already? Or do you peek then honestly tell him about it, and why, because you had an insecure moment due to his prior behavior but found nothing. His reaction....to cut you off entirely. So what's up with that? He can be dishonest and get upset when you bring that up, and you don't leave, but you do something you would never have done if he hadn't lied in the first place and are HONEST about it and you're the bad guy???? Yeah, online dating has created a generation of good folks who find themselfs "checking up" because the honesty isn't there to rely on. Because it's so easy for the other prson to run back to the candy store and get a different piece of candy. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:30:15 PM | Sombient (message 13) hit the nail on the head...
Problem: unless you and he have agreed to be monogamous, you have no dibs on him lady.
Stop dating and get relationship counseling. You have serious trust issues.
Enough said!
Gawd... no wonder so many men think all women are crazy!!!
This long-gone OP and her over-the-top behavior doesn't help our fair gender!
And guys, no, we aren't all like her.
p.
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:36:08 PM | So what if there is (A) not an discussion of commitment but both say they arent' dating anyone (exclusivity) (a half B?) what then constitutes (C) and when behavior turns 180 degrees, is a little (D) in order to be armed before confronting with issues?
I can see your "logic", but we all know relationships don't run on logic. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 1:42:54 PM | Well I think you did wrong by faking to be someone else. That is a void of trust right there (NOT to mention psychotic behavior). Now don't be too surprised if he never trusts you again and backs off faster than he can say goodbye! Perhaps maybe you could've been his one way down the road, but now that you did that, i think you may of blew it.
Just what i think: If a guy wants to date you, doesn't mean you are tied down to each other and that you own him (or that he's your future husband!). If you are WONDERING where you guys stand (sometimes i get antsy and want to know), ask him where you guys stand and if he answers just dating, then that means just dating. That's what dating is all about, getting to know people and see just who's out there. You can't stop a guy from meeting new people! Some guys do that to see exactly what they want (and girls do that too). You need to learn to be patient with someone, because if you let them do that, chances are, they can see if you are really what they want or not for longer than dating.
And while he conciders you as just dating, you can do the same thing (doesn't mean cheating since you guys aren't exclusive), see guys and see if they are what you are looking for. Take dating slow, don't act like dating is a serious relationship.
I myself am just back on the dating scene, seeing what's out there. And im casually seeing someone. He's finally told me where he stands & that we are just dating, that's it. So he can do what he wants and i can do what i want in the mean time. Not going to bug the hell out of him about it, unless say we were dating for years and he kept saying the same crap hah...but no. As long as he doesn't rub it in my face who he is meeting, then i can respect him for being honest with me and not leading me on. And i would do the same from him, not rub it in his face if i were meeting new people. Patience is key when it comes to dating.
But that's just me, I don't want to break someones trust and stalk them, to where he could NEVER trust me. I had a ex that faked to be someone on aol before to see what i was up to. IT WAS NOT COOL. I caught him when i told the "new" guy i was not seeing any one seriously (was honest), when he asked me if i had a boyfriend. The new "guy" got all mad at me and acted psycho to me. i was like WTF LOL. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:41:33 PM | | When I sit and shake my head and wonder about some of the thread topics here and wonder...geez do people behave like this...then I read a thread like this and think wow, okay..they do. And honestly I can't think of one legit scenario in my mind that would justify anyone doing this. But then, obviously not everyone thinks or acts like me. | |
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