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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 8:07:17 PM | GO GIRL! NO, I DONT THINK ITS WRONG TO SET HIM UP. I'VE DONE THE SAME THING AND LEARNED WHAT I NEEDED TO ABOUT A PERSON. THATS WHY IM NO LONGER WITH HIM. IF SOMEONE CAN FALL INTO A TRAP SO EASILY, THEY ARENT WORTH KEEPING AROUND. FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO & KICK THEM TO THE CURB.
IM GLAD I DID IT. I DIDNT GO TO THE EXTENT YOU DID AS FAR AS MEETING HIM, BUT REPLYING TO AN EMAIL WAS ENOUGH FOR ME. NOW I KNOW THAT THIS GUY CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
ITS BETTER TO KNOW & MOVE ON THAN TO STAY WITH SOME YOU SUSPECT IS GOING TO CHEAT. THATS A MISERABLE RIDE. THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOOD MEN OUT THERE. GOOD LUCK FINDING ONE. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 10:48:35 PM | reading over this and I *still* can't (for the life of me) understand why someones gut instinct in a case like this wouldn't be enough and a big sting operation would seem like a smart idea.
setting someone up doesn't speak volumes about your honesty either for the record.
something something glass houses and stones right? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:05:28 PM | Thats ok I still haven't figured out why someone who is just dating would want to do it either.
You would think that it would indicate to her that she has a insecurity issue that she needs to deal with before getting into a possible relationship with.
Then to wonder why the person that she was just DATING would get upset. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:29:01 PM | | What ever happened to trust? I believe trust and communication is what makes a relationship these days. Without either one......,, you have nothing. To actually set someone up,, is just deliberately wrong. If the trust is to be broken..., it will be broken on its own.., without someones help. If it is ment to be, then it will be. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:39:10 PM | I am LMAO...while reading through this forum thread...looks like you got your answer from all these unnesessarily cruel comments...maybe next time you should post a forum thread along the line of "Is it wrong of me to post a rediculous thread that is going to get a sour reaction" You might think about what you say before you say it...too much of that lying cheating backstabbing crap going on these days...what ever happened to trust?
http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Crucial-and-Surprising-Steps-to-Build-Trust-in-a-Relationship&id=2136
If you want to make a difference in your life this article might help...hope this helps | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:56:29 AM | Well, from a male point of view I think it is important to know if you were exclusive or not. If you were'nt then i think he had the freedom to look around, now if you were exclusive then he should have known what that entailed and respected that.
I guess what I'm saying is if he agreed to an exclusive relationship he should have known better and if he got caught in a set up then he got what he deserved | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:30:00 AM | Thats awesome. Thats one way to figure out if a guy is a piece of shit. This poster only read the first message in this thread apparently. It is likely that the OP created a ghost profile here (highly likely since the OP opted to delete her profile) to post about "setting up" a guy with whom she did not form an exclusive, committed relationship. Your opinion is therefore incorrect. Please elaborate why a man is a "piece of shit" for deciding to meet a woman via the internet?
GO GIRL! NO, I DONT THINK ITS WRONG TO SET HIM UP. I'VE DONE THE SAME THING AND LEARNED WHAT I NEEDED TO ABOUT A PERSON. THATS WHY IM NO LONGER WITH HIM. IF SOMEONE CAN FALL INTO A TRAP SO EASILY, THEY ARENT WORTH KEEPING AROUND. FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO & KICK THEM TO THE CURB...IM GLAD I DID IT. hmmm, trying to find the thoughts here if there are any amongst the shouting. THIS GUY WASN'T SET UP? Do you understand? THERE WASN'T ANYTHING TO SET UP. The OP hadn't formed an exclusive, committed relationship with this guy. Did you bother to read anything past message 1? How is it a trap to want to meet someone via the internet? Is this poster "proud" to have created ghost profiles to "out" cheaters who aren't cheating? That's not a good thing, that's pathetic.
Here's what the OP discussed with this guy (if you are to believe anything from the OP, I'd believe this):
he professed how trusting he was and would never cheat If you don't discuss with someone you met via the internet "hey are you meeting anyone else?" and he says no, then you admit yourself that you are not meeting anyone either, then maybe your trust has been misplaced?
Can the OP see her hypocrisy in creating the ghost profile? She "outed" a guy by being more deceptive that he was (he didn't deceive anything, she did)? I think most posters to this thread understand this; a few posters haven't really caught on. Here's the OP's last post before she deleted her ghost profile:
well what ever is right or wrong , i never cheated on a man before .i dont beliveve in and never will . once a cheat always a cheat ... guess thats why he had 2 marriages go on the rocks. If a man wants to be with a woman .why cant that woman be enough??? why is it what ever a man does is right .if a woman done it ,she would be called a s---... I guess men are GODS....just be warned ladies he is still fishing ... and likes LOTS OF FISH AT ONCE... So if thats OK so be it.......... The comments about cheating are a smokescreen, this guy didn't cheat; one woman for one man in an exclusive, committed relationship certainly is a mainstream concept; if this guy chose to meet women like the OP, no wonder he experienced two divorces; the stud vs. slut argument is tired  ; how does the OP know how many women with whom he is corresponding, that purely is conjecture. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:20:08 AM | | I guess we've all been had...set up by Gentle_Angel...she deleted her profile...goes to show she has no confidence in herself...I would consider this to be pretty conniving and underhanded...I ask you Gentle_Angel because you must be following this thread under another fictitous name was it really worth it? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:38:20 PM | Starting things out on a lie isn't the way to go....sorry
U manipulated him and I am sure he feels like an idiot who was played, and if you can't understand why he would take that personal than there's something wrong with you.
Sheese, and you wonder why some guys act the way they do?
Oh puhhlllleaaazee ..let's see another scenario...she sends him an IM and he says .."nice chatting but I have a gf ..can't meet"
IRL even when you are in a relationshp someone some time is going to show some interest and If you are not a piece of sludge.You turn them down and move on.
She is not responsible for what he did and anyone who cheats Chooses to be slime.
some guys cheat for the same reason some girls cheat..they're lowly deceptive people
who are self involved and do not care about the other's feeling.
He was angry cz he got caught..If he accepted the invitation..I see no reason to actually follow thu with meeting up..You have all the info you need..I would have dumped him without telling him why and let him wonder. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 5:09:23 PM | Hi Gentle
Can I ask you what does your shink say about this paranoid inferiority complex? You may want to ask yourself some questions about your selection process, perhaps it needs reviewing. keep taking the pills!
PS Im not really me!!! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 5:17:43 PM | I had a man who I was dating staying with me when he was ill and had just gotten out of the hospital. I moved him into my room and moved in with my daughter for a few weeks, until he was back on his feet and could do things for himself.
I have kids and I am not ashamed to say I have a keystroke monitoring program to see what they are doing.
Unfortunately for him, he did not know this. During the time when I was in class, he would crawl into the family room and flirt with and arrange to meet other women.
I wrote to the other women and asked them if they wanted him, and told them they could pick him up and I was more than happy to help him pack.
I made 3 really good new female friends through this experience. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 6:24:10 PM | OP: you got your answer... in the short term in a short time.
Perhaps if you waited til something was established you would have trusted him enough not to do that and known you didn't have to.
There is an old marketing term that can put this into metaphoric business sense for a shopper. Its called cognitive dissonance. This usually occurs when making a major purchase ... you've shopped around know you have the best deal for the money your spending but even after you make the purchase ... you still question yourself if you bought the right one or paid too much. It eventually disipates over time. So think of a time when you bought something major and paid big bucks for it... think of how after you bought it if you thought you did the right thing at the right time and if you paid too much or if you should have waited for next years model. You are happy with what you got but there will be a moment or two where you'll have these questions zip through your mind.
There is nothing wrong in shopping around while dating. Often men and women do that to confirm when they have met someone they like but haven't gotten the dating game out of the system or have the best possible partner. It takes time to know this. It doesn't mean they are screwing around or being deceptive. They are following their own instincts and personal feelings at the time. Then when they are satisfied with who they have met and realize they have the best possible person the rest of the dating stops. Or they decide to go with someone else that they feel is better for them. Nothing wrong in that.
You have broken this mans trust. You have broken any previous notions this man had for you. You have proven you don't trust respect or believe in him. You have embarassed and humiliated him and you have made him feel defensive and very angry at you. Not because you caught him as untrustworthy. But because you acted errationally and went out of your way to do so.
It is you who have proven to this man that you are not the type of woman he wants. You have shown your possessive, aggressive and narrow minded side to him. He's probably in shock and thinks your nuts, a possible obsessive stalker. He will be very leary of you from now on and tell and/or warn everyone he knows about you.
Think of it this way... and from his and others point of view... You start things the way you want to end them....
If this is the way you want things to be in the beginning of a relationship....
If your starting like this... How would it end?
On a side note... chalk this up to experience and move on... take what you learned from it. Believe in your own intuition from here on in and go with your gut instincts..... never second guess yourself. When in doubt about a man... your probably right or your probably hearing your own inner insecurities or warnings. If this is the way a man makes you feel and after discussing with him you still have doubts.. get rid of him. Move on. Always believe in yourself. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 7:11:23 PM | What part of dating do you also fail to understand?
I said if there was no commitment ( just dating)that was another matter..
it was unclear to me bcz she mentioned his saying "he;d never cheat"
dunno if he meant IF he was in a relationship..,,,or they were | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:06:55 PM | Yo, S & S,
Cognitive dissonance is no kind of "marketing term." Sales people borrow anything that sounds good, don't they?
What is it? Well, the theory of cognitive dissonance was first proposed by the psychologist Leon Festinger in 1956 after observing the counterintuitive belief persistence of members of a UFO doomsday cult and their increased proselytization after the leader's prophecy failed. The failed message of earth's destruction, sent by aliens to a woman in 1956, became a disconfirmed expectancy that increased dissonance between cognitions, thereby causing most members of the impromptu cult to lessen the dissonance by accepting a new prophecy; that the aliens had instead spared the planet for their sake.
So, yeah, exactly like buyer's remorse.
Maybe that's a marketing term?
Chee!
Vulf  | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:17:19 PM |
dunno if he meant IF he was in a relationship..,,,or they were it's kinda clear they weren't, the ghost OP only posted twice, tucked tail, and deleted the ghost profile when 90% of the posts were unfavorable. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/2/2007 1:31:52 AM | Yes that was wrong.
I am assuming the two of you sat down and had a conversation about how you were both committing to a monogamous relationship with each other before this happened. If no then this isn't even worth discussing.
Anyway, if you have a feeling that someone is untrustworthy then they prolly are. Go with your gut an move on with life without engaging in all the self righteous drama. There are always red flags with these kinda people and if you didn't see them then that's more you than them. Hard as that may be to hear.
The thing is, if you have to engage in lying, manipulation and underhandedness just to find out if the people you pick are trustworthy then there are prollems within yourself which are way beyond what the guy is engaging in. Easy to get rid of him. Much harder to change those aspects within yourself.
Also, here is a thought. If you had red flags which made you want to set him up then you already knew in which case you shoulda got with those feelings an retreated form the relationship. If there were no red flags an your just that paranoid about all guys then there is still big prollem there.
It is never good to lie an cheat an set folks up. No matter how self righteous it may feel, it is still completely inappropriate. Just cuz they do it on tv don't make it right.
What I see here is not so much someone goin after the truth but someone goin after more drama than anything else. Seems like the truth was found as soon as the guy answered the msn email or chat request or whatever. All the effort that went into pretending to be someone else, makin small talk, settin up a date....all well after the fact that the guy is already seen as unfaithful. All that stuff is just beyond necesary. That's the kinda mean vendicitve stuff that just has no positive outcome.
In the end that kinda behavior hurts you more than he hurt you and hurts you more than him. Taking the poisen yourself an expecting them to get sick never works.
Hopefully none of that came off in an offensive manor. I think it can all be easily be found in books or from yer local head shrinker. ;D
Sincerely
DAve | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:41:16 AM | Ok so we all have our opinions about whether this was right or wrong, but that doesnt change that she did it.
To me what is important is what you learnt from the experience. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. I was engaged for six years to a guy who turned out to be sleeping with my housemate. I had weird feelings, but I would try to reassure myself that it was good they were becoming friends because it meant there was never a third wheel when we were all at home. But I found out soon enough and I am thankful for it.
I have studied psychology, and one thing I found really fascinating is how people lose their instincts. It starts in childhood when you know something is wrong and are told you are wrong. For example, you come home and mum is crying. You ask what is the matter and she says nothing. What this teaches children is that their instincts are wrong when they have really picked up on the situation.
So now I go with my instincts. And I find i am usually right. Not all the time, but usually. No need for elaborate set ups or anything. It may sound silly breaking up with someone because of a feeling you get, but remember that our instincts are there to guide and protect us... | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/2/2007 4:17:21 AM | You have to check a man out but not the way you did. Besides being deceitful your method was not foolproof and could easily backfire on you. I wouldn't try it again. The next man might be sophisticated enough to know that you could try this and then you would end up trusting someone who could emotionally take you for all you've got; or he could be an honorable man and in that case you would have shown yourself to be unworthy of him.
You can only trust someone when you trust them. And this takes time. What was your hurry? If you're willing to take the risk of a "sting" operation why not take the better risk of waiting to truly know someone before you rush into an "all out" relationship. | |
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