| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/6/2007 3:52:34 PM | | Yeah, it was wrong for him to break your trust, but what you did was no better. If a guy's not worth your trust, then what are you doing with him in the first place? I couldn't ever reduce myself to that level, even if I thought a guy wasn't being truthful. I agree with Irish Eyez... you both lost out. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/6/2007 5:18:58 PM | True about what? True about being on a dating website with a profile saying you are single and looking while not dating anyone exclusively? This guy that "hurt" the OP was doing this, nothing deceptive, read Msg 1 if you haven't read it carefully.
I was giving advice and talking about my own experience. He said i was the only one he was talking with seriously. He was willing to fly 20 plus hours to meet me. He asked me to move there and move in with him. I dont know sounds maybe serious? Obviously i misunderstood him. Unfortunately i had personal circumstances that kept me longer where i wanted to be. I have the paperwork to proof it. ( a legal problem so i have to stick around ) He could tell me he s looking for other females. Would have been more honest maybe?
Might he have been on PoF looking at the forums? You didn't mention if his profile was changed to indicate that he wasn't looking for a new relationship. There's nothing wrong with someone being on PoF with a non-dating profile perusing the forums.
His profile did not change. I have nothing against him going on forums. I checked some of them out on the day he was on this site and i couldnt find anything. Maybe he was just reading? Maybe he was writing other females?
Hmm let's see if I understand the chronology: you date a guy, break up after seeing him on PoF (I assume you were on it too), call him after breaking up, and his voicemail has a woman's voice on it. Could he have met someone new after you broke up with him? Also aren't you the pot calling the kettle black (you saw him on PoF, that is a problem for him but not for you
Did i say i broke up? Never said that. I just wrote him about my feelings and he never seemed to reply to it. He talked like i never wrote him about the subject.
About me seeing him on POF. I wrote myself out of every dating site. The few people i talked with i told him about, just friends nothing more. ( through email ) Besides you dont need to be a member to check people out on this web site. I knew his user name and it will tell you if he s on or not. I just added my account a few days ago. Apparently i misunderstood his intentions. I did try and find somebody again, but i cant seem to do this anymore. So i am just looking for friends | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/6/2007 5:59:46 PM | | I apologize Joyce for misinterpreting your scenario. One thing I didn't know is that you can review PoF profiles without being a member with a profile. Geez I'd think it's strange than a man will travel 20 hours and then suggest living together AT HIS HOME. It seems risky enough to meet someone who is travelling that far; then even to seriously consider an offer like he made. That took guts; I didn't mean to give you grief Joyce. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/6/2007 6:18:35 PM | I think the internet has caused a lot of mistrust in people because there are some people who abuse it. BUT............ if you two are in a serious, monogomous relationship, profiles should come off. If you see he/she has an active profile on a dating site, you have two choices.
1. The mature thing to do, is ask that person about it. If you have open communication and feelings, then you should be able to talk about it. Don't take their word for it, ask him/her to prove it to you, if they care about you and aren't lying, they will have nothing to hide.
2. If you have belief already to suspect he/she isn't being truthful/honest in the relationship. Then end it. A relationship never lasts without trust. Usually, something gives you reason to suspect it in the first place, to go looking for it.
You didn't teach him a lesson. He just got caught by the wrong girl. He will do it again and hope she doesn't catch him. You just wasted your time and energy setting him up, when you should of just walked. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/6/2007 7:05:38 PM |
if you two are in a serious, monogomous relationship, profiles should come off. all other dating websites, i'd agree, but PoF is different because of the forums. to anyone paying attention: i will make this pledge. when i have a girlfriend, i'll take down my profile pics of me. i will change my profile to say not looking. if my girlfriend wants her pics on my profile, i'll put them on.
If you see he/she has an active profile on a dating site, you have two choices.
1. The mature thing to do, is ask that person about it. If you have open communication and feelings, then you should be able to talk about it. the OP was NOT in a committed relationship. therefore there's no need to talk to a person about a PoF profile. of course when if you enter a committed relationship and you notice your partner's dating profile, you definitely have an issue to discuss.
If you have belief already to suspect he/she isn't being truthful/honest in the relationship. Then end it. total agreement here. performing something like the OP's histrionics just indicate insecurity; two wrongs don't make a right.
You didn't teach him a lesson...He will do it again and hope she doesn't catch him. I'd hope he would continue to meet women via the internet despite this psychotic episode perpetrated by the OP. The only lesson he learned is to better screen the women he is meeting--there are plenty of psychotic, stalking women with internet dating profiles. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 12:02:28 AM | yes it is wrong for when u do that to some one u fail in the end always
because u already set the stage for failure already
i did it long time ago and now it failed but the test was pass with flying
colour | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 9:21:15 AM | | the old Dr.Phil-ism comes to mind: do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? If you want to be right, act in a paranoid fashion like the OP. If you want to be happy, ask your date questions and if you don't like and/or believe the answers, stop dating that individual. Use your common sense. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 10:01:15 AM | would you want it done to you? Id would say most likely NOT.
so why treat someone else in this way?
common sense = common courtesty.
ppl never seem to surprise me. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 11:04:13 AM | | no, it is not wrong. It is a good idea.Escorts clientel are 99% married or in a comitted relationship.I personally was strung along for seven years by a" perfect catch"and saved by TOM LEYKUS.(I CLAIM LOVE IS BLIND AND MABY A LITTLE BIT STUPID TOO.)BESIDES THE PAIN OF BEING BETRAYED, YOU MAY MISS MR OR MS RIGHT WHILE YOU ARE MARKING TIME IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FALSE FUTURE....REMBER THE PINA COLADA SONG? REMEMBER H.I.V.? REMEMBER,WOMEN CHEAT AS WELL. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 11:49:14 AM | | Since when is trust given instead of earned? Committed relationship or not, he lied, she caught him. That's wrong? As far as dumping someone based merely on suspcions, sounds to me as though thats being tried, convicted and hung without proof. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 12:22:13 PM | I can go on and on about how some posters here aren't reading the thread carefully if at all.  
Escorts clientel are 99% married or in a comitted relationship.I personally was strung along for seven years by a" perfect catch" Two incorrect premises here: PoF isn't an "escort" service, and the OP wasn't in a committed relationship--she just started to date this guy--no discussion occurred about commitment. At least that's as far as anyone can tell, since the OP took down her ghost profile and isn't posting anymore.
he lied, she caught him. That's wrong? What's wrong with this statement is the guy didn't lie, read the OP's first post.
Wow aren't reading comprehension skills needed anymore??? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/7/2007 12:34:14 PM | | if you realy like someone wether your in a relationship or not you have got to be able to tru each other, doing something like this shows that your not overly trusting in him | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 5:20:25 AM | wow ok you had trust issues from the start which is never going to work in a relationship...
maybe you should have just followed your instincts instead of doing what you did!
but on another note....
damnnnnnnnnnnn i wish i was there to see his face : /
oh my that must have been a picture ....omg!
wifey  | |
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mooch
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Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 165 | |
| >Insert Mission Impossible Theme Here<
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:22:29 AM | oh dear bunny boiler alert!!! all that hassle to set sumone up.... i thought id met the girl of my dreams until she accused me of loggin into our dating site again.... thing was it was my housemate perving away drunk with his mate lol i earned and instant p45 lol never mind u live and u learn lol | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:33:50 AM | | Were you actually emotionally connected--did you talk about having a relationship together???? If you just wanted to be friends for now type of thing then you weren't together and maybe he desired more than you were given. To be honest it was horrible what you did and it tell's me you are many negative things beside sly to do such a thing to another person. Yea you were wrong regardless of the out come and I hope what you have isn't passed on. To set someone up show's your true colours as well regardless of the whole thing to be honest. I agree with some of the people who wrote already you both lost. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 6:55:01 AM | Trust is earned and whither we wish to admit it or not...we all TEST potential mates and observe their reactions. He was talking serious relationship here, she had some gut feelings, because he ignored her comments about a previous man in her life, who was promoting multiple relationships with other women as well as herself.
Better to check it out...than one day find out you had an STD, Aids or end up divorced...because your mate couldn't keep his/her hands off OTHERS and be true to one. Some people just need more stroking than one person can give them, in a life time.
Again I say.....NO ONE MADE HIM TAKE THE BAIT......
Life isn't perfect, people are not perfect....but what ever tools it takes to cut down the odds of finding ourselves dealing with a liar and to protect ourselves.....we need to use. IT IS A SHAME OUR WORLD AND THE PEOPLE IN IT HAVE DETERATED TO THIS LACK OF CHARACTER....THAT MANY DON'T HAVE ANY ANYMORE....Usto be a mans word could be counted on to be his HONOR....not that way today....and that is the part that is the SHAME..... | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 7:06:55 AM | You go girl! Maybe it's a touch devious but he told u he wasn't a cheater so that meant u were dating exclusively, right? You went with your instincts like we all should and now you don't have to waste anymore time on him. Once a cheat always a cheat!
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 7:29:02 AM | It would help if everyone would read the entire thread . Nowhere did the OP say that they were exclusive. As far as the man saying that he is not a cheater how many times have you seen that on a profile.
What the OP said was that they were DATING. In otherwords they were still getting to know each other and there was no indication of being exclusive. MANY posters asked her about that BEFORE the OP deleted her account. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:18:11 AM | My mistake....I read the input of two different women and confused them as one in the same....both dealt with the same type of dishonest men.....one did the checking...the other would have....I just say....what ever it takes to gain that trust, unless its against the law...is OK....Trust is earned....not a given...
The OP said "Is it wrong to set a man up to check him out? I have dated a guy I met on here and he professed how trusting he was and would never cheat, So I decided to check him out "
Sounds like they were dating to me...and she found out...HE WAS NOT TRUSTWORTHY...Good for her that she didn't have to waste anymore time, learning who he really was....and get her heart broken more in the long run. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:41:14 AM | tell me something whisper
Is not dating when you are out testing the water and seeing who you wish to spend time with? Or is it that in your book as soon as they have gone out on a date that they are exclusive?
I would say that he certainly found out who not to spend time with. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:12:11 AM |
The OP said "Is it wrong to set a man up to check him out? I have dated a guy I met on here and he professed how trusting he was and would never cheat, So I decided to check him out "
Sounds like they were dating to me...and she found out...HE WAS NOT TRUSTWORTHY...Good for her that she didn't have to waste anymore time, learning who he really was....and get her heart broken more in the long run. Incorrect. What planet are you people living on thinking a man is cheating if after one or two internet dates he decides to meet another woman? Was there any discussion about fidelity? Exclusivity? "The talk"? NO NO NO. Therefore he didn't cheat. He had nothing to hide. He does now though--he dated a woman with a BUNNY-BOILER mentality.
You go girl! Maybe it's a touch devious MAYBE???  
he told u he wasn't a cheater so that meant u were dating exclusively, right? Wrong. What planet are you living on?? A does not imply B. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:45:01 PM | | You have trust issues. Setting someone up like that was totally uncalled for. Now what do you think might happen to the next women he meets "is she going to set me up to?" How long were the two of you in a relationship for? Did he give you any reason not to trust him? You screwed yourself and also him. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:50:52 PM | Hey I've done it to a woman and found out she was cheating on me. I was much younger at the time. Needless to say I am careful now on who I date. Don't feel like having my heart drop finding out things like that.
Of course now a days, being older, I have better things to do then setting people up like that!
In the end who can we trust now a days, not very many people. It's all about self interest, so ! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:55:35 PM | I've said this before in another thread and I'll say it again. If you suspect him and you want to try him out once. Then go right ahead. Now a day’s people should be afraid.
Personally I think you did nothing wrong.
Now having said that, if you continued to do it even though he has proven his loyalty. Then yes you are paranoid and should leave the guy a lone or deal with it.
For now, I think you were right to do it.
The guy shouldn't have had a problem with it either. Especially if you likes and or loves you.
On the flip side, if the guy didn't fall for it and past you test. You should eventually tell him that you tested him at one point and he pasted with flying colors...lol but right after you tell him you should make him feel real good about it because he might not be as forgiving or understanding as some of us.
Man this banana is hilarious. | |
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