| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:41:05 AM | There used to be a TV show about this... they would set up the guy in a scenario to see if he would cheat on his fiancee and if he turned down the setup then he was deemed faithful.
I thought this was as low as TV could go (even worse than Springer... which is at least mildly entertaining) I was totally disgusted and hope those women all got dumped and have to stay single forever.
First of all... you are 100% in the wrong. I think what you did makes you look completely insecure, malicious, dishonest and shows me you have absolutely no integrity.
So he thought he went to meet someone... what did you invite him out for? A drink? A date? Casual sex? It does depend. I meet female friends to hang out, even though it is completely on the up and up (yes I am faithful).
So maybe he was right and maybe he was wrong....It might have been innocent intentions on his part... or maybe he was lookin to get laid. I am not in a position to make the call. Regardless of him being good or bad... you are BAD! Roll up a newspaper and slap yourself on the nose! Harder! Harder! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:23:14 PM | I think that is a TOTAL Catch22. If you do it and he fails, which he did, you lose him because you know he isn't trustworthy. However, if you do it and he passes and then he finds out you have done it, he may think that you are a smothering and untrusting individual. Who wants to be with someone who is constantly going to test you?!
This is the exact reason why I wanted a totally open gf and relationship. We are completely honest with each others wants and desires and we dont have to worry about this kind of crap. Good luck to all of you jealous people that constantly crave immediate commitment, this is the kind of paranoia you will always have to deal with. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 3:58:07 PM | | I think that was a great move!! Why waste time when you can find out right away if hes or her is a dirtbag or not. I have thought of doing the same thing in the past. But i trusted and didnt have to do it. But that moves been in the back of my mind! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:25:15 PM | I can't moralize your decision to set your man up. You obviously felt some level of suspicion if you felt the need to test him this way. I don't see what you did as wrong in itself. I think it would be more of an issue of whether it's an approach that is appropriate given your circumstances. I'm not sure it left you feeling tremendous self-respect either which I think would be your biggest concern.
There is a very loose definition of dating nowadays. I think communication is a really important thing when it comes to understanding exactly how much of a commitment you have to your dating arrangement. For instance, is it exclusive dating? Is it more liberal where you and he have both opted to date yet others in the meantime? Is it a mutual agreement that you are both firm on or is one saying one thing and the other another? Have you discussed the potential of how having knowledge that he is out on a date with another woman and how it might leave you feeling about him? What I'm basically saying is that not all dating is created equal. It's important to be sure you are both like minded and on the same page with it before you start committing your heart to really checking someone out as a potential life partner.
He failed the test, but again, what were the conditions around the dating arrangements you had with each other? Too much is assumed. This is very damaging to both parties.
I think there is an important lesson to be learned from your choice though and I think it's about trust and perhaps not being clear on what you could expect from your dating arrangement. Good luck in the future and I hope you don't feel the need to do this again. I think it'll hurt you more in the long run than the person you catch in the act. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:36:33 PM | | Personally.....I think it's a little immature what you did, but if you found out what you needed to know or suspected then you can probably move on.However,if you start acting like this with every guy you date then I think you got issues to work on. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:45:51 PM | | I suspect the OP has been cheated on before, and I can understand the paranoid feelings. But if you're going to do things like that, you're not ready for another relationship yet. You need to heal and learn to trust again. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:46:09 PM | | I mean really, if you don't have trust in a relationship, you have NOTHING. Trust is the foundation of every good relationship. Without it, the relationship will eventually crumble. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 7:47:48 PM | | no i dont think it's wrong at all! in this day and age you can't really trust anyone because everyone does whatever they can to get what they want.. so many people seem very trustworthy then they deceive you... so ya why not set them up to make sure they aren't faking things with you. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 7:55:44 PM | true it probly wasnt the right thing to do but at least you know he is not the honest trusting man who would never cheat that he professed he was . however if you had suspicions about him to begin with you should maybe of left him alone and gone and found someone else . too many times you meet someone and they go on and on about how trusting , honest, loyal and a all around great guy they are . well you have to make up your own mind about people . they cant do it for you just because they tell you they are wounderful . really take your time to get to know someone next time and listen to what your gut is telling you .  there is just no need to rush so much . | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 7:58:26 PM | | Good for you. In this day and time, we can ask but they aren't going to be honest about it if they are cheaters....So this leaves us no other options. I did the same thing two weeks ago with mine and yes he fell also, I packed him up and took him back home. I'm looking forward to starting over with someone who can be honest and faithful. We don't have to settle and we shouldn't Good luck. You did the right thing, the only possible reason he could be mad was if you had found him innocent, and that didn't happen, did it? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 8:00:24 PM | For Christ sakes people go back and reread the OPs post. THEY WERE JUST DATING!!!!!
iF YOU ARE SETTING UP PEOPLE WHEN YOU ARE JUST DATING THEN YOU NEED TO FACE YOUR OWN INSECURITIES. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 8:04:49 PM | if you and him were not in a relationship but just getting to know eachother with a few dates why would you be upset and have him checked out.
that should have came after if you and him were to be together if you still had the need to test him.
alot of the people either women and men on this site are usually dating alot till they find that special person.
why would you even care, go and have fun.
don't put to much of your heart in this site.
it's not worth to get stressed out.
i sure don't.
i'm chatting with a few, i like one the frist one i started with, but so far no connection has been made but if he stopped chatting to me now i would not think twice about it.
i would think he's lose. not mine
good luck | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 8:05:02 PM | if you and him were not in a relationship but just getting to know eachother with a few dates why would you be upset and have him checked out.
that should have came after if you and him were to be together if you still had the need to test him.
alot of the people either women and men on this site are usually dating alot till they find that special person.
why would you even care, go and have fun.
don't put to much of your heart in this site.
it's not worth to get stressed out.
i sure don't.
i'm chatting with a few, i like one the frist one i started with, but so far no connection has been made but if he stopped chatting to me now i would not think twice about it.
i would think he's lose. not mine
good luck | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/15/2007 8:22:04 PM | | I guess it all depends on the situation...if you have a couple simple dates with no commitment involved...then it's not worth the effort of trying to check him out....Now if you are talking marriage with this person and you wanna know if they will cheat if they think they can do it without being caught, then maybe thats a little different.....No one wants to marry or commit themselves to a player....I sure as hell would'nt.....So I guess it all depends on how long you have been seeing each other and if it's serious or not....You feel me??? | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/27/2007 3:12:06 PM | NEVER?????
I have to disagree..........but that's an entirely different subject actually.
As for setting up a person your sharing a connection with, the fact that you felt the need to subject him to temptation should be cause enough to evaluate your relationship. Trust your instinct and intuition....if it smells like a rat, good chance it is!!!! | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/27/2007 3:39:23 PM | | There is no such thing as entrapment! A person will either do, or they will not do. Just because the opportunity is afforded to them, they still have the option to ignore all the temptation. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/27/2007 5:23:20 PM | If someone did this to me I would think they were a "tad" psycho... lol
I mean, why not just have the exclusivity talk to establish boundaries and if you have suspicions, open your mouth to communicate...
If you still aren't satisfied, trust your gut and get out.
I wouldn't respect myself for sinking to such a level... I can't judge as to whether its wrong, but it sure wouldn't be right for me. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/27/2007 6:35:44 PM |
If someone did this to me I would think they were a "tad" psycho... lol
^^^ Just like the pretty lady said. This comes down to one of those situations in life where to find out its true nature, you reverse the circumstances, and then ask if its still right. For all those folks who said it was OK, would it be OK if your SO did the same thing to you?
If you have issues with your relationship, TALK about them with your partner. If that doesn't work, follow your instincts and end it. Don't try to make somebody perform like a circus animal just to satisfy your own insecurities. | |
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| IS IT WRONG TO SET A MAN UP TO CHECK HIM OUT??
Posted: 2/27/2007 8:55:13 PM |
it's a shame that we cannot expect to meet non-schizophrenic people via the internet
Why insult someone with schizophrenia? lol
I've been reading through this forum from the beginning. I have to say it's been interesting to say the least. I admit I started a little late (after the OP left). I'm just not sure how those of you who have said "the OP had a ghost..." know this to be true?
It seems to me that a lot of the opinions here are based on very little information. Maybe the OP had second thoughts on her actions and was looking for constructive feedback. That could also be an assumption. Anyway, what is really cool in reading this is that it makes me believe there are a lot of people in POF that have strong values. Just like in the day to day world.
There are all kinds of people on and off line.
Just my thoughts...
kk | |
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