| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 12:55:08 PM | I think each of us needs to bait our hooks with what the fish want... If guys are looking for cute sexy hip fun girls, and you are one, then by all means say so in your profile.
Guys, we look for those qualities you've mentioned we put into OUR profiles, so give up that info on yourselves.
I want a cute sexy hip fun guy who can pay his own bills, drives his own car and doesn't live with Mommy still....
nuff said...
Look ^^^ Synchronized swimmers! Any guy with some of those is cool too! lmao | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 1:08:49 PM | Rule the First:
Any statement on a dating site that includes the phrase "All guys want", "All guys are looking for", "The way to handle all guys", and the like is immediately, inherently, catastrophically wrong.
Rule the Second:
See Rule the First.
Seriously, everyone is different. Especially in a site like this -- there are people from all over the world and in all age categories here. Some are at the point in their lives where all they want is sex. Some are looking to settle down and start a family. Some are looking for companionship. Some are looking for pen pals. The secret to dating is to find what you're looking for while simultaneously weeding out what you're not. Everyone else is doing the same thing.
It's like a giant blind game of darts -- you throw a dart in a random direction first, then find out if you want to retrieve it and throw it again.
I'll give an example: I haven't had sex in a very long time (apologies for the TMI!), and at some point I found that I can wait a while longer. Would I be happy having sex? Sure! But I'm looking for a date first, and I'd like to see where that goes. Sex is a bonus, but not the sole driving factor. If it was, I wouldn't be on this site -- I'd either a.) be in a bar, or b.) be hiring someone in Vegas.*
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* Well, ok. Hiring someone isn't my thing, but you see what I'm getting at. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:25:54 PM | Pyran...I think if you actually read the thread and posts you would realize that it was a GUY that actually told this chick "All guys on here are only looking for sex"! (wrong thread for the rant)!
I think everyone (seeing as most of them were guys) was trying to point out that yea, sure there are, but there are also a lot of guys that aren't...great guys...so don't take his word for it! Check out all the wonderful gents out there that are on here NOT looking for sex! | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:37:43 PM | | I'd like nothing more than to find a woman I'm compatible with here. I'm not one to just jump in the sack. I'd prefer to find out things about the woman if she's going to take the time to correspond with me. The dating part is the "hamburger & fries", if the sex comes with it at some point, that's the dessert. Good things come to those who wait. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 2:42:48 PM |
Pyran...I think if you actually read the thread and posts you would realize that it was a GUY that actually told this chick "All guys on here are only looking for sex"! (wrong thread for the rant)!
Doh-eth! That's what I get for not reading closely enough. :) My apologies. | |
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 3:21:56 PM | WOW. YOU PEOPLE MAKE MY HEART SING!!! Thankyou all so much.
You know,I am still growing up at my age,and I had a 19 year marriage end,so sometimes,I question my own abilities to nagivate in this planet.Thanks for making me realize that I am not so "niaive".Its a bad thing sometimes to corespond with someone who has become jaded or bitter,and thinks that thier experience is all that matters.
You guys have all been so extremely kind and supportive.I doubt seriously that someone I thought might have been a bit of a brother type in development will read what someone else wrote about his attitude,but But you were here to help me!
God,honestly,you guys! THANKS!!!!!!!So much!!!I will keep reading your posts!!! | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 3:26:29 PM | He is probably right that *most* men have that attitude.
But then again, *most* men you would meet anywhere in life aren't your perfect match anyway, are they?
Wherever you go, what you're looking for is in the minority. It's no different here. But that doesn't make it a pointless search. | |
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 5:19:58 PM | Hi,cougar and ewok,and thankyou for your opinion on this guy's opinions.
I think I am feeling a bit vulnerable,even at my age of 47-I was married for 19 years,and even in my past,before marrying,I was never too swift about men.
Some of you guys here have been so decent,you have made up for alot that I missed while growing up.Looks like I am still growing,and it's good,you're there! I really didn't want to think that most guys were jaded to the point where they are bitter,I suppose the thing that got to me was that alot of guys who IM me onsite here in my town seemed to want alot of attention to their aches and pains,and seem to not realize they are no different from the reat of us that are looking for something better in life. | |
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 5:27:44 PM | okay ,Slyknight,your site name has a hook already,so I am biting a bit...but be careful,I am old enough to be your mom,and I probably can bite big.You have me angry .
Youre using the same language I was given...by asking a question,about my question.
Its like an invitation to tease me,about not knowing something that you are implying I thing I should know.
I dont have ESP.
All I asked was an honest question,and you sound exactly like the guy I thought might be a friend,who wasn't.
How about YOU trying one thing.Speak up,but with only your one side of your mouth.
I trhink Native americans call what you wrote,"speaking with a forked tongue."
Don't get me too riled,sonny,I am quite cabable of flying the hide off your bones,and what I dislike the most,is seeing how people who make comments like yours,aren't adding to the decency of this existance. | |
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| not waisting time... just not using ur time right
Posted: 2/2/2007 8:55:22 PM | Hi FredHH-thankyou,I am rereading the posts here,and am wanting to thankyou for your comments...
Its not to "kill the messenger" what I am after,in no way.I was so worried that the sumbliminal poison from the message was seeping in me.thanks for telling me its poison to thing the way of that message I got.I very much appreciate it.I sure wish I was that clever and wise as your collective thoughts all are,and I am glad I asked.I was really in a bottom low when I wrote in this thread.I am feeling alot of support though,for positive thinking again,and,am okay,thankyoooooooooooooou to all!You guys have come to the rescue!
God,What a wonderful world,to have such people in it!!!!THANKYOU! | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/2/2007 9:35:48 PM | Sorry, but I disagree with this powderpuff derby giving you the "most guys aren't like that" line.
Most my friends are females and they'd likewise disagree with the guys telling you that. I get some absolute HORROR stories about their experiences with POF POS's.
I have spent most my life in "manly-man" jobs, working with guys and listening to their stories. Most guys ARE like that. It is both a biological drive and a sociological thing as most guys have been subjected to peer pressure since puberty to "score" on a date.
It is a rare few who are sensitive to your wants and needs and won't lie to you, or pressure you, to get laid. By the same token, women are not much different.
Best bet is to be polite and take it slowly. Keep yourself safe by staying in public places. If he's reluctant to be honest with you about who he is or what he does; if he can only talk to you on weekdays during the day; if he is "separated" and/or still living with her "for the kids", doesn't give you a home phone and won't show you his driver's license, DUMP HIM! If he's talking sex all the time regardless of whether or not you wish too, if he paws at you, or pushes you to drink more, you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 6:08:53 AM | Take what this guy told you as a matter of personal confession - not philosophical definition. I, for one, am not looking for sex. I am looking for a wife.
Of course, if all goes well, I will have sex with my wife.... | |
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LBP
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Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 7:48:44 AM | | OP: Listen to Subotai in msg 4. I've dated a couple guys who turned out to not be compatible. They wanted to continue things though and have a relationship so no, guys out there aren't just looking for sex. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 8:16:03 AM | I'm not trying to annoy you here. It was a rhetorical question.
Your friend said that most guys online don't give a damn about you as a person and just want sex. I'm telling you he's right, but that it doesn't matter because the men you are looking for are always in the minority, whether you're looking for them online or in real life. In any situation, you're interested in just the quality men, not the majority. What the rest of them (i.e most of them) are like really does not matter
If you follow my logic and still find it offensive, I'm not sure why? | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 8:41:43 AM | Okay, and all the women on these sites just want a guy to pamper her, buy her things, and help her escape her domineering family.
Now, doesn't it sound silly to shoebox everyone who has exactly one thing in common? Here, it's merely the fact that we are online looking to make connections to other people. I dislike being stuck into a generalized category because of one aspect of my lifestyle. Be it internet dating, or my gender... there's a whole lot more to who I am than those 2 things. I should hope that the same is true of every other member of this dating site. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 45 | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 9:30:50 AM | Hi Lorie
Your profile is a filter. It should say who and what type of person you are. If it scares off some guys, all the better. It should only lure the big fishes and not the minnows.
Me? I am a mental barracuda, big and fast in the brain and self image department. But I know my limitations - I am too old for you, otherwise I would have already contacted you. I go for arty types who can survive in a tough environment and field.
Looks are secondary, and sex is a longer term given, but for me it is heart and head first.
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 10:45:20 AM |
GUys,am I wasting my time here?Is is pointless to pick up an IM because I am just being "hit"on,and being a stupid fish? Its really disillusioning, from what I was told last night.Please give me your input.Thankyou!
My GF (that I met on here) would argue that idea with you. Yes, there are a large number of people here just to "hook up for sex". I think most of the time they let on pretty early on about it (ie, asking sex questions really quick, etc). My general rule of thumb though, is that "IM" is fairly personal, I won't accept an IM from anyone I don't know, that comes after an exchange of emails, if I think I want to know you and chat on a more dynamic level than emails really allow.
Funny, because my profile basically says "if you want to know me, read my posts". As simple as that, and my GF read my posts and liked what I had to say, and emailed me and we started chatting, eventually met in person, and 'hit it off' together in person. We both met with the understanding of "no expectations, we either 'click' in person or not", and having chatted a lot before that we both had a good idea of what we were like beforehand anyways. I personally think what a person posts on the forums is a far better insight into their thoughts than some blurb in a profile.
I've gotten a few "mass email" type things from women in my time on here. "Hey, I read your profile and think we have a lot in common", hmm.. did you actually read my profile? I think not. I still replied (no reply back, but I didn't expect one anyways). But some people on here (my GF included) actually spent the time to read my posts and comment to me on what I'd written, their feelings on the matter, and actually wanted to talk on that 'personal' level.
Hey, face it, the guy you asked that of showed his "true colors". Are you "wasting your time"? Hmm..who knows. Only you can answer that, but I can tell you there are *some* people on here who do really want more than "just sex". You just have to work on your own ability to weed out the 'chaff' from the ones that really want to get to know you. Thats up to your own personal feelings, chances are if you are uncomfortable with things, its not the right person. The right person will make you feel comfortable from the start, and it will hopefully grow from there. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 12:31:34 PM | | Sex? are you kidding me? boy do I feel sheepish here I thought most of us just wanted to find some sort of completion. Actually, take the hasty, ill-thought comment with a grain of salt. You'd have to be pretty stupid to try and pull one over on some of the women I've chatted with on here. I'm talkin' smart, perceptive people who can smell a dud from miles to be sure. Give people a chance to prove or disprove themselves and make your choices wisely. Just don't forget: they are YOUR choices no one else's. | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 1:10:13 PM | I was a bit stunned when i read your post. I don't consider my time here a waste at all and have found someone incredible to say the least. And it wasn't because I was searching through profiles or looking for someone. I was poking my head out of my little cave. I found the forums interesting to some degree. I met a few people on the site before we met and made me think that it was time to pull my profile off the site. Not because the people were shallow but because i just didn't resonate with them the way i knew I could with someone and didn't want to settle for something less then that. And really thought that there was no one that I would resonate with.
Its impossible to know when, where and how we will meet that special someone. But i'm constantly reminded i was three days away from deleting my profile when i got a note from the love of my Life.
crazylilting | |
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| Something I was told about the average guyon site
Posted: 2/3/2007 9:18:17 PM | Well, hun, I think you have fallen into a trap too many women accuse men of doing; generalization.
Each and every man is an individual. If you treat the guy like he is an amalgamation (btw, my spellin is attrocious) of all the bad found in men, then you'll get that nightmare date that seems to the dating all the women on this site (btw, this guy must really get around, all you ladies seem to be complaining about him). If you treat each one as a potential friend first (hey, if he can't be a friend, why the hell would you want him in your bed) then maybe you'll find the guy you've been wanting to find. Course you might not, but that's the same situation you'll discover regardless of the dating medium you select. | |
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good one subotai, I love it!
