| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 10/26/2007 12:59:12 AM | I am a survior of an abusive marriage. Ten years of it before I could get the balls to get out. My ex was a drunk and yes, he tended to hit me more when he was drunk, and at that time, I did try to make the excuse that he was just drunk. Especially when friends would find out what was happening.
However, I got out of that and when I look back now, being drunk is not an excuse. While alcohol does lower the inhibitions, a man will not hit a woman while drunk unless he is the type to do it when he is sober. Nine times out of ten, there are warning signs before the first blow lands and they are seen first when the man is drunk.
For a man to say he did it just because he was drunk is an excuse. Nothing more. And I heard that line many times when my ex would come to me and apologize. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 10/26/2007 3:21:10 AM | | anger means underlying insecurity and fear. He needs to see a psychologist | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:42:40 AM | As the old saying goes...
"Blame is the opposite of Responsibility."
If you can't take responsibility for alcohol use then you don't deserve to be an alcoholic.
If I had double posted, please pardon for I had to add "forums.plentyoffish.com" to my cookie list. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:08:56 AM | | At no point do I feel being under the influence of any self-induced intoxication is an excuse for anything. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:46:05 AM | I am a survivor of domestic abuse. My ex was an alcoholic amongst other things and was abusive during our relationship. I didn't know what he was like until he and I moved in together then his bad behaviours surfaced. I left him, he was arrested accordingly, charged and convicted of domestic assault and uttering death threats (my bruises were the evidence).
In my opinion any man who hits a woman or verbally abuses a woman should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law and punished accordingly. This negative behaviour is not acceptable. Abused women, rather than stay with such scum and condone being abused need to come forward and punish men who choose to abuse them. Women who hold abusive men accountable are telling such men that their behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Women who choose to remain with such men are condoning abuse.
It's sad that society is always quick to blame the innocent female victim saying "oh she must have done something to provoke him". Most definitely NEVER the case. The male perp is always the instigator and the guilty party. I have no respect for individuals who make such negative comments. No woman deserves to be abused by a man. Male abusers for them it's all about control.
I won and didn't let him get the best of me. 2 years later, I have my life back postively and I know what I want from life, love, and a relationship and what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn't. My experience negative as it was has made me the strong woman I am today. I turned a negative into a positive.
A man SHOULD NOT hit a woman period. There is no jusitifcation for doing so, no need for it at all. A man who chooses to is scum of the earth in my book and out of control and needs to speak to a physician and seek appropriate medical treatment for HIS issues involving women. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:48:58 AM | Colt8301, you believe it's acceptable to shake a woman, hold her down, yet you claim hitting a woman is not acceptable. Shaking a woman and holding her down IS ABUSE. Disgusting!   | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:02:54 AM | NO being drunk is NOT an excuse. Been there done that. It only happened once.....I don't go back for seconds. He threw 8 years down the drain because his alcohol induced brain took over his physical body. Oh I got the "I'm sorry I was drunk etc etc".....It's NOT an excuse and if I had of accepted it as an excuse what would my life be like now? | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:17:23 AM | | Not knowing what you are doing while you are drunk is not an excuse because the person willingly got drunk in the first place. If you can't control yourself while you're drunk, you need to not get drunk. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:48:59 PM | peeing in your sleep?
yeah, chances are pretty good alcohol was the reason for it, so it's a valid excuse.
spraining your ankle on a pothole while leaving the bar?
chances are also pretty decent that it was alcohol related.
smacking your girl around?
hah, stop drinking if 'alcohol is making you do it'. i love to drink, but if i started having violent confrontations -- particularly with women, because of it.... i'd quit. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:09:16 PM | | What happened to personal responsibility? Have I done stupid things when I've had too much to drink, like bet on the wrong team, sing karaoke (and Smoky Robinson or Meatloaf at that), attempt to dance (if "Shout" comes on I do the worm!), or even go home with the wrong woman?? Of course I have! But raise my hand to a woman!!?? Never! There are certain things that irretrievably stamp you as a scumbag, and that is at the top of the list. There are no excuses, drunk or not. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:41:41 PM | Totally have to agree with all of you that are condonning physical abuse. In no way should a guy hit,shake, or utter verbal abuse to his partner. If you drink and become intoxicated, you still have some idea of what you are doing and it is not an excuse. Obviously you have to realize that drinking scews with your brain and makes you lack proper control!
The only thing that I haven't heard yet is what about if it is the woman doing it to the guy? I mean typicall yes guys are physically stronger, but girls can just as much as guys become abusive. Its not as if drinking affects gender differently! It is not always the guy who is the bad one. If he hits the girl than yes, but you can't always blame the guy or say its always guys the guy who does this type of thing. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:37:31 AM | | wow..not one post promoting the aa lunacy excuse that the drunk has a 'disease' like cancer and that he cant help himself because of it... | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:58:27 AM | | There is no excuse for someone to hit someone; that is the problem today; everyone has an excuse. They are drunk, on drugs, bipolar, depressed, ADHD, had a bad lunch, blah blah. Actions are actions. If someone isnt' in control of their actions, then run away. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:29:15 AM |
not one post promoting the aa lunacy excuse that the drunk has a 'disease' like cancer and that he cant help himself because of it...
Perhaps that might be because AA doesn't say that. No one has promoted the "lunacy excuse" that green cheese from the moon makes people violent either. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:40:32 AM | Hmmm...well I have yet to hit a woman...but if she clocked me f*ckin rights I'd wind up and return the love. 
I'm a happy drunk. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:49:18 AM |
Perhaps that might be because AA doesn't say that.
then why have i read this so many times in so many threads from so many aa members???
and not only in threads on here but also from those aa members ive talked with in person. if aa isnt doing this...then who is???? | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:54:37 AM |
Women who hold abusive men accountable are telling such men that their behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Women who choose to remain with such men are condoning abuse
Thing is, women are too emotional, allow me to explain.
My sister and most other women in my family and friends have at least told me of one story where their SO was abusive, first starting with verbal and slowly graduating into physical.
Anyways, my point is this. Women start getting abused, they call for help, someone intervene's (hopefully). Sometimes the man is arrested.
And here is where the problem begins. Women usually (I'd guesstimate about 85%) end up going BACK to that abusive guy at least once.
This is why I figure the law hasn't been updated to punish abusive men more...why would I support a bill to throw a man in the clink for 5-7 years instead of 5-7 days when you charge someone and a few days later the woman realizes she loves the man and drops all the charges???
This is an annoying form of cry wolf and it's WAY to common for the regular man to really bother with domestic abuse, sure try and stop it when you can, but don't hold your breathe about solving the problem: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink it.
My sister went back to her ex several times before finally leaving.
It's not that I don't sympathesize (of course I did she's my sister) but at my old age, I'm just desensitized and tired of caring about self destructive people. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:58:16 AM |
then why have i read this so many times in so many threads from so many aa members You made two statements. The first one regarding the disease model is part of AA, the second one is not. Individuals within AA may believe your second point, but AA does NOT teach that. It actually teaches the opposite.
I know people in the Catholic church who say that contraception is OK. I don't think that the Church agrees.
Bottom line, alcoholic or not, being drunk is NOT a valid excuse. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:07:36 AM | | No. If people can't handle their alcohol, then they shouldn't be drinking at all or at least beyond their tolerance level. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:12:00 AM | | no... same harshness concept in my book.. abuse is lack of communication.. and if one is drunk then they do have less personal control and if they already know that about themself then it's that person's responcibility to stay within they're known boundaries... it is not an excuse.. it's a criminal offense... | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:32:02 PM | Drunkeness is NO excuse for anything...
except maybe taking off all your clothes and dancing on a table  | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:46:36 AM | not an excuse, man or woman.
you obviously can't handle alcohol so don't drink | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:14:52 PM | | When someone is drunk and acts out of line then there is no excuse. Just the fact that they are drunk and act in such a manner shows that the person is totally out of control and should not be drinking in the first place. That person should seek counseling. | |
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| Is being drunk an excuse?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:41:23 AM | | Being drunk is no excuse... never too drunk to not know what your doing. | |
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