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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 76 | |
| support in grieving
Posted: 4/18/2005 6:09:51 AM | Tera - I'm sorry for your loss  We did something similar the first Christmas without my dad. We brought out dad's picture and his box containing his ashes and placed them on a table next to the dinner table and had a toast to him. Everyone once in awhile one of us would turn to him and ask him to be quiet 
Mound - Thank you again for sharing your story with us, your nephew sounds like a pretty terrific little kid and that memory will be cherished by all of you for years to come.
Smitten - Hugs my friend, I know this day is not going to be easy for you. Call me if you need to talk. My thoughts and prayers are with you (as they are with all my POFer pals that need them)
Hugs all, have a blessed day
~Missy~ | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/18/2005 6:13:21 AM | toothache still this morning....so nice words arent coming out...but you guys know you have my love...........mound, am glad you made it back safe and sound..........tera...... and smitten and missy.............you gals are the best! | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/18/2005 6:40:31 AM | Mound: Children can change the tempo to life situations and bring joy when no one wants to smile. This memory will be with you forever and kids being themselves, find a way to bring a smile, who may not get one...laughter is healing that shared that moment.
Tera is in the process of writing about her brother on another thread, and positive she will come back to find comfort with us. I had started to cry, as I read the beginning chapters of her brother..much hugs for you in that...passing kleenex your way.
Thank you Missy for your offer, and Lady thanks for your thoughts.
It was interesting weekend being my birthday on Saturday, my friends cleaned out a store with flowers and I donated to a hospital that near me. I even heard from a family to say Thank you, giving me alot of thought to life moments. I think thats why I could hardly sleep, thinking today is my brothers birthday, and finding myself patchy in emotions, but nothing like last week. I have learned one thing since my brother death, I never leave anything unsaid, and tell people what a difference they make in my life, or appreciate what they have done. It has touched me in more ways than people will know, and for that Thank you. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/19/2005 12:07:29 PM | Another year has gone and yesterday I finally understood why this year it was so hard, then the previous birthday's. All of us who have lost someone, will find a certain time of year that's harder than others. It may not be the anniversary date of their death, but could be a birthday, a certain event as Thanksgiving, Christmas and your emotions will surface when you think its been resolved. Grieving is a process that will last throughout our lifetime, It's not over by next week or that would be too simple.
I went hiking yesterday at one of my local mountains and remember the time I spent skiing with my brother when i was teenager, just the two of us. It was beautiful day and it was the month of April and had a blast spending it, with my brother. April isn't just our birthday's, as I discovered yesterday, it was two of my last good & bad memories of my brother from the skiing, and siteseeing to the negative of catching him using to our fight and ending our relationship in a park. I finally got it yesterday. I like to think when next year comes around, I will know better from experience that this is my off month, but it took me until that moment to understand why.
I want to say THANK YOU to each and every person who has either read this, or sent me emails to share your stories, support and learned a great deal about all of you, including myself. I have treaded in some what unfamiliar territory with emotions, when my personality is the same year round, and to those who shared with me, understood all to well. When I started to become upset, i learned from 5 yrs ago, to express it and not to hold it in, which so many can do, and wrote to many people who allowed me to vent. I talked with personal friends who knew me well & offered their shoulder for support. I also talked with family & my older sister was supportive, since we're great friends. Last but not least... To the many of my email buddies who read my deep email's allowed me to see how I felt in writing, and share feedback. I think I have overwhelmed & lost a couple of really good E-buds, who may have felt burden & overwhelmed. I may have expected to much from a particular individual and couldn't tell me how they may have felt. I express my heart felt apologies.
I hope with this thread, people will continue to share & express their stories, so many people have been touched and need a place to just hang with others. Thank you everyone.
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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 80 | |
| support in grieving
Posted: 4/19/2005 12:22:32 PM | Smitten, my friend, you did what you had to do to get through an extraordinary time in your life. NEVER appologise for reaching out to friends, internet or 'real' (I'm real damnit, just haven't met you face to face - YET (how's Friday?) )
I'm only a phone call away, but then again, you know that already
Hugs,
~Heather~ | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/19/2005 7:46:00 PM | | Thank you all for your kind words,it means alot to me. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/19/2005 9:07:30 PM | wanted to say thx everyone but the time is coming fast now I found out today that they have given my sister one to three months at the most. i will be off and on during this time but we wanna spend time doing what is needed if you know what i mean. thanks again for your kindness
moundpuppy | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 6:25:35 PM | | I can't imagine what it would be like knowing that someone you love will be leaving out earth...my heart goes out to you mound. Take this time to find the things you want to say and cherish those memory. keep us posted. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 6:29:45 PM | | to mound.......and warm thoughts and blessing ..........theres not many words that come to mind but you know i am sending you lots of love my friend......... | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 6:56:23 PM | | I only signed up for this site a few days ago and just across this. I am at this site due to my husband passed away 17 months ago and now I am trying to go on. I have also lost both my mother and father, I know they will always be with me on those special days. I have not been in the dating seen in years and now not even sure where to start. I believe everyone grieves in thier own way and in thier own time. There is no right or wrong or even strange way to grieve those we love when they are not around any longer. My husbands death was harder than my parents and I think it was because you expect your parents to go before you. I had planned to grow old and do so many things with my husband after our children were on thier own. Now I'm looking for a new life, a new closeness to continue on with. I wish you all luck in your grieving, I can't think of anything harder to do. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:46:54 PM | | Web: Welcome to the forum: I'm sorry to hear about your losses and each death is different from the next, including how each member responds to it. Grieving is a process that last a lifetime, its the memory of the person that will be in your heart, and that will never go away. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:51:00 PM | | welcome to the pond webet, we play alot here but when it comes to supporting each other..we take it serious....... | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/21/2005 9:03:48 PM | It never gets easier Smitten, I lost a little brother, may 1 will be 13 yrs. ago
and it hurts as bad now as it did then. Last week was his birthday another hard
day to deal with every year. I always take a special arrangement of flowers to the
grave site for his birthday, and on the date of his death I just go sit beside the grave
and tell him of all the events that has happened to me through out that year. This year
is going to be harder cause I have met someone that I know he would approve of very
much and wish he was here to meet. I have written several poems for him through the
years that make me feel better for a little while, but the hardest part of all was he was
my best friend and I miss him very much.
one of the poems I wrote for him is posted under " poem about the death of my dad"
if you would care to read it. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:32:04 PM | | What a Beautiful & touching Poem, Devil. We are all hear if you need to share. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 5:12:44 PM | Thanks Smitten, and thanks for the offer to share with you guys,
you are all wonderful people. The next several days are going to be
worst, each day gets harder than the one before until that day comes.
And the best thing is to be surrounded by friends, Thanks again! | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 5:55:46 PM | Hugs to Devil.
We have plenty of kleenex on hand for you and kind words of support for you anytime. As I have found out the forum is a very supportive area to ask for advice, support, hugs and share ... | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 6:23:15 PM | devil have some hugs .........and my pal smitten started this thread cuz everyone faces losses or deals with tragedy at some point in their life........this is our way of bein there for each other........and we are just as glad to be here for you......it doesnt matter if it is a recent loss or one in your past...you own your grief and your emotions..and we are just here to offer support for each other............
smitten...you are such a special person to have come up with this....i guess i could call you "heart smart" and it wouldnt be too far off base .......love ya galpal...... | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 6:42:44 PM | @ Smitten:
Your very sweet, as is alot of the others here are. I appreciate the hugs,
they are comforting. I remember as kids (me being the older) I use to beat
up on him, hold him down and make him eat dirt. On this day we were picking
at each other and he asked me if I cared to try it again,( by this time he has
out grown me by 3 feet and at least a hundred pounds), I bent down and scooped
up a hand full of dirt and rubbed it in his face. He then picked me up and was swinging
me around, and to get him to let me go I had to bite him on the neck. I think of this
and laugh now, but I also have to look at it as our hug goodbye. cause about 4 hrs.
later he was gone.
I'm sorry I don't mean to bring you all down this road with me , but it does help to
talk about it.
thank again for letting me share this . | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 6:55:26 PM | Devil this is what this thread was started and as lady had said...we're all here to support and share...love the story and glad to see you have wonderful memories.
April is a rough month for me too devil, its not his anniversary date, thats Oct, but i have remember the good and bad memories that occured in this month. On monday, (if you see my profile you will see snow & another with scenery), I went hiking and felt a strong need to be on this particular mtn, not only was it my brothers birthday, but we shared when I was a teenager a day of skiing in April. I got to ski all day with my older brother, i was 13 and he was 21, and it was just the two of us. It was a beautiful day and as I hiked the Grind and encountered snow, I hiked to the top and did some exploring, an remember this special time. April is a month that my last two good memories happened when i was 13 yrs old and years later in the same month, my relationship ended due to his addictions. I walked away from my brother after years of addiction, i had to, and he was no longer the brother I knew as a teenager. The End of april is when I had a fight with him in a park and never talking to him again, and five years later he died from his overdose. I learned the importance of never walking away from people in anger, and if it must end, tell them why its over, at least you have closure & peace of mind.
I never did get it when friends would talk about someone who died in their family, i thought why is it taking them so long....Then one day it happened to me, and I totally got it...
My heart goes out to everyone who wants to share, and the best part about this thread, I have heard from so many ppl in email that its been healing....
Devil ...you're great for sharing...continue to share ..this is what its here for and no one is alone..you just may think it. hugs Devil
Thank you lady for the great words...see ya fishing tomorrow | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/22/2005 7:30:43 PM | Thanks for the hugs guys, and the kind words from both of you.
something I don't under stand are the people that has never lost
anyone that can stand in front of me and say " it's been 13 yrs let
it go" how can they know what I feel unless they have walked a mile
in my shoes.
Smitten, I'm sorry for your loss, and if you need anyone to listen feel free to
mail me, I may be weak at the moment but I am a good listener.
and I know about the not have closer, I don't have it here either. I didn't
say anything earlier cause at the time I didn't think it needed to be said,
but now it does, I lost this brother to suicide, and to this day I have no
answers as to why or what brought it on. Looking back there were no
signs of depression.
and to you lady; thanks you are a great person and also very sweet.
Thanks guys...sorry GALS.. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/23/2005 1:41:32 AM | My heart goes out to each and everyone here.
This is a emotional roller coaster for me right now, I find that it helps
to talk about it and writing is my way of fighting back.
so if you see that I have posted one thing after the other, this is why.
and I'm sorry for any misspellings, but right now you all understand that
it is hard to type and cry. ( on 2nd box of kleenex sense this post started)
but for me as well as being able to share would like to post the poems
that I have written for him through the years.
the first one I wrote was based on the song Don't Cry By Guns N Roses (played at funeral)
Since that day it's been
a year
In my eyes there's still
a tear.
There was a song you had
ask them to play.
I think of the words
each and everyday.
This song carried a message I
hold deep in my heart.
A message from you, so I try
to do my part.
You said don't hang your head in
sorrow and Please Don't Cry.
But tears trickle down my face
as I ask God WHY?
Why! a brother that was
loved so much?
A brother I wish I could reach
out and touch.
I know there's no answers to
the words I say.
So I continue to stumble
along the way.
With you in my thoughts no
matter what I do.
Theres so many things that
remind me of you.
I can still see your
smiling face.
Now in my heart there's
an empty space.
I try to do my
very best.
When I walk to the grave
where you lay to rest.
But sometimes I am
very weak.
And through my tears I
cannot speak.
And even though you said
" Don't Cry"
I can never forget our
Last Goodbye. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/23/2005 1:51:05 AM | wrote this the 2nd year:
Another year has passed
me by.
I think of you and I
still cry.
Just because it's been
two years.
Doesn't mean there's no
more tears.
I miss you more than words
could say.
But I know your with me
each and everyday.
There's always a picture of
you near by.
I look at it and can't
help but cry.
I talk to that picture as
if you could hear.
It makes me feel better
as if you were near.
Sometimes when I am
down and blue.
I can remember things you'd
say or do.
Then the days are not
so bad.
I just remember fun times
that we had.
Brother, even tough we are
now apart.
Memory's of you are always
in my Heart. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/23/2005 2:15:04 AM | after the 2nd year I just couldn't do it anymore.
so it was 5 yrs. before I wrote this one.
some of you made have seen this one, but for those of you that haven't
To my little brother
in Heaven above.
Nothing can take the place
of your love.
So much has happened in
the last seven years.
I still think of you and
break down in tears.
Noone knew that we
were so close.
Or even who would miss
you the most.
But it's so hard for
them to see.
That when I lost you
I lost part of me.
Holiday dinners are never
the same.
But somehow, someone will
mention your name.
We reminisce about things
that we did.
Mom would laugh and say
"they were just being kids"
Dad tried to teach us
right from wrong.
To never give up and
Always be strong.
Sometimes that's hard for
me to do.
Cause I feel lost
without you.
On days that I'd be
feeling down.
It was always great to
have you around.
You'd let me know things
weren't so bad.
You could make me laugh and
not feel sad.
And now that you aren't
here anymore.
Things will never be
like before.
I miss your laugh and
smiling face.
But now I know your in
a special place.
A place where we'll be
together again.
Cause you weren't just a brother
you were my Best Friend. | |
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| support in grieving
Posted: 4/23/2005 2:43:56 AM | I have been dealing with alot of emotions,My Mother passed away Jan 10th 2003
I came home the day before and cooked both me and her a nice dinner steak potatoes corn on the cob and she told me she was very sick,the day before others like my sister and aunt said i havent seen mother look so pretty in a long time,I came home from work and sat down and ate this good dinner in front of her,and I felt really bad that she turned me down saying she was very sick.we were watching tv and a Local Commercial came up talking about Scoliosis,Back Pain Surgery Procedure.
She was Born With Scoliosis,And told to me she didnt want to go thru surgery that she wanted to take the easy way out with taking medicine
After I was done Eating Watching Tv With her it was getting Late
it was Midnight
I told her I am Going to bed mom i have to goto work tomorrow,I Love You,And Hope you go to Bed too"
I Slept and Woke up at 6am in the morning
went into my living room and find the t.v. is still blasted up
I got a squirt bottle and shook my mom to try getting her up no response
i wasnt thinking of death at this time,I didnt have the courage to check her heart beat by checking her breast
knowing that she would possibly wake up beating the crap out of me,didnt even think of checking her pulse by hand
still death was not in my eyes,thought since she has Carpel tunnel syndrome and her 2 plastic medicine cases she has been taking,she would do what she normally does,come out of it.
I went off to work covered her up in a comforter on the couch in living room
sent myself off to work,hoping that she would be alright when I come home from work.
I got off work at 6pm,Rode My Motorcycle back home and Had this bad feeling when I started getting home,I seen that my lights on my house was pitch black,usally she turns them on,knowing I come home from work every night
It Was a Sign,telling Me something just isnt Right
I stumbled with my house keys for about 15 minutes trying to get in my house
Finally I enter and say "Mom,I am Home!"
No Response
I Park my Bike in the Kitchen
and Head to the Living Rooom
and Find out My Mom Was not in the same place
I Put Her which was laying on the couch all covered up.
she was propped up on a coffee table her legs were completely blue
she was sitting with her legs stretched across the coffee table with tv blaring full blast
and took the comforter off of her thinking she would respond back
then it dawned upon me
so i called my sister first
and she was working out at the gym
so my brother-in-law told me to call 911
I called and told them"Hey,I dont know what to do,My mother is somewhat Blue" Can somebody get over here,there something wrong with my mom
they tell me on the phone "You Want Ambulance or Paramedic" i said to them "I don't Care,Can Somebody Please get over to my house,she is dieing
45 minutes pass by,waiting for the paramedics to arrive,phone rings,911 calls me back
telling me "We are sorry for the inconvieniance but our records show on our computer that your address does not show,but the paramedics are nearby,could you please step out of your house they are a few blocks away can you flag them down.
I flagged them down,the parmedics came into my home
they walked into my living room
and checked out my mom
looked at me and said "Hey Buddy,Sorry for your loss,there's nothing more we can do from here,as you can see,looking at your mom,Rigamortis already set in,for procedure to make sure there is no hanky-panky a police officer is on there way.
My sister and aunt arrived and the told them the same thing about my mom and policeman on there way.
Policeman arrive come into my house and written down all medications mother took which she had stored in two plastic medicine cases.
my sister and I didnt wanna see them haul her off in hearse,so she offered
Next day later Friday,Jan.10th 2003 | |
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