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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2007 12:43:42 PM | The problem isn't necessarily the woman, nor is it usually the man. It's the terminology. It seems everyone wants a label. And those who don't, end up labeled anyway. Independent/strong is not the same to all people. BUT, the label itself seems to reek of feminism. That's a banner I have no interest in wearing, so I don't use the term independent for myself. Self-sufficient seems more descript and palatable. (At least from my perspective.)  | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:37:56 PM | Umm... I think "independent" is what guys think they're supposed to want.
There may be also something there of not wanting someone who'll be a drag on him (emotionally, financially, etc.)
Yet I think some guys do want to feel needed. And I realize "independent" is relative, but in my definition of independence it does not include "needing" to be in a relationship.
I don't think I feel a need to feel needed, personally. And I don't want a guy who needs me to make him feel needed. What I want is a guy who's also independent, but we get together because we have fun together and we're attracted to each other. Basically we're cool standing alone, but together we have even more fun. That's what a relationship should be to me, not about this "needing" crap... Just my opinion.
The other thing I've found along these lines, are the guys who say they want a "strong, intelligent, independent woman... as long as she's still feminine" I'm like WTF does that mean? As long as she's not AS strong, intelligent, and independent as I am? Oh well... I'm still single, and my sister who IMO is a lot more lovey-dovey, girly, cheesy, a little flaky, ALL the stuff cool guys SAY they don't want, seems to have a much easier time meeting guys. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/3/2009 10:51:27 AM | Well, for starters, I don't know how 'strong' you are when you hide your profile. LOL
When I read a woman is strong, and independent, I have a tendency to move on. If I meet a woman out and about that is strong and independent, great. Love it , love it. But to proclaim it in your profile... any man worth his salt knows what you are saying about yourself. And after having so much feminism jammed down our throats for years, we men really get to a point where we think, "let someone else deal with your forceful insistence"
Frankly I love strong women. I love women with their own interests and goals. But men on a whole are careful of women that make a point of telling us they are strong etc... Show me. . Don't proclaim it. Don't waive it in my face or you come off as something you may not be. Otherwise I may have to go as far as to apply the hot-crazy scale (http://larshindsley.com/blog/_archives/2009/1/3/4044533.html) as to whether I should be making the effort. LOL (That was a joke).
PS: Your words do give you away. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too picky..." You are being too picky. :) Toss your list and act on emotion. Try dating someone you may not normally consider. Enjoy the dynamics. After all harmony is predicated on differences. | |
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Landra
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 56 | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:57:14 PM | | Yes, they are, unless they want you to work and pay all the bills so they dont have too. Otherwise, they want the needy train wreck because they can be controlled. Jaded much? why, yes I am, thank you for noticing! lol! | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:23:55 PM |
can often be interpreted as that hostile "I don't need a man!!!"attitude and... most people enjoy being needed, at least a little bit.
Yeah, that's it more than anything.
Most self-proclaimed strong, independent women come across as ball-busting biatches who NEVER let a guy forget just how strong and independent she really is....
... and some of those really just expect a guy to be her personal cheering section...
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:24:34 PM |
can often be interpreted as that hostile "I don't need a man!!!"attitude and... most people enjoy being needed, at least a little bit.
Yes, I just need attention!
Seriously, you make a good point and if your glass is more than half full you get it ever more so !
It's not between you and me, it's about friendship,companionship, trust and even love,and as you say at least a little bit! 
And can "a us still be a us"! A smart guy knows the dif and as a woman!
There's no attitude but only altitude of two heads are better then one..... | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/4/2009 11:18:44 PM | msg 57
Yes, they are, unless they want you to work and pay all the bills so they dont have too. Otherwise, they want the needy train wreck because they can be controlled. Jaded much? why, yes I am, thank you for noticing! lol!
Holy cow! Maybe your tiara is just on too tight. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:58:38 AM | (fame28) Sometimes I wonder if i'm being too picky or I might come off a certain way that guys feel intimidated by.
I'd appreciate a man's perspective on this.
I'm a man (last I checked). Here's my perspective:
Nothing is more annoying than a woman who uses the word "intimidated", to describe a guy who's just not interested in her, for whatever reason.
But, I guess it's better for the ego to imagine that he was "intimidated" by you, than just not interested in you.
Also, you might wanna drop "describing yourself" as "independent"': most guys hear that to mean, "... and I won't EVER let you forget it, either!"
Arlo, helpful guy  | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:26:05 AM | Everyone is different. Fact of life. There are going to be things about anyone you will either like or dislike.
For me, its who you are. Are you someone I can relate to? Are you open? If I have to "jump thru hoops" just to get to know you, is it really worth my time?
One problem some women face is the "fairytale syndrome". You are raised to believe in the knight on a white horse. Yes, you grow up and dont think about it, but it is still part of who you are. Any man who has been involved with a woman has heard this at least once. "When I say/do ____, you are/were supposed to say/do____". I bet im not the only guy to have missed that memo.
Jeeze.....your only 28. Cut yourself some slack, and quit trying so hard. Rome wasnt built in a day.
Ok ladies. Let the stones fly  | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:56:48 PM | NO
But western women tend to be domineering and wants to rule the home but not realizing their is other fish in the sea. In fact i see a lot of british women as being very scared and frightened to so they have to prove their worth in a relationship, just look at the number of divorcees on this site and in the uk, its shocking, thats not strength that is fear.
I truly call a strong independent woman when they do something like this. In gaza a few years ago, some women went to protest against armed Israeli soldiers , who were going to shoot their husbands who was holed up in the mosque nearby, the women where not armed, but they went for their husbands and brother etc. I have nothing but admiration for them women, trully independent and strong, they were ready to put their lives on the line for some on they loved and cared about.
The kicker here two where shot dead by isreali soldiers, talk about courage. would any British woman do that for their husbands or brothers now, I do not believe so, more likely head for the divorce courts or just dump them when they are in trouble. I know i am generalizing but thats what i have seen and experienced. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 6:21:13 AM | | Who are we supposed to depend on? I do not understand what is wrong with being independent. Why so many men seem to like needy, dependent women has always been a mystery to me. Then they gripe that the women use and abuse them. Being my age without a husband sure makes me glad that I am independent. The best relationships are when both people understand the meaning of being interdependent, but that is another topic altogether. Too many men seem to see women as either needy and clingy or independent and trying to act like a man. When women do not have men to depend on, what other choice do we have than to do things ourselves or find someone to do them for us? This has nothing to do with femininity or a woman wanting to control men. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:29:59 PM |
(fifi47) Who are we supposed to depend on? I do not understand what is wrong with being independent.
You fail to understand me: (I want SO BAD to work in the George W. Bush "misundersestimate", but I can't...) there's nothing wrong with BEING independent; there's PLENTY wrong with going on and on... and ON, about it. Most men, I bet, see more red flags than in Beijing on May-Day, when they read a woman describe herself as "independent". Especially when it seems like she's BRAGGING about it, like it's some sort of special accomplishment.
I'm not ragging on you, OP, just trying to give you some insight into what goes on in our pretty little heads when we read the "independent" thing.
Arlo
Oh, and I still think that you should drop the "intimidated" schtick: it's abrasive. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:09:33 PM |
there's nothing wrong with BEING independent; there's PLENTY wrong with going on and on... and ON, about it. Most men, I bet, see more red flags than in Beijing on May-Day, when they read a woman describe herself as "independent". Especially when it seems like she's BRAGGING about it, like it's some sort of special accomplishment.
I am female and agree with that. If you are an adult, I expect that you are independent. I also think that too many women mistakenly use the word intimidated to protect their ego. A guy doesn't like me it must be because he was intimidated because I am too smart/sexy/independent or other positive characteristic that a normal guy would want. It is easier on the ego to think that than to think you are ugly, have a bad personality, too fat or other defect. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 2:11:30 PM | | I was not referring to anyone in particular, just stating that I fail to see what is wrong with a woman being independent. Maybe when a woman describes herself as independent she is seeking a man who understands that it means that she is self sufficient and not looking for a meal ticket, someone to take on her problems, or is needy and clingy. There are some men who appreciate and seek this type of woman...mature men who seek mature women. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 10:39:05 PM |
You fail to understand me: (I want SO BAD to work in the George W. Bush "misundersestimate", but I can't...) there's nothing wrong with BEING independent; there's PLENTY wrong with going on and on... and ON, about it. Most men, I bet, see more red flags than in Beijing on May-Day, when they read a woman describe herself as "independent". Especially when it seems like she's BRAGGING about it, like it's some sort of special accomplishment.
I'm not ragging on you, OP, just trying to give you some insight into what goes on in our pretty little heads when we read the "independent" thing.
Arlo
Oh, and I still think that you should drop the "intimidated" schtick: it's abrasive.
Exactly
It would be like a dude bragging about never being to prison or having a job. Well duh, that's what you're supposed to do as an adult.
When I read or hear some woman claim she's independent, my first thought is she's a b*tch. When she claims she's strong and independent, I think she's full of crap. Whenever she claims men are intimidated by her strength and independence, my first thought is delusional b*tch holding more feces than a bed pan at an old folks home after Mexican food night. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 10:42:01 PM |
I was not referring to anyone in particular, just stating that I fail to see what is wrong with a woman being independent. Maybe when a woman describes herself as independent she is seeking a man who understands that it means that she is self sufficient and not looking for a meal ticket, someone to take on her problems, or is needy and clingy. There are some men who appreciate and seek this type of woman...mature men who seek mature women.
You don't understand. Men love independent women. We will learn that by getting to know you. It does nothing for us or for you to brag about it, but turn us off. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:41:38 PM | It's a good start, OP, to say that you might be "too picky". There's nothing wrong with having a good idea of what type of person you're typically attracted to, but many interviews with married couples have shown that they were happiest because they wound up marrying someone who was almost nothing like what they thought they wanted.
I'm not intimidated by a strong, independent woman, but I am irritated by a woman who feels the need to express this through senseless aggression. I understand that many women need to be on the ****y side when they're at work, because the aggression helps keep them in the general radius of acknowledgment when it comes time for executives to consider promotions, commendations, etc. But I think another good reason why work and personal life should be separate is that it enables someone to "turn it off" when they aren't at work. It's for this reason I personally refuse to let work become a defining factor of my life, and another reason why I'm so confused at some people who determine someone's worthiness or interest-level for dating on the basis of what they do for a living.
I'm typically on the sociable side, though I rarely strike up conversations with random strangers (one reason I'm probably still single, and have never found use for the bar scene; it requires striking up conversations with completely random strangers). But at work I'm on the quiet side; I spend my lunch break reading or working on my novel if I remembered to bring in my laptop. I'll talk to those who talk to me, but I'm there to work, not to socialize. I have a social life outside of my work that fills that need.
To me, a woman who's "strong" and "independent" is someone who can live her adult life with a minimum drain on the resources or emotional health of others. She can pay her bills regularly, has a solid idea of who she is as a person (her morals, her principles, etc.) apart from the input of others (no one knows themselves if they're defined by the perspectives of others, even close friends), and is happy in general with her life, but would like to have partnership and love from a man.
I don't see a woman who has an overly aggressive personality, a list long enough to make Frankenstein's Monster of qualities that a man would have to have before she'd look twice at him, is hung up on her professional achievements or her possessions, "requires" a certain income in order to maintain a quality of life she feels entitled to, etc. as "strong" or "independent". I see such women (or men for that matter) as pitiable at best, offensive at worst. | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/9/2009 12:36:06 AM | | I never said that I state that I am a strong, independent woman. That was also not the question that was posed. The question posed was not Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman who announces that she is said woman? A strong and independent woman is happy with her life in general, and likes partnership and love from a man, as stated by the previous poster. Why is that so difficult for so many men to understand? | |
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| Do guys feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman?
Posted: 2/9/2009 4:21:26 AM | It seems a lot of guys want someone they think is beneath them. If she has a menial job, is dumb, and is about as deep as a raindrop, it makes him feel more like a man. He is superior.
I think women can have the successful career and be independent but they aren't supposed to ever talk about it. If a man gets a huge bonus at work that is the entire amount she makes in a year, he is going to want to brag about it to his partner. Nobody gets upset about that.
If a woman gets a bonus that happens to be the entire amount the guy makes in a year, she is just supposed to be quiet about it.
Really guys how would you feel if at your first date you meet somewhere and she drives up in a new Mercedes while you have a Hyundai? | |
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